Beginning Again

So it Begins

Chapter 4/So it Begins

"It is always the start that requires the greatest effort."
~James Cash Penney

With her laptop held firmly in her left hand and stuck close to her body, Alissa headed up the stairwell thinking of the upcoming case she contemplated about going on. Should she really go? Was this just a regular case that the cops can handle? Is this something that would bring back all those old times that didn't want to be brought back up and would she be able to handle them this time around? Will she just breakdown again, if that's the case? Is her grandmother all right over there? If she's not all right now, will she be okay in the end? The bumbling amount of questions swirled in her mind as she turned the first corner sheknew by heart, continuing to walk on autopilot until she heard a familiar voice she didn't know was following her until it asked a question, breaking the chain of thoughts from her brainwork. "So I take it you're heading out then?"

She was a little startled to find someone behind her but wasn't all that surprised to figure out just who that was. "Yeah, I'mthinking about it," she said to the voice as she continued her way down the winding halls, running her free hand absentmindedly along the surfaces of the dark violet walls and the brass doorknobs of passing rooms, getting ever closer to the guest bedroom that somehow became hers over the years she's stayed at Bobby's. There wasn't much else in the room aside the usual bed and large dresser, but it was enough to make it hers. Alissa slowed down to a halt in front of a darkmahogany door, turned the handle and pushed her way inside. White walls and dark hardwood floor is what most people seewhen they enter this humble room until they look around for more details. What made this hers weren't the three shades of blue in the square patterned comforter on the bedspread or the white translucent curtains swaying to one side from the osculating fan blowing and pushing cool air, or even the books stacked neatly onto the book shelf. Yes, those were technically considered hers, but what made this room her own was the memories she made in this cozy suite; the time she took to paint the walls, the little wolf knick-knacks she found passing by garage sales on the way back from a supply run, the drawings she made and hung up carefully, the new books that Bobby got her on her twentieth birthday and spent gracious amounts of time reading every chance she got, and even the spontaneous game of hide-and-seek she played with Sam and Dean one spring afternoon. Everything she ever did, created, thought up was collected and transformed into a collage that was stashed away inside a photo album conjured up by her brain.

A large, navy duffle bag was pulled out from underneath the bed and put on top as she started to fill it with everything she needed and wanted to take with her on her trip; ten shirts for in case she slopped something on them she's have an extra to change into, four pairs of jeans, three pairs of shorts, an extra pair of sneakers, boots, bathroom supplies that were put into Ziploc bags so if they leaked, her clothes wouldn't be ruined, laptop with accompanying charger, and drawing supplies. She went back and forth through the room and down the hall to the bathroom to make sure that what she needed was in her duffle and not left behind like they have been in the past. "I can at least check out the spot like Amber suggested," Alissa told the figure who was leaning up against the door frame with his hands inside his pockets. "Plus I have family there too," she said, taking one last look around the area, double checking to make sure she had everything. "I got to make sure they're okay. You know how that's like with your brother Dean," Zipping up the duffle bag, she picked up off the bed, swung it over her shoulder as she turned to face Sam at the door.

The expression on his face appeared blank but she had a feeling that a whole different look was underneath the cover telling her he wanted her to stay. Alissa didn't know why or what his reasoning for that was. Or maybe she did know deep down in hersubconscious but wasn't going to think or voice it, at least not now of all times. He pushed off the door frame to let her through and followed her again down the hallway and finally down the stairs. "How long do you think you'll be gone for?" Sam questions after a moment of silence between them.

Alissa was just about at the bottom of the stairs when she turned her head a little to see the towering man walking down with her. "Uh," she thought for a second until answering, "I don't know, a couple days, possibly a week a most," she then turned her head back in front of her, watching where she was going so she wouldn't miss a step and take a tumble. "Why?" she asked the statement-like question to him curiously.

All she got from him was a shrug of his shoulders and a "Nothing, just wondering," like he wasn't telling her what he really wanted to say.

