All Mine: True Love

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Chapter 18: Welcome Baby McCarthy

**Dana’s POV**

Been a rocky few months for the family, Jamie has had a few bad days Monica is giving him hell. Really starting to hate her, along with her brother and my old co-workers all of them won’t talk to me because it shows that they have chosen sides. I have no idea why but there are no sides to this, a child is getting hurt by all this it’s more unfair than anything else. Jamie had kicked Monica out of his house putting it up for rent, she didn’t take that well at all. Erin has chosen to be a stay-at-home mum, I do believe it has something to do with what’s happening to Jamie and Monica. Aaron has healed but from what Erin said mentally not even close, as now he must come to terms with the fact he will be in pain for the rest of his life. He has nerve damage to his shoulder which causes pain not all the time but often. Dean has been helping them both out, so has Tony. Jamie has his last day in court today we all find out if he gets to keep everything he’s worked hard for or she gets some of it. We all know that his lawyers are getting a good chunk of it.

I am due any day now, well I have two weeks to go but I want this child out now so uncomfortable. Healthwise I and the baby are doing well. Dean is trying to get everything done at work before bub is here so he can take time off, now that Aaron won’t be able to help him out as much as he had hoped. Matt will be doing what Aaron cannot do, they will be job sharing until Dean gets back. His work has picked up after word got out that he had designed our old house and built it, that we just sold. Unsure on the amount Dean pretty much keeps that to himself some days I do wonder but other days I believe it’s because he’s better at the books than I am. The boy’s first birthday went down well it was just a small party at our house with just family and very close friends, I bought all the food I didn’t do any cooking other than their cake. I wasn’t well that day with morning sickness so I was amazed they had a cake. It was a Sesame Street-themed party; they had a ball.

Christmas was the same we all spent it at Sach’s house for lunch and we went home for dinner to have our own time together, the same thing with Easter. It was nice I never had this growing up and loved every minute of it. Jamie has started dating but nothing serious now, we don’t believe he’s ready yet. But he will find someone to love we all hope he is a nice catch. If he doesn’t find another Monica, he will be fine.

Every second weekend we had a big grill session either at our place with all our friends or at Chad’s house, it has been lovely to get to know his friends and their families. Also, nice that he’s trusting them enough to come to our new home.

We are in his truck I hated that fact but he keeps saying it’s safer but it’s much harder for this whale to get into it. I know his tense I place my hand on his thigh and squeeze it. “Lass I am trying to drive, also my dick feels like it’s going to fall off.” He said I let out a laugh, that would be right his first thought is of course sex doesn’t help that we have been fucking like bunnies if I wasn’t already pregnant, I would be after these last few months. “No, not what I was thinking Dean,” I said around my laughter, “Really?” He asked, “Your tense, trying to claim you down a little.”

“With the boys in the truck with us?” He asked shocked, “No still not what I was getting at, just comfort no sex not feeling up to it.” I said softly, “You ok?” He whispered, his hand going right to my belly, I hold his hand onto it. “Yeah, we are fine just feeling too big and want this kid out.” I told him, “Same here, we are also having a few less stress’s too.” He said cheerfully, “What do you mean?” I asked shocked, “Dana we are now debt-free.” he said, I looked at him in shock, “Really? Is this the same with the business too?” I asked, “Yes, love all of it.” WOW, it means I can become an American citizen, add more into the college funds for all three children. “From selling our house?” I asked, “Yes, it went into a bidding war, think we are the winners in that war.” Dean said brightly, “Ooo that makes me so happy Dean.” I said bouncing in my seat, “The little bit lift has gone into the children’s college funds.” Dean told me, “Dean does that mean you can take more time off from work?” I asked, “Not quite at that level lass,” Dean said, “You know I’m happy with a house for us to live in food on the table anything more we are good. I rather you be home more with us, life is short.” I told him, “I know sweetheart, I must live up to my contracts with my clients after that I can take less on but charge more, which means I am home earlier and more often. But this won’t happen until after I come back when the babe is born.” He said, “Ok, I can live with that.” We pull up to the courthouse I start to feel sick again but no vomit, I wonder what is going on? We see Tony and head on over towards him. Sarah had a big smile on her face she had all the children including Aaron’s and Erin’s little girl, she grabbed ahold of the pram from me. We said our hellos to the rest of the family that was waiting with them.

