Prologue
Last night of the summer camp
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Ex
She was leaving him and going to them. She was leaving him. She was leaving him not a whole day after his parents left him. And she wouldn’t give him a damned explanation. It hurt. He felt like he was just one small particle that ached, and he didn’t know how to shut the need to hurt down.
Only one thing centered him, pain. The pain of others. He almost went to find Liam again. But Liam hadn’t hurt him. Why should he take it?
No, Elina held half of the guilt. He would figure out who held the other after the camp.
But she was the only person responsible for herself. He stormed back into her room. A reason, he deserved that, at least. He wanted her to suffer, shatter. He wanted to torment her.
❄
Elina
He was back. She couldn’t see him, but she knew. She could also feel that he was fuming. Earlier, he had been pleading with her. Now he was angry. This Ex scared her. It meant that he would want to cause her pain. She accepted the pain. She could handle whatever he dished out, as long as he didn’t try to get in her mind.
“It can’t end like this.” He wasn’t coming near her, his voice was deadly cold.
“Ex please, let me go.” She couldn’t say much. She couldn’t say anything at all.
“You don’t care about any of us. Do you?” That was cruel.
“I do. I promise you I do.” She sat up on her knees.
“Your actions clearly don’t show it. We were supposed to stick together. All of us, help one another. We have been here for you all of this time. I held you in my arms every fucking night, Elina. I have convinced you not to kill yourself every time. We made plans together. Were you lying to us, playing us? Was that a thrill for you? Did you get off on it?”
“No Ex please. Please don’t think that. I didn’t.”
“Was I a joke to you? Do you even feel bad for what you made me become? The monster you convinced me to play?”
She wanted to cry. She didn’t know how to tell him, how to express her emotions.
“Get up. We are going for a walk.”
Her heart picked up. He wasn’t stable. He was dangerous. She had hurt someone that caused harm and it brought him pleasure. “No, I’m not going down there with you.” Last time when she had tried to go away, he had promised that he would break her if she attempted anything. That her life would be his to control or end.
He got awfully close to her. She could feel his breath on her face.
“I’m not taking you down there, princess.”
She stood up wearily. He put a sweater on her. Then she heard her charger getting ripped out of the wall.
Finally, he grabbed her wrist and started pulling her along. They got out. There wasn’t any noise in the corridors or lobby. No nurse to stop him. The chilly summer air wrapped around her exposed legs. She was wearing only a nightgown.
“You two!” The guard yelled.
Ex left her for a moment, then came back. There weren’t any further shouts as he made her keep walking.
“Why did he let you go?” Her breathing was rapidly picking up. She was going to have a panic attack any second now.
“Power Elina. Something that you don’t hold.”
But he did. Ex had the power to do whatever he wanted. He never answered to anyone, just took without apologies.
“Where are we going?” She stopped.
“I want to make you scream. You say that receiving pain makes you feel better and I need you to hurt. I’m helping us both. I just need an isolated space.”
He waited. She kept walking next to him, he entangled their fingers, his warm hand soothing her. He was her pain and pleasure, he was her everything and she was leaving him, and couldn’t tell him why.
“How will you hurt me?” She whispered.
“The cable from your charger will sting like a whip.”
They kept going, she felt like she was walking to her execution. She wouldn’t put it past him.
They arrived at the beach. Only she didn’t feel sand but rock under her feet and it was cold. The sound of water was coming from under them. They were on a cliff and the sea was as angry as Ex was.
Ex took her hoodie off and pushed her on her knees. They got cut. She could feel it. He also pushed her gown up exposing her back.
She wasn’t afraid of the pain that followed, she was afraid of him. He had never whipped her before.
No amount of mental preparation stood up to what she felt. The slash across her back. She wasn’t finished screaming before another one came, and another one, she counted to ten, her back was on fire and very possibly bleeding. He crouched behind her and pushed a hand into her panties.
His fingers glided. “And you want to leave me?”
“Ex I-.”
“You.” He circled her clit. It didn’t take her long to lean on him and start gasping, moaning.
He pulled back. “What makes you think that I will let you come? You haven’t deserved it. You don’t even deserve this beating.”
She began to speak, plead. But he only struck again.
“Count.”
She counted. Crying, begging in between, he had hurt her, but never this badly.
He stopped after she had stopped counting, breaking down, folding on herself.
“Stop manipulating me.” His tone was cold.
“I’m not!” She screamed at him.
“You are crying. It’s a simple and effective way to communicate immediate needs in order to receive care and attention. It’s supposed to make me feel bad for you. It won’t happen, doll.” He had to be joking. This wasn’t the time for psychology lessons. He Pulled her gown down and yanked her up. They stood like that. Him at her back, the cliff at her front.
He was quiet for a while. “Can you feel the air? Can you feel how close you are standing to the edge? Can you hear the waves crashing into the rocks below you?”
She was pulled forward by trying to focus on it. She stumbled. “Stop it. I will fall.”
He had come closer, trapping her there. “What if I want you to fall? What if you want to fall?” He spoke so softly. It was like they were her own thoughts. “It would be nice, wouldn’t it? You will finally experience that peace and quiet that you are talking about.” She shivered. “But Ex continued. “You won’t survive this fall, doll. I can assure you of that. You can hear the rocks below. It will be quick and painless.”
“You are the one manipulating me now.” She was crying, she was considering it. There would be nothing after him, and she was leaving him.
“I’m not manipulating you, simply persuading you.”
“The only way that you are getting away from me is by killing yourself. I should have let you do it sooner. But I thought that you loved me back. I thought that you cared about me.”
“I do.” Her voice cracked. He was killing her already, breaking her.
“So tragic, you claim that, but I saw no proof. You never sacrificed anything for me. You are selfish, Elina. You either stay with me or you jump.”
“I can’t stay with you.”
“Then jump, show me that you felt anything at any point for me.”
His warmth behind her back disappeared. “Ex?”
He didn’t answer. He had left her.
She could almost see the water and the rocks. It was hypnotic. It promised peace. One step forward. She started to fall. He caught her by her gown. Her body weight was forward, centimeters held her away from the edge. Her life in his hands.
“One last chance.”
“I’m sorry.” She whispered.
He let go. Elina fell, she hit the water.
