My Best to Be Everything You Need

Full Circle

If Felix could be tired, he would be. Or maybe he really was –in the metaphorical, emotional sense. His body may continue on and never need rest, but it was like he felt too heavy to move, too burdened to care…

Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to be human, to truly be tired and be able to stop his body. It was a strange thought and not many vampires contemplate such a thing. But…he's had the thought before. What it would be like to be human…

If he had been human, maybe meeting her wouldn't have been so bad. Would the pain lessen? Probably not. No matter Edward Cullen's opinions about the fading memory of humans and everything eventually coming to pass for them so easily. After all, wasn't Bella proof that humans could feel pain, maybe even more so, maybe even more intensely?

Harry had been proof of that too –her beautiful eyes were tainted by that pain.

But he would have been able to dull the pain somehow. Drink himself into oblivion, kill himself without the aid of the others –who would never help him in the first place. If he had chosen to go down Edward Cullen's path, the other Volturi members would resolutely refuse and lock himself up. Demetri would no doubt be ever vigilant and watch over him, if Felix had ever brought up these thoughts. And yet…

"Don't be stupid. You're being melodramatic and morbid."

He could hear Harry telling him something like that and even have a grin on her face. And he'd push away those brooding thoughts and make himself keep moving on, because he had a feeling it was something she'd want and approve of for him.

He'd lived his life recently in so much sorrow, that he tried hard at times to make himself live and do his best to be happy just for her. No matter how hard it got, he thought of her and did better to try to live his life. Because she would have wanted that.

He knew she would have.

Even if their meeting had been brief and just practically a night, he connected so deeply with her. He knew her. He just did. He didn't need years with her to know her, to know how she would think or say.

Felix knew deep down inside that it was the same for her. She knew him.

And that was the most satisfying thing for him. He could live knowing that, and even if he had to live forever…knowing her for even just a second was worth it.

Felix couldn't help smiling at that epiphany, and found himself relieved after feeling so unhappy for a long time.

"That a smile on your face, big guy?"

Bella Swan's voice was a welcome to his ears, and Felix turned with a slight grin.

"Well look who's back," he stated with a bit of a tease in his voice. "Find what you were looking for? You were gone for quite a bit with Demetri," he raised his eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes, but smiled softly. "Actually, I wanted to show you something. Demetri and I did set off to go somewhere, but…"

She reached out and was handing him something and he curiously accepted it. His grin dropped and he stared at the photograph.

"Demetri found it," Bella said softly. "We thought you should have it."

Her hands found his, the very one still holding the photograph delicately, afraid that he might accidentally crush it. She tenderly moved his hand to his chest, placing it –with the photo –over his heart.

"She leaned on you, when she wasn't feeling strong. And you leaned back. The two of you supported each other, even in the beginning, when you two didn't even know each other and had just met. Even though I wasn't meant to be with Edward, my time with him as a human had been a happy one. What would that say about you and her, when you two were meant for each other?"

Bella patted his hand. "I think you should try one last time to look for her, Felix. I think…if you love her, then you should never give up."

Felix slowly gave a small smile, remembering Harry's face, her voice, even her tears…He looked at Bella and his smile grew bigger and actually hopeful.

"You're right. I should never give up." He leaned over, bending to reach her forehead as he planted a thankful kiss. He drew back and there was a light and happiness to him that Bella was happy to see. "No matter what, I'll always be there for her. Even if she's…"

He gave a sad smile and she knew where he'd been going, and remembered how she and Demetri had found out about Harry's supposed death and was glad that wasn't the case.

"I like to go back to the park sometimes. The park where I met him at? I go there, at the same time, every day. I love the memories. They just…keep me going."

"Don't forget to go to the park, okay?" Bella said earnestly. "You met her there. It's…just one of those places you need to be, and a place that's important to you both. Memories are important, so…the time and places of everything should be remembered forever, right?"

Felix laughed and nodded, and he left to go make the arrangements. Demetri quickly came near, and stood by her.

"You think they'll meet?" he asked uncertainly.

"They'll meet again," Bella said surely. "Whether it's fated, meant to be, or some other sappy notion –those two just are."

