Rescue and endless light
A significant moment when Fenris is my hero though he does not remember i cherish him
Zevran's 'romantic' letters
Shakira suerte (zev music)
The Rasmus: Lucifer’s Angel Fenris video
From Sabriel's night journal:
My dream flashbacks of what happened to me as a child repeated often but never did I wake up screaming, and my heart rate was normal when I dozed off to real sleep afterwards. No one should be worried about me, when it was not a prophetic sort of nightmare like Alistair about the Archdemon. I accepted it as natural and a reminder of how much Fenris means to me.
Now I decided to keep a record of each detail of this past, to retell should the occasion arise. That night I had only explained how I discovered my power, but not the regularity and the clarity of everything. Because I can’t add another worry to Fenris’ life, when he is just beginning to feel more optimistic.
They had come for me, in my old house. I was gagged and bound, dangling off the kidnapper’s shoulder. Screaming and kicking as much as I could and satisfied that some of them cursed when my feet connected with faces. I could not hear properly what they said, after a purplish haze smothered my senses.
I blacked out and then heard some voices shouting to give up. I was still bounced vigorously and made out a figure with white hair and a longsword running to me. Then people blocked him. My groggy mind wondered, is he the elf who won’t talk to me? Then I got tossed against a pillar, my head missing by an inch. Finally the world stopped moving, but my hands were still tied. Someone had also secured my ankles tightly. Shit! I think it was some kind of big room.
All were still fighting, clang of swords, grunts, the men in black against the uniformed guards, and… Fenris! It was the very first time I saw him become an incandescent blue glow, sweeping through some people. They dropped like flies, and retrieving the huge sword he cleaved at others. Uniformed guards were also being slaughtered.
My throat burned from screaming too much and I watched all the action. The good side seemed to be losing men, only Fenris and one man remained standing. But I just focused on the Lyrium elf who was still blue. How did he do that? Metallic scent of blood filled my nostrils and I coughed. He was not barehanded but wearing the metal gloves, one of it darkened with wet fluid. He swept his sword in a warning arc, his lips moving and panting.
The blackshirts surrounding them were far too many. I yearned to call out his name, to ease the tension and exhaustion on his sweat-drenched face. The foes had evil- looking crossbows, like Uncle Varric’s Bianca. Then Fenris cursed, an arrow embedding itself in his back! “Ah shit! How…” the remaining guard shouted, parrying someone’s weapon clumsily. Their reflexes were slow.
Somehow the warrior remained standing, breaking my heart. Red had smeared on white hair andall over his face. His wild green eyes connected with mine and he mouthed my name. I shook my head hard, don’t come any closer! Turn back, please! You’re hurt! But Fenris ignored my silent urges, grit his teeth and summoned some strength to stab someone with his gauntlet. At the same time, Fenris slashed others that charged carelessly from his left. Ring of steel and more blood.
Fenris did not take his eyes off my position but spoke something low and fierce. Suddenly my long hair was being grabbed a burning spike of agony, and I screamed. When the red haze left, something sharp was pressed to my neck.
“Tell Them to stop, or you die.” The thick accented voice ordered me.
I attempted to but could barely breathe.
“Let her go, scumbag.” Fenris growled, aiming the Greatsword at him. His voice was strong though his arm trembled.
The person cackled. “We don’t see no money. And look, you’re outnumbered. All of you will die here. Maybe if you produced some gold… ” Once again, the asshole commanded me to speak. Beneath the vestiges of my petrifying fear, some force within me defied his threat: How dare you command me? !
“I am fine. Walk away,” I said hoarsely, as Hot Rage sparked inside.
The knife near me shifted and they talked.
Fenris lowered his head, his grip slackening on his weapon. My friend’s eartips were twitching. Suffering, death, agony, must save them, damn this! Help me Maker!
I jerked at the rope, furious with the tautness. Then some crossbows twanged and both men cried out. The human knelt, sobbing. Fenris closed his eyes and swayed on his feet, the sword clattering from numb fingers. Maybe they all thought he was doomed.
Every shot they fired fuelled the searing emotions. Don't they dare hurt him again!
In the split second when the Fury roared with the urge to be unleashed and my hands filled with golden flames, Fenris looked at me once and ripped the heart out from the speaker. Tossing it aside, he rushed past me. The ropes melted from the scorching tidal wave, causing some bloodcurdling screams. The nearest blackshirt had not run off and suddenly his evil smile was replaced by horror when I glared at him. My sight was engulfed in ivory and gold fire radiance Yes take them all! Slay them for causing us pain! Protect Fenris It seemed to shout in glee and justice.
After that, it all died out and all I saw were smears of black around where I stood.
Faint sounds of groans and fighting were audible, I’m free. Where is… The elf came to me, his lyrium disabled. “Are you all right?” he asked breathlessly, but did not wait for an answer. It took a few tries before I managed a nod. Fenris told the man to follow and lifted me into his arms, and ran. Were people pursuing us? His armor smelled of metallic blood and sweat.
