Life of Lily

A Picture of Light and Insight

Edited: July 23, 2012

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

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Lily ran. She ran away from the truth. She ran away from what she had said and she ran away from the voice of Potter that she heard calling after her. She ran just like she did when she received that letter in Dumbledore's office.

Lily felt a pain that she had never felt before. What had made her say what she did? Was it true? That pain was utter confusion. Not the confusion you felt when you didn't know the answer to a difficult test, but the confusion of having something happen that was potentially live changing. The confusion that you knew things wouldn't be the same, but that you didn't know how.

Her wavy red hair flew behind her as she continued to run, tangling itself further with each step. Lily had no idea where she was going and she had little time to think about it because a pair of strong, familiar arms grabbed her and turned her around.

Green eyes met hazel. Just like they did under the tree. They were flecked with green and told her all he was thinking. James' eyes made Lily want to melt into his arms and murmur all her problems to him. That was terrifying to say the least. She wanted desperately to turn away but his grip was iron.

"Lily" he said. He voice sounded pained and almost heart-broken. Lily could hear pity laced through the singular word.

A molten surge of anger filled her. Pity. It was all she was given these days. He didn't know when to stop, when to back off. He thought he could fix everything. He thought that somehow he could be her "knight in shining armor". She would prove him wrong. That she was sure of. Why had she ever thought that he changed?

"Are you happy now Potter? Did you hear what you wanted?" she said coldly, seeing the hurt in his eyes. A part of her wanted to apologize the instant the words fell out of her mouth, but the other part relished his pain.

"Lily, I would never do that to you, I swear! It-Its…"

"Oh I see, can't come up with a decent excuse, can you? " She felt a prickle in the back of her throat and in her eyes. For the first time in almost three weeks she was about to cry and it made Lily flinch…just enough for James to notice.

"What's wrong with you!"

"Everything! HAVEN'T YOU REALIZED THAT!" she said ducking out of his grasp.

"Yes, I have, so why don't you calm down and listen to me!" he said harshly.

"Listen. Listen to you? Why should I do that Potter?" she spat, "Why should I listen to the boy who's a selfish, arrogant, oblivious jerk! WHY!"

Her anger overflowed in a rush and she felt the adrenaline that used to pump through her during her fights with James in years previous. She knew she needed someone to take her problems out on, why not him? He didn't seem to care. The only problem with that was that Lily didn't realize all James did was care about her.

"James Potter, if I wanted you to follow me and make me miserable I would have told you. If you wanted to follow me, you shouldn't have hurt me for a laugh." She snarled, her voice full of dark energy.

"WELL WHO SAID I ACTUALLY PUT THAT CHARM ON YOUR DRINK! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS ASSUME IT'S ME?"

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE CHARM! THIS IS ABOUT HOW YOU 'VE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HECK FOR THE PAST SIX YEARS, POTTER!"

That's when she saw it, the undeniable pain in those sparkly hazel eyes. It was the look of utter betrayal that had probably been resting there the whole time. She had taken it too far over something silly that he probably didn't do. She exploded and it hurt him.

Lily's features froze in horror. She just crushed the one who had been so amazingly kind to her. So she did what she was best at, she ran…again.

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Lily had no idea what was wrong with her. She felt like the worst excuse for a decent human being on the face of the planet. How could she be so heartless and cruel? And to run away too! She was supposed to have a perfect seventh year being a wonderful head girl and doing amazing in everything. She was supposed to protect little first years from bullying fourth years and get worked up over N.E. . Now she had lost all she stood for. Her family she lost to the hands of Voldemort, her clear conscience she lost to James Potter, and her bravery…her bravery had just disappeared.

When she was little, Lily was the one to stand back up after she got a scraped knee and laugh it off. When she was older, she was the one to shake off her sorrow the best she could when her best friend had called her a Mudblood. The last time Lily had cried before her seventh year was the first time Petunia had called her a freak when she was 10.

This year, Lily's ability to push away her tears was gone. It was like some invisible force had taken that away and threw it into the ocean. She had cried more this year then she had in her whole life. Why was she so broken?

All of this traveled in her head as she sat behind the tapestry that she had visited to help little Annabelle. Sitting there, she realized a lot of things were going to go wrong, but she was going to have to deal with them anyway. She had no choice.

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James walked slowly around the castle deep in a zombified state. What could he do to gain her trust again? Her words stung like a million wasps. Was that really what she thought about him? That he was the person who ruined her life? He decided the first step was to talk to Sirius. Sirius and James were brothers separated at birth. They were inseparable from the moment they met and everyone knew it. Now Sirius even lived with him thanks to his no good family. He knew his friend would be able to talk a bit of that deep sense of despair out of him.

