Becoming His

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I watched from my bedroom window as he pulled away and a sharp pain rose in my chest. What were you expecting Olivia? You did this. What is wrong with me? I texted Hailey to come over which she responded with, “My parents wanted to do a family dinner out tonight…. So lame. I won’t probably be home for another thirty minutes but I can come over as soon as I get home?” Ugh I just wrote back to her not to worry about it and that I’d just talk to her at school tomorrow.

I should have just told him to stay. Maybe I should text him. No, I can’t. I bet he won’t even come over again. Good. I won’t have to worry anymore about what would happen if I just told him how I really felt about him. What if he really did like me? I put on some shorts and a comfy shirt to lay in my bed. My thoughts consumed with him. Can I even make this right?

The week ended. Jamie never texted me about coming over to tutor him again yesterday and never showed up to my house. Crazy to think that there was a chance he may have. I told Hailey everything but she had no advice other than what I already knew, that I messed up.

The charity ball was lively and helped me get my mind off Jamie for a whole two and a half hours. I was actually hoping that he was going to be there since the whole thing was being held by his parents. I’m guessing that he didn’t do these kinds of things. My mind just went off to the worst possible explanations, another girl.

Before I knew it the weeks melted by and winter break hit. I was glad to have the week away from the only place I knew I was likely to see him but at the same time I longed to see him face to face and to talk. I wanted his touch and to taste his lips on mine. The more I stayed away from him, I felt like the more I wanted him. I submitted the last of my college applications when I received a text from Hailey. “Hey Liv. There’s a party tonight at Laurens again and I need my wing woman. I’ll be over in a few with an outfit for you.” She knew I wasn’t going to say no to this one. I knew for a fact that this was my chance to see him. Maybe I can apologize at least. I need to just grow some cojones and do it. Hailey showed up to my house and she brought the same exact outfit I had on when I went to Laurens the first time. I looked at her. “You’ll thank me later. Now get dressed and let’s go get our party on.”

We got to Laurens and like last time it was packed. Everyone was celebrating the last day of Winter break and this time I made the B line to the alcohol to ease my nerves. Hailey comes up behind me and grabs a drink as well. I gulp mine down and grab a shot. Probably not the best idea but I needed as much help I could get to be able to talk to him. “Damn girl.” Hailey laughs. “Slow, er down.” I smiled at her. “So who’s the lucky guy?” She looked down as if she was a bit nervous to even say. “Tainer.” She looks at me and I sense some real intentions behind her stare. “After the bonfire, I confronted him about the fact that he wanted to kiss me. I flirted with him a bit jokingly and that’s when he kind of told me that he has liked me for quite a while now.” “Oh. wow. Really?” I was starting to feel the alcohol. But she continued. “Yea…so…I wanted to talk to him again but I was hoping you would talk to him for me. Feel him out. See if he actually does have something for me.” I nodded and grabbed another solo cup. I followed Hailey out to the pool and then back inside. She was definitely on a mission to find Tainer. We got to the living room and I stopped dead in place. Frozen. There he was. Sitting on the couch but with Kate who was wrapped around him and his eyes locked with mine for a few seconds and then he looked away. My heart sank. Tainer was in the chair next to them and Hailey nudged me basically saying go talk to Tainer girl, then she said. “I will be outside by the pool.” I was still taken back by Kate on Jamie, in shock and I feel like I proved my own point. Moving on to another girl so soon. I drank the rest of my drink and went over to Tainer. “Hey. Can I talk to you for a minute?” and I gestured with my thumb over my shoulder to talk somewhere else. “Ah…sure.” He said and Jamie didn’t even flinch. I feel like I just want to go home and cry into my pillow. Tainer follows me to the kitchen in a corner that hasn’t been taken. Before I can say anything he already knows what I’m up to. “Let me guess…..Hailey?” “How did you know?” He smiled. “Look, I have to ask on behalf of our friendship….do you actually have feelings for Hailey?” Tainer was a straight up kind of guy. No bullshit. That’s why I knew if I asked him I wouldn’t get any kind of questionable answer. “I do. I have liked Hailey for a while now. I just feel like there was no way of actually saying anything to her since she always has a guy with her.” “That is true but I think you would be good for her.” I turned away from him when he grabbed my arm. “Jamie is crazy about you. Don’t for a second think that he’s not into you.” With that I turn to go grab another drink. “Right. That’s why Kate’s all over him” but he’s gone by the time I turn back around. I go out to the pool and relay as much as I could remember to Hailey before returning back inside where I find myself dancing on some guy to the music. I’m right in view of Jamie and I know he can see me. I also know how drunk I am and I’m sure this is really stupid but I can’t help it. I want him to see me grinding on someone else who is not him. I feel so hurt and I don’t know why. I was the one who made him go away. Every now and then I see him look up at me with more and more of a concerned look on his face or maybe of jealousy? With that I feel like I have to do more to get his attention so I take off my shirt. With nothing but my bra on top now I can feel the guy I’m grinding on grab my tit. I hear someone yelling at him to get his hands off of me and then I’m thrown over someone’s shoulder. I mumble out like a little kid, “Kate is all over Jamie. Jamie doesn’t like me.”

I came to, getting a sudden burst of energy out of nowhere. I’m laying on a bed and see Jamie at the end with his face in his hands. He looks at me. “What are you doing Olivia?” I make my way closer to him and whisper in his ear. “I wanted to see you.” He gets up off the bed. “Olivia….you made it clear to me that you didn’t want anything to do with me.” “I’m sorry Jaimie about that night…… I actually really really like you Jamie” I say like a drunk. I heard him sigh then after that I must have passed out.

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