SupernaturallyLokid would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Green Eyes

By SupernaturallyLokid

Poetry

Green Eyes

When she got into the car that dayShe thought that they were going to a playShe didn't know that she and her friendWould soon be meeting their untimely end

They trusted me to keep them safe from dangerBut I didn't see the blue Ford RangerThey blew through the traffic signDrifted over the center line

I tried to brake, but my foot slippedThe car rammed us, and then we flippedWe rolled all the way off of the shoulderAnd something under the hood started to smolder

I grabbed them both and dragged them outPrayed to God that someone would hear us shoutBoth of the girls collapsed on the groundNeither one made a single sound

My body shook with silent criesAs I watched the light leave their eyesAll those who know them will be in sorrowTheir green eyes will never see tomorrow

So, what do you think? Is it absolutely terrible? Should I try to continue with poetry? I'd appreciate any suggestions I can get! Remember, this is my first poem, and I don't have any prior knowledge on how to write a poem. Reviews are much appreciated!

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, SupernaturallyLokid
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

crissy: Awesome work. The characters are so beautifully flawed and easy to relate to. The protagonist Bethany Hill is a woman that I would definitely want to meet in real life. The author has managed to make me visualize the story like a movie. The two time frames of past and present are also so beautifu...

Laraine Smith: In addition to being humorous, this story is visual! This is also a beautiful story. Keep up the great work! :)

maxniederhofer: Kara,I loved this. The one suggestion I would make is to show me, don't tell me. E.g."Now look at your skin / It is beautiful / You are beauty pure."It might be better to use more evocative imagery and language to make me feel, i.e. truly comprehend, the pure beauty, rather than telling me it is ...

{{ contest.story_page_sticky_bar_text }} Be the first to recommend this story.

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.