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Green Eyes

By SupernaturallyLokid

Poetry

Green Eyes

When she got into the car that dayShe thought that they were going to a playShe didn't know that she and her friendWould soon be meeting their untimely end

They trusted me to keep them safe from dangerBut I didn't see the blue Ford RangerThey blew through the traffic signDrifted over the center line

I tried to brake, but my foot slippedThe car rammed us, and then we flippedWe rolled all the way off of the shoulderAnd something under the hood started to smolder

I grabbed them both and dragged them outPrayed to God that someone would hear us shoutBoth of the girls collapsed on the groundNeither one made a single sound

My body shook with silent criesAs I watched the light leave their eyesAll those who know them will be in sorrowTheir green eyes will never see tomorrow

So, what do you think? Is it absolutely terrible? Should I try to continue with poetry? I'd appreciate any suggestions I can get! Remember, this is my first poem, and I don't have any prior knowledge on how to write a poem. Reviews are much appreciated!

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, SupernaturallyLokid
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Richard D. Cooper: I wish I could write poetry like this. It's clever because it also tells a story, too. I like the flow of it, the way sentences slip together as they should. Very good indeed. I have also started to read your others works, and will review them when finished. Keep going. Never stop.

K.J. Sylvan: This was a quick read but worth it. I loved the writer's portrayal of the dual aspects of snow: good and evil, softness and ill intent, and that beauty can be deceiving. It's like the softness of a snowfall versus how harsh or dangerous an ice storm can be. I feel as though certain lines of the p...

crissy: Awesome work. The characters are so beautifully flawed and easy to relate to. The protagonist Bethany Hill is a woman that I would definitely want to meet in real life. The author has managed to make me visualize the story like a movie. The two time frames of past and present are also so beautifu...