That made her all the more curious but she pushed it aside. "Okay then," she thought to herself as she rounded the banister, heading towards the door until the next thing she knew the duffle was pulled off her shoulder and into the hand of Sam as he hurriedly walked out the doorway and to her dark blue, two thousand and twelve, Chevrolet Camaro. She didn't have enough time to protest what he was doing because by the time she realized it, he was about half way out the door and down the porch steps. "Sam!" she called after him but it was useless; he was too busy ignoring her.

Alissa briskly walked after him to try and catch up until Dean and Bobby greeted her as they came the opposite way towards her. She then slowed down as Dean was the first to get to her. "What's he doin'?" he asks her as he glances back behind him to see Sam opening up the back driver's side door, placing the duffle on the car's seat. Dean turned his head back around, squinting in the harsh sunlight beaming in his eyes.

"He's putting my stuff in my car," Alissa replied shortly.

Dean then gave her a 'No duh' look. "Yeah I know that, but why?" he asked.

"I'm heading off to Michigan. Got something I want to check out," she replied back matter-of-factually, sticking her hands in her back pockets as she noticed Bobby walking up right behind him.

"Okay, what kind of case is in Michigan?" Dean nosily questioned, trying to find out more information. He stuck his hand to the side of his face to block out the sun; he was finally fed up with it being in his eyes.

"Family," Bobby chimes in, giving a small nod to Alissa as he steps out from behind Dean to go next to her. He gives her a quick arm around the shoulder hug, a "Be safe kiddo", and then walks up to the house. Both of them watch him walk away fora moment before returning to their conversation at hand.

"Family?" Dean confirms with a question as he crosses his arms loosely over his chest, nodding his head slowly. "So, what, Sam and I come along for a visit and soon after, you take off?" As soon as those words left his mouth he instantly regretted them as they came out too harsh than what he meant them to be, he was only kidding.

Not even missing a beat, her face changed to a glare that sent a shiver down Dean's spine. "If looks could kill, I'd probably be dead right about now..." He thought to himself at the mistake he just made.

"There's a case that's up in Lachine and it's pretty close to my Grandma's place, so I would like to at least see her," she sneered in his direction.

"Uh-huh," Dean responds unintentionally bland, shifting his arms slightly, bringing them closer to his body, which in turn made Alissa even madder than before.

She scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief at his last comment. "Are you serious, Dean? What, I can't go on a case and see my family afterward? Is that such a crime?"

Dean narrowed his eyes at her as he was getting somewhat irritated. "I never said it was bad thing, did I?"

Cutting him off she retorted, "You're making it seem that way, yeah. I haven't been up there since what happened with my parents," her head dropped as she turned away from him as a memory surfaced in her mind that she has been trying to suppress for years. She could feel tears welling in her eyes but quickly wiped them away. She didn't want Dean to see her cry. It'd break his heart if he ever saw that happen.

Dean's expression softened, realizing what he had done. "C'mon, you know I didn't mean it like that," he then walked towards her and put a hand on her right shoulder, giving a gentle comforting squeeze. "I'm sorry," were the only words that were uttered out of his mouth. He was hesitant to hug her when she got like this. It was a bad experience for him, well, for both ofthem. It didn't end well for Dean; he ended up on the ground with a broken nose and some bruising along the side of his face and on his back last time.

Alissa jerked her shoulder out of his grip and started walking up to the house saying not a word, trying to suppress those memories that were doing their damnedest to resurface again. She crossed her arms across her chest as she walked along the gravel crunching beneath her feet, her eyes were still stinging of tears making her vision a little blurry but slowly they dissipated. A thought flipped through her mind that seemed to make her even angrier. "He should be able to understand, right? I mean C'mon; at least Sam's not an ass about it," she clenched her hands into fists she continued on her way.

She made her way into the house, seeing that she thought that maybe she forgot something again. It wouldn't be the first time. She wanted to distract herself, in any way that she could. She didn't want to start breaking down, not here, not now of all times. Briskly making her way past Bobby and Sam (who somehow got past her after sticking her duffle in the car) by the kitchen talking about something, she was a little too preoccupied to really make out what is was. Her boots stomping as she jogged up the stairs into her room to make one final check and to keep her mind stalled, away from what just happened.

