Look Before You Leap

14 The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants


Everything was chaos. People were running and screaming, vampires were throwing people against the walls, and Sookie and I were trying to push our way through the crowd towards Bill and Eric.

"Eric!" I yelled. He threw Bill to the ground; Bill pulled out a gun and shot him.

"Eric, don't let her control you!" Sookie said. Eric pushed her to the ground and turned to attack Bill again. "Lily, do something!" She screamed at me. Time seemed to stop, everything moved in slow motion. Eric was about to stake Bill but I couldn't panic now. I jumped in front of him and grabbed his shoulder and looked straight into his eyes.

"You are not going to let her control you. You are going to come out from under her spell," I told him calmly.

"I am not letting her control me. I am not under her spell," he said emptily. He looked away and then his head snapped back to face me. "I remember everything."


"Rachel?" Tara asked when I opened my eyes.

"It's both of us. This time Rachel and I came to a real agreement. You are going to need me to get out of here," I said sitting up.

"Do you think you can help up break down Antonia's wall?" Holly asked.

"I don't know. I didn't help her cast the spell so I am not sure exactly what kind she used. I'll try a few things. You two start looking through some books and see if you can't find anything. If I can't bring it down myself we'll have to improvise." I began trying all the reversal spells I could think of but it's an extremely difficult task to reverse another witch's spell. Then the door flew open.

Holly and I won't say anything about you and Rachel working together. Just play along with her. Tara said. Rachel accepting me as part of her allowed me access to her telepathy abilities, so now I could communicate with our allies without difficulty. Roy ran in and started talking about the rally. I looked behind my sister. Two vampires stood there but neither one of them was Eric.

"Where's Eric?" I asked.

"We lost him," was all she said.

Is he dead? Rachel asked.

I don't know. I responded.

Antonia walked out of the room mumbling to herself. She rubbed her temples like she had a headache and then disappeared into the back storage room. "Uh Ileana is your sister alright?" Tara asked.

"I don't know." I followed after her into the back room.


"I remember everything. I remember you and me, and I still feel the same way," Eric said.

"But you've changed," I said.

"No, I'm still that Eric just more. Look at me and tell me you don't still see him in my face." I looked into his eyes. I could almost imagine he was still the Eric that I had fallen in love with, but one thing had changed one very big thing. I looked away quickly.

"Of course I still I see him."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Rachel. You remember her now. Before I could pretend you were a different person and still feel like I wasn't a terrible sister but now that you remember her I can't think of you as someone else."

"Rachel was the first person in a thousand years to ever make me feel human. We had something special, without her I never would've been able to feel the way I feel about you. I needed her to make me human so you could look at me and see some good in me. If you had just met me without Rachel ever being involved you would've looked at me and seen a cold cruel man, but you saw the man I was with Rachel. When I fell in love with you I realized I could be that man all the time."

"I love you, I can't lie and say I don't, but Rachel will never forgive me," I said.

"Rachel hasn't truly been in love with me since last year, ever since she met Alcide. I've known it all this time but up until recently I truly thought I was in love with her. She was never meant for me. When I saw her in Jackson after she'd been with Alcide I knew, I just didn't want to admit it. She may be angry at first but once she realizes how she feels about him she'll never even look at me."

Pam walked in just then. "Oh Eric, are you really back? Is it you?" She asked.

He stood up. "Yes, it's really me."

"I thought I'd lost you forever. How'd you convince her to break the curse?"

"She didn't, Lily did."

"How?" Pam asked looking at me surprised.

"She has a sort of power similar to glamouring."

"And it works on vampires?" She glared at me accusingly like she suspected I'd been using it all along.

"Yes and she is under our protection now. No one else needs to know about what she can do. We'll talk about things later."

"Fine." Eric walked out of the room. Pam was still staring at me.

"I guess I'll be seeing you around a lot more?"

"I guess."

"Shame, I liked your sister more." She walked out after Eric. I was a little hurt but I hoped she'd warm up to me eventually. Pam hadn't liked Rachel much at first either. I walked into the foyer where Sookie was talking to Bill.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Bill's going to blow up moon goddess!" Sookie said.

"I want to help," I said.

"Last time you tried to help you almost died," Bill said.

"But I didn't," I reminded him.

"You might not be so lucky this time."

"You can't just go blow it up, Tara's inside!" Sookie insisted stepping in front of me.

"I'm not going to miss this chance for one human's life."

"Fine." Sookie stormed out.

"I'm helping whether you like it or not," I said.

Bill sighed. "Fine. You can sleep here so you're ready when nightfall comes."


