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Green Eyes

By SupernaturallyLokid

Poetry

Green Eyes

When she got into the car that dayShe thought that they were going to a playShe didn't know that she and her friendWould soon be meeting their untimely end

They trusted me to keep them safe from dangerBut I didn't see the blue Ford RangerThey blew through the traffic signDrifted over the center line

I tried to brake, but my foot slippedThe car rammed us, and then we flippedWe rolled all the way off of the shoulderAnd something under the hood started to smolder

I grabbed them both and dragged them outPrayed to God that someone would hear us shoutBoth of the girls collapsed on the groundNeither one made a single sound

My body shook with silent criesAs I watched the light leave their eyesAll those who know them will be in sorrowTheir green eyes will never see tomorrow

So, what do you think? Is it absolutely terrible? Should I try to continue with poetry? I'd appreciate any suggestions I can get! Remember, this is my first poem, and I don't have any prior knowledge on how to write a poem. Reviews are much appreciated!

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Sarah Luongo: I'm a big fan of the format of the book- the concept of incorporating poems and within the story and sectioning off periods of the story with each poem. It made it easier to read, and made the unimaginable easier to comprehend. What some people may skip over may be the most important part in this...

Laraine Smith: My only suggestion for you would be to bookmark www.grammarcheck.net. This is a beautiful story with humor.

Cherokee Neldon: This is the perfect book ever!!!!!

eboniprice96: This is a really deep poetry novel but I love it

Sir Nilo: What a remarkable book. Wonderful poems. I can relate to some. Thank you for this amazing book.

jenneyescoto: I'm only six chapters in, yet I'm already hooked. It didn't start too slow nor too fast. It has just enough background information to keep the plot going in a decent pace. There are just some minor grammar mistakes and phrasing that could be easily corrected. Other than that, I'm really enjoying ...

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William Elliott Kern: Steph..........., interesting and well written. cudo's.........one suggestion if I may. Work a bit on the sentence structure and Grammar...........your writing style flows well, and the format you have created helps the reader stay with the story, and the poetry.william elliott at https://www....

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Laraine Smith: This should be a movie! :)

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