Fire killed mommy
FIRE KILLED MOMMY
Disclaimer: Not mine, but I wouldn't mind keeping Dean.
Written for a prompt in the Dean-focused hurt/comfort comment-fic meme (#5)PROMPT: I want Dean de-aged physically and mentally to just about 5 years old. Sam is taking care of him when they walk past a burned out house and the smell and the firefighters and the sirens bring all of little!Dean's buried memories back up. Cue, Sam desperately trying to comfort his panicking, traumatized big little brother.
"Thank you Sammy," said little Dean happily, bouncing beside his big brother as the two walked down the street. He squealed and started swinging his and Sam's hands together. "It bestest present ever and ever."
Sam grinned down at him, and squeezed the little hand gently. "You're welcome, kiddo. It's not every day my little prince turns five."
Dean giggled, and looked up at Sam with his huge pleading eyes. "Um... I play on car when we go home?"
"Of course you can. That's what I bought it for." The one thing Dean wanted for his 5th birthday was a car, so Sam took him out to buy a motorized jeep, which Dean kept getting excited about. It was due to be delivered to Bobby's within the next hour, since Sam didn't take the Impala with them.
"Ooooh. Thank you Sammy. Thank you thank you thank you," rambled the little boy, clapping in delight. "Oooh."
"Okay, calm down," Sam laughed, ruffling the blond hair.
Dean was giggling again as they rounded the corner, but came to a stop when they saw the house on the corner engulfed in flames, and two fire trucks outside, the group of men in uniform tried to fight the fire. A family were huddled together near their car, watching the fire destroy their home.
Sam frowned, and looked down when he felt the little hand in his suddenly clench tightly around his fingers. "Dean? Dean are you alright?" When Dean didn't answer, Sam knelt in-front of him. His heart broke when he saw the tears fill the big green eyes. "Hey."
Dean wasn't listening, he was trapped somewhere in his memories.*Sammy's room on fire. Mommy on the ceiling, the flames surrounding her. Watching as his mommy burned.*
The tears which were swimming in his eyes broke free, and streamed down his freckled cheeks. His bottom lip trembled, and his breathing hitched as he cried silently.*Daddy placing Sammy in his arms, and telling him to run. Daddy breaking the news that his mommy was now an angel and watching him from heaven.*
"Dean, talk to me, little man," said Sam, stroking Dean's wet cheek gently. When he still didn't answer, Sam lifted him into his arms and started running from the burning building.
Dean watched the scene from over Sam's shoulder through sad, tear-filled eyes. His little face was red and blotchy as he cried, the sobs breaking Sam's heart even more.
"Mommy," he whispered in a broken voice.
It was the last word he spoke for awhile.
Rushing into Bobby's house, Sam gently placed Dean onto the couch and ran into the kitchen. "Bobby? Bobby I need your... DAMMIT!" he yelled when he remembered Bobby was out.
He walked back into the living room to see the little boy was hugging his teddy tightly to his chest, and staring at the black TV screen through his tearful eyes. "Dean?" he whispered, kneeling before him. "Are you okay?"
Dean still wasn't answering, which was really worrying Sam. "Hey, it's Sammy. Can you hear me?"
Hearing the familiar name, Dean turned his head to look at his big brother. Sniffling, he burst into tears again.
"Oh god. Come here baby, come here," whispered Sam, wrapping his arms around him, and hugging him tightly to his chest. He had no idea what was wrong, but this was just breaking his heart.
"Shh," he soothed, running his fingers through the soft blond hair, trying to comfort the poor thing. "It's alright. Sammy's got you."
For the next half an hour, the only sounds in Bobby's room were the heartbreaking sobs of the newly turned five year old, and the quiet sniffles from Sam when he could no longer hold his own tears back.
"Hey, are you alright now?" Sam asked in his most gentle voice.
Dean just turned huge eyes to Sam, but remained silent as he hugged Mr bananas, his monkey teddy.
"Do you... er... Do you want to watch Finding Nemo? You love that, don't you?"