Walking over to the dresser in her room, she plopped down on the floor and opened up the bottom drawer. Shuffling through the contents, a red notebook popped into view. Her eyes saw it and she stopped dead, she couldn't believe it, but those mixed feelings that were bubbling up in her gut told her otherwise. She wasn't sure what do and just ended up sitting there staring at it for a few minute before building the courage to pick it up for what seems like an eternity ago. Slowly taking it out of the drawer, she started thumbing through it, one page at a time. There was always that one page that made her stop and stare. Tears were welling up again. A few drops fell, leaving tiny, wet circles in various spots and on that single piece of paper was a note addressed to her. On that note, scrawled in cursive letters it read:


When you get home, we need some supplies. Can you get some?
We will see you when we get back from this case out in Traverse City.

Love ya

-Mom & Dad"

She read the words over and over again, her lips moving but no sound came out. She knew if she started reading it aloud, a few sobs might escape and she might not have the motivation to head to Michigan, let alone leave her room. Taking a deep breath, she closed the notebook and put it carefully back into the bottom drawer, shutting it tight along with the feelings she was experiencing. Getting up off the floor, she headed towards the door wiping off the hot tears streaming down her face. Shestopped at the doorway taking one last look at the bottom drawer, she turned around and headed out. Walking back down the stairs, she ran a couple fingers through her hair and out the door once again. Alissa tried her best to flip her thoughts around and think of something else. Anything to not stir up anymore tears. She didn't need those right now. She just wanted to get the hell out of there and go back home. She didn't care if Dean was going after her or not.

She saw him walking towards her, "If he has anything to say, I'm not listening, not yet," She thought to herself. She wasn't ready for another argument to come her way, sow was not one of those times because of how badly shaken she was on the inside and in the back of her mind. As he got closer to her, she lifted up her hand signaling to stay away and don't even talk to her. "Don't, Dean," she told him, "I can't..." Those last words were just a whisper to her as she continued walking to her car, pulling out her car keys in the process. She opened the driver's side door, hopped inside, put the key into the ignition to start it up, and drove off with Singer Salvage disappearing into the distance.

Not even twenty minutes later, vibrations buzzed repeatedly in the cup holders as she drove down the interstate. She automatically knew who it was on the other end of that line, which was a no brainer. Getting fed up with the amount of phone calls, texts, anything and everything else that was coming through on her phone, she decided answer it and to hopefully get him off her back. "Jesus, Dean!" she was starting to get annoyed real fast, "Will you leave me alone? I know you want to talk, but I'm not in the mood right now," and with that she ended the call, not even giving the person on the other end a chance torespond or even talk back. She then put the phone back in the cup holder, and flipped it to silent. She didn't want to deal with anymore crap today; she was done.

After some fourteen, almost fifteen, hours straight of driving later, and being dead tired, a motel sounded pretty good. She wished she would have topped about two hours earlier to rest but wanted to get as close as she could to her destination so she wouldn't have to travel as far the next day as well as not causing a car crash on the way. She's never been so tired in herlife!

Finally stopping just outside of Lansing, a motel came into view. She pulled into the parking lot, almost hitting another car on the back bumper; she finally managed to park it without any damages to her or other people's cars. Getting out and grabbing her duffle out of the back seat while trying not to fall down from exhaustion, she checked in, was handed her room key and off she went down the long hallway before finding it all the way at the end. Boy, did she ever feel lucky! Putting the key into the lock after dropping the keys a few times, she manages to open the door. Stumbling in through the darkness, not bothering to turn on any lights, she dropped her duffle by the bed carelessly, along with her phone on the bedside table. Taking off her jacket and shoes, she threw them wherever, plopping down she finally crashed onto the bed and within a few minutes she was out like a light and into a dreamless sleep.

A/N: Dammit Dean! You gotta watch what you say! So it turns out that Alissa has taken off to Michigan and here she is. Wonder what's going to happen? Hmm.

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