I knew the Cullens wouldn’t be at school. It was one of those few sunny days of the year in Forks and naturally, they couldn’t really be seen out and about and.. sparkling. Still, despite that knowledge, I couldn’t really make myself enjoy what would probably be the last rays of sun for the rest of the year. And as much as I wanted to deny it, that had everything to do with a certain Edward Cullen.
So instead of sitting outside, soaking the few rays of sunshine into my skin, I was seated on my bed, my history homework on one side of me, some unfinished drawings on the other. I was busy with neither however, had discarded both when I’d thought of a better way to spend my Tuesday afternoon. Unfortunately, this, too, had everything to do with Edward Cullen.
‘So why again are you spending your free, sunny afternoon on the phone with me again?’
‘Because we don’t see each other that much anymore,’ I bit my lip, hating how weak I sounded. ‘I guess I just miss you.’
‘Alice said there will be no more sun this week, so we’ll see each other at school tomorrow.’
Sighing, I put a hand through my hair. Why was it so hard to be honest with him now that all I said made me sound like a jealous girlfriend? ‘It’s not just the sun..’
‘Then what is it?’ When he noticed I wasn’t going to answer, he, too, sighed. ‘Is it because of Bella?’
‘It just feels like you’re forgetting about me ever since she came around.’ I shook my head. ‘I am sorry, I shouldn’t make you feel bad because I have no life. Forget I mentioned it. If you want to talk and do stuff with Bella Swan then who am I to keep you from it.’
’I am not ‘doing stuff with Bella’, Dalia,′ I could hear the smile in his voice. ‘And even if I was, she’d never come between us.’
‘So if you’re not doing stuff, that means you’re free tonight?’
‘That depends on..’
I shook my head, glad that the conversation had taken on a lighter tone. ’I’m not going to do anything horrid to you – at least, not too horrid.’
‘Good, I’ll be at your house at seven. Make sure you’ve got blankets, pillows and soda ready!’
I pulled my bike out of the garage, a backpack with popcorn and my Pride and Prejudice BBC series on my back. Tonight was going to be awesome. We’d watch series until he’d either die of boredom or until I’d fall asleep, would build a blanket fortress, I’d eat popcorn and drink soda until I’d burst and we’d pretend Bella Swan never came to Forks. Everything would be just the way it’s supposed to be and Edward would be my best friend and I would be his. There would be no Bella Swan, no confusing feelings and no reality tonight. It was a short ride to the Cullens, even on my cycling pace. Although I didn’t particularly mind cycling in the dark, I felt slightly freaked out when I drove up the long driveway to the Cullen mansion. Something about the trees surrounding me from all sides put me on edge.
When I finally made it to the house, I parked my bike in the grass and went up to the front door, knocking softly. I was still trying to control my breath and at the same time smoothen my hair when the door was opened, revealing a strikingly beautiful face, surrounded by blonde, cascading hair. Rosalie.
‘Edward is not home if that’s what you came here for.’
I swallowed my words, then nodded. ‘Do you perhaps know when he’ll return?’
She shifted her balance to her other foot. ‘He followed that Swan girl to Port Angeles, so probably not any time soon.’
‘Alright.’ Biting my lip, I had to put all my effort in keeping my face from showing the emptiness that was threatening to swallow me whole. ‘I will just go then, thank you.’
I was about to turn to go back to my bike when her voice stopped me. ‘Look, Dalia, I know I’ve never really been nice to you, but I know what it feels like – what betrayal feels like. I am sorry.’
I nodded again and made my way back to my bike in a daze. As I drove off the Cullens’ driveway, the tears were already burning in my eyes. I couldn’t believe I had been so stupid as to believe that I ever had a chance. To believe that things would actually work out fine.
I wiped at the tears on my face, clearing my vision enough to keep cycling. I would never be the one he wanted, never the one he would want to spend the rest of eternity with. It was always Bella. And it would always be Bella. ‘It’s all in your head.’
Arriving at the house, I threw my bike in the garage and made my way inside. Voices sounded from the left, but they sounded faraway, as if I was underwater. I didn’t answer them, instead moved straight up the stairs, legs moving on their own accord without me having to guide them. I suddenly found myself in a bathroom and a hand shot out to the mirror cabinet, taking out a small bottle of pills. I don’t want this anymore. I can’t do this anymore.
A ghost stared at me from within the mirror, causing flashes of something darker to crash over me like a wave. Blood. There was blood everywhere. It was on my hands, on my face. Hands were roaming my body and I felt the skin die everywhere it was touched. I screamed, yelled, cried, begged and prayed. Then silence. ‘You can’t run from reality forever.’
As the pills made their way into my throat, I moved back across the hallway, into a bedroom. Everything started spinning around me, the world moving in and out of view. He will never.. I can’t.. He’ll..
Edward smiled to himself as he watched her walk to her house. She was beautiful. He knew that her knowing his family’s secret was dangerous, but couldn’t find it in himself to care at that moment. There was a strange light-heartedness to him and he wanted to enjoy it while it lasted. Taking off, he decided to go to Dalia’s house before going back. He needed to talk to someone about how he was feeling before he’d go home and the rest of his family would ruin his mood. They just didn’t understand the feelings he had for Bella. If they felt only an inkling of what he felt for her, he was sure they would understand.
It was a short drive, but it gave him enough time to think about what he wanted to say.
Would Dalia be happy for him, he suddenly found himself wondering. He knew of her feelings for him, had known long before she herself had even been aware of them. Sometimes he’d hear a stray thought before it was pushed away, see the look in her eyes before she had time to cover it with a smile, but he had pretended not to notice.
Edward knew it was selfish of him; not telling her that he didn’t see her in the way she saw him, out of the fear of losing her. But he needed her with him, needed her to be his friend and to accept him for who he was. He needed her with him, as much as he now knew he needed Bella with him. And so he didn’t tell her, allowing her to hold on to her feelings for a little longer.
He parked the car a street away from the house, not wanting to draw suspicion. As he hopped out of the car, he knew that Dalia would be happy for him regardless of her own feelings. He knew that she’d understand. Yes, he was certain she would. She was selfless like that.
Suddenly, as he crossed the street, a thought reached his ears. I can’t do this anymore. The content alarmed him, but not as much as the fact that he recognized that voice: Dalia. He speeded up, aware of the fact that he couldn’t use his vampire speed until he was out of the open. He will never.. I can’t.. He’ll...
Running to the side of the house, his heart clutched when the thoughts didn’t continue, leaving a discomforting silence in its wake. He rushed up the side of the house, through the window, only to find himself in an empty room. There was an empty medicine jar on the bedside table. Sedatives. Handed out on January the 25th.
Edward blinked, looking around the empty room. The walls were bare, the desk and nightstand were empty and the bed looked unslept. He frowned, why was he here, in a guestroom of a house he’d had no reason to be in? Shaking his head, he blamed it on the high he’d been on ever since he’d come back from Port Angeles.
As he opened the window again, Edward couldn’t help but turn back to the room. There was an emptiness in his heart: a place that used to be filled, but now suddenly had opened up again. He jumped to the ground and started walking to his car, the feeling of having lost something important still present in his mind.