“You’re bleeding, Fenris! Stop. You can’t.” Those crossbows, they had fired at him! Just now he had closed his eyes, before. What if he doesn’t stop bleeding? “Put me down,” I implored with my sore throat, touching his chest. However he did not hear me. Then after some time, the sensation of being bumped slowed. Fenris sounded awfully ragged and I felt him shaking.
He whispered something like if I was hurt and let go of me, collapsing in a heap. My eyes filled with tears, that it was my fault. Fenris had fainted on his side. I repeated over and over : No I’m not hurt, Fenris don’t leave me. You’re hurt but I can't help you! The silver lyrium looked washed out on his ashen skin. Blood seeped from his mouth, accentuating the internal injuries he must have from all those cruel embedded arrows!
I ignored the pain of the spiked gloves and held his hand. The shock of it sank in and I cried hard. Fenris was barely breathing. I didn't know what to do, should I take off his breastplate? Did he have a pulse? Through all that metal, he might suffocate. I leaned close, hearing his gasping.
Eventually somebody consoled me that it would be all right. Hands tugged me away, and I weakly struggled.
( At this I stopped writing, for my vision had clouded over a He barely knew me then and yet he risked his very life to… ) I could not understand their language. Then that survivor, with Fenris had come close and was pointing at me, pale and ranting something. The end of the flashback was his pure horror like I was a demon.
I simply glared at him impassively.
I padded out, noticing Zev’s room had a sliver of light. “Zevran? Are you sleeping?” I called then remembered his acute hearing. No need to be loud. He opened the door and smiled.
“Sabriel, hi. Eh you’re not tired?” He pushed some hair from his face. I liked his honey-warm voice, always reassuring.
“Can, can I talk to you?” I let him hug me and invite me inside. Zevran lay across the bed, leaning on one elbow and I sat, telling him in a rush about the dream. Throughout, he did not say anything only raising his brows and sharp intakes of breath. “Did you… hear me scream just now? Sorry, if too noisy. I don’t know if… ”
Zev brushed my cheek, rolling the ‘Rs’ as he answered, “Always worrying if I’m affected. No I didn’t. It’s not at all your fault. Screaming is normal. Hm, but Fenris did two nights ago. I truly wanted to help, but the night servants, they stopped me. Said it’s dangerous, it is?” He bit his lip and drummed his fingers on a leather bound book.
“Yes, very. It’s better not to touch Fen, he’s not aware and may kick or hit you. And that blue magic hurts. I found that it won’t hurt me, not sure why.” Hadn’t Fenris taken sleeping draughts? Poor guy.
We were quiet for a while and I thought Zevran had dozed off. “Um then why aren’t you sleeping?”
The bookcover said it was a history of kings in Fereldan.
His face was in shadow despite the table light. “Well, it’s not unusual. Being an assassin, constantly alert. I tend to wait till really late before I lie down or I just cannot. Sometimes I talk to myself. Or drink Antivan brandy.” He chuckled, lightening the topic and sounded unlike a killer at all. “Trust me, milady you look really worried. I am all ears.”
His tanned hand with calluses covered mine. My heart grew lighter with his touch.
“I know. Thanks, Zevran. Fenris doesn’t remember what happened. It’s stressful enough though he cares about me. I mean, I’ve told him once but not how many times I dream. Has he… told you about Danarius? The magister that put the markings on him.”
“Ah perhaps. It’s hazy, only remember my time fighting alongside Alistair, and the darkspawn. So the nightmares about that guy?” I said a better word would be fiend. “Let’s move on, my friend… Why did they catch you? For ransom?” Zevran moved closer to me.
His honey eyes reflected concern as he leaned forward. “I don’t know… was very young then. After, the power didn’t return until someone insulted my friends. I don’t want to hurt innocent people, it was good that it protected us. But, I need to understand it.”
Zev made no comment, just yawned. Oh, he must be worn out. “You do enjoy the history book eh? Haha, good night. Ma Serannas.”
I stood up to go. “Welcome. Er, could you stay for awhile please?” Zevran implored.
“Sure. You afraid of the dark?”
“No I just want some.. companionship Sab.” I wanted to correct him, but the elf’s breathing deepened. Even if he is a sinner, I don’t want to view him as evil and this mutual trust between us would blossom. The Antivan kept his promise about the Rinna dreams, which he brought up occasionally. Though Zev still had a lingering regret about this, he felt hopeful someday she would visit him in the Fade. I was working on that, but not to worry Fen with the supernatural aspect of this ‘favour’.
On the good side, we also continued writing notes that illustrated and proved his sincerity and his affection!
It’s really nice to see your name and get it right! And really exciting to talk to another elf! My spelling on names sucks. You’re very welcome. I wanted to make you that drawing. No trouble at all. Aunty Aveline means no harm, and I wish we had been able to introduce you in a better way. She’s actually not a rash person, calmer than me. Fenris respects her a lot. Her sense of right and wrong are clear, though I am still talking to her about your good points Zev. I think, Aveline is named after a knight in Fereldan history.
