All good things are three


The twins try to cheer the famous Balrog slayer up but the attempt fails catastrophically, and the effects may be long lasting. Crack fic with some erotic content.

Humor / Erotica
Age Rating:

All good things are three

The great hall was filled with elves and the fireplace was throwing a warm and cozy light all over the room. There was drinking and merrymaking going on everywhere and the festive mood had lasted for a few days. It was finally spring after a very long and terribly cold winter and so the lord of Imladris had arranged for a small festival to be held, in honor of the season. A small festival had swiftly transformed into a huge one and the elves in charge of the wine cellar were getting a bit nervous that they would run out of good wine soon,

In a corner one of the more famous inhabitants of Imladris sat with a goblet of wine, staring into the fireplace with a distant look in his eyes, the golden haired warrior was throwing back one goblet after the other at a break neck speed and he was a bit drunk by now, something that was most unusual. His usually so open and friendly expression was gone as well, he looked grumpy and he didn’t partake in the singing and dancing like he normally would. Instead he barely spoke to anyone and he answered with short brusque sentences when somebody tried to involve him in their conversations. He just didn’t want to talk, he was sulking and looked like a thundercloud that is about to unleash one heck of a storm.

The twins stood in a different corner and they had witnessed this before, sometimes the balrog slayer would fall into what could only be described as a mood fouler than that of a dragon with a toothache and the reason was well known to all. He missed Gondolin, and one elf in particular. He became sentimental each spring, remembering the fallen city and sometimes that sentimental feeling got the better of him and turned him into a grouch for a few days. Everybody knew that they ought to stay clear of his path when that feeling hit him, he could be a bit nasty and although he never turned violent or something like that he would most certainly snap at people. The twins watched the sad spectacle with sparkling eyes, they had come up with a plan. In their eyes there was one thing that was bound to get him out of his misery and that was some good old fashioned loving.

Glorfindel was very sought after and he could basically get whoever he wanted there, but he was surprisingly controlled. The few lovers he had been associated with had all been fellow warriors and the affairs had been swift and seemingly just a means to slake his carnal needs. Elrohir and Elladan stared at each other, this would be a great cure for his moodiness! They had discovered this one medicine in their father’s apothecary and it was said to make people very aroused. In their opinion that was just what Glorfindel needed to get out of his depression, a good roll between the sheets with someone. And drunk as he was he wouldn’t have any breaks left and would probably go for just about anybody who tried to flirt, and that included almost every one of the warriors who favored males.

They had already spiked the last goblet he had drunk, slipped the medicine in as the waitress got distracted by