Tell me when you're going to let me in
Kurt let out a sigh and shuffled a little in his seat to try to move into a more comfortable position and stop his arse from going numb due to lack of movement. He had somehow found himself sitting in Rachel's basement, surrounded by all of the New Directions, watching 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One'. The film had been suggested by Rachel as Kurt had missed the last 'Harry Potter' film being released and the Jewish girl had thought that it would be a nice idea to watch both part one and two, letting Kurt remember what had happened in part one before watching the new film. Rachel thought it would be nice if Kurt had the opportunity to watch it with his friends. Some of the guys had protested to the choice of film at first but had given in and remained quiet when it had been pointed out that it shouldn't matter what film was playing on the television, the main focus was that they were all together once again and enjoying a film night. Any protests immediately stopped and the film was put in the DVD player and Rachel pressed play. Kurt was sitting between Brittany and Santana, who kept glancing at him and smiling at him reassuringly. It was as if they could see how he was feeling without him having to say anything.
Blaine wasn't with him as he was attending a last minute Warbler rehearsal as Wes wanted to get the acapella group to start looking at songs for Regionals. School had started up for everyone once again after the Christmas holidays so Kurt had spent the majority of the previous week on his own. His Dad and Carole kept checking in with him throughout the day by either popping in when they had a break or phoning and texting him to see how he was doing and whether he needed anything. Blaine had only recently returned to Dalton for the new semester but still tried to see his boyfriend as much as possible, wanting to still offer as much help and support as he could. Blaine came round as much as he could after school or instead Blaine skyped, phoned and texted his boyfriend. Kurt had finally got a new phone and was able to reconnect with the world once again. He had found it bizarre going on Facebook and Twitter and finding messages from well-wishers, originally hoping that he was found and now happy that he was home. Blaine was incredibly glad that Kurt had a phone once more as he had been worried that he wouldn't be able to talk to his boyfriend while he was at a school two hours away. Kurt had given his friends his new number and had immediately been bombarded by text messages. He received texts from every single one of his friends most days, just asking what he was up to, asking how he was and informing him what was going on with them. Rachel had taken it upon herself to constantly update Kurt with what was happening in the choir room; letting him know what Mr Schue's weekly assignments were, what songs everyone was singing that week and how the discussions about songs for Regionals were going. He always found texts or voicemails on his phone from one Miss Rachel Barbara Berry.
Although the number of notifications did annoy him, Kurt was glad to be kept in the loop of what was happening in the choir room. He did wish that he could join in with the New Directions and actually go back to McKinley but he knew that he wasn't psychologically or physically ready to go back to school. He had to keep reminding himself that he just had to take it one step at a time. He was still getting used to hanging out with his friends and being around a large number of people. He was happy to be around his friends once again. He had practically been dragged to Rachel's by Finn. His stepbrother had come home from school after the first week by at McKinley and had told Kurt everyone was heading to Rachel's. Kurt hadn't been sure about going but Finn hadn't accepted that. He had literally picked Kurt up and dragged him out of the house. The younger boy was happy he had been forced out of the house as he knew he needed to get out more and see people.
Kurt focused his attention back on the screen and watched Harry and Ron discuss what to do and how to get out of their current situation while Bellatrix Lestrange wanted to interrogate Hermione about the sword of Godric Gryffindor being found in her bag. He had watched this film before but it had been a long time ago and he couldn't really remember simple things from the film such as what happened in certain scenes. It felt bizarre for him to learn that so much had happened while he had been lying on a flea-ridden mattress in a dark basement, including his seventeenth birthday and the release of the last ever 'Harry Potter' film. That would have been something he would have probably gone to the midnight premiere of as he had always loved the 'Harry Potter' franchise. Suddenly his attention was caught by Hermione screaming and crying on the television. Kurt's eyes widened as he watched Bellatrix torturing Hermione and saw her carve the word 'mudblood' into her arm with her wand. Kurt felt like he couldn't breathe, as if his mind was casting him back to a time he wished he could forget. He couldn't let himself panic, not now in front of all his friends. He had to get out of there and go somewhere so he could break down in private.
Kurt tried to get to his feet quietly but immediately caught the attention of a few people in the room.
"Kurt, where are you going?" Mercedes asked as she leaned away from Sam, looking at her friend in concern.
Kurt tried to appear calm and collected, "Oh I'm just going to the toilet. I'll be back in a moment."