When I got to the room I flung myself from Rachel's body as did Antonia from Marnie's, so I was standing face to face with my sister, leaving Marnie and Rachel looking a little dazed. "You can't go on doing this Antonia," I said.

"We've barely started our work."

"I saw what you did." I left out exactly how I saw it. "I can see what you're doing to these people. It's not right."

"Last night was a victory! We almost killed the king of Louisiana," Antonia said.

"One king of one state of one country! There are thousands of vampire kings and queens not to mention all the AVL and all the other Authorities out there. You'll never win and if you do you'll take down half the world's population for just those vampires, not to mention the rest of them! 400 years ago the world was tiny compared to what it is today, 400 years ago you might have been able to succeed and that's only just a maybe. What you're doing makes you no better than them."

"Of course we're better than them Ileana! This is who we are!"

"No, this is who you are. I was a healer. I healed as many people as I could. I tried to teach you," I told her.

"You taught me everything I know now."

"Only to stop death from taking over our whole village. You turned the gift I shared with you into a weapon."

"I was trying to save your life!" She yelled.

"I did not come back to shed the blood of the innocent."

"No, you came back to avenge your murder!"

"I've come to peace with it. You're the one that is still fighting nature. I'm happy, I'm immortal."

"I think you've been gone from the mortal world too long sister. You've forgotten what people are really like," Antonia said.

"I don't care what they're like! I help people! For 400 years I was content with helping people save family members and stick up for themselves. Things I did as a human," I said.

"Those people you help use you and then throw you out like you're nothing. People like that watched me burn at the stake, people like that didn't even mourn over you when those vampires drained you."

"They couldn't. If one person had stepped out of the house in black or shed a single tear they would've been murdered as well, proclaimed a heretic by the church and eaten for dinner. Even you had to mourn for me in secrecy." She shook her head. There was nothing I could do. I tried talking sense into her but she wasn't having it.

"Fight with me my sister, one last time," she begged.

We'll have to use force there isn't anything I can do now. I told Rachel.

"For a life without vampires," I said.

"That's all I want."

"Ok my sister. I'm with you."


We were standing in the main room of the store when Rachel told me that Sookie, Jason, Lafayette and Jesus were outside. Jesus was trying to break through the wall.

"Antonia, there is a brujo trying to come in," I told her.

"I'll take care of him you keep an eye on the other witches."

"Alright." Now might be my only chance to talk to Tara and Holly. Tara had told me she found some stuff she thought might work and I was dying to try it out all my efforts had been useless. I walked into the other room where they were crowded around some books.

"Ok guys what did you find?" I asked.

Holly handed me a few books. "I think these are spells of reversal and unlocking."

"This one is for renewing and refreshing," I said pointing to one of the books.

"I guess we shouldn't use that one then," Tara said.

"Actually it's good to include the counter to the spell you're trying to perform. Like the yin and the yang, you need a little of one to make the other." They both nodded listening much like my students had 400 years ago. "Let me see." I grabbed a pen and started marking a few passages in the books. "Ok follow my lead. Let's hope this works. I always was the stronger witch." We joined hands and I started chanting, the two of them joined in reading off the paper. "It's open! You two run now!"

"We can't leave you here!" Holly said.

"Go!" I yelled. They ran out of the room towards the main doors. I heard Antonia yell something outside and they both appeared back in the building with Sookie, Lafayette and Jesus. I jumped up as if I was surprised at what all was lying on the table. "Did you get them?" I asked Antonia.

"Yes. These two found a way to bring down the wall but I reinforced it. They shouldn't be able to get out now."

"I just saw all this stuff. It's crazy how much you can learn from a few books!"

Antonia looked at me suspiciously for a second before nodding. "It is. We don't have to worry about that now."

"Everything is going to be perfect."


That night we pulled up outside Moon Goddess Emporium wearing all black. We made a great badass vampire bomb squad. I had several different kinds of weapons ready to go just in case I needed to fight someone. I jumped out of the van prepared for a fight. People were going to die tonight, that much was certain, I just didn't know who.

"The object is to take down Antonia as quickly as possible," Bill told us.

"What about Ileana?" Pam asked.

"If it comes to it we'll take her out too." I nodded knowing it was the only way.


"Rachel! I know you're still in there!" Sookie yelled when she saw me.

"No, she's not."

"I know she's still there!"

"Listen to me, Sookie," I paused hoping she'd take the hint. "Rachel isn't here."

Ileana and I are working together. Antonia doesn't know. Rachel said. Sookie nodded slightly letting me know she'd gotten my message.