“Here let me take all the children out to the local park across the road while we wait to find out.” Sarah said, “Are you joining the men Dana or coming to the park with us?” Erin asked, “Go be with the girls I am good lass.” Dean said softly, “You sure?” I asked him, he just smiles at me, “Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t love.” Dean said, “Ok.” He gave me a soft kiss on the lips before following his brothers and father into the courthouse. I follow Sarah and the kids to the park I sat down on a bench letting out a moan. “Dana are you ok?” Sarah asked me, “Hm just sick of this Sarah, I am so over it I want this kid out now.” I grumbled, “Not long to go love and he or she will be here in no time.” Sarah said, “In the meantime, can it stop with trying to stretch out, no room left in here.” I complained, “Be grateful you are nearly finished, love.” Erin said, this before chasing after her daughter who thought it was a good idea to head to the road. I watch as my boys play in the sand with Sarah’s boys. Sarah’s older girls watching and playing with their cousins while we sat nearby watching and joining in when need be. My boys started fighting I stood up and headed over to them to break them up. “Hey, you two what the hell, Alexander let go of your brother’s hair now!” I said using my mother’s voice, “NO!” Alexander screamed out, they both are now crying, I managed to get his hands out of his hair. As I sit down with them trying to get them to stop crying, I had a sharp pain running through my lower back and belly which took my breath away, fuck!

As soon as the pain happened it went away fast. Erin helped me up while Alexis got the boys to follow her. I walked on over to the bench to sit back down while we waited for the men to get out of court. It took so long I was getting way too hot and was over being outside wanted to be home already. This over being a pregnant lady is most likely be overdramatic it was about an hour they had been gone. Alexis had come and sat next to me. “Auntie Dana are you ok?” She softly asked, “Just feeling the heat that is all.” I told her, “Auntie Dana is that Monica over there?” She asked, I turned to where she was pointing and she is right she’s out the front of the building yelling at Jamie she doesn’t look happy at all Jamie, on the other hand, looks happy as hell. We all packed up and made our way over to them.

“YOU ARE A FUCKING ARSHOLE JAMIE MCCARTHY!” Monica screamed at him, “Why because you didn’t get what you wanted? Deal with it you spiteful bitch!” Jamies yelled back at her, “I HATE YOU!” She screamed, “Join the club love! I hate you too!” Jamie said, “Best you leave now Monica.” Dean said, she spun around and turned on Dean he didn’t look fazed by it at all. “YOU DO NOT GET TO TALK TO ME DEAN MCCARTHY YOUR WORST THAN HIM!” She screamed, she pointed to her ex-husband while we all looked on in a mixture of shock and laughter. Sarah and Erin had gotten the children to the cars while they waited for the men to finish so they didn’t hear what was going on. “Yeah, I am that alone should scare the shit out of you. But right now, you are not worth it, I have no idea what my brother had seen in you but I am dam glad that you are now out of his life and this family’s life!” Dean said in that cold voice of his that is scary. Monica had stormed off yelling that this isn’t over, unsure of how she will change the outcome. I hadn’t told anyone but the pains had been continuing not often enough but this last one that I just managed to hid was bad crap, I look up in shock at how painful it was Aaron looked at me and moved closer to me. “Dana are you ok?” Aaron asked, “No.” I grumbled, he must have worked out what was going on with me he pulled Dean aside and rushed towards me.

“Dana, what’s wrong?” Dean asked his voice filled with worry, “Dean please take me to the hospital.” I said quietly, “Aaron.” Dean said looking at his brother in worry, “I’ll watch the boys, go.” Aaron said, I looked up at Jamie and gave him a big smile through my pain that I was losing the battle to hid. “Good day to birth a new niece or nephew love got rid of the wicked witch of the west and managed to keep everything I own!” Jamies said sound so happy, “hmmm good.” I groaned out, Dean rushed off to the car with Aaron closely behind him, Jamie holds my arm I must have bent over I am not paying much attention to what is going on around me. “Dana, how long have you been in labor?” Jamies asked softly, “Only just started to get pains in the stomach after you all had gone into the courthouse.” I told him, “Shit! Dana should have said something sooner.” Jamie snapped at me, “Well it wasn’t regular” I snapped at him, “It’s ok.” Jamie said.

Dean pulls up in front of us with his truck, races out opening up my side of the car as the two men helped me up into the truck, as they do that I hear them both scream out in shock but they didn’t drop me they put me in the chair. I look down at them Jamie is cursing Dean looks scared as hell. “Did your waters just break over my good shoes!” He complained, I just glared at him, I start groaning as another contraction hits me, I just look at Dean he pushes his brother back so he can close the door as he gets into the car and head off towards the hospital.

