CHAPTER 22 - BLUE
I wanted to close the door but my hands were not moving. I had frozen the moment my eyes landed on his blue ones. He looked so much better than I remembered him. I wanted to run into his arms and hug him tightly while savouring his scent into my lungs but I couldn’t. He was also the very person that broke my heart to million pieces months ago. His faint smile was heartwarming but it disappeared fast after noticing my baby bump. I was worried. What if he wanted to take away my baby girl from me? What if he had figured out that it was his and now he wanted to claim his right. My brain was full of thoughts and I couldn’t let my guard down in front of him.
“Brandon’s child?” He asked in a low voice almost afraid. I looked at him and nodded silently. He didn’t deserve to know the truth yet. I was having issues trusting him and what he would do if he knew that this was his child. A long sigh followed my silent nod and I looked into his blue eyes one last time to savor every piece I could. He was going to leave, he was going to leave me alone and never come back.
“Can I come in?” He asked and I couldn’t find the courage to say no. Moving to the side I let him into my life again. The love I felt for him had grown stronger over the past months feeling a part of him grow inside of me but I was afraid to give in and let him in again. He had also hurt me so deeply. Watching him take a seat I had always imagined how it would have been to live with him in this tiny apartment. Despite his expensive clothes he fitted in just right.
“How are you?” He asked and looked a little worried. I could say so many things to him right now but my head was empty with the shock of seeing him in front of me so I gave him a plain answer.
“I’m good... how are you?” I said and felt stupid for being so tense around him. I didn’t even know what to do of myself at this moment. Would it be too bad if I asked him to leave since my heart was beating so fast out of worry and excitement.
“I... I have been looking for you. You left without an address or a phone number. I tried calling you but you never answered.” He said looking into my eyes and shattering the last pieces of courage I had left in me.
“I waited for you. I waited a week in a hotel room for you to come. Ben was supposed to tell you. I had broken my phone earlier, after the conversation with my mom.” I said and watched his reactions closely noticing that a flash of anger landed on his handsome face. He was furious but tried to contain his feelings.
“I didn’t know... he never told me. I thought you left for London right away.” He said begging me to tell him the truth he came looking for in London.
“I thought you wanted me out of your life so I left and came back to London. I reconciled with Brandon and moved on.” I said avoiding his eyes.
“I recently got divorced from your mom. She lied to us both. She had known our affair for a while. She filled your head with bullshit about me.” He said.
“But it was all true James. You threw me out of your life when you were done using me. Ben was just your excuse.” I said feeling the tears trail down. It hurt to talk about this even after 6 months. I still loved him so much but I couldn’t get fooled by him again. I had to protect my baby this time.
“I got blinded with jealousy. I thought you were over me Amy... I had always feared that you would leave me for someone better or younger.” He said letting me in to his thoughts after so long time.
“I told you I loved you. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to have a life with you. I was willing to stay for you James... You turned your back to me. You were the one who let me down when I needed you the most! You can’t walk back into my life now and tell me that you have messed up! I am going to have a child with another man now and you can’t just drop a bomb into my life like that!” I said crying. I was hurting but I had to protect my fragile heart. I couldn’t do this again. I couldn’t let him walk all over me again.
“I never stopped loving you. I know I messed up but I still love you. Even when I saw you earlier holding Brandon’s hand I was hoping for it to be a lie. I wanted this child to be mine. I wanted you to be mine.” He said and I saw a tear trail down his cheek. He was hurting as much as I was. My heart was breaking but I couldn’t let my guard down. I wasn’t ready to be hurt again. In between everything I heard the door click, Brandon had returned.
“Amy... I got you strawberries. The little one is always craving these.” He said walking into the living room before noticing James.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Brandon said putting down the pack of strawberries and approaching James slowly.
“Brandon… calm down. He is leaving.” I said trying to relieve the tension. James stood up understanding that it was his cue to leave.
“Are you here to mess her life up again? Haven’t you played enough with her heart? Get the fuck out of here!” Brandon yelled. He was fuming with anger.
“I just came to talk...” James said and Brandon was boiling with rage.
“Do you even know a fraction of what this girl went through because of you? You don’t even deserve to be the father of that child!” He said and launched himself at James before pushing him out of the apartment. The door shot on his face and I heard James outside yelling.
“What did you do Brandon?” I said worry washing over me. He had just told James that I was pregnant with his child.
“I did the right thing by kicking him out! He doesn’t deserve you or any of this!” He said still unaware of his mistake.
“No... you told him that it was his child. He knows... he knows and he will take her from me. He will do anything to take her away from me now!” I said breaking down on the coach.
“I thought he knew.” Brandon said apologetically but it wasn’t going to fix what was done.
“You couldn’t keep it hidden from him forever. The little one also deserves to know her father... even though he is an asshole.” Brandon said smiling and taking my hand in his. Brandon was right but my worries about James was blurring my mind.
“Thank you, Brandon... for everything.” I said grateful to have him by my side.
“Look Amy if you are really worried about James we can always register for marriage at the city hall. I can become this little one’s legal father and James will not be able to do much… at least for some time.” He said and I was confused. He was offering to marry me to save me from this shitty situation?