Theré’s a legend of another Aveline who disguised as a male to take part in Arena games. She had been adopted by the Dalish, got trained with their archery and so on. When she removed her helm they were so outraged. She won ! But they could not accept it. Not sure if she was exiled. Not sure if you heard this tale… oh you’re part Dalish. Am I wrong?
Is the lady elf really called Merry? Haha! I like the way you talk to us and it’s comfortable. As in, you are not spiteful and proud. Some asses or fools talk so much without meaning. I don’t understand how anyone can be angry and think poorly of you, when you’re such a pro at everything. I think you’re a steadfast and wise friend, Zevran.
Pro is our youth lingo for expert. J Ah I’m digressing so this will be much longer than the other note. Shall secretly smuggle this paper, when you’re not looking. Fun! Wanna make it like a game?
Oh yes Fenris likes having you here with us. I’m sorry if he’s not direct, cos he’s quite shy. It took me almost six years, and after that incident, to have this closeness. Mainly, because those tattoos make his skin highly allergic on certain days, that’s why we can’t do prolonged hugs. I like matching fingers with him, which he suggested as a kind of love too. Give him time all right?
Will you be going back to Antiva, Zev? I will be sad if you do, please don’t hesitate to tell us if you need any help. Hm I don’t know what my name means.
Yours truly, Sabriel
The next time, I received his heartfelt response bound with a red ribbon on my desk, beside it was a long stemmed rose, still with dewdrops. It was so sweet of Zev! When I had run upstairs today, past him, he had pretended not to notice anything. He would be at home most of the time, with barely enough sleep and not fully recovered internal injuries. They didn’t let me know, but I saw Zevran taking another batch of herbs, very groggy on some days. The matters he helped with were translating and deciphering paperwork that Fenris, Aveline and the rest didn’t have patience to go through. The Antivan got some rewards when they succeeded, I supposed.
I intended to start reading it right away, but Zevran persuaded me to have lunch with him, and our schedules had been different for the past week. (More on this later)
I was tickled by what he had wrote, and easily pictured his voice too:
Dear Sabriel, I’m speechless by your nice words and really going to cry. Because you’ve touched something inside me, I thought was lost. I had to recopy the first page which got wet haha! Let’s see, yup I’m part Dalish. I don’t know much about them except they’ve very good reflexes, archers and my mother was one. She fell in love with my father a woodcutter.
You’re quite observant and eloquent for one so young. I’m an elf, live longer than humans so it’s a matter of experience. When you see me in the morning, don’t be alarmed alright? I’m a bit stressed if you and Fenris will not recognize me. There’s been some changes to my… appearance that would help with subtlety, then I’ll be able to look more local.
The lady elf Merrill you mean? Merry is fine, close enough. I take it as no problem, she didn’t correct me. Thank you for the Aveline story. No I have not heard of it yet, they don’t respect women in the Arena? Did you mean in Fereldan?
I cannot imagine women being non warriors, the Dalish and Antivans include women in sparring and duels, and they are equally competent in the wars. Is that so, Aveline can be calm? True, I meant no disrespect, regret we could not have met on better terms. I would have apologized, but felt quite hurt and emotional. You are kind to vouch for me, Sabriel… will it land you in trouble? I would not want her to fall out with you.
No problem, I enjoy reading long letters. Not that I’m busy. I’ve not yet recovered, maybe you know. Being an assassin, it’s not customary to show anyone how weak I am so I hardly admit. But we do live together, so I shouldn’t scare people fainting and coughing blood, no? The lung infection has cleared, thank the Maker.
[ at this part, I felt pity stirring for Zevran, that he still remains positive must be hard]
Oh this question, how can anyone think poorly of me. But they mostly think so. Even the other Crows were jealous of me. Shall I repeat how many glares and scornful words came my way? But I don’t want to sound pathetic, really. If you promise not to laugh, I can tell you more. Only the group’s hound and the dwarves with the cart walked beside me, and guess where Zevran ranked? Too honest, I should’ve told them I’m from some other guild : ) I feel nothing like that with you and Fenris. He knows my past, and maybe you don’t have the full understanding and prejudice of what my identity meant. Can I ask that we continue, without barriers?
My grasp of the human language is not so smooth. If you are unsure what I’m trying to express, I’ll explain again. It’s all good don’t worry. When you’re not rushing off somewhere and Fenris is free, can we spend the day together? The servants are fine, but they don’t really count as friends. Or lovers haha.
The good in me, you think so? Wow such as? Please tell me! I am all ears. The healer said I should try to be calm and happy. He was angry that I quarrelled with Lelianna, braska how did he know? I like to curse Braska in my tongue, means shit. Good jest.
Yea I know you like my tales, my dear. I’ve many more but shall keep the best for the last.
Cannot wait to see you both when you’re back.
Love (yes I mean it haha),