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8 Get The Fuck Off My Front Porch


I tore myself away from the screens long enough to untie Bill so he could help Sookie. When she woke up she was pretty pissed. "Where's Eric?"

"Outside," I said quietly.

"Burning," Pam finished

"Rachel Compton, why the fuck are you just sitting there doing nothing?" Sookie asked.

"He asked me not to do anything."

"When have you ever listened to anyone but yourself? You are one of the most hardheaded people I know. Come on, I'm going to need some help dragging him inside."

I jumped up. "You're right; I'm not letting him die. Let's go." The two of us ran outside.

"Eric, where's the key?" I asked.

"I told you to stay inside," Eric said.

"He's gone crazy," Russell said.

"You shut up," Sookie said.

"Sook, use the light," I told her.

"I can't! I don't know how. You do it."

"I've never been able to do it! Eric, where's the fucking key?"

"Go away," he said.

"Sookie do it!" I yelled. And just like that it worked.

"Get his legs we can carry him," Sookie said.

"He needs blood," Pam said.

I stuck my arm in front of his mouth but he didn't bite. "Somebody, bite me," I said waving my arm. Pam bit down till blood was running down my arm. "Perfect." I put my arm across Eric's mouth. "Drink it," I told him. Finally he grabbed my arm. I sighed in relief. He grabbed my arm with his other hand and pulled me closer.

"That's enough," Bill said.

"Eric, let go," Sookie said pulling my arm away from him.

"Where's Russell?" Eric asked.

"Outside," Pam said.

"We need to bring him in," Eric said. "Godric appeared to me and asked me to spare him."

"Maybe Russell was right, you have gone crazy," Sookie said.

"Rachel?" Eric looked at me.

"Whatever," I sighed grabbing some silver chains and going outside.

"Ms. Compton couldn't resist saving me could you?"

"Shut up, before I change my mind."I hooked the silver around his neck and dragged him in. "Here you go, one crazy ass, half fried vampire. By the way I am not giving him my blood."

"No one is asking you to," Bill said.

"Good. Ew this is just gross," I said looking at Russell's flaking off face.

"We're going to ground," Eric said. "Sookie, Rachel you stay here and watch him."

Sookie and I glared at each other. "Fine," we both said. The vampires left, leaving me and Sookie alone with Russell.

"I'm sorry," I said to Sookie.

"For which part?"

"All of it. You understand though don't you? You would've done anything to save Bill, and you did. I had to do whatever I could to save Eric."

"I guess. Whatever, it's not your fault. I was just going to blame it on Eric anyway."

"Aw this is so touching," Russell said.

"Shut up!" Sookie and I both yelled.

"This is going to be a long afternoon," I mumbled.


Sookie and I were painting each other's nails when Russell started trying to convince us to release him.

"I could give you all the money you'd need," Russell said.

"My entire family is dead, and they left quite a lot money for us along the way. My sister and I are doing pretty well for ourselves," I said.

"What about your house?" Sookie asked.

"Oh yeah, I love that house," I said.

"Fine," Russell agreed. "And I can kill Bill Compton and Eric Northman or neither or both."

"Neither!" I said at the same time Sookie said, "Both."

"Neither," She sighed.

"What do we have to do?" I asked.

"Release me."

"Nope," I said. "Now Sook, which colors do you want for the designs?" I asked.

"Some vampire is going to kill you one day," Russell said.

"Probably," I shrugged. Sookie grabbed his glass urn full of dead Talbot. "Now that's just gross," I said.

"He was the love of my life," Russell said.

"Yeah but he's going to start smelling," I said. Sookie walked over to the sink and poured him down the drain. She started laughing. "Ok Sook, I think you're getting a little too much pleasure out of that. Please hurry, that sound is making me nauseas."

"All done," She said happily.

"Have fun with that?" I asked.

"Maybe a little."

I shuddered. "That is just so nasty!"


A while later Ginger showed up and we started talking to her. "So how long have you been working here?" I asked.

"I don't remember," She said.

"Oh, how'd you get the job?" I asked instead.

"Um, I don't remember."

Does she know anything? I asked Sookie. She laughed. I got a flash of Alcide driving his truck up to Fangtasia. "Alcide's almost here," I said happily. When he walked through the door Ginger screamed.

"Dear lord Ginger! Calm down," Sookie said.

"Sorry," she apologized.

"I told you you'd see me around," I said to Alcide.

"Yeah you did. Eric called said he needed my help."



"Nothing," I shrugged.

"I'll go get ya'll something to drink," Ginger said.

"I'll go help you," Sookie said getting up and following her. Alcide sat on the barstool next to me.

"How's Janice?" I asked.

"She's doing fine."

"That's good. I really liked her, she was nice."

"She seemed to like you too," Alcide laughed. "I've been thinking about you a lot."

"I've been thinking about you too. But can we not talk about this in my boyfriend's bar?"

"Yeah. It's just good to see you. I would hate it if we never saw each other again."

I sighed. "Don't. Why do you have to be so perfect all the time?"

"I can't help it."

Russell laughed. "And once a month he turns into a wolf and eats things."

"Last time I checked you weren't part of this conversation," I snapped. "They just woke up," I told Alcide. We sat quietly until they came upstairs.

"You're here," Eric said to Alcide. "Did you bring your truck?"

"Yeah," Alcide said nodding.

Eric stopped to kiss me, as if to show Alcide that I was still his. "Let's go dog," Eric said.

"Come on Rachel, we should be getting back to Bon Temps," Sookie said.


Later Bill came to visit us after he had done whatever it was they were doing. "Is Russell dead?" Sookie asked.

"He might as well be," Bill said.

"Where's Eric? He said he'd call," I asked.

Bill hesitated. "Eric is gone."

"Gone?" I asked.

"I ended him."

"You what? How could you? Why?"

"Why would you do that?" Sookie asked.

"He knows what you are. Everyone who has tasted either of you must die," Bill said. "Eric, Pam, The queen, Russell."

"Don't you think it would've been a good idea to clear this with me first?" I asked.

"I can't believe you did that," Sookie said. Then there were footsteps on the porch. Eric was standing there covered in concrete. I ran outside and hugged him not caring he was covered in grey gunk.

"Did you tell Sookie how you were sent her by the queen to find her?" Eric asked. "Or how you let to people beat her so you could feed her your blood?"

"Is it true?" Sookie asked.

Bill nodded. "But I fell in love with you."

"You don't get the right to use that word. Get out of my house, I resend your invitation. And Eric you get the fuck off my porch."

They both left and I followed Sookie back inside she was crying again. "Come here," I said. I hugged her and let her cry on my shoulder.

"I have to go. I need to go to the cemetery," Sookie said.

"You want me to come with you?" I asked.

"No that's alright. You should go on and get some sleep; I'll see you in the morning."

"Alright. Good night." I went upstairs and got ready for bed. I had a bad feeling; it wasn't exactly a flash but something close. I was so tried I didn't feel like wondering around trying to figure out what was wrong. I collapsed into bed and fell asleep.

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