“Dana, how close are they?” He asked, I had stopped listening to him as I needed to pull my pants off, I stripped down to just my bra I no longer cared about Dean’s protests about me stripping in public. “It’s nothing like anyone has told me, they started irregularly. Only started every five minutes when you had come out. hmm ghhhhmmmm” I groaned out, I put the seat back as far as it could go and my legs up on the dash, Dean kept on looking over at me as I grunted I know his speeding but I also know I am not going to make it to the hospital. I start pushing I can feel the head, I did my best not to scream but man my vag is feeling like a burning ring of fire right now. “DEAN PULL OVER NOW!” I screamed out in pain, “What why?” Dean asked, “This baby is coming now!” I screamed out again, he finds a safe place to pull over racing around to my side of the car he goes to move me but I pushed him away. “I can’t move Dean.” He takes his jacket off and looks up at me. “Can I see?“He asked, “Gez Dean you do not need to hmmmmm asskkk.” Fuck me dead people opt to have no drugs are they nuts! This hurts so fucking much I feel like my body is being ripped open. Dean had moved my leg up higher to have a look at what was going on, I could quite easily tell him that watermelon is trying to force its way out of a hole the size of a fucking pea. “Dana the head is out, on your next contraction give me a big push,” Dean said, his hands are now holding the baby’s head as I push. “That’s good Dana, almost there.”

One more big push and the baby was out, but I didn’t hear any crying I looked at Dean and he was working on the baby then I heard the sweet scream of our new child, fuck my heart felt like it had stopped then. He wraps the baby up in his jacket before placing it in my arms smiling and crying at the same time. “Hello, my sweet little bub.” I look down to see what we had and started to laugh as I look up into my husband’s eye. “Say hello to your new son Dean.” I said softly, “Hello my wee little boy. You did it, love, fuck so dam proud of you. Also, you didn’t even scream.” Dean said with pride all over his face, tears in his eyes, “Yes, I did. Get us to the hospital babe.” I said with a smile on my face, “Sure.” He said.

He helps me into the car and closing the door as he gets in, we drive off towards the hospital which was just down the road. He pulls up at the front of the hospital and races in he comes back to me with a wheelchair. Dean quickly went to leave to park the car but Jamie was next to him have no idea when he got here. Jamie took the keys to go park the car, we had been taken to the woman’s ward. As they put me into a private room the nurse stopped and looked at us three. “And his name is?” The nurse asked, “Lass your choice love.” Dean said.

I look over at my sweet little boy who looks so much like his father but with no hair, I cannot wait to see what color his hair is. “Aidan Jamie McCarthy.” I said with a big smile on my face, naming our son after his father and uncle, “I love it.” Dean said trying not to cry.

“Right thank you.” The nurse said, she writes it down on his crib card and charts then starts checking on him, while another nurse is checking on me. “The placenta is still inside, how long ago did you give birth Mrs. McCarthy?” The second nurse asked, “About five minutes ago.” Dean answered her, “Good.” She jabs me with a needle, the other nurse does the same thing to our boy I know she’s doing that to test on him but I want to bitch slap her right now. My body starts pushing I just follow with what I wanted to do, this felt weird a few minutes later the placenta had come out, the nurse seemed to be happy with that. “So happy lass,” Dean whispered, “Me too, I can’t believe we have three boys.” I whispered, “I know, how are you going to cope?” He asked, “When we are ready we can try for a little girl?” I asked, he smiled broadly, “I would love to love.” He picks up our boy, I just couldn’t stop smiling at him this big man now covered in tattoos goes all soft at the sight of his boys. He kisses Aidan on the forehead before he hands him over to me. I hold on to him smiling at him kissing him on the forehead before putting him on the breast for the first time. “Dean McCarthy I love you so fucken much.” I said, “Dana McCarthy I love you so fucken much too.” He leans down giving me a soft kiss.

**Dean’s POV**

Watching your wife giving birth in your truck is something I never thought I would see; she was amazing it was like she has done this before. He’s so handsome no hair yet, wonder if he’ll have brown hair or red. I watch her feeding him motherhood suits her, we chatted away I wasn’t expecting it to be that fast. I doubt she did either, noticing I have nothing for her to get into once she had a bath. “Dean it’s ok they can come in but can it be after I have a shower?” She asked, “Was just about to call Paige to go to the house to get you your hospital bag.” I told her she smiled at me, she looks tired poor thing, “Oh yes please.” She said, I pull my phone out and dialed up Chad’s number as Paige’s when to voicemail.

