ALICE’S POV – TWO YEARS BEFORE
All I’ve ever wanted was to settle down and have a few kids of my own. Someone to call me mommy, mom or momma. With Kyle, that had become downright impossible and frustrating.
He and I met at a party while the both of us were in college; he attended Harvard while I was enrolled in the Arts program at Boston University. Strangely, we hit it off right away even though we were complete opposites.
After almost three years together, and moving back to New York, we tied the knot. His parents gifted us a starter home as a wedding present. They also introduced me to all the right people and that's how I landed a job at an art gallery.
I love working there, awesome co-workers but most of all I was able to meet Amber. She’s the barista from the nearby coffee shop and now my best friend. She and I are like night and day; while I’m the introvert who is trying to break out of my shell, she is the extrovert who walks into a room and sets the entire mood for the crowd.
Everything seemed to have been going well except the fact that almost two years into the marriage we still hadn’t gotten pregnant. Trying had become more of a routine, more than being intimate with my husband. It was as if he was only administering invitro with his cock.
I decided to get Amber's opinion; I told her that I felt like something was missing in the bedroom. At first, I was embarrassed but then somehow, she found a way to lighten the mood on the situation.
When it came to sex, she was experienced, but not in the type of way that meant she was in a different man's bed every night. No, she was experienced in what she liked and disliked and that made me wish that I knew what I wanted. With her help it wouldn’t take me long to find out.
Amber encouraged me to explore sex a little more. Starting with spicy books, watching porn or some raunchy movies to try and figure out my likes and dislikes. Little by little I found myself coming out of my shell, threesomes seemed to turn me on quicker than anything, but it had to be one man and two women. When the women would kiss, I would immediately find myself dripping wet. Many times, I wondered if I had a thing for women and questioned whether that was the reason why I didn’t enjoy sexy time with Kyle. Then the time would come for the man to please those women and my entire body would come alive at the thought that I was the one on the receiving end; imagining Kyle’s head buried between my legs.
More and more I explored, researched; hell, I even joined Amber on a visit to a toy shop. Not the kind you go to when looking for a gift for a niece or nephew – if you know what I mean. She tried her best to get me to buy a dildo. If I’m being honest; I really wanted to get one.
I picked up one called a rabbit, the thought of trying to figure out where to hide it was so nerve wracking, I ended up dropping it on the floor and it started jerking around. If the ladies in the store weren’t so nice – I mean like genuinely nice, not a hint of judgement; I would have given up the ghost right then. Amber roared so loud, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the situation that buzzed before us.
Although I wasn’t ready to purchase one, I did leave with a keener sense of what I think I would have liked.
The internet was the go-to for all my questions. On my birthday, Amber gifted me a book about the Kama Sutra. Thank goodness she had warned me that I should open the gift in private.
I found myself blushing beet red when I saw the contents. She even threw in a small vibrator and some sexy lingerie - a sexy two piece, lacey, barely there, little number. What was supposed to be a panty, had me guessing where it began and where it ended.
What would my husband say if I were to put it on? Would he be happy, would he look at me the way that the men looked at women in the movies? Or would he think I was crazy?
As time went on, talking about sex which seemed to be such a taboo thing in my life became much more comfortable. I remember when she told me the ways she liked to be pleasured and how she liked to please her partner. She told me about how she would give her partner blow jobs that would blow their mind even more than their penis.
For a couple of weeks, she would explain the details to me. When I was finally ready, I tried to go down on Kyle, but he said it wasn’t his thing, neither did he try returning the favor. He despised the idea of going down on me, as if I were dirty; I always showered before sex and took care of my personal hygiene, especially in the nether regions. Every time we had sex, he would get his shattering release; I was happy for him – but I was left unspent and unsatisfied.
I had read that not all women orgasmed by just penetration and had to be gotten off. Kyle never got me off, I found myself having to masturbate just to release the pent-up frustration.
One day, while Kyle was in the living room watching the football game with a few of his friends I decided that after preparing a feast for them, I would continue my research in the master bedroom. Instead of reading the book that Amber had bought, or searching the web in secret mode, I decided to grab the vibrator, lock the door, turn the volume on low and cast a porno to the tv.
I made myself comfortable under the covers before casting my favorite video. I smiled as the vibrator buzzed in my hand. What would my husband think about my secret escapades? He would certainly tell me that Amber is a bad influence. If I’m being honest, he never liked her.
The sounds of the football game would drown out anything that they would hear, and to top it all off, I wouldn’t have to worry about Kyle barging in because he had everything that he needed; the seventy-five-inch tv, his friends, beers, lots of food; half time was over, and his team was winning.
Boy was I wrong!
I had already cast the video, had the vibrator hovering over my clitoris…when suddenly, I heard the guys shout out in dismay. Great, just what I need, their team was now losing.
Yea, right! I wish!
The sound of moaning and the woman’s voice moaning out… “you know how I like it daddy”, had me scrambling to my feet to grab my phone to stop the video. The doorknob was rattling, and Kyle had already started banging on the door. I slipped on my pajamas and opened the door. He was fuming.
The damage was done!
One of his friends shouted that the game was back on, but he told them all to leave. That was the first time I had heard him utter a profanity or get extremely mad. He slept in the spare bedroom that night. The next day, he made me feel as though I was the dirtiest person on the face of the earth.
Why? All because I was tired of the plain old vanilla version of sex? Yeah, I found out that there was a term for it.
If you looked in the dictionary for the definition of vanilla, I’m certain you would find a photo of Kyle’s face next to it.
For almost five years together, I had been deprived of what I truly desired and needed.
Turns out, that I, Alice Catherine Emery wanted more than plain, old, vanilla sex. I wanted a good man but one who would turn into a beast between the sheets. I wanted a man who understood the assignment.