"Oh no worries Kurt. We'll just pause it and wait for you then," Rachel said as she reached for the remote.
"No!" Kurt exclaimed, unable to stomach the thought of watching more of Bellatrix carving words into Hermione's arm, before lowering his voice, "It's fine guys, you can keep the film playing. I have seen this film before, although it has been a while."
Kurt tried to smile at his friends before he quickly fled the room, leaving the New Directions to continue watching the film. Kurt practically ran up the stairs into the living room and didn't stop until he reached the bathroom and locked the door. The seventeen year old reached out blindly, his eyes filling with tears, and gripped onto the bathroom sink, trying to control his breathing and desperately trying to push any of the images of what had happened to him out of his mind. Kurt was actually starting to wonder if he was going to break the sink with how hard his grip was on it and how on earth would he explained what happened to the Berry family if he did? Kurt tried to control his breathing and was getting more desperate by the minute. He tried to concentrate on remaining in the present and not let his mind cast back. His vision was blurring and reality seemed to be slipping from him, locking him in his mind with no way of escape.
Kurt could barely raise his head from his chest, his body aching at every slight movement. He didn't know how much more of this pain he could take. He must have been locked in this room with Thomas Manson for a couple of hours at the least. He was currently slumped in a chair, his arms bound before his back, with Manson holding a gun to his head. The young boy could feel the rope digging into his porcelain skin and leaving cuts and burns. The barrel of the gun was also digging into his skin and Kurt actually wished the bastard would pull the trigger than continue with this horrific form of torture. He had tried to conjure images of his loves to help him through this and keep him going, hoping that they would give him courage, but he was defeated in his attempt. Kurt just wanted it all to end.
"Do you want me to stop, slut?" Thomas Manson sneered as he pressed the gun harder against Kurt's temple, "Well then pretty boy, you know that you just simply have to beg!"
"Please!" Kurt managed to gasp out after a moment of hesitation, hoping and praying to whatever was out there that Manson would finally stop.
Manson did remove the gun from Kurt's head and place it to the side, before grabbing the boy's face, "I knew you'd beg, you slut! That's all you're good at. You love to beg, don't you slut? You're just a whore that begs. I bet you beg to just be pinned down and fucked as hard as possible as you're gagging for it, you fucking fag of a slut!"
Kurt didn't make a sound as he struggled to hold back the tears. He couldn't cry, not now. It would just give Manson another reason to continue torturing him and inflicting pain on him. Manson suddenly leaned in and pressed his lips to Kurt's, kissing him roughly and biting down harshly on the lower lip. Kurt stayed unresponsive, just waiting for it to be over. Manson bit down on Kurt's lower lip, drawing blood, before pulling away and smirking at the terrified boy trapped in the chair.
"I think I need to do something that will be a permanent reminder that you are a worthless piece of scum, Kurt. You are worthless! You are nothing more than a fag and a slut!" Manson stated, his cold eyes staring into the glaz eyes of the petrified boy.
Manson finally let go of Kurt's face, causing his head to fall forwards so his chin was resting on his chest. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut, not knowing what Manson had meant by a 'permanent reminder'. He heard the man chuckle before suddenly he felt a sharp, stinging sensation in his arm, causing him to flinch and open his eyes. To his horror Manson was pressing a blade against the pale skin on his arm. Manson's cold eyes met his and the bastard smirked before moving the blade slightly, slicing it through Kurt's porcelain skin. Kurt screamed out as the pain hit him immediately, unable to stop what was happening. He struggled against his restraints, desperate to get away from Manson and get away from the blade he was holding. The leader of the gang had paused for a moment but the pain lingered, causing Kurt to grit his teeth to hold back his screams.
"Please don't!" Kurt pleaded, wanting more than anything for Manson to put the knife down, "Please!"
Manson just laughed maliciously before he gripped Kurt's arm tighter and continued to carve.
Kurt shuddered as he pulled himself out of the memory of the knife carving into his skin. Tears were dripping down his face and he felt like he was going to throw up the food he had consumed that day at any possible moment, which wouldn't help the mission to get him to gain weight quickly. That one incident was one of the many memories that he longed to lock away in the corner of his mind and throw away the key, meaning that he would never have to think about them again. Kurt hated that flashbacks could be triggered from something as simple as a short scene from a film. How was he going to live a normal life if everything had the potential of constantly reminding him of the horrific things he had lived through in New York?