**Phone Call**

Chad: Dean what’s up man, how did Jamie’s court case go?

Dean: Hey Chad, oh yes that went well she got nothing out of him. If she had put his name on the birth certificate it would be child support. She’s pissed as hell.

Chad: I bet she is, hey how is Dana going ready to pop?

Dean: That is what I am calling you up about brother, she’s had the baby.

Chad: OMG REALLY?! IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?!

Dean: A healthy ten pounds thirteen ounces, think it was sixty-three centimeters long and a boy bro another boy!

Chad: What a boy, another boy? Wow, poor Dana is she ok after pushing that out? His name?

Dean: She was a pro Chad; on the side of the road it was like four pushes and he was out didn’t even scream. His name is Aidan Jamie McCarthy.

Chad: Fuck that was a fast one, oh I love that name. When can we meet him?

Dean: Do you still have that spare key?

Chad: Yeah why?

Dean: We were at court so we hadn’t packed the bags. Are you or Paige able to head to the house to pick up the bags? They both should be by the door.

Chad: Sure, bro, I can do that, but why isn’t Aaron doing it?

Dean: He has the twins for us.

Chad: Ok cool, so should be at the hospital about an hour, I’ll text when I arrive you can text me her room number.

Dean: Awesome thank you Chad, see you soon.

I hang up the phone, turning around I looked at my wife she looks like she’s fallen asleep better get him out of her arms. Poor thing must be tired as hell from today. Picking him up and placing him back into his crib. I lean down to kiss her on the forehead, nothing. What the hell, I quickly check for a pulse very faint I hit that emergency button so fast. Throwing her sheet off her legs and then I saw it blood shit loads of it. So much blood oh fuck my Dana no!!

Fucking no!!!

The nurses all rushed in seen her one raced out the others started to do their thing. “IS SHE OK? IS SHE ALIVE?!!” I screamed, “Please Mr. McCarthy let us do our work.” A nurse told me, they wheeled her out of the room I raced out following them as I run into Jamie and my father, no time to fill them in I yelled behind me. “Jamie keep an eye on Aidan!” I screamed, “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON DEAN?!” Jamie yelled out, “NOT FUCKING NOW JAMIE JUST KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR NEPHEW!” I raced off trying to catch up to them, please god no. I cannot live without you my love, our three boys need you, sweetheart. How the hell am I going to do this all without you. My phone is going nuts, I pull it out of my pocket and put it on silent. I know it’s Chad but I just cannot right now, I need to know if she’s ok. I go to follow her through the doors she had just gone into, a nurse came out of nowhere trying to hold me back. “Sir you cannot be in here.”

“Why the hell not!? That is my wife! She just gave birth,” I couldn’t finish off I broke down crying. “Sir please take a seat here; we will let you know when we know more about what is going on.” I sat in the waiting area that she had pointed out, crying these tears won’t stop. I didn’t even notice when Dad had come and sat down next to me, putting a hand on my back, Jamie on the other side doing the same thing with my new son in his crib in front of me.

I sat up they moved their arms around my shoulders, forgetting about them I lean forward picking up my son kissing his tinny little head before smelling him, fresh tears fall down my face. Who would have thought that one of the best days of my life will turn into such a horrible one “She’ll be ok Dean, she’s a fighter.” Jamie whispered, I whispering as I don’t want to wake up Aidan. “Jamie I have never seen that much blood before, it was more blood than last time.” What I didn’t tell him of all the people I have killed or seen killed is how much I saw come out of them, I’m so fucken scared for her right now. “Son, what’s his full name?” My dad asked thank god for our dad I cannot breathe right now let alone with talking, but he knows I am a proud father. “His full name is Aidan Jamie McCarthy.” I said, “What? After me? Oh my god.” Jamie whispered, “She.... Um.... Named him...Dad... I... can’t live.... without her....” I said, “I know son, we will find out soon what is going on.” Dad said, I hand my boy over to dad as I cannot take it anymore, I need her here now I stood up pacing the room, my whole body is shaking, why are they taking so long? I hear someone's phone going off but couldn’t care less right now. I stop and look at every person that leaves from those doors none of them are looking for me.

