They allowed Deeks some time to sleep as the exhaustion claimed him again and moved away from the couch to talk quietly in the bullpen.
"I never realized he was this bad." Callen said keeping his voice low, "I should have I'm his team leader, it's my job to see when my people need help."
Pete shook his head, "If Marty doesn't want you to see what's wrong you won't see."
"But we're federal agents we are trained to notice when people are hiding things. We're professionals!" Kensi argued.
Jess smiled, "Honey, there is professional and then there is professional, Marty has been hiding his real feelings all his life. He doesn't even let me in to how he is feeling all the time."
"But, he trusts you and calls you Ma,"Sam interjected surprised.
Jess smiled sadly, "He trusts me with most things, because I earned his trust. But there are still things that he wouldn't tell me about. I knew that there was something going on here, but he wouldn't tell me. He just told me it would be ok."
"When did he tell you that?"
"About a month after he started working with you...He had been on a case, and someone died, Traynor...I think, he was close to her anyway. It ate him up and he felt like he had let you all down." Jess held up her hand to forestall the words she saw wanting to defend Deeks coming from the other agents and continued. "He didn't expect you to understand his relationship with Traynor, they were close...really close, he had let her in and she would listen while he talked, they both had things in their past and I think with them sharing their experiences with each other they managed to help each other."
"He could have come to us." Sam said. "We would have listened...We know what it's like to lose a partner."
"Dominic...yes, Hetty told us, but it isn't the same. Jessie was the first woman Marty really loved. He loved her and allowed her to love him, which for him was a breakthrough. He hadn't had a real relationship since…, well there was this one girl he liked in college." Jess sighed but continued. "It didn't work out so well and he needed to get a restraining order out on her. Turns out she was paid by his father to date him and hurt him."
Deeks slept, the exhaustion and Sam's words rolling around in his head. unfortunately the peace of knowing that Sam trusted him with his kids was shattered as the memory of his father butted in.
In his mind the scenery around him got darker and murkier, walls rising around him and a dumpster next to him getting taller… or was he getting smaller?
A chill ran down his spine as familiar laughter rang around him and he found himself wrapping his arms around himself to keep the warmth in and the fear away.
"They know now!" A voice laughed gleefully. "They know how useless you are… Take care of them? You can't look after yourself, or her. You know that Sam doesn't mean it, he's just trying to look good."
The voice whirled around him like a tornado, the downwards force of his words making Deeks fall to his knees.
"Sam respects me." Deeks called out his voice sounding younger and higher in his ears.
"RESPECTS YOU!" The voice laughed. "He respects you? How can he he doesn't know you. He doesn't know the snivelling brat who sat back and watched his mother killed because he couldn't step up for her. He doesn't know the kid who whored himself out as a stripper for an education he didn't need….He doesn't know YOU."
"I didn't...I worked for my money...I…."
"SHUT UP!" A black mass formed in front of him, "You need to respect your betters, you need to learn your place."
Deeks moaned softly in his sleep as he felt the first of his father's blows.
He watched unable to move as his mother was shot again in front of him, her eyes pleading with him to get to safety as the light left them.
Then the scene changed.
He was in the stairwell of a hotel.
He was running as fast as he could, pain throbbing through his body as the pounding of his feet sent shockwaves through his jaw.
After running for what seemed like miles he finally reached the door as he opened it there was a loud bang.
Michelle fell in front of Sam dead a bullet hole marking the means of her demise.
"NOOOOO!" Sam screamed as his wife hit the helipad.
Sidorov turned to Deeks who was holding his gun and he smiled.
"I never would have known about Quinn being CIA and you David being FBI if it wasn't for your weak handler here. He is the one you need to blame for Quinn's death. Thank you Mr. LAPD." he grinned as he turned the gun on Sam who sank to the ground his hand reaching for Michelle and his eyes looking in question at Deeks, his last words on his lips as he died.
"Why Deeks...why were you not strong enough?"
The black mass formed again and the once sunny rooftop went dark.
"You failed them, you were weak...Both Sam and Michelle are dead...now watch what happened to the people you care about because you are a weak pathetic excuse for a man." the voice sneered.
Sidorov turned to Deeks, "This is all on you." he said as the helicopter landed. He levelled his gun at Kensi and to Deeks' horror pulled the trigger.
Deeks' shrill scream rang out through the bullpen and within seconds Pete had moved to his side.
"Hey...kid...come on wake up, it's just a dream." He touched Deeks' arm.
In the dream Pete materialized next to Deeks shaking his head.
"It's not a dream kid." Pete said solemnly.
"NOOOOOO!" In the dream and in the waking world tears of horror fell from Deeks' eyes as his body thrashed to escape the horror he was witnessing.
Kensi teared up as she heard the cry fall from his lips.
"Deeks...Marty wake up, it's not real, it's a dream."
Pete in the dream turned to Deeks. "You know they all hate you now."
Deeks turned and looked at him, "You're not Pete. Pete would never say that, this isn't real!"
The bodies of Sam, Michelle and Deeks all faded away, but Sidorov and the black mass remained.
"You're dead!" Deeks said looking straight at Sidorov.
Sidorov faded but the black mass got darker and rushed towards him.
On the couch Deeks threw his arms around his head and moaned as the Mass in his mind rained blow upon blow down on him with obscenities flowing like a deranged river.
Pete pulled Deeks off the couch and onto his lap his arms wrapping around him like a blanket. "Give us some space." he said to the others and he rocked gently with Deeks murmuring into his ear.
Deeks shook his head as Pete talked softly.
"Come on kid, it's ok...wake up…"
"No….he won't let me." Deek's voice seemed uncertain.
"It's ok, he's gone...he's dead, you can come back to us, wake up."
Deeks let out a sob he couldn't hold in and opened his eyes.
"Pete?" he wriggled trying to get out of the older man's grasp.
"You back with us kid?" Pete asked.
Deeks nodded, "I'm fine." he lied.
Seven pairs of disbelieving eyes looked at him.
Deeks got to his feet, wiping down his jeans, "Ok, so I'm not fine, but I'm not hurt, just tired." he admitted avoiding looking at Sam, Michelle and Kensi.
"You need to eat Marty." Michelle said, "You all need to eat, I think you should all come to my house and Sam will fire up the grill."
"I've eaten." Deeks snapped.
He stopped as the others looked at him.
"Do you think that we will let you get away with that now?" Michelle said hands on her hips, "Everyone is invited and Everyone is coming right?"
They all nodded and Michelle moved closer to Deeks, "And I won't take no for an answer." she added softly.
Deeks gulped and nodded.