Kurt held back a sob as he grabbed a washcloth to dry his tears. It was no use as it was obvious to any observing eye that he had been crying; his eyes were completely red rimmed.
Suddenly there was a knock on the bathroom door, startling the boy inside in the process, "Kurt? Are you in there? You okay dude?"
Kurt let out a sigh of relief, knowing that it was only Finn who had come looking for him. His brother would understand why he had been crying, whereas anyone else wouldn't and would try to find out what was wrong. Kurt unlocked the door and let Finn in, closing the door behind him in case anyone was lurking nearby. Finn just looked at the boy in question, understanding passing over his face, before he enveloped his little brother in his arms. Kurt clung to his brother, needing the comfort and the reminder that he was back home, back in Lima, and that he was safe.
"It was the scene with Hermione, wasn't it?" Finn murmured after several moments of silence.
Kurt just nodded against Finn's chest, not wanting to open his mouth in case he started crying once more as he didn't know if he would be able to stop this time.
"I'm so sorry dude. I pushed you to come tonight," Finn whispered, hugging his brother tighter.
Kurt pulled away at that and met the taller boy's eyes, "I'm glad I'm here. I really am, Finn. I needed to get out and see everyone otherwise I would have just stayed in my room all night. As much as I wish Blaine was here with me tonight, him not being here forces me to socialise more and come out of this shell that I've built around myself since I've come home. I just hate… I hate that what happened… that it can be triggered by the simplest of things anywhere!"
Finn smiled sadly upon hearing that, "I'm sure it will get better in time bro. Plus you know that you have all of our support to help you through."
Kurt couldn't help but smile at Finn, tears prickling once again in his eyes, before he exhaled loudly, "I suppose we had better join the others again before they send a search party out for us."
Finn just laughed at that and they completely pulled apart; Finn giving Kurt a gentle and reassuring smile. Kurt glanced himself in the mirror for a few seconds before indicating to his brother that he was ready to leave the bathroom. Finn opened the door and the two boys made their way back down the stairs to the basement. All the New Directions were just sitting around and were talking quietly, with the credits rolling on the television screen.
Quinn was the first to see the brothers coming back into the room, "Everyone, Kurt and Finn are back. Time for us to watch 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two' now'. I hope you're okay sweetie."
The blonde girl smiled at Kurt as Rachel got up to change the DVDs. Finn settled back down in his spot where he had been snuggled up to Rachel. Kurt returned to his spot between Santana and Brittany, which had been left for him, and was surprised when both of the girls reached out and took his hands in theirs.
Kurt had been caught up with all of the New Directions' relationship drama since he had returned home. He had already been told about how Finn and Rachel had kissed on the stage at Nationals and had been together since. Sam and Mercedes had been together since before New York and were going strong. They had had some ups and downs with Sam nearly leaving McKinley, but luckily his Dad managed to find another job, and a football player called Shane being interested in Mercedes. Mike and Tina were still going strong and were happy together. Kurt had been surprised to find out that Santana and Brittany were officially a couple. Everyone had known that they were in love with one another but he had been glad to hear they were a couple. Kurt had been told all about how Santana had been outed in a commercial for a campaign because of something Finn had said in the school corridor. He had not been happy with Finn but Santana had actually said that he should let it go as she had forgiven Finn and was just focusing on being happy with her girlfriend.
Kurt suddenly felt his hand being squeezed and turned to look at Santana, raising an eyebrow at her, making her smile sadly at him, "Look Kurt, I know I have been a bitch to you plenty of times but you're a really good friend of mine. I just want you to know that I won't push you about whatever happened to you but I am here for you if you ever need to talk if you're sick of talking to a family member or your boyfriend or just if you ever want to talk. I must admit I am curious about what did happen but you come first. I would never judge you about anything you ever told me. I'm your friend and I love you Porcelain."
Kurt couldn't help but smile in surprise at the girl's words, "Wow thank you Santana. Thank you for understanding and thank you for being a good friend to e. I love you too Satan."
The two friends smiled at one another before Rachel shhed everyone, "The film's starting now so everyone needs to be quiet! Kurt, get ready to watch the last ever 'Harry Potter' film! You're going to love it! I have tissues ready for you as well!"
Kurt smiled at Rachel, before snuggling down between Santana and Brittany, laughing at Brittany's comments about him being the meat in their gay sandwich.
