Yu Gonplei ste Odon
It's all Clarke could think about as she pulled the trigger and ended Dante Wallace's life. It was his fault this all was his fault. If he had just left them go or not taken them at all. If only. Her hand trembled and her gun dropped from numb fingers. It was over. Finally. Her friends were safe or what remained of them; 38. And now she was just so damn tired. It was Bellamy that caught her as she slumped to the floor and carried her to the make shift hospital that had been set up on level 5.
Waking up wasn't met with enthusiasm. All Clarke did was stare at the ceiling ignoring the bustling going on around her. She could hear hushed conversations. Familiar voices washed over her and she almost cried. Almost. But she couldn't even muster up enough energy to do that. Blood. So much blood. And for what? Nothing. Finn's death had been for nothing. Absolutely nothing. The blood would never wash away. She faded out again unable to handle the guilt any longer.
The next time she woke she managed to stay awake long enough for her mother to lay out her plans for the Mountain and her progress on curing the people that had lived there for generations. All Clarke saw was a prison, a tomb, but she found herself volunteering to stay and watch over the survivors. She couldn't go back. Not outside. Not now. Maybe not ever. This was her penance.
A month passed before she felt well enough to try and interact with those under her care. Her mother and Kane had returned to the Ark days ago leaving behind only a small security team to help Clarke keep the peace. She was glad. Her mothers hovering was beginning to grate on her nerves. There was no incidents and she was glad for the suffocating peace that surrounded her.
Another three months passed before she sat a down and ate a meal with the general population. Maya wasn't very good company, her father was dead after all, but the two girls seemed to gravitate to each other. They sat at their own table in the back and spoke in hushed tones about anything. And nothing. Maya was excited that Jasper was set to visit soon. Clarke not so much. She hadn't seen her friends since that first day. None had stayed nor did they visit. She didn't blame them. It was better this way.
Jasper moved in at the six month mark of her self imposed penance. He loved Maya and that was enough for him to brave the cold, colorless, walls of his former prison. And with Jasper came Monty. And for once she could say that she missed them. Like a bone crushing, stomach twisting, ache had started to heal.
Bellamy's visit came at the ten month mark. He came with news that the alliance was in danger. Abby had kept it intact, regardless of the betrayal they had suffered, but now it was failing. It would appear that the Commander was demanding Clarke's presence at the next meeting or it would be dissolved. Clarke kindly had him escorted out and promptly had the door shut and sealed once he was gone. She still couldn't handle thoughts of the ground. This was her life now. It was mundane. Quiet. And if she saw Lexa again...she couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't fucking kill her.
It ran deep.
The door was opened a week later after having a long conversation with Monty. He offered her logic that she couldn't ignore. It was open but she wasn't leaving. She did her time. Now it was her mothers time to lead.
Octavia and Lincoln came next. The meeting between the Arkers and the Grounders had come and passed. The alliance was no more. Lexa was demanding the sky-people leave her land. It was déjà-vu. So at the one year mark Clarke found herself leaving her nice quiet life. She left Maya and Jasper in charge in her absence and had Lincoln take her directly to Lexa.
"You were suppose to consider a trip to the Capital with me." Was the first thing Lexa said when she set eyes on the pale Clarke.
"And you weren't suppose to stab me in the back and leave my people to die." Clarke bit back. "But plans never last long in battle." She raised her chin in defiance. "What do you want Lexa? What have my people done to warrant such actions once again?"
"You are their leader and as such you are who I should have been dealing with! You dishonor me by letting your mother speak in your place!" Lexa growled out.
"I told you before I never wanted that. And a lot of good it did me!" Clarke rubbed at her eyes. "My mother is the leader. As it should have been from the beginning. You don't get to pick who most suits you. This isn't about you Lexa. It's about the sky-people! Why can't you just leave them, me, in peace?" She wanted to return to her Mountain and forget the ground even existed.
Lexa watched, waited, for any sign of the girl she fell in love with. She saw none. "If you will not speak for them then they must offer a new alliance. The one between us is gone."
Clarke gritted her teeth and balled her hands up at her side. "It's gone because of you!" She spat feeling as if they were going in circles. Never ending. "Screw you Lexa!" She spun on her heel and exited the tent unable to continue. The anger threatening to swallow her whole. It was too much. She couldn't handle it. She knew even shutting herself away in the Mountain wouldn't help. Not now. She didn't even bother to return.
Too much guilt.
Too much blood.