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Green Eyes

By SupernaturallyLokid

Poetry

Green Eyes

When she got into the car that dayShe thought that they were going to a playShe didn't know that she and her friendWould soon be meeting their untimely end

They trusted me to keep them safe from dangerBut I didn't see the blue Ford RangerThey blew through the traffic signDrifted over the center line

I tried to brake, but my foot slippedThe car rammed us, and then we flippedWe rolled all the way off of the shoulderAnd something under the hood started to smolder

I grabbed them both and dragged them outPrayed to God that someone would hear us shoutBoth of the girls collapsed on the groundNeither one made a single sound

My body shook with silent criesAs I watched the light leave their eyesAll those who know them will be in sorrowTheir green eyes will never see tomorrow

So, what do you think? Is it absolutely terrible? Should I try to continue with poetry? I'd appreciate any suggestions I can get! Remember, this is my first poem, and I don't have any prior knowledge on how to write a poem. Reviews are much appreciated!

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, SupernaturallyLokid
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Further Recommendations

Soaring_Soul: I'll do the same thing I did with your haikus for your poems and list them by chapter.I Am More - That was so deep and beautiful. You really brought out strong emotions in this piece, it made me smile while almost wanting to cry!A Part of Me - Very emotional, you can easily see the feeling in the...

Laraine Smith: My only suggestion on the grammar is to use www.grammarcheck.net. I have it bookmarked on Google Chrome. I see myself in the determination in this beautiful story! I have Cerebral Palsy, and I have dreams that I have been working hard for, too! The humor made me laugh!

Alex Rushmer: Honestly, poetry is not really my thing, and I don't have a lot of feedback that I can give. However, I thought that this was written powerfully in a way that affects the reader. Just don't mistake depressing for being the same as deep. You can have one without the other. This is only my opinion,...

Laraine Smith: I was also a victim of verbal, physical, and sexual abuse by my father. One time, he threatened to beat me with a belt. This story enabled me to talk about it. Thank you. :)

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