"Vampires are outside," Antonia told us.

My sister is out there. Rachel told me. I'm going to try to talk to her. Lily? Can you hear me? Rachel asked.

Rachel! Oh my god. Are you ok? I heard Lily say.

I'm fine.

Did you get rid of that witch?

Not exactly. We're working together now to take down Marnie-Antonia. It's not just Antonia anymore Marnie is bad news too. Do you guys have a plan?

Yeah, but it's not a very good one. Anything you can do to help from the inside would be greatly appreciated. Lily said.

I'm on it.

"Bill and Eric are here to blow up the place. If we stay inside we're all going to die," Sookie said.

One of the girls ran at Antonia and she flung a knife into her chest. Everyone screamed including me. "It was self defense Ileana you saw that."

"Antonia, I need to talk to you. Face to face." I threw myself out of Rachel and waited for Antonia to do the same. She sighed and then she appeared in front of me. "You murdered an innocent Antonia!" I yelled.

"It was self defense!"

"You've used everything I taught you for evil. Killing and destroying everything in your path. This is not what we were meant to do Antonia."

"But we're so close to reaching our goal!"

"You are not the person I thought you were, my sister. I'm taking you with me. Maybe a few hundred years trapped in the spirit world will be enough time for me to knock some sense into you."

"You will not leave me!" Marnie yelled.

"Marnie what are you doing?" Rachel hissed pulling her back. Marnie yanked away from Rachel and stepped towards Antonia and I. She began chanting. I was being drawn back towards Rachel and Antonia was being pulled back to Marnie. I grabbed my sister's arm and tried to pull her away from Marnie but I wasn't strong enough and we were both bound into our hosts.

"Damn it, Marnie!" Rachel yelled.


We were just getting ready to open fire on the building when Jason came running around the corner. "Jason? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"You can't blow this place up. Sookie's inside!"

"I told her to stay away!" Bill said.

"You honestly expected her to listen?" Eric asked.

"Fucking Sookie," I mumbled.

"As usual she's in the goddamn way," Pam said nodding.

"I can't believe you Lily. Sookie has helped you and Rachel over and over. She let you stay with her when you had nowhere else to go," Jason said to me.

"But every time there's a life or death situation she manages to fuck it up even worse," I said.

"We must abort," Bill said.

Eric nodded. "I agree."

"Rachel's in there too and you don't see me having a cow about it. I know what needs to be done. A few lives in exchange for millions."

"I agree with Lily, we just need to do it," Pam said.

"We'll find another way," Bill said.


I realized I was totally in control now. I had all of Ileana's magic but I was the one controlling everything. I looked over at Jesus. "Help me." I mouthed. He nodded. He was looking at Casey's body and he laid a finger on her neck. He gasped. "She's still alive! Lafayette, help me move her to the bathroom." I walked towards the window and looked outside. Marnie must've sent the vampire slaves outside when I wasn't looking. Bill killed one of them and had the other trapped against the ground.

"Antonia!" Bill yelled. "Show your face."

"Marnie, we should go outside," I said.

"The vampires seem to like you," Marnie said grabbing Sookie. "I'll bring you with us."

"Marnie wants to negotiate," Sookie told them when we exited the building

"What can I do to serve, Antonia?" the vampire that Bill was holding down asked. Marnie chanted something and a few seconds later the vampire was frying in the force field.

"The power of the sun harnessed into one place, clever," I said.

"Antonia and I came up with it ourselves," Marnie told me.

"Let the girls go!" Bill yelled.

"Oh they can go but I need something from you first," Marnie said.

"What?" Bill asked.

"Your lives," she said smirking.

"Make them a real offer, they'll listen I know they will," Sookie said.

"Kill yourselves and they all go free," Marnie told them, ignoring Sookie.

"I accept," Bill said.

"Fine," Eric said.

"No!" Sookie, Lily and I all screamed. Sookie and I watched as Eric got on his knees and Bill prepared to shoot him. Jessica was holding back Lily who was screaming and trying to fight her way towards them.

"I don't think so!" Pam yelled. She grabbed one of the grenade launchers and shot it towards the building. Sookie and I leaped back. It bounced back and there was an explosion. Marnie grabbed Sookie and pulled her back inside. I looked over my shoulder trying to find Lily in the smoke but I couldn't see anything.


I was dying again. I was burned on pretty much every body part and it hurt like hell. Something had fallen off the roof of the other building and landed on my legs and I couldn't move them. It was so smoky I couldn't see two feet in front of me. My ears were ringing and all I could hear was my own whimpers.