Kurt just stared at the clock, something he had been doing for the last six minutes. He just wanted his appointment to start as he hated the waiting and just wanted to get this appointment over and done with. He just wanted the receptionist to call his name and tell him to go on through. He was currently sitting in a living room in Doctor Alice Morgan's house. The room was used as a waiting room for the patients as Doctor Morgan saw all her patients at her house, rather than at the hospital, wanting them to be as comfortable as possible. Kurt hated the fact he was waiting to have an appointment with a psychotherapist and hated that he would have to try and open up with this woman. He had a magazine on his lap that he had tried to read half-heartedly while he was waiting but he had given up. Kurt was incredibly nervous. How could he spill his deepest darkest secrets to a stranger when he could barely talk to Blaine, one of the only people he was able to bare his soul to. He could also talk to his Dad but was constantly worried about causing the Congressman stress and didn't want his father to have a second heart attack. He'd be to blame if that happened. Kurt couldn't let that happen. He might be able to open up to Doctor Alice Morgan as everything he would say would be held in confidence and he knew he needed to talk. Kurt just wished that he could get through this on his own and prove to himself that he was strong enough to get over what Manson and his men had put him through. He wanted to be the Kurt Hummel he used to be. Kurt felt like the real him was lost somehow and he was an impersonator taking over his life.
"Kurt Hummel?" The blonde receptionist called, glancing around the waiting room.
Kurt couldn't help but let out a sigh as he was the only person sitting in the waiting room. He stood up and the receptionist gave him a little nod before smiling at him.
"Doctor Morgan is just through this door," the receptionist said as she gestured towards a door that had the doctor's name on it.
Kurt once again rolled his eyes but immediately felt bad about his actions. It wasn't the receptionist's fault that he was feeling nervous and irritated. She was just doing her job and trying to help him. Kurt gave her a brief smile before heading over to the door, taking a deep breath and opening it. He stepped inside the room and was immediately surprised by what he saw. He had expected a dark room that looked like a head teacher's office. Instead he was met with a room full of light coming through from the bay window and a room that could pass as another living room. There were two matching armchairs that were the main focus of the room, with a small coffee table nearby. Kurt noticed a chaise that was slightly further away from the armchairs and one of the corners of the room was filled with beanbag chairs and cushions. Doctor Alice Morgan was sitting on one of the armchairs, reading through what looked to be a large file. She closed it when she realised her patient had entered the room and looked up at Kurt.
"Hello Kurt, it's lovely to see you again," the doctor said with a smile on her face, "Please sit down wherever you feel would be best. We have the armchair here, the chaise over there, a beanbag chair or you could decide to take a cushion and lie on the floor if you feel like it. It's completely up to you and I want you to choose a position where you feel comfortable."
Kurt was completely taken aback by this development as he had thought he would come in and have to sit on a hard chair behind a desk. He decided to go for the armchair as it was his first session and he didn't really feel comfortable sitting anywhere else when he didn't even know the woman he was talking to.
Kurt sat down in the armchair and Doctor Morgan smiled softly at him, "Ah the armchair. That's a good choice for today's session Kurt. It shows me that you're willing to sit and talk to me. I'm also guessing that it's where you feel most comfortable today. I just want you to know that for our future sessions, I want you to choose a sitting place in regards to how you feel and where you feel comfortable. I've had patients who want to lie down so they choose the chaise or patients who want to be cheered up so they choose the beanbag chairs. It all comes down to you."
Kurt nodded at that, looking around the room at all the different sitting positions. The thought that the doctor was even considerate about where her patients would feel comfortable sitting made Kurt feel slightly happier about talking to this woman. She had showed him that she really cared about her patients and wanted them to be comfortable.
Doctor Alice Morgan picked up a pen off the coffee table and opened her file once again, "How are you today Kurt? How is your day going so far?"
"I'm okay," Kurt shrugged as he watched the psychologist start to write down some notes, "The day's not so bad so far."
"I hear you're getting your stitches out today?" The doctor asked, her voice soft and gentle.
The patient nodded, "Yes, when my Dad picks me up we're going straight to the hospital."
"How do you feel about that, Kurt?" Doctor Morgan questioned as she peered at Kurt over the file she was writing in.
Kurt thought for a moment, "I'm happy to get the stitches out but I'll probably have a scar to remind me. I'm not keen on going back to hospital."
Alice frowned at her patient, "Why are you not keen to go back to hospital?"
"I don't like them," Kurt muttered, glancing at his hands as he twisted them in his lap.