Dean nodded slowly, bottom lip trembling.
"Okie dokie," said Sam, stroking the freckled cheek gently. "I'll even go get the special ice cream from the fridge. Would you like that too, birthday boy?"
Placing his finger in his mouth, Dean nodded again, his eyes huge and hopeful.
"I'll be back in a sec." Ruffling Dean's hair, Sam walked over to put the TV on and place Dean's DVD into the player, before turning to the kitchen.
As he got out the tub of chocolate and strawberry ice cream, Sam took a shuddering breath, and blinked the tears from his eyes. He didn't know how to help Dean, or what was wrong, but he was going to be with him every step of the way.
Coming back into the living room, Sam sat down on the couch, and placed Dean on his knee. Making sure they were comfortable, Sam wrapped himself and his little brother in a blanket and snuggled up together with the ice cream between them.
After eating a few mouthfuls, Dean placed the spoon back in the tub, and laid his head against Sam's chest, his thumb in his mouth while he watched the movie.
"Do you want something else to eat? How about some of your birthday cake? We can go out and get pie if you want."
With a sniffle, Dean shook his head and whimpered.
"Okay. If you want to talk, I'll be right here to listen," Sam promised, kissing the soft hair.
When Bobby came back that evening, Dean still hadn't said a word.
Sam was even more worried as he watched his little brother sat silently watching Toy story. He was no longer sobbing, but the big green eyes still streamed tears, like blood from a wound that can never be fully healed.
"He hasn't spoken at all?"
"No. I don't know what to do," Sam whispered sadly. "I've offered to take him out to get pie, tried playing robots and cars with him, even asked him if he wanted to take his jeep out for a ride, but he just shook his head."
Bobby frowned, and shook his head. "And all this is because he saw a fire?"
"I think so. He was all happy and excited to ride his new car, then as soon as we turned the corner, he just froze when he saw the house."
"What about the Impala?" Bobby asked suddenly, making Sam frown in confusion.
"Well, that wasn't on fire, it was in the yard."
"No dumbass, take him for a ride. Since he was a kid... the first time, one thing that always cheers him up, is going for a ride in that car. See if it'll work this time."
A big smile lit up Sam's face. "Great idea. We'll be back in an hour," he said, before going to kneel in-front of the upset little boy. "Hey little man, do you want to go for a ride in the Impala with me?"
Dean turned his huge tearful eyes up to Sam, and held his arms out to Sam to be picked up.
"Come on then," said Sam, wrapping Dean in the blanket, before lifting him into his arms.
Dean rested his head on Sam's shoulder, and raised one hand to wave at his uncle Bobby.
"Bye buddy, have a good time, okay?" said Bobby, waving back with a smile.
Dean nodded, and wrapped his arms around Sam's neck, his monkey teddy dangling from his right hand as Sam carried him outside.
"Here we go," whispered Sam, opening the front door, and placing his silent brother in the passenger seat. Usually Dean went in the back with either Sam or Bobby, but this time Sam needed his little brother as close as possible, and he knew Dean needed it too.
Running around to the other side, Sam climbed into the drivers seat. He smiled over at Dean, and lifted him onto his knee, before starting the car.
"Do you want some music on?" asked Sam, getting the box of cassette tapes out. "You can choose."
Looking down at the tapes, Dean pointed at one at random with the hand not squeezing his teddy.
"Okay, this is one of your favourites." Sam placed the tape into the player, and turned it up when 'Stairway to heaven' played through the car.
Sam looked down at Dean, and saw the tiny smile cross his face, which made his heart warm.
"Let's go baby," he whispered, before driving out of Bobby's yard.
While he drove, Sam looked down at the little boy curled up against his chest, and saw the big green eyes, which were darting around trying to look at everything as they passed by were bloodshot and puffy from crying. But they still continued to stream, like someone had left the water running inside him, and forgot to turn the tap off.
"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.
Dean wiped his freckled cheeks, and shook his head, snuggling closer to Sam's chest.
"I love you, you know that?"
