Have you ever felt like you were seeing your whole world fall apart in front of your eyes and there is nothing you can do to stop it? Well that is me right now.
“No, no, no. Let me go in there, my family is in there.” I say against the firefighter who is holding me back from entering my family’s house which is engulfed in flames. Mama, Papa, Franco, my older brother and my baby kid brother Giovanni are inside that house. I got off work from working at the diner when I saw my family house on fire. I felt like a rock was dropped in my stomach.
Mama loved that me and Franco still lived at home even though we were old enough to have our own place. It helped us both save up for our future and Mama soaked in every second of us still living at home.
“Why aren’t you all doing anything? They are dying there!” “I am sorry Ma’am, it’s too dangerous for us to enter.” I feel so much rage, I turn my body and slap him. “Too dangerous for you all to enter. What about my family? You are trained for this, they are not. If you are not going to help them I will.” And I try again to get out of his arms, but he refuses to budge. “I am sorry Ma’am, but I can’t allow anyone else to get hurt.”
I am continuing fighting out of his hold and you hear wood splitting and the house collapses, “NO MAMA, PAPA, FRANCO, GIOVANNI!!! NO NO NO PLEASE.” I yell out sobbing hysterically. My family, my perfectly crazy family is most likely dead inside of our house.
“No please…” my breathing starts to become uneven. “Ma’am? Ma’am are you okay?” I don’t answer him because I can hardly breathe. It feels like someone is squeezing all the air out of my lungs. I feel myself being carried in someone’s arms and I am laid on something. I hear mumbling voices around me and then I feel my whole body being driven somewhere. I pay them no mind; I just feel so empty and numb. What am I going to do without my family?
No more Mama and her wanting me to find a man so I can get married and give her grandbabies to spoil. Papa would tell her no boy would be good for his principessa selvaggia (wild princess). Franco would tell Mama that they would have to pay someone to marry me. No one would willingly want to be with me which would turn into us wrestling. And sweet Giovanni would jump on Franco to help me out since Franco is bigger than me, despite him being a hacker he was a gym rat. He loved going to the gym and you could tell. Frankie was built, and he looked imitating.
No more playing soccer with Gio in the yard to help him practice for his next game for a ten-year-old he was so dedicated. No more watching Mama and Papa be sickly sweet with each other but also one day wanting what they have with my own someone. My last thoughts are of my family before I pass out.
I wake up to hear a constant beeping in my ear, I reach to turn off my alarm clock. It’s not there. Wait! This doesn’t feel like my bed and doesn’t smell like my room. It has a disinfectant smell, not my vanilla smell. I open my eyes and the harsh light hits my eyes, I quickly groan and cover my eyes with my hand. But I feel something attached to the top of my hand, I look squinted to look at my hand and I see an IV in my hand. “What in the actual fuck!”
“Even after passing out the first thing you do is cuss?” I look over and see Mama Mimi, her usually perfectly brown ponytail is in a messy bun, her blue eyes are red and swollen, she has dried tear marks down her cheeks. She isn’t just the owner of the diner I work at, also Mama and Papa’s friend. I am then hit with what I hope is a terrible dream. “Mama Mimi tell me it isn’t true?” She shakes her head as he squeezes my hand, “I wish it wasn’t true my sweet angel. They found three adults and one child dead in the house, but they are going to use dental records to identify them because the bodies were burned beyond recognition.”
I don’t say anything but pull my knees up to my chest and rest my face on my knees as I sob. I rock myself back and forth, Mimi just holds me. We don’t have to say it. We know the chances of my family being the ones who died inside of my house is very high. I just sit there and just sob; I feel like someone just cut out my heart. “What am I going to do?” She runs her hand through my hair, “You are going to stay with me for as long as you want. You are the daughter I never had, and I will always take care of you. I love you Lia.”
“I love you too Mimi, beyond my last breath.” I say the last part of habit because we would say that to each other. And thinking of my family again sends another series of sobs through my body again. “Shh, I know angel it hurts. Let it out, it’s going to take a while for the pain to lessen but I am here. You are not alone.” I nod at her, I stop rocking back and forth but I keep sniffling as tears still make their way down my face.
How do I live on without my family with me?
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