The doctor let out a sigh, "Kurt, I'm going to be honest with you. I want to have a relationship with all my patients where everything is out on the table. There's no need to hide anything and anyone can share anything."
Kurt tensed up at the psychologist's words, worried what she was going to say. What if she told him that he was broken beyond repair and there was nothing she could do for him?
Alice noticed her patient's worry and quickly hurried to reassure him, "There's no need to be worried Kurt. I just want you to feel at ease when we have these sessions. I wanted to be honest with you and tell you that I've spoken to your father and stepmother about these sessions. They're very concerned about you as they feel you're withdrawing into yourself and not opening up to anyone. I've been told that your friends don't know what happened to you and it's only your family and your boyfriend?"
The boy sitting in the armchair turned his attention to look out of the bay window, "Yeah… I just can't… I don't want to drag them down with me."
"What do you mean by that? How would you drag them down with you?" Doctor Morgan asked as she carried on making notes about her patient in his file.
Kurt was silent for a moment, "They don't deserve this. They shouldn't have to worry about me or be concerned about my behaviour. I'm trying so hard to deal with what happened to me but I feel like I'm getting nowhere. Everything seems to set off flashbacks. A 'Harry Potter' film even triggered a flashback. I don't know what to do."
The doctor lowered her notebook as she surveyed her patient, "Have you told anyone about the flashbacks?"
The doctor wasn't surprised when Kurt shook his head, "No. Well my stepbrother found me after I had had one but I didn't go into too much detail. I just can't stomach the idea of having to relive everything once more and then telling my family about it and seeing the pain on their faces."
Kurt could feel a weight slowly lifting from his shoulders. He wasn't going into much detail but he was telling Doctor Morgan what he was feeling and why he couldn't talk to his family. It was actually making him feel slightly better but he knew, no matter what the psychologist told him, that he wouldn't be able to tell his family all this. He didn't want to cause them anymore pain or heartbreak.
"Can you tell me about these flashbacks?" Doctor Morgan questioned as she watched how the teenager would react.
Kurt tensed up at the question before mumbling, "They're just about what happened."
The doctor paused for a moment, "When was the last one and can you tell me what triggered it?"
"It was the other night when I was at my friend's house," Kurt explained, wanting to get this over with, "We were just watching 'Harry Potter' and a particular scene triggered a flashback about being tortured and have words… carved into my arm."
"Thank you for telling me Kurt," Doctor Morgan said as she made a note of how hard that was for the boy in front of her, taking care not to glance at his arms, "Would you like to talk about what happened in this flashback and how you felt about it?"
Kurt just simply shook his head and Alice knew that she wouldn't get any more out of her patient so knew not to push it. She changed the subject to Kurt's family, boyfriend and friends and just asked questions about his relationship with them. Kurt was doing well for his first session and had opened up a very tiny amount but it was still excellent progress. He still had a very long way to go but it was good that he was willing to talk about some issues. Doctor Morgan knew that Kurt had been through a traumatic experience and had been horrified when she had been reading through his files. She knew that this boy would have several deeply rooted issues and it would take a long time for him to get over what happened. It would take a long time for her patient to deal with his issues and work through them. Alice listened to Kurt as he talked about meeting his boyfriend and their relationship. She smiled as she heard the tale of her patient spying at Dalton and meeting this Blaine Anderson. The doctor was happy to hear that Kurt had such a loving boyfriend as he needed all the love and support he could get from his loved ones.
Kurt was surprised to see Blaine sitting in the waiting room obviously waiting for him when he exited Doctor Morgan's office. He had expected to find his dad waiting for him to take him to the hospital to see Doctor Tyler.
Blaine glanced up to see his boyfriend and smiled, "Hey you."
"Hey," Kurt replied, still feeling confused, "What are you doing here?"
Blaine' smile wavered slightly so Kurt hurried to reassure him, "It's not that I don't want you to be here. I'm just surprised to see you. I thought you were at a Warbler practice. I am happy to see you and I'm glad you're here. I just..."
Blaine stood up and reached out to take his boyfriend's hand in his, "Kurt sweetie, I know you didn't mean it like that. Your Dad's been held up at the shop and Warbler practice was cancelled. Wes knew you had some appointments today and he knew I would be want to be there for you. Of course he denied cancelling it for me but I know the truth. I wanted to be here for you after your first appointment with Doctor Morgan and I wanted to be there for you when you got your stitches out."
"Oh Blaine, that's really sweet of you," Kurt smiled as he gave the Warbler's hand a squeeze, "I'm really happy you're here. It would have been weird having a hospital appointment without you."