Dean nodded, and slowly brought his free hand up, and placed it on Sam's chest, over his heart. For some reason that made Sam want to cry.
"You don't have to be scared of anything if I'm around, okay? I won't ever let anyone hurt you," Sam whispered, turning the wheel slightly to turn left.
Dean sniffled, and raised his head to look up at his brother.
"If you want to talk, you can talk to me... or Mr Bananas," he said with a laugh when he saw how tightly Dean was holding his teddy.
Another tiny smile crossed Dean's tear-streaked face, and his little hand clenched Sam's shirt tighter.
"Do you want something to eat? How about we get some pie?" suggested Sam, remembering Dean had been too upset to eat anything earlier.
Dean looked down shyly, and shrugged when his little stomach started rumbling, making Sam laugh.
"Oooh, sounds like we have to feed our little food monster, before he eats us all," he joked, gently placing his big hand over Dean's small stomach.
Sam drove around to find the nearest diner to get Dean some pie. Ten minutes later, he parked the car and got out with Dean in his arms.
As he carried his little brother inside, Sam felt Dean wrap his little legs around him, and his heart hammering against his own chest. "Shh. No need to be afraid."
After ordering two pieces of apple pie covered in ice cream, Sam carried Dean over to a free booth and sat him down beside him.
"Happy birthday, little man," said Sam, watching Dean grab his spoon and slowly eat a mouthful of the ice cream.
Making sure Dean was alright, Sam started eating his own pie. After every mouthful, he kept shooting glances at the little boy to make sure he wasn't getting upset again.
Even as he ate, Dean still didn't let go of Mr Bananas. He held him tightly in the crook of his left arm, offering the teddy some every two minutes, which made Sam smile.
When Sam finished, he put down his spoon, propped his elbow on the table, and rested his chin in his hand as he watched Dean. "Is that nice?" he asked, reaching over to ruffle the blond hair.
Dean looked up at Sam, his mouth full of pie, and nodded.
When the little boy finally finished his small piece, he climbed onto Sam, and knelt on his lap, wrapping his arms around his neck.
Sam blinked in surprise, and held him tightly in his arms. "Are you alright?" He felt a nod against his shoulder. "Do you just want a hug?" Another nod. He smiled, and tightened his hold, giving his brother a special big hug. "There you go, baby. If you ever need a hug, you just come straight to me, alright?"
When Dean was ready, Sam stood from the seat and carried his brother and his monkey back to the waiting Impala.
After making sure Dean was comfortable against his chest, Sam started the car and drove out of the parking lot and out onto the street.
As he watched the scenery pass, Dean yawned and rubbed his eyes sleepily.
Sam took his eyes off the road for one second and looked down at his brother. He smiled when he saw how sleepy he looked, it seemed like the Impala still worked her magic on younger Dean too.
"Try and sleep, okay?" Sam whispered, reaching over to turn the music down a little.
Dean stubbornly shook his head, and sat up a little as he looked out of the window.
Sam rolled his eyes, and took one hand from the wheel to wrap around Dean's small body when his head started lolling forward as he fought sleep. He thought it was adorable how Dean kept rubbing his eyes with his fists, and looking around with eyes which were only half open.
Instead of driving straight back to Bobby's, Sam decided to stay out a little longer and drove his brother around for the next twenty minutes until he felt Dean's head lay back against his chest, and his breathing deepen when he finally gave up fighting.
"Sweet dreams, little man," Sam whispered, pulling up in Bobby's yard.
After stopping the car, Sam gently put his arms under Dean's back and legs, and carefully climbed out of the car with his sleeping little brother cradled in his arms.
"Bobby," Sam called quietly so he didn't wake Dean. He was standing at the front door with his arms full so he couldn't open the door himself without dropping Dean.
Apparently hearing the quiet call, Bobby opened the door and stood staring at Dean with a worried expression. "Is he okay?"
"I think so," answered Sam, carrying him over to the couch, rearranging the blanket so he didn't get cold. "I took him to get some pie. I think he's exhausted from all the crying."
