The pain was excruciating...so unbearable. I wanted to scream out loud so many times but I was afraid Edward would think I was weak and would leave me.I had seen his face when I told him I was hurting. He had looked pained and miserable.If I made the man who owned my heart look like that, then I didn't deserve him. However I was too selfish as I knew I couldn't live without Edward and needed him.That's why I refused to allow myself to show weakness by screaming out. Deep down I knew Edward deserved someone better.He needed to meet someone, preferably a vampire so he never had to go through the resisting of a human's blood againand could have a physical relationship with, and fall in love with her. I was just a pathetic human and would never be enough for the Greek God I loved so much.The fire burned even more as if it wanted me to show weakness, to show Edward to run away now while I was helpless.Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks but it might have been the pain as it hurt much. I was becoming a vampire.The agony of the burning and my concentration of reminding quiet had made me overlook the most important factof this whole painful experience and the reason I was in pain: I was becoming a vampire! I would finally be Edward's equal in life.I could finally have a physical relationship with him without Edward worrying about me getting hurt or his desire for my blood.I wondered what gift I would have, if I would have one at all. I knew Edward couldn't read my mind so I wondered if that linked in or my brain just didn't work.I knew Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie didn't have gifts but that didn't affect their lives as a vampire.I knew it would be amazing to have a gift but the one thing I was looking forward to the most was spending eternity with Edward.I was amazed he had gone against all his beliefs so I wouldn't die. I always knew Edward believed he and other vampires had no soul.Edward and the other Cullens definitely had souls. How could they not have?Carlisle definitely did, no question about it, as he turned his back on his true nature to help people. He definitely had a soul, the same as the other Cullens.There was no question about it that Edward had a soul. He was my soul mate, meaning he definitely had a soul.I knew Edward thought he was a monster because of what he was, but hopefully he would stop thinking that way once I was a vampire like him.Edward thought of himself as a monster because he had killed humans but that didn't matter to me.He had changed and was becoming more like Carlisle; someone who wanted to help people.I refused to let him believe he was a soulless monster and was eternally damned.I started to feel a bit confused, wondering how my mind was still working normally despite the fact my body was on fire.I longed for Edward's touch as he would always cool me down. It would be strange for us to be the same temperature once my change was complete.I suddenly remembered all the information I knew about newborns and how they were out of control. I would never be able to see Charlie, Renee or Jacob again.I knew I would be causing them pain. Jacob hated the Cullens and hated all 'bloodsuckers' as he called them.I knew he would rather me to be dead than be a vampire but I didn't care what he thought. All I cared about was being with Edward forever.One day Jacob would imprint on his true soul mate. It was awkward when I realised he had feelings for me and tried to kiss me before Edward rang to see if I was alive.I was sorry for the pain and hurt I would cause him but it was for the best. I knew this would hurt Renee but she had Phil and I hadn't seen her since.... well since I wasn't really myself.Charlie was the one I was worried about the most. He was all alone and I was all he had. Sure he had his friends like Billy and his work colleague.I felt a twinge of guilt when I remembered Harry Clearwater had recently died as well. Charlie would be devastated by my disappearance.I had obviously really hurt him when I disappeared for three days when Alice and I went to save Edward.I didn't know how many days I had been gone for now but I had the knowledge that the change from human to vampire took three days.I felt so overwhelmed and wanted to cry. The pain was taking my breath away. I still refused to move and remained paralyzed, forcing my screams back down my throat.I suddenly felt something squeeze my hand. I realised Edward had been holding my hand. The fire had made me unable to feel the coldness on my hand.
'Bella are you ok? Please just squeeze my hand to let me know that you're ok. You're not moving, not screaming out in pain....I've never heard of anything like it.Please love, I need to know you're ok.'
I so badly wanted to reply but knew as soon as I opened my mouth to speak; a piercing scream would come rushing out of my throat.If I moved my hand to squeeze Edward's, I wouldn't be able to keep still and would thrash around in agony.I wanted Edward to know I was okay but there was no way for him to know. I just hoped he could rely on Alice's visions for updates.
'Bella I love you so so much but I'll understand if you're angry at me for taking away your human life and your family.I only want to be happy and I don't want you to feel obliged to spend eternity with me because you have to. I just want you to be happy. It's up to you love.'
Edward sounded as if he was sobbing. I couldn't stand it. That was the pain that would drove me insane, the pain I felt for making Edward cry.I braced myself then gently, but slowly, squeezed Edward's hand.
I mentally took a deep breath. I kept myself in my paralyzed state and knew I had to comfort Edward and show me how much I loved him.I wouldn't be weak, I would be strong. I slowly opened my eyes and gazed in Edward's topaz eyes.They weren't exactly the same colour they were however many days ago it was in Volterra. He obviously wouldn't hunt. I kept my throat tight to stop any screaming.The pain was suffocating me but I knew I had to stop Edward's pain.
'Ed...Edward, I love you. I...I only...want you. I can...never...be mad at...you. Everything will be...okay. I can only...be happy with you...and you're all...I want.'
I took another mental deep breath. That was so painful to do. My body was begging me to just release one single scream but I knew once I weakened I wouldn't be able to stop.Edward put his hands on either side of my face.
'Shh...Bella it's ok. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I can't believe you're talking normally. I've never heard of it happening before.I have no idea how you're doing it. You're so calm and still, normally everyone screams and thrashes about. I love you too. You're all I want love.I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain.'
'D...D...Don't be. How much...longer?'
'Twenty four hours maximum I swear my beautiful angel.'
'Will...I still be....'
The pain was too intense for me to continue. Edward looked at me with urgency in his eyes and looked pained, wanting me to finish my question.
Edward looked even more pained at this question. I started dreading the answer, knowing it would be bad.
'Yes but you might not have control over yourself as much as you would normally have.The first year for a newborn is always difficult; plus you'll have red eyes for a few months until the human blood in your system is gone.You'll still be you my Bella but we're all waiting to see how you turn out. Everyone can't believe how you're behaving during your transformation and now you're talking normally.'
'It's not...as easy as...it looks.'
Edward chuckled humourlessly. He pressed his lips to my forehead and smiled my favourite crooked smile at me. He was so beautiful.
'Love, try to relax. I know the pain is agonising but only twenty four hours. Close your eyes and I'll be with you all of the way.'
I nodded and Edward pressed his lips to my lips this time. He pulled away after a second and started to hum my lullaby.I tried to relax, trying to ignore the intense pain burning my body. I closed my eyes and prayed the twenty four hours would fly by.
A/N: Hope you liked this chapter. Had a bit of writer's block when writing it. Please review and tell me what you think; all comments appreciated. Thanks x x x