“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection…”- Brene Brown
The room felt cold. This safe haven which he had built for himself where he could create pottery and feel vulnerable had slowly been tainted by his pain. The familiar numbing inside his soul brought vile to rise from his throat as he held a glass of whiskey that now held but a single drop of alcohol. His other hand rested against his forehead trying to massage away the pain he felt inside. Once again his mother had bid him to bring forth his father and keep him away from whatever whore lay under him. Wincing at the memory of his father’s latest mistress and chocking back a sob at his mother’s cruel shrieks of despair So Yi Jeong shook. He could hear his phone vibrate in his pocket for the hundredth time but he refused to answer calls from his friends; friends who at the current time pitied him. Holding his empty glass into a death grip he flung it across the room allowing it to shatter against an empty wall.
“Enough!” He wanted to shout. The desperation and unbearable pain was causing him to deteriorate from inside like a decaying body slowly being eaten by maggots… and his parents… they were just that to him.
From the time he could recall at the age of seven his mother had always sent him out to chase after his father in order to chase away his mistresses and bring him back to her. What that did to his mind really screwed him up. He was damaged goods and someone who could never in his lifetime dream of love. Time and time again he found himself laughing at people who claimed love. Love wasn’t real. There wasn’t any kind of love that could possibly prove to him that it remotely existed. His parents cared only for themselves, uncaring of the situation he was being put through and ignoring both his feelings and his older brother’s Il Hyun. Women, they were all trash. Everyone wanted something from him everyone needed power, money, sex. They were all after something but love wasn’t in their plans.
His head began to spin with rage and somehow he had to try and swallow that vile down his throat which only continued to grow stronger. His mind began to race and he felt like a madman needing a fix of anything that could set his mind out of this turmoil and for the time being, cast aside his problems. He needed to feel alive if only for a moment again and needed something fast. Yi Jeong was no addict, he was no alcoholic, what he wanted; what he needed, was sex. Feeling air reach his lungs he reached for his cellphone which was on his table. Ignoring the several missed calls from his friends he scrolled down for his girl of the week; Sunny. The phone rang and he reached for the bottle of scotch this time which lay on the counter at the far end of the room gulping down as much as he could; ignoring the burn of his throat.
“Yi Jeong,” He heard her say, her voice purring at him and already making him forget his problems at the thought of having her.
“Can I come over?” He questioned smirking to himself while trying to push away these feelings of self loathing and trying to concentrate solely on her.
Sighing loudly Ga Eul lay flat on her back as she stared at that one familiar heart on the ceiling of her bedroom. The weekend continued to pass on rather slowly and with her porridge shop boss going on vacation she had nowhere else to go or be for that matter. Closing one eye before squinting she reached her hand up to snatch away at the small heart; appearing to grasp it in her fist before sighing letting her fist go and allowing her eyes to open properly again.
“If only love were that easy,” She whispered to herself, turning her body to the side and trying to bury herself deep within her mattress.
“Why me?” She questioned to herself feeling her cheeks redden at the memory.
Today out of all the days Jae Ha had invited her out to eat. Her day had been brightened for that morning and Ga Eul spent most of that morning fixing her hair up, finding the right outfit all to have the biggest disappointment in her life when her childhood friend introduced her to his date Melanie. Ga Eul was a lot of things but she was no third wheel to anyone; even if it was to the guy she liked. She could tell by the way the beautiful green eyed brunette glared at her oh so discretely that she was unwelcomed on their date. It was due to this that Ga Eul faked being sick and tried to go home; which resulted in her friend sending her home and asking Melanie to kindly take the bus. Ga Eul was mortified and felt so bad about it she really did feel sick by the time she was home.
Reaching once again for the heart she thought of the moment she placed it on her ceiling. From the moment she knew about love, pure, innocent love which in Ga Eul’s opinion entailed soulmates. She had once read a book called Bloom and found herself enthralled in the idea of finding that one person in the entire universe that only connected to you.
“Love is like Magic. Unbelievable but quite wonderful when it happens so suddenly,” She had thought to herself. It was due to this that she had stuck a small heart to her ceiling above her bed to remind her that love should always be something to reach out for. Thinking about Jae Ha she sighed once more.
“All I can do for now is hope.”