The two boys smiled at one another before Kurt had to eventually pull away and go and speak to the receptionist. He booked in another appointment with Doctor Morgan for the following week at the same time. Kurt didn't know what was happening on the school front but the appointment would be after school just in case. He thanked the receptionist, whose name he learnt was Natalie from the sign on the desk, and made his way back over to Blaine. The Warbler held out his hand and Kurt took it before they made their way out of the doctor's house hand in hand. Blaine was a perfect gentleman as he opened the passenger door to his Prius for Kurt and helped him in before making his way to the driver's side. Blaine started the engine and put the car into gear before reversing out of the parking space.
"So how was your appointment?" Blaine asked as he glanced at his boyfriend before focusing his attention back on the road.
Kurt was silent for a few moments, "It was fine."
Blaine waited for Kurt to elaborate but had no such luck. He really wished the boy sitting next to him would open up more and just let him in. He wanted to help as much as possible but Kurt was making it difficult.
"What did you talk about?" The dapper singer tried again, hoping he would receive a decent answer that he could respond to.
Kurt just shrugged, "You know... just stuff and feelings."
Blaine let out a sigh, "Kurt, I know this is really hard for you and I support you one hundred percent. It's just... I want you to help you as much as I humanly can. I want to help you get through this and help you come out the other side. Please just tell me when or if you're going to let me in. I hope you know that you can always talk to me and I'll always be there for you no matter what."
They drove in silent for few minutes after that. Blaine knew the ball was in Kurt's court so decided to wait to see if the latter would speak. Kurt was just trying to process what Blaine had said. His little speech had really stuck with him and he just kept repeating the phrase about when or if he was going to let Blaine in. He did want to but, as he told Doctor Morgan, he didn't want to drag anyone down with him. He loved Blaine with all his heart and didn't want to burden him with his problems. Kurt knew at the same time that if he didn't at least try to open up more that there was the possibility that he would lose Blaine.
"I briefly mentioned that I've been having flashbacks," Kurt suddenly said, startling the driver of the Prius in the process, "Sometimes I have flashbacks about what happens and I told the doctor this but I didn't go into too much detail. I don't really want to talk about them. I know I should but it's too raw at the moment."
Blaine reached out and gave Kurt's knee a squeeze before putting his hand back on the steering wheel, "Thank you for telling me that. Can I just ask? Have these flashbacks happened a lot?"
"Only occasionally," Kurt said quietly, wishing they were talking about something else, "They seem to be triggered by things. I had one about the words in my arms just because I watched 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One' with the New Directions and Bellatrix..."
"Carves the word 'mudblood' into Hermione's arm," Blaine finished for him, sounding upset, "I wish I had been there with you. I could have helped you."
"Blaine, please don't blame yourself," Kurt pleaded, needing his boyfriend to understand, "It would have happened if you were there. During the scene I just excused myself to the bathroom. Finn found me afterwards. You can't always be there for me as you have your own life and I want you to have your own life. I won't burden you with all my problems. I want you to have a life outside of me and everything going on with me."
Blaine pulled the car over so he was parked on the side of the road. He switched the engine off and manoeuvred his body so he was facing his boyfriend, who was looking at him with utter confusion. Blaine reached over and took Kurt's hand in both of his, before looking into his boyfriend's beautiful glaz eyes.
"Kurt… you need to know that you would never be a burden to me. I hate that you having this idea that you're burdening me with everything going on with me. I want to help you and I want to be there for you in every way that I can," Blaine explained as he observed the pale boy he loved, "I'm not saying that I don't have a life outside of you as you obviously know I do with the Warblers etc. but you are a huge part of my life. I see you as the most important part of my life. Of course I want to be there for you. I am never not going to want to be there for you. You really have to stop thinking that you're dragging me or anyone else down. You are not and will never be a burden. You're the love of my life and I just want to help you if I can."
Kurt couldn't help but let out a sob at Blaine's words, "You're the love of my life too. I know you want to help and I just wish I could let you in. I want to be able to talk to you and tell you everything but there's just something that's holding me back. I'm not exactly sure what it is but it's like my throat closes up every time I try and tell you what I really feel and what's really going on. I do want to let you in, I promise you."
"I believe you," Blaine said, sounding sincere and wanting Kurt to know that he believed him, "I know that you want to let me in. I just think you need to try rather than shutting me down immediately. I love you and I'm always here for you if you need to talk."