“You are fucking family you hear me, well put me onto them. Yes, his family.” Jamies said, I look at my brother, no emotion on my face. I don’t care who it is it’s not Dana coming out of those doors I don’t want to know about it. “WE DO NOT NEED BYSTANDERS JAMIE!” I roared at him, I know I am overreacting but really who expects me to be kind right now? “Fuck you Dean it’s Chad trying to find her room.” He snaps at me, before storming off towards the way we came to go fetch Chad, I know I should feel bad about being angry at him. Feeling like crap right now I start punching the wall. “FUCK!!!” I cried out, “DEAN!!” Aaron yelled at me, I froze, turning around seeing my brother looking just as upset as I feel. His hands are up in the air, brother I am not going to hit you. I walked up to him he wraps his arms around me as I cry, why are these tears falling so fast and easy? We didn’t say anything to each other, he walks us towards the seats next to dad. I pulled away from the hug watching that door like a hawk.

“No matter how much you look at the door the answers are not going come any faster.” Aaron said softly to me, “Your point?” I asked, “Let's take your mind of” I cut him off, “NO! I CANNOT DO THAT!” I yelled at him, I stood up pacing around the room now, my dad and brother both watching me as I pace. “So, Dean do I have a baby niece or nephew?” Aaron asked trying to sound cheerful, I waved at dad I couldn’t answer him, so dad did it for me. “Meet your newest nephew Aidan Jamie McCarthy,” Dad said, with a smile on his face, “Really a boy? You guys went with a Scottish name? Jamie though?” Aaron started I glared at him, “Aaron she...” I couldn’t do it, “Leave him be Aaron, Dana had chosen the names.” Dad said, “Ohhh sorry Bro” Aaron is now holding his new nephew; I see that Chad and Jamie have made their way here but I just keep pacing stopping every time someone comes out of those doors. I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that she’s not leaving this hospital alive. I just hope I am wrong and she pulls through this, no I need her to pull through this, our boys need her to pull through this.

Tony, Sarah, Erin, and all the children came in my boys ran to me. I got down to their level fuck they look so much like their beautiful momma. As soon as they were in my arms, I burst out into tears I didn’t want them to see me crying but I just couldn’t help it. They held onto me just as tight, then they asked the question I never wanted to answer. “I want my mommy...” Alexander asked, “wherzzz’s my mommy?” Sebastian asked, “Oh, my baby boy’s, she’s gone behind those doors the doctors are working on her we should be seeing her soon. Hey, do you two want to meet your new baby brother?” I asked, they both nodded their heads yes, picking them both up before standing up myself I walk over to Tony who now has baby Aidan. He holds him out safely enough for the two boys to say hello to him. “Boys this is your baby brother Aidan, say hello to him.”

“Hiii,” Alexander said, then starts poking at his body, “Hii,” Sebastian said, who starts putting his hands over Aidan’s face, “No Sebastian we are gently like this.” I showed the boys how to handle their little brother, Aidan started crying Tony handed him to me Jamie sat down with the four boys playing a game with them all while we waited. Aidan still wouldn’t settle I don’t blame him either he wants her just as much as I do. I keep pacing the room with Aidan in my arms hoping the movement will put him back to sleep.

“Mr. McCarthy?” A Doctor spoke up, I look up at a man who just walked out of the doors covered in blood lots of it. Sarah quickly took Aidan out of my arms as I am sure if I want him in my arms right now, my face is white; I walk up to him eyeing his clothes. “That is me... How is she? Can we see her?” I asked, with hope in my voice. The Doctor looked sad; he motions for me to sit away from everyone in the waiting room I don’t know if I want to hear this, that horrible feeling is back along with tears trying to escape. I sat down to look at him trying to pay close attention to what his about to say to me. “Dean is it?” He asked I nod my head yes, “Dana your wife” I think I cut him off, “Yes, how is she?” I asked with so much hope in my voice, please gut be wrong, “I am so sorry Dean; we did everything we could to save her” I cut him off, “NO! SHE IS NOT NOOOO SHE CANNOT BE.... NOOO WHAT ABOUT OUR BOYS? How? How can this happen?” I asked through my tears, “Dana’s body had retained pieces of the placenta, we removed those pieces she had more tears than we thought, we had given her blood transfusions however we couldn’t get the bleeding under control before her body gave out before we could mend it all.”

By this time, I had stopped listening as I have my head in my hands crying and I believe I am screaming. No this must be some sort of sick joke, or a dream this cannot be real. Women no longer die from childbirth, right? This is not real who would have done this. Why would God do this why would he take her away from us? Oh, crap Aidan how am I going to raise a newborn by myself with twin one-year old’s?