"So he still hasn't spoken?"
"No, but there was a couple of times that he smiled," whispered Sam, kneeling in-front of the couch to look after his sleeping brother. "It was only a tiny smile, but that's the closest he's come to smiling since he saw the fire."
"Well, smiling is a million times better than him crying. Want some coffee? I've just put some on."
"Yeah thanks. I'm gonna need it, I'm not going to sleep tonight," said Sam, running his fingers through Dean's hair. "In-case Dean has any nightmares, and needs me."
Bobby nodded, and turned to the kitchen to make them both some coffee.
It was going to be a long night.
As it turned out, neither Sam or Bobby got any sleep when Dean woke up screaming bloody murder at two in the morning.*The heat from the fire. The firefighters trying to save his mommy. Holding Sammy while he watched their house burn. His mommy still inside.*
"Shh, it's alright baby. It's alright," soothed Sam, carrying the crying little boy around their bedroom, trying to get him settled again.
"Shall I get him some milk, or something?" suggested Bobby, stifling a yawn against his hand.
Sam nodded, but didn't look away from his little brother. He continued rocking Dean in his arms and stroking his back and his hair, but it didn't seem to do any good; Dean just cried.
"Shh. I love you, you know I do," Sam started singing softly. "Do anything for you. I'll run into hell, and back again. I love you, yes I do."
Dean stopped screaming when he heard Sam singing his song.
Sam smiled when Dean calmed a little, his little chest heaving against his own as his breathing hitched and hiccupped. The screaming was the only real sound he had made since he saw the fire, and it was even more heartbreaking than the silence.
"If you're upset, and your cheeks are wet. I'll make you smile again. I'll give you some huggles, and plenty of snuggles. I'll always be here, I will."
Dean sniffled, and placed his thumb in his mouth as he listened to the song.
"If there's something to fear, Sammy will wipe away your tears. He loves you, yes he does. If anything scares you, if anyone dares to. I'll protect you, yes I will."
Sam looked down, and smiled when he saw Dean's sleeping face against his shoulder. He carried Dean back to bed, and gently placed him in the middle. "Love you," he whispered, gently covering him up, and climbing in beside him. He wrapped his arms around the small body, and held him to his chest protectively.
Bobby cleared his throat, and came into the room. "Is he okay?"
"Yeah," Sam whispered. "I just hope he starts to talk soon."
"Me too Sam, me too."
*A few days later*
Nearly a week later, Dean still wasn't talking. Sam and Bobby had tried everything they could think of to cheer him up, but nothing had worked.
Dean was sitting on the couch watching cartoons, Mr Bananas was still wrapped in his arms. He hadn't put the monkey down in days, he seemed to take comfort in it.
"I don't know what to do, Bobby," sighed Sam, running his fingers through his hair.
"Me neither. I remember yer daddy telling me that Dean was silent for months after..." Bobby trailed off, his eyes going wide as he realised something. "Hells bells."
Sam stared at Bobby for a few seconds. "Er... Why are you quoting AC/DC songs at me?"
"Ugh. How can we be such idjits?"
Sam managed to look even more confused. "What?"
Bobby sighed, and looked at Dean, then Sam. "How old is Dean?"
"You mean big Dean or..."
"Little Dean," Bobby interrupted impatiently. "How old is he?"
"He's just turned five. Why?"
"How old was Dean when yer mom died?"
Sam blinked, and continued staring at Bobby. His eyes widened when he finally understood what the older man was talking about. "He was four, nearly five," he whispered.
"Exactly. When he saw that fire on his fifth birthday, it obviously brought his buried memories back, and reminded him of the night he lost his mom."
Sam closed his eyes, and put his hand over his face. "No wonder he's so upset, the poor little guy. God, how could we be such idiots?"
Bobby smiled sadly, and placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. "We'll help him through it, Sam. He started talking before."
"Yeah, but that took months. I don't think I could go that long without hearing him talk or laugh," said Sam quietly, turning to look at the little boy, who was sniffling and wiping his cheeks again.
