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Green Eyes

By SupernaturallyLokid

Poetry

Green Eyes

When she got into the car that dayShe thought that they were going to a playShe didn't know that she and her friendWould soon be meeting their untimely end

They trusted me to keep them safe from dangerBut I didn't see the blue Ford RangerThey blew through the traffic signDrifted over the center line

I tried to brake, but my foot slippedThe car rammed us, and then we flippedWe rolled all the way off of the shoulderAnd something under the hood started to smolder

I grabbed them both and dragged them outPrayed to God that someone would hear us shoutBoth of the girls collapsed on the groundNeither one made a single sound

My body shook with silent criesAs I watched the light leave their eyesAll those who know them will be in sorrowTheir green eyes will never see tomorrow

So, what do you think? Is it absolutely terrible? Should I try to continue with poetry? I'd appreciate any suggestions I can get! Remember, this is my first poem, and I don't have any prior knowledge on how to write a poem. Reviews are much appreciated!

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, SupernaturallyLokid
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maxniederhofer: Kara,I loved this. The one suggestion I would make is to show me, don't tell me. E.g."Now look at your skin / It is beautiful / You are beauty pure."It might be better to use more evocative imagery and language to make me feel, i.e. truly comprehend, the pure beauty, rather than telling me it is ...

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Shubh Guru: when i'm reading this novel, I remember all my school days, all i feel like i m back to my old days, all the misery come to "bay" and how she come back like a shinning star are so good...this is my first book and i love this because it contains all the thing, love ,betrayl,losing some one who lo...

Alex Rushmer: I love this. I really do. It conveys true feeling and emotion, and it is totally relatable. I love that this poem is easy to understand and yet contains layer upon layer of meaning. Your rhythm was flawless and easy to follow. The only reason I marked it down was because in a couple places I thin...

Medley_Cafe: I love this poem,there's nothing left to say!Nothing more than wordsthat can not be expressed!A simple thought, an emotion stirredand I'm moved to knowthat the art lives on!Hope you don't mind me smacking together a small something of my own to express in some ways hoe much I loved this, I find v...