He found him sitting on his favorite staircase turning the bricks on the walls different colors.

"What did you do Sirius?" he asked leaning against the wall behind him.

"Listen, I'm really sorry Prongs…I just thought that everyone needed a laugh! Marley was sitting right next to Lily and I thought it was her drink I charmed! Once Lily drank it I figured that it would be just as funny so I went along with it." He said looking down at the floor.

"What charm did you use?"

"Variation of a simple vertiserum and a babbling charm."

"Brilliant idea and all, but I think Evans scared herself with some of the stuff she said." James said sitting down beside Sirius.

"Part of the variation" Sirius mumbled.

"Was it all true?"

"Yeah. Are you okay Prongs?" he said after looking into his friend's face.

"No…I'm not" he replied, "I think she hates me."

"Who Lily-Flower? No way in heck."

"Then why'd she say I ruined her life, huh Sirius, got an answer to that?" he demanded.

"I'll fix this Prongs…it's my fault."

He walked off and left James on the worn steps. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

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Sirius pulled the Marauder's Map out of his robes and scanned it looking for a name. They really needed to put some kind of location charm on it to make it easier to find people.

Eventually he found Lily's name behind a tapestry. He ran up the stairs to the spot and walked behind it to see a picture being created in the air out of light. It was beautiful magic. He looked down to see Lily sitting on the floor with her knees pushed up to her chest concentrating hard on what she was doing.

"Hey, Evans" she jumped slightly when he said her name and a streak of green slashed across her picture. She made the streak disappear with another swipe of her wand.

"Hullo, Black"

"Are you okay?" he said wanting her to look him in the eyes and answer.

He got his wish. She turned and smiled sadly. She looked a lot better then she had in the last few weeks and you almost couldn't see that she had been crying a few moments ago.

"It's funny how many times I've heard that this year." She said turning back to her picture.

"Well, are you?"

"No. I just yelled at James over something completely ridiculous, I feel awful! How am I ever going to be able to look him in the face again?"

Sirius sighed, not having an answer. He took a minute to look at what she was doing.

It was a very large picture and Sirius grinned when he saw what it was. Along the bottom he noticed an array of large petunias. Planted in the grass was a tall tree with red and gold wilting leaves. Sitting under the tree were six people, himself, James, Remus, Peter, Alice, and Marley. She had every detail down from James's messy hair and snitch to the little smile lines around Marlene's mouth. The likeness was incredible. Lily was an amazing artist.

"Where are you?" he asked pointing at it.

"I don't know were I'm supposed to be," she said sighing. Sirius sensed that the comment had more meaning to it.

"I do," he said pulling out his own wand.

Sirius copied the spell Lily had used and scribbled up a picture that looked much like a stick with red hair. He placed her right at James's side. Sirius turned and looked at her.

"Sorry…I'm not that great of an artist." He said. Lily shrugged her shoulders still looking at the picture. She was obviously deep in thought.

"Do you remember what Dumbledore said at the funeral? In the light of these tragic events…"

" Sometimes something even more worrying must take place to heal them." She finished.

"Lily, this may sound extremely cheesy, but you need James and I think you know it." He said quietly. She still didn't respond so he continued for her, "You need someone to keep you standing. Someone who knows you well whether you like it or not…someone who loves you."

"I'm terrified Sirius! I've loathed James for almost half my life! I just screamed in his face for goodness sake! Now, after all that has happened this year, I don't know what to do! I'm a walking, breathing disaster."

Sirius frowned. This was the girl he had learned to love as a sister over the past month and it hurt him to see her this way. He knew he wasn't the best at giving pep talks, but he at least tried.

"That's okay. I'm not asking you to jump into his arms and snog him senseless the next time you see him." She blushed deep red when he said it so he knew she was still listening.

"Just…relax…don't get so wound up when he's around and calm down. You know…you don't even have to like him as more then a friend if you don't want too. I realize I am pushing you onto him, but that's just because he's my best mate and I want him to be happy. I just know that James knows you as well as you know Marley…thanks to his stalkerish qualities…and he really is more level headed this year. Since you're living with Prongs, you're going to have to learn to get along with him…he probably can help you more than you can think, Lily." He said looking her in the eyes again.

"Okay…yeah well…thanks, Sirius." She said.

"I'm glad I could help…that picture really is good though…and I like your shirt." He said grinning. He stood up, brushed himself off, and left.

Lily smiled and looked down. She was still wearing James's clothes.

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