Demetri smirked and said slyly, "It doesn't hurt to help things along, like say mentioning certain important places to be…"

Bella shrugged, looking unapologetic. "Of course. But it's planted in his head and you know. It'll happen. And they can finally be happy."

"And what about you?" the other vampire tilted his head, watching her. "Don't you want to be happy?"

"I do," she nodded, looking wistful. "Maybe one day."

A hand slipped into hers, and she looked at Demetri who was looking ahead.

"Maybe one day," he repeated her words.

She couldn't help grinning slightly and leaning against him a bit.

Felix knew he had to inform one, if not all of the Kings. Luckily for him, he ran across Marcus first. Not only the most understanding of the Kings, but the one he related to the most. At the moment, the King was standing in front of a familiar portrait, gazing mournfully at the likeness of his late wife. Didyme had been much loved, and had been one of Aro's rare regrets.

"For so long, I have grieved for her," Marcus spoke up suddenly. "I had been in a grieving haze, where nothing and no one could truly console me. It is hard, is it not? To live without the other part of your soul? It's like living and knowing something is missing. As if you cannot find solace anywhere, no matter how hard you try, because the other had been that solace."

Felix stayed quiet, but he understood and couldn't help but empathize with the other. Marcus and he were alike in this regard and he knew the other would be in mourning until the day he –somehow –found an end to that pain.

If he ever could.

Felix wondered if he himself would ever. He had hope now though, but still. He remembered his own hazy days, and the times were nothing could reach him. It was always an uphill battle, and he knew that it was the same for Marcus.

"You're going to look for her again," Marcus said knowingly, looking at him finally.

Felix nodded solemnly.

Marcus gave him a grim smile. "I truly hope you will succeed in whatever you hope to do. Or rather…to find. Whether it's just the truth or something more, good luck, Felix."

"Thank you, Marcus," Felix said quietly.

And he left the older vampire to go back to gazing and mourning for a love lost.

Felix wasn't sure what he was looking for or expecting. He knew that he would accept what he did find, though a part of him dreaded finding that she might have even died. But he couldn't give up, and he knew that even if that were to be the case, he would cherish the few memories he and Harry had shared –more so, if she had passed and he couldn't be with her.

But he was more than willing to take his chances for anything, even just answers. This had been a long time coming after all.

It wasn't long until he found himself in London, and he was surrounded by the sounds and smells of the city. He decided that perhaps he should get a bouquet of freesias. He imagined he'd be handing it to her and she would smile and be happy about the gift. But unbidden, the image of her grave wound up in his head, and he tried to accept that maybe he'd end up laying those freesias in a cemetery.

It was not an easy concept to swallow, and Felix banished those thoughts from his mind quickly.

Harry hadn't had hope then, for some reason, but he would have enough hope for the both of them. He had to. And maybe, just maybe, his hope would be rewarded.

Felix found a florist easily enough, and bought the bouquet of freesias he'd been aiming for, smiling at the smell of them. He was glad that Bella had convinced him, in a way, to do this. It was important, he acknowledged. This was something he had to do.

He also hoped that, in the absence of his own happiness, that Bella might be able to find her own. She deserved it, as well as her daughter. He hoped the best for mother and daughter, and knew that one day, the two of them would finally be complete. Maybe even soon, if Felix could help it.

Between he and Bella, one of them had to be happy at least.

Swinging by her old house, he stared at it for a second, wondering if maybe he should turn back. Should he really do this? But no, he couldn't get scared off now. He was determined to do this. If for nothing else than to know the truth.

So Felix resolutely knocked on the door, and it was opened by a familiar face.

"Hello, Mr. Dursley –"

"Dudley," the blond interrupted him. "And I remember you," he murmured. "Looking for my cousin, right? Your two friends came over not too long ago, asking about her too."

Felix inwardly sighed. Of course they did. Still, he was grateful to Demetri and Bella caring so much.

"Did you want directions to where her grave is? I told them where it was, but I know it's hard to find. It's not exactly a well-known place, but they told me it was where her parents lived and were buried.