"I promise I'll try more. I need to try to open up and I know Doctor Morgan agrees with this. I need to stop withdrawing into myself and try to open up more. It's just so hard," Kurt said softly as he looked into the hazel eyes he loved so much.
Blaine leaned in slowly, taking note of Kurt's reaction, before kissing his boyfriend tenderly. Kurt kissed back, smiling slightly when he felt Blaine's hand cup his face and his finger stroke his ear. He had noticed Blaine do that every time they kissed, no matter how passionate or a mild a kiss it was. Blaine's other hand remained holding hands with Kurt's as the latter deepened the kiss. The Warbler strayed slightly as he leaned down to kiss Kurt's neck, causing him to let out a few gasps and moans, before he reattached his lips to those of the boy he loved.
Eventually the two had to pull apart as time was ticking on and Kurt had an appointment. After sharing their love for one another, Blaine moved his body into the correct position in his seat and once again started the engine. He checked his mirrors before pulling out back onto the road. The two boys didn't talk as they drove to the hospital but they entwined their hands near the gear stick and it made them both chuckle as they would both change gear.
It wasn't long before they got to the Lima Memorial and Blaine quickly pulled into a parking space and turned off the engine. They could see Burt sitting on a bench outside, still dressed in his overalls. The two boys got out of the Prius and walked over to the older man hand in hand.
Burt stood up at the sight of his son and his boyfriend, "Well it's about time! I don't know what held you up and quite frankly, I don't want to know. I'm just glad you're here. How did it go with Doctor Morgan, kiddo?"
Kurt glanced at Blaine, who gave him a reassuring smile, before taking a deep breath, "It was good Dad. We talked about my feelings and the fact I do need to open up more. I have another appointment next week."
Burt smiled upon hearing the news the appointment had helped his son, "I'm glad to hear that. It's good that you've got someone to talk to, besides myself and Anderson over here. I'm sure we'll talk more about this later but right now I know Doctor Tyler is waiting for you. I've already checked you in so we just need to go to the waiting room."
Kurt and Blaine remained holding hands as they followed Burt through the hospital into the waiting room. They ignored any looks they received due to the affection they were showing one another and just concentrated on the feeling of being together. Blaine glanced at his boyfriend a few times, feeling worried that something could trigger a flashback for Kurt but he seemed to be okay. They made their way into the waiting room and quickly sat down, sitting in silence as they waited.
They were only there for a few moments before a nurse stepped out, who Kurt recognised as Matty from his previous visit, and looked around, "Kurt Hummel?"
Kurt stood up but this time turned to his father and his boyfriend, "Can you two come in with me please?"
It was obvious that both Burt and Blaine were delighted by this but both tried to act casual as they accepted the boy's request. Matty smiled at all three of them before leading them through the double doors, down the corridor and into Doctor Tyler's room; a room that Kurt had a feeling he was going to get very familiar with. Kurt sat on the bed as his loved ones sat on the chairs provided.
"Doctor Tyler will be along momentarily," Matty said with a smile before leaving Kurt alone in the hospital room.
Kurt just laid back on the bed and tried to let himself relax. He could feel his Dad and Blaine just watching him but he didn't feel like he had the energy for small talk while they waited. He was relieved when Doctor Tyler entered the room a few moments after he had settled himself on the bed.
"Hello to all. It's nice to see you have some companions with you Kurt," the Doctor said as she smiled at everyone around the room, "Now, how are you doing Kurt?"
"Okay," Kurt said as he watched his Doctor move about the room.
Doctor Tyler tilted her head as she looked at Kurt, "Okay… that's a good start. Right Kurt, can you take your shoes off and step onto the scale? I'll also take your clothes into consideration when finding out your weight."
Kurt sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He quickly slipped off his shoes before getting up from the bed and standing on the scale. He watched as the Doctor made a note of the number that appeared on the scale on a piece of paper. After a moment or two, Kurt stepped back off the scale and headed back over to the bed to sit down, slipping his shoes back on.
Doctor Tyler let out a sigh, "Kurt, you're slowly making progress but it's still worrying. You've gone from one hundred and twelve pounds to one hundred and fourteen pounds, meaning you've only gained two pounds. You need to gain seven pounds to be classed as not underweight. It is good you've gained weight but you need to gain more. I know it is difficult for you but Kurt this is very important. I know we've discussed this before but I want you to really try to eat as much as possible for the next two weeks before you see me again. Hopefully there will be a better improvement next time and we won't have to focus so much on your weight."
