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Green Eyes

By SupernaturallyLokid

Poetry

Green Eyes

When she got into the car that dayShe thought that they were going to a playShe didn't know that she and her friendWould soon be meeting their untimely end

They trusted me to keep them safe from dangerBut I didn't see the blue Ford RangerThey blew through the traffic signDrifted over the center line

I tried to brake, but my foot slippedThe car rammed us, and then we flippedWe rolled all the way off of the shoulderAnd something under the hood started to smolder

I grabbed them both and dragged them outPrayed to God that someone would hear us shoutBoth of the girls collapsed on the groundNeither one made a single sound

My body shook with silent criesAs I watched the light leave their eyesAll those who know them will be in sorrowTheir green eyes will never see tomorrow

So, what do you think? Is it absolutely terrible? Should I try to continue with poetry? I'd appreciate any suggestions I can get! Remember, this is my first poem, and I don't have any prior knowledge on how to write a poem. Reviews are much appreciated!

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, SupernaturallyLokid
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Further Recommendations

CalvinPeat: This is a great concept, and you've done a largely excellent job of capturing the voice of Mal.You convey Mal's inner struggle well. Perhaps, though, you could reflect the hope in verses 13-17 of Psalm 90 a bit more. A suggestion: in the current version, Mal seems to be losing hope in the idea of...

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