Kevin met the group as soon as they came back upstairs. "Guys, Crowley locked himself in Sam's room. He won't come out. He says he wants to talk to the moose."
"Oh great." Dean said. "Like we don't have enough to deal with, Crowley is turning diva on us?"
"Dean, his reaction is understandable. When he first arrived the angels were as powerless as he was, and when the gracelink was reestablished, I was still as powerless as he was." Castiel observed. "He is the only being who has not regained his power. It is understandable, he still has a demonic taint therefore being among angels and hunters would make him uncomfortable."
"I'll talk to him." Sam said.
"Never mind that." Lucifer said snapping his fingers. Crowley was suddenly standing in front of Lucifer cringing like he he expected to be smote at any moment. "Crowley! You know I'd expect a bit more spine from a demon that not only managed to become King of the Crossroads but had clawed his way to King of Hell."
"It's easy for you to say have a spine. You're an Archangel accepted back into the family fold. I'm a former demon with zero powers surrounded by angel's and hunters who've tried more than once to kill me in the past. So I think I can be excused if I find my situation...precarious!"
"How about I make it bit less precarious then." Lucifer said. "We will soon be facing Abaddon; and I know that you have souls you kept for yourself, like that drag queen that has been keeping her busy. So it may not be an army but it is certainly enough for an administrative staff. Here's the deal. You sign a binding contract right now to serve me and I'll make you my regent. You will run hell for me taking care of the everyday details. In return I will give you my protection as an Archangel."
"So I get to run hell and have a guardian Archangel?" Crowley said. "What about the Moose and the Squirrel? I'm in this position thanks to that overgrown Winchester."
"Sam and Dean won't bother you as long as you don't bother them." Lucifer said.
"And Angel over there?" Crowley nodded at Castiel.
"I see no reason for us to renew hostilities when you have been of help in keeping Abaddon occupied." Castiel said. "Your assistance has made it possible for us to concentrate on returning all of the angel's to their celestial powers."
"Very well then, it seems that I have no choice but to accept. I take it you'll require my signature in blood?" Crowley asked.
"Balthazar, Virgil; I am here to relieve you." Castiel said. "Michael wishes an inventory of the armory as a part of the battle preparations to face Abaddon."
"Of course he does." Balthazar said. "There are still a few more weapons that I must return and Gabriel's Horn is where ever Gabriel stashed it when I gave it to him."
"Balthazar, do you wish for me to start inventorying what is in the armory while you secure the missing weapons?" Virgil asked bowing his head to Balthazar.
"Virgil, You hold the title of Heaven's Armorer." Balthazar reminded him. "The Armory and whatever needs to be done is your responsibility."
"The responsibility was only given to me after you left. You held the title for far longer than I did." Virgil said.
"And other than one uh theft, you have done the job admirably, better than I did." Balthazar said. "Besides, I'm happier without the responsibility. It leaves me more time for the finer things in life like fine wine and loose women."
Balthazar looked at his fellow Seraphs. "As a matter of fact once this Abaddon situation is handled There's this little place that Gabriel showed me once called The Spearmint Rhino. I insist on taking you both as my guests!"
Although Dean had been totally against it, he was soundly outvoted and Crowley with a bit of help from Lucifer was back to full power and sipping a glass of Craig. That was his absolute first action, as he put it after all that time drinking rotgut he deserved a good tumbler of scotch. He was even feeling generous and had produced glasses all around. With a celebratory drink out of the way, it was time to get down to business.
Crowley summoned all the demons whose souls he owned to the bunker which made for an interesting time. At least until Lucifer had enough and announced his presence which caused a major stir. While demons had heard the name Lucifer, very few of them had ever seen him and certainly none of this motley crew.
"Is this your Demonic staff then?" Gabriel snickered. "I don't think they could strike fear into the heart of 3 year old."
"To be fair they don't exactly have a lot of experience. Most of them are just barely off the rack." Crowley said. "But there is one you have yet to meet."
"I hope that one is scarier than this bunch." Dean whispered to Sam.
"Oh I am Darling!" The demon that materialized next to Dean said. It was obviously a male vessel but wearing a short leather skirt and bustier, And inch of makeup, a wig at least two feet high, and 5 inch stilettos. "Lucky for you, you're not my type. But you! Oh Darling this things I could do with you!" The demon said running over to trace it's fingers down Gabriel's arm. "Tell me have you ever thought about slipping into a Vera Wang original? You would look absolutely fierce in a little red cocktail dress and a red wig." Gabriel gawked at the demon his mouth hanging open.
"Spicy, be a dear and stop annoying the nice Archangel." Crowley said dragging the demon away from Gabriel before he came to his senses and went into smiting mode. "Allow me to introduce Timothy Baines, however he prefers to be addressed by his drag name, Spicy Tabasco."
"Call me Timothy and I'll scratch your eyes out." The demon said as 'she' sat in a chair primly crossing her legs. "Well I have delayed that single minded she bitch from hell for as long as I can. I'm out of style options here and I'm a drag queen. That's saying something honeybunch."
"Well that's is why Crowley summoned you here. You've been spending a lot of time with Abaddon." Michael said. You should have plenty of information for us."
Spicy stood and beckoned to Crowley dragging him over into a corner. "Alright sweet thing, I notice quite a few feathered creatures in this room and the last I heard relations between our side and their side was about as warm as Westboro Baptist's relationship with the local gay rights lobby. So would you like to explain to me why I should tell a six-winged angel anything at all?"
"Well if you had allowed me to finish the introductions I would have introduced you to them." Crowley said. "That midget you accosted happens to be Gabriel, don't feel too put out for not realizing he's an Archangel, he's spent the past few eons impersonating a Pagan god/Trickster. Next to him is Raphael who sticks out like a sore thumb."
"I guess he's the black sheep of the family?" Spicy said. "Don't worry honey I might just have to find out if that myth is true." Spicy said with a wink.
"Ahem, yes the dark haired one demanding information is Michael." Crowley said.
"Oh I've heard all about him. A real prude according to the stories going around."
"Spicy will you please be quiet and let me finish!" Crowley said. "Dean Winchester who you said is not your type much to his relief and next to him our resident moose also known as Sam Winchester. I'm sure that you remember Castiel, we had a well business arrangement."
"As I recall you got the short end of the stick. Very disappointing considering you used to be the King of the Crossroads." Spicy said.
"And this is Lucifer The rightful King of Hell." Crowley finished.
"You know Crowley I like this demon!" Lucifer laughed. "She already knows Michael is a prude and she wants to play dress up with Gabriel! I think when all this is over I might just have to make her my personal assistant. She will definitely keep me amused." Lucifer slipped an arm around Spicy's shoulder. "So tell me what Abaddon is planning. The sooner we get rid of her and her turn coat army, the sooner we can get things on track in hell. Tell me how are you at interior decorating? I'm sure the throne room needs some updating by now."
The humans, Crowley, and remaining angels watched in disbelief as Lucifer walked out of the room still buttering up the demon.
"What the hell was that all about?" Dean asked.
"Lucifer doing what he does best." Raphael said "Sweet talking someone out of what he wants."