Felix's stomach dropped and he tried not to show his shock and dismay, even though his hands clenched slightly around the bouquet of freesias.

"Yes, I would like to be able to give these to her," Felix said hollowly, holding up the flowers.

Dudley gave a small smile. "It's a long way, man. They might not last all the way there."

Felix halfheartedly lifted his lips up. "I'll just buy more then."

"I'm sorry," Dudley muttered. "I wish I could give you good news, but at least she's at peace now. And for what it's worth, you made her happy. Near the end, as miserable as she was, her meeting you was probably the best thing that could have happened to her."

Felix nodded, keeping his feelings off of his face. Truthfully, despite all the things he said and thought about accepting this outcome, he still felt this searing pain erupt from inside of him. It almost felt like he now had a gaping hole inside of him, screaming at him to do something.

But he didn't know what to do. Not anymore. He was just going along with things, unable to think ahead. Now he was unable to think clearly at all.

He felt lost and scrambling for a hold on something. He felt absolutely miserable at the knowledge that Harry wasn't there anymore, and he hadn't been able to spend just one more second with her. All he had were memories now.

Wordlessly, he numbly accepted the written directions from Dudley Dursley, and gave one last feeble smile. And then he turned and left, terrified of looking back and finding out what he'd just learned was absolutely true. He wanted to live in denial, because it just wasn't fair.

He spotted the house that had been rented all that time ago, the very same house that he had spent the night with Harry. He swallowed venom down quickly, feeling suddenly emotional. Before he could think twice about it, he broke into the house and looked around the kitchen, remembering the stove that he had cooked soup for her from and the table they sat at, and the window where she –

He took a deep breath, inhaling the smells of the house. The place was practically almost the same as when he'd remembered it, just a little more lived in and covered with a few more personal items the person who now lived there left around.

Gently, he lay down the bouquet of freesias onto the table, closing his eyes as he recalled Harry plucking one from a vase there and then putting it behind her ear.

"No regrets," he told himself firmly.

He was happy to have met her, even for so briefly. The time with her, what little words said and actions made between them…They were important. She was important.

"If no one else…at least you then…please remember me, won't you? Remember me…Remember Harry."

Felix would remember her. He'd never forget.

He didn't remember how or when he left that house. He knew he left the freesias there, knowing the person who lived there now would make better use of it than he. They'd die out anyway, before he could ever reach Harry's grave with them.

Most importantly, it sort of served as a reminder, a remembrance of a time passed between he and a girl, and when they both just needed someone to be there. He left it on that table and the memories became fresher in his mind than ever.

And like Bella said, memories are important and the time and places should be remembered. Which was why he was currently at the park and staring at the swings like he was seeing ghosts. And maybe he was. It had been so long ago since he'd seen them, and they'd played such an important part between he and Harry. This was the place where they had met –

"Funny seeing you here, huh? Felix…" a familiar voice said softly, and he whirled around, never minding his inhuman speed.

He breathed in sharply, and who cares if vampires didn't even need to breathe in the first place? Because right now, it felt like he couldn't breathe and he was drowning.

Because there she was, not looking a day older from the time he'd first met her. A freesia –one of the ones he'd left back at that house actually (she lived there) had been tucked behind her ear, though this time the stem had been cut and trimmed so that it wasn't sticking out as badly as it had that fateful day.

Everything about her seemed the same, though he could see that there was a lighter air about her.

"Harry," he breathed out her name.

She smiled softly and walked towards him, and he didn't care how or why she was there, or where she'd been all these years. All that mattered was that she was in front of him, here and now, and he could just reach out and touch her.

"It's been a long time," she murmured, her eyes tracing his face. "You haven't changed a bit."

"Neither have you," he returned quietly.

In the end that didn't matter either.

Harry reached out and gently cradled his face between her hands, the softness of them contrasting with the hard, marble-like skin of his. She stood on the tip of her toes and kissed him softly.

"Dibs," she whispered.

But this time, her beautiful verdant eyes held no tears or pain in them –eyes that had haunted him all these years since he met a beautiful girl with the greenest of sad eyes, and who changed his life.

Felix knew the two of them could lean on each other and live on.

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