"Hey little man, I'm here," said Sam, rushing over to the couch, and lifting him into his arms. "Shh. I've gotcha."
Dean hid his face against Sam's shoulder, and pointed frantically at the TV as he cried his eyes out. Sam frowned, and looked at what Dean was pointing at, and saw Fireman Sam on the screen.
"Crap." Sam grabbed the remote with his free hand, and turned it over. "Hey, it's gone now, baby. It's alright."
Dean's sobbing broke Sam's already shattered heart once more. He gently ran his fingers through Dean's soft blond hair, trying to comfort his traumatised brother.
"Shh. I know what's wrong now, and I'm gonna help you, you hear me? Me and uncle Bobby are going to do whatever it takes to make you our happy little boy again."
Dean closed his eyes as tears streamed down his freckled cheeks, his little fists clenched onto Sam's shirt and his teddy monkey. He really did not like fire, it scared him.
While Sam held Dean, his eyes turned to the movie, which was playing on the TV now. A group of mourners were grouped together around a grave as they said goodbye to someone they loved, and an idea suddenly came to him.
Later, Dean settled down, and was having a nap on the couch. He was holding Mr Bananas tightly to his chest, his thumb in his mouth as he slept without nightmares for once.
"Are ya sure this is a good idea, Sam?" asked Bobby when Sam finished telling him his idea.
Sam shrugged, and stared down at Dean. "I have to do something, Bobby. We can't leave him like this. It's the only thing I can think of."
"Okay, When are ya taking him?"
"Since he's finally sleeping peacefully, I was thinking about tomorrow morning," Sam told him quietly. "I hope it works. If it doesn't, I don't know how else to help him." Tears swam in Sam's eyes, so he closed them, trying his best not to break down.
Bobby placed his hand on Sam's shoulder, squeezing gently.
"I need him back, Bobby. I need my happy little boy back," he whispered tearfully. "I miss him. I miss seeing him jumping around the house like Tigger on drugs or something. I miss hearing him laugh."
"Me too, Sam. Take him tomorrow, we'll just have to hope it works.
*The next morning*
It was at five the next morning when Sam got a still silent Dean dressed. After wrapping his brother up in a warm coat, he hugged him to his chest and held him for several minutes.
When Dean looked questioningly up at him, Sam smiled and tweaked his nose. "Come on, my brave little soldier."
Dean nodded, and grabbed his teddy before holding his arms up to Sam.
"We're going, Bobby," Sam told the older man, lifting Dean up into his arms.
Bobby came in from the kitchen, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Still don't see why ya have to get up this early."
"It's a really long drive," Sam told him, picking up his duffel with his free hand. He decided to stay overnight at a motel after they did what he needed to. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Take care of him, Sam. Call me after to let me know if it worked."
"Of course I will," said Sam, before turning to Dean. "Say bye to uncle Bobby."
Dean turned sleepily to Bobby, and waved at him.
"Bye kid. See ya soon."
At five in the afternoon, Sam finally pulled up outside the iron gates.
After reluctantly waking Dean up, he grabbed the red rose and pink balloon from the backseat and the two walked into the cold cemetery together.
Eventually Sam walked Dean to the right grave, and gave him the red rose. "Dean, this is mommy's special garden," he told him quietly. "Put the rose down for her."
Dean took his hand away from Sam's and sat down with his little legs crossed, placing the flower on the mud in-front of him where there was a little rosebush growing, which had been planted recently.
Sam smiled sadly, and sat behind him, wrapping the little form in his arms. "This is somewhere very special where you can talk to mommy, and she can hear you all the way from her big fluffy cloud up in heaven."
Dean turned his head, and looked up at Sam with huge watery green eyes.
"Go on," Sam encouraged with a gentle squeeze. "This is somewhere very safe and protected." He watched as Dean turned back around, and reached forward to touch the writing on the headstone.
"That's mommy's name. It says Mary Winchester. Are you gonna say hello to her? I think she'll like that."
