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Green Eyes

By SupernaturallyLokid

Poetry

Green Eyes

When she got into the car that dayShe thought that they were going to a playShe didn't know that she and her friendWould soon be meeting their untimely end

They trusted me to keep them safe from dangerBut I didn't see the blue Ford RangerThey blew through the traffic signDrifted over the center line

I tried to brake, but my foot slippedThe car rammed us, and then we flippedWe rolled all the way off of the shoulderAnd something under the hood started to smolder

I grabbed them both and dragged them outPrayed to God that someone would hear us shoutBoth of the girls collapsed on the groundNeither one made a single sound

My body shook with silent criesAs I watched the light leave their eyesAll those who know them will be in sorrowTheir green eyes will never see tomorrow

So, what do you think? Is it absolutely terrible? Should I try to continue with poetry? I'd appreciate any suggestions I can get! Remember, this is my first poem, and I don't have any prior knowledge on how to write a poem. Reviews are much appreciated!

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Further Recommendations

novicemaster: The imagery in this prose poem is glorious. I love the way you manipulate words. You seem to have harnessed them to bend to your every whim. The slightly archaic ones like "whilst" make this resemble a fairytale. The entire idea of a prose poem is brilliant. I didn't get the ending at first, but ...

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Laraine Smith: In addition to being humorous, this story is visual! This is also a beautiful story. Keep up the great work! :)

Kei Angelus: Hello!I'm looking for short stories to adapt into scripts, and this one is one of them :)I think your poetry writing style is a little similar to mine. I like how you relate the Anxiety to the other emotions. I could already imagine how I can 'translate' this into a play.So, do you mind if someda...

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