Somebody That I Used to Know
"Now and then I think of when we were together. Like when you said you felt so happy you could die. Told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company, but that was love, and it's an ache I still remember."
Loki and I lay next to each other on the blanket, basking in the warm sun. I glance over at his little face. A content smile curls his lips. "Loki?" I whisper. Without opening his eyes, he answers.
"What are you smiling about?"
"You. Whenever I'm with you, I feel like everything is okay. The bullies all go away." I smile and snuggle closer to him.
I glance over the edge of the Bifrost, staring into the black abyss that swallowed Loki's form. I try to convince myself that it's for the best, that the trouble is over, but a voice in the back of my head says otherwise. I remember the days when we were young and carefree, when Loki was still willing to call me brother. It hurts me to know that he no longer felt that way. At last, I manage to yank myself away from the Bifrost and make my way back into Asgard.
"You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness, like resignation to the end, always the end. So when we found that we could not make sense, well you said that we would still be friends, but I'll admit that I was glad that it was over."
I storm to my chambers, trying to avoid the insults that Sif and the Warriors Three hurl at my back. Woman. Weakling. Sorcerer. Each one stings as much as the next. Tears prick my eyes, but I don't allow my tormentors the pleasure of watching them fall. When I reach my chambers, I slam the door and collapse on my bed.
Later, a servant summons me to dinner. My stomach grumbles, making me push the suggestion of skipping out of my head. I straighten my cloak and armor, don my helmet, then go down to dinner. Thor is sitting with the Sif and the Warriors Three, so I take a place at an empty table. The sound of laughter drifts over from their table, and sadness overcomes me. I glance behind me, only to discover that I am being pointed and laughed at. Thor laughs along with the rest of my tormentors. My appetite gone, I return to my chambers.
Thor enters without knocking and sits on my bed. I ignore him. "Brother, I believe that it is better if we were not seen together in front of the other subjects. I'm sorry, but I cannot have you ruining my reputation. We can still talk to each other, but not outside of our chambers." I nod, hiding my face. Thor leaves the room without another word, door closing behind him. Although there is sadness, there is also relief. I do not need Thor. I no longer have to pretend that I'm happy when in the presence of my brother. The sadness fades away, and I slip into sleep.
"But you didn't have to cut me off. Make out like it never happened, and we were nothing. And I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and it feels so rough. No, you didn't have to stoop so low. Have your friends collect your records and change your number. I guess that I don't need that, though. Now you're just somebody that I used to know."
After consideration, I start to grow angry towards Thor. How dare he request that I not be seen with him in public, especially after how close we were when we were younger. I thought his loyalty would run deeper than that. Apparently that isn't the case, but no matter. I do not need Thor to make something of myself. I have no way to contact him in public, and his "friends" keep him away from me as much as possible. Despite the fact that his silence and avoidance of me tears at my heart, I know that it is for the best. Thor used to be my brother, my prank partner. Now, I don't know who he is.
"Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over, but had me believing that it was something that I'd done. But I don't wanna live that way, reading into every word you say. You said that you could let it go and I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know."
As I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, I remember all of the times that Thor caused me pain or heartbreak. However, every time, it was always somehow my fault. When we were in Jotunheim, and Thor instigated the fight, it was my fault that Odin had to come and intervene. Thor didn't see the wrong in his actions, and instead blamed his banishment on me. For the longest time, I did believe that it was my fault. Now, I know better. I'm done walking on eggshells around Thor, afraid that I will say or do the wrong thing that will tarnish his reputation.
Now, Thor tries to apologize for his actions, but his words fall upon deaf ears. He made it clear that he did not want to associate himself with me. Thor is not my brother. I do not know him any more, and that's the way it is going to stay.
"Somebody (I used to know). Somebody (I used to know). Somebody (Now you're just somebody that I used to know). Somebody (I used to know). Somebody (I used to know). Somebody (Now you're just somebody that I used to know). (I used to know). (That I used to know). (I used to know). Somebody."