“You are welcome to go in and see her.” The Doctor said, I sat up looking at the Doctor trying to figure out what he just said to me. “She’s al” The Doctor worked out what I was going to say cut me off, “Sorry Dean no she’s is not, you are welcome to see her body is what I mean,” he said quietly, “Oh... Yes, I want to.” My voice said, why did I say that? “Dean are you sure?” Aaron softly asked me, when the hell did he get near me? I look up at him I see him crying too, fuck that just makes it worst. “Yes, I need to see her,” I say through my tears or I’m not going to believe she is dead. “I’m going in with you.” Aaron said, “No” I snapped at him, “No, you are not pushing me away and you’re not going in there alone.” Aaron said firmly. “This way” The Doctor softly said, I stopped listening by now I just want to see her, but I am scared as hell. We keep following the Doctor I am that out of it that I didn’t even notice that Aaron is holding my hand, Jamie has my other hand and Tony is behind us, when the hell did, they start following me?

The Doctor opens a door I stopped looking at him oh it’s time how can this be time? He motions for me to head into the room, think it was Tony who shoved me into the room. I see her on the bedsheet covering her body, the cleaning staff is cleaning up the floor. Oh god, so much blood, my baby girl. I raced towards her with no care in the world holding her face, ignoring how cold she is. Holding her hand kissing it, then it happened holding onto her as I cry and scream. “Nooo.... Not my beautiful Dana... why did you have to leave me! Leave our boys! We need you baby girl we need you! I love you please don’t you dare leave me! Dana.... Wake up!”

“Dean she’s,” Tony said, “I FUCKING KNOW!” I yelled at him, I hold on to her kissing her, brushing her hair off her face, then I notice it all her rings, watch and bracelets have been removed but her necklace and earrings are still on. I look up at my brother’s I am angry as hell now. “Find out what has happened with her rings, watch, and bracelets now!” I snapped, they are for our boys now, “They are over their sir.” A cleaner said, “What?” I asked, “Yes, sir they had all been placed over on that table.” I follow her hand Aaron raced over picking up items before handing them back to me looking at me to see if everything is here. I look over it all yes everything is here, I hold onto her wedding ring. “This is it isn’t....” I said with a shaky voice, “Yeah bro.” Jamie said through his own tears, I lean back down taking off her necklace and earrings pocketing it all into my pocket. I give her one last kiss it’s not the same but I needed to... pressing my forehead to hers closing my eyes.

“I love you, Dana McCarthy.... I will always love you lass.”

I burst into tears again, how am I crying so much? One of my brothers is pulling me off her, I wrap my arms around him crying as he holds me up, I feel him shaking to his crying too. “This is wrong Dean, so fucking wrong,” Aaron growled out, I didn’t answer him I didn’t have to. We walk out I don’t remember the rest of the day I am in our bed and it still smells like her hugging her pillows I can hear all three of my boys crying and I know they want her to. Overhearing my family fussing over the boys I grab three of her tops that still smell like her and headed out to the lounge room seeing all my family in our house.

The twins ran to me crying I held onto them tightly they are a part of her. I put them both down standing in front of me. I sadly smile at them I put one shirt on one of them tied it into a knot at the bottom so he wouldn’t trip over it he smiled at me a happy one. Oh, Alex, you melt my heart son. I turned to Seb who I know is missing her the most, I put the shirt on him he pulls it to his face and says, mommy... I do what I did to Alex and he smiled at me too. They both hugged me as I cried, I need to stop crying in front of them. They both gave me a kiss each running off towards their cousins. I stood up everyone is giving me sad smiles, hugs, kisses, or arm squeezes... can I yell at them that aI am over this already? No too soon?

Sarah hands me, my new son I hold onto him as he is my last one, I am done these three boys are it for me they need me more now than ever, but how, how can I do that when I am drowning too?

“His hungry Dean, I have gone and bought newborn milk for him and bottles as you didn’t have any. Would you like to feed him?” Sarah asked, “Thank you Sarah yes, I would love to. How much do I owe you for” She cuts me off before I could finish? “Dean pay me back by being there for those boys the way she would have wanted you to. ” She softly said.

I take a seat in her favorite chair, wrapping her shirt around him he seemed to have liked it. Well, that is what I am taking from that. I start feeding him his messy as hell but I think I got it, Sarah is watching but hasn’t stepped in. My dad sits next to me, putting an arm around me. We sit like this watching Aidan feed; he has her eyes I am hoping that soon seeing those eyes won’t bring tears to mine. I cannot blame him for this, none of this was his fault nor was it hers. How the hell do I snap out of this and be the best dad I can be to these boys, she will hunt me if I don’t look after them, the way she wanted to.

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