"Mommy," whispered Dean in a tearful voice.
A grin crossed Sam's face when Dean finally spoke for the first time in days. "Is there anything you want to say to mommy?"
Dean was silent for a few seconds, making Sam wonder if he had stopped talking again. "Dean, are you-" he started, but was cut off when Dean spoke again.
"Why did you die mommy?"
Sam bit his lip and blinked rapidly, struggling not to cry.
"Mommy died on fire," Dean told Sam quietly.
"Do you... er... do you remember what happened?"
"Fire... Really hot. Mommy on roof, then daddy gived Sammy to me and said run." Dean frowned in confusion, and looked up at Sam. "Sammy? My Sammy?"
"Yeah. I'm your Sammy. After mommy became an angel, you had to look after me, but daddy was too upset to take care of you. So once when you was really sad, you prayed for a big brother to look after you too... So here I am," Sam told him, knowing Dean would be freaked out if he told him a witch had put a spell on him, and made him small again. "It's my turn to be the big brother, and take care of you for awhile. Is that okay?"
Dean thought about it for a minute, then nodded. "Do you love me mommy?" he asked the headstone.
Sam gently stroked Dean's cheek. "Of course she does, and I bet she's really proud of you too."
"But... but why did she die?"
"Hey," said Sam, tilting Dean's face up, so he could look at him. "Mommy didn't go to heaven because she stopped loving you. And just because she's not here, it doesn't mean she's stopped. She'll be up on her cloud, watching over you and smiling because she loves you sooooo much."
A tear fell down the freckled cheek, and his bottom lip started trembling. He turned back to the headstone, and ran his fingers over it. "Mommy pretty angel? And... and have big wings?"
"Yeah, She's the most beautiful angel in all of heaven. God only takes the most special and amazing people to be his angels, and that's what mommy is."
Dean nodded, and asked another question. "Fire scare mommy?"
"No. I think she was more scared about getting me and you out of the house, so we didn't get hurt too."
"Fire scare me," admitted the little boy with a sniffle. "It really scary."
Sam closed his eyes, and hugged his little brother tighter. "I promise you, I'll protect you from everything that ever wants to hurt you... and that includes fires. Mommy will protect you too, that's her one and only job, so she'll always be there to watch over you."
Dean wiped his eyes, and smiled. He looked up and saw the sun shining brightly in the sky. "M-Mommy always say that. Hiya mommy," he said with a wave.
Sam smiled again, and looked up too. He was glad he had the idea to come here. When something gently nudged his head, he looked up at the balloon that was floating above him.
"Hey little man," he said, holding it out to Dean. "Stand up with me."
Dean looked at Sam confused, but put down his teddy and stood up. Sam knelt beside him, so he reached his height.
"Hold onto this tightly," Sam told him, placing the string in Dean's small hands. "Now close your eyes, and tell mommy you love her, then let it go. It will fly all the way to heaven, and mommy will catch it and keep it forever."
Dean nodded, and did what Sam told him to. "I love you mommy. Hundreds and millions," he whispered, before kissing the balloon and letting it go.
The two Winchesters held hands, and watched the pink balloon float up into the sky, both had tears running down their cheeks.
The sky brightened slightly, but rain started pouring from the sky, making Dean gasp. "Mommy's crying."
"Don't worry, those are happy tears. I think she loves the present from her special little man."
A huge smile lit up Dean's entire face, and warmed Sam's heart. It was the first real smile since his fifth birthday.
"Anytime you want to talk to mommy, we'll come here again, okay?"
The two stayed there together at their mum's headstone for awhile longer.
"Are you ready?" Sam asked Dean almost twenty minutes later. When Dean nodded, Sam took his hand again, and the two stood up. "Say bye to mommy."
Dean looked up at the sky with a grin, and waved. "Bye bye mommy. Love you." He looked up at Sam. "I play on my car at home please?"
"Of course you can."
As the two brothers walked hand in hand out of the cemetery, a rainbow suddenly appeared right where Dean's balloon had floated up into the sky.
Hope you like.