Kurt nodded as he watched the Doctor make a note in her book before going through some medical equipment.
"Right Kurt," Rose Tyler said with a smile, "You're here to get your stitches removed today. I will be putting an adhesive strip on your wound afterwards just to make sure it's healing nicely. Now this procedure is quick and painless so you'll be out of here in no time. At the very most, you might feel a small tug at times but it is not painful. Right let's get started."
Kurt sat up straight as he watched Doctor Tyler move about the room. He gripped onto the edge of the bed as he waited for the procedure to start. He suddenly felt a hand on his and glanced down to see his Dad was offering him support and comfort by offering to hold his hand. Kurt took his Dad's hand and squeezed it, feeling nervous at his stitches being removed despite the Doctor saying it wasn't painful.
Kurt sat perfectly still as Doctor Tyler cut the suture material before using tweezers to pull out the stitches. He did feel a small tug a couple of times but it didn't hurt at all. Kurt knew it was over when the Doctor put down the tweezers and picked up a wipe and cleaned the area where his stitches had been. He felt an adhesive strip being applied to his wound before Doctor Tyler moved away and smiled at her patient.
"All done Mr Hummel. You are now free to go. The area around the cut will be a little red and tender at this moment, hence the strip, but they will go down in a day or two. If it doesn't, please come back and see me," Rose explained as she watched her patient glance at his reflection in the mirror on the opposite wall.
Burt thanked the Doctor before helping his son to his feet. Kurt smiled at Doctor Tyler and said his goodbyes before leaving the room with his Dad and his boyfriend. They headed back to the reception so Kurt could make another appointment for a fortnight's time. They all exited the hospital and paused outside the entrance.
"Well I'm glad that went well," Burt said as he surveyed his son's wound, "Now, I have to get back to the shop. I snuck away to be here for you during this but need to get back. What are you two going to do now? Do you have plans to go out anywhere?"
Kurt answered for them as he shook his head, "I think Blaine and I are just going to head backs to ours Dad and just watch a film."
Blaine nodded in response, "Kurt's had a long day so it's probably best we just relax tonight."
"Okay that sounds nice," Burt said, glancing between the two boys in front of him, "I'll be home in a couple of hours and I know Carole should be home shortly. Finn… well he's either at Glee club, football practice or out causing mischief with that Puckerman. Any of them could be true. Just take it easy and when I get home, we'll probably just order some food in tonight. Before you say anything son, I'll make sure I have the healthy choices. You staying for dinner Blaine?"
Blaine smiled at his boyfriend's father, "If you'll have me."
Burt laughed at that, "Of course we will. I feel like I never need to ask anymore and should just assume. Right I need to head off. Have fun you two."
Burt leaned down and kissed his son's forehead, "I love you kiddo."
"I love you too Dad," Kurt replied as he offered a smile to the man who raised him.
Burt clapped Blaine on the shoulder before heading towards his car that would take him back to his place of work. Kurt and Blaine headed in the direction of Blaine's Prius and once again, Blaine opened the door for his boyfriend and helped him in. Blaine drove them back to the Hudson-Hummel residence and once inside, they made their way up to Kurt's bedroom. Kurt pulled out his laptop and told his boyfriend to pick a movie. Blaine deliberated over what film to watch, not wanting to trigger any kind of flashback or pain. In the end Blaine decided to go with 'Singin' in the Rain' as it was a musical, which Kurt loved, and it was a classic. Kurt smiled at Blaine's choice and slipped the disc into the DVD drive.
Kurt and Blaine snuggled under the covers of the bed as the film started up, focusing on Gene Kelly as Don Lockwood. Kurt revelled in how safe he felt as he laid in Blaine's arms, curled up together. He just wished he could always feel this safe. He actually wished that he could just stay in this moment with Blaine forever.
A/N: Hey everyone, sorry that it's been a while! It's just life getting in the way such as uni, placement, work, illness etc etc.
This chapter kind of had a mind of its own and I wasn't sure where it was going to end up. I did have some writer's block with this chapter. I had 3000 words written and struggled to continue. Nonetheless it's done and I hope you like it!
Hope you enjoyed this chapter :) Thank you to everything for reviewing, alerting this story and adding it to your favourites. It means so much to me and I love hearing what you think or any suggestions you have. I hope you are enjoying my other stories as well :)
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