"Where's Lily!" I heard someone yell. I tried to speak but nothing would come out of my mouth. It all felt very similar to when I had gotten shot except that hadn't hurt so much.

Someone came through the smoke and bent over me. I could only make out the shape of a person as my eyes drifted close. They were forcing me to open my mouth and drink something. I did just to make them go away so they would just leave me alone to die. I wouldn't miss much about Earth but I would miss Eric. Maybe they would save everyone inside and he and Rachel would live happily ever after. In a few decades they wouldn't even remember my name. I tried to imagine a world where all my loved ones were happy. But I realized maybe it wasn't my fault we weren't all happy. It was just that we wouldn't admit what we really wanted.

Then I felt the weight on my legs go away. I opened my eyes and now I could see Eric and Bill leaning over me. I wrapped my arms around Eric's neck and hugged him as tight as I could. "Thank you for saving me."

"If you died I'd never be able to forgive myself." He picked me up and rested me against the wall.

"I need to go talk to Pam. I'll be right back," Eric said brushing my hair out of my face.

"Ok." I collapsed back against the wall. Even though I was all healed I was exhausted, having a near death experience tended to have that effect on me. I closed my eyes for what felt like only a second. Then Jason was yelling at me to help him. I jumped up and saw Bill, Jessica, Pam and Eric being pulled towards the force field. I grabbed Eric's arm and tried to pull him back.

"I can't control it," he said. I tried to get into a good position so I could look into his eyes and influence him to stop but he was struggling so much that I couldn't get him to face me for longer than a second. I tried tackling him but that didn't work. I started to cry out of frustration and the knowledge that if I gave up he would be burned to a crisp. And then it suddenly stopped. Just like that we all fell to the ground.

"What the hell just happened?" Jason asked.


"The vampires are planning on killing us all. We must form a circle," Marnie said. No one moved. "Those vampires have no regard for human lives. This is the only way to protect ourselves."

The group grudgingly moved into a circle. Sookie and I stood in the corner. "Rachel, we need you and Ileana to protect us."

She's right. Antonia isn't strong enough to protect us all. Ileana said.

I sighed. "Fine." Marnie started to chant and we all repeated her.

Wait! Rachel, this isn't a protection spell this is an attack. Break the circle now! Ileana told me. I tried to pull my hands free of Holly's and Sookie's but they wouldn't budge. It was as if we had all been super glued together.

I'm trying but nothing is happening! I told Ileana.

Sookie the vampires are being pulled into the force field. You must use your light. It's the only way. Ileana told Sookie.

I've never been able to control it. Sookie said.

You don't have a choice. It's the only way. Sookie, who tended to perform well under pressure, sent a jolt through the circle. Everyone fell to the ground except for the two of us. Marnie stood up and stepped toward us.

"You betrayed us," she said.

"I can't control it. Sometimes it just happens when I get upset," Sookie said. Marnie started chanting and Sookie and I were surrounded by fire. It was closing in slowly and Sookie was screaming.

Join hands! Ileana commanded. I grabbed Sookie's hands and repeated what Ileana told me to say. I'm being pulled away. So is Antonia. Once we're gone the magic will stop. Ileana said. I could feel Ileana being pulled out of me and let go of Sookie's hands. Illeana appeared to be floating above me.

"Goodbye," I said.

"Thank you for making me open my eyes to this new world."

"You're welcome. I'll miss you."

She laughed. "No you won't. But I will miss you. Remember what I told you, your heart knows what it really wants you just need to listen to it." She vanished. The fire around Sookie and I went out. Bill and Eric came through the doors and stood in the middle of the room holding guns.

"Don't shoot! Marnie was holding them hostage I swear," Sookie said.

"Just Marnie then." Bill raised the gun and shot her several times. Sookie and I sighed in relief. I looked over at Eric but he wouldn't look straight at me.

"Rachel, there's something I need to tell you. While you were gone-" Sookie was interrupted by Lily running into the room. She threw her arms around Eric and kissed him.

"Oh my god," I said.

"I'm so sorry," Sookie said.


The force field collapsed. "Lily you stay here. I'm not letting you get hurt again," Bill said. They ran inside and I waited until I heard the gun shots. I ran in after them to see what had happened. Eric was standing next to the door talking to Bill. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Don't you ever do anything like that again. When I thought I was going to lose you I didn't care if we all died or not because there wasn't any way I was living in a world that didn't have you in it," I said.

"I thought you weren't sure about us," Eric said.

"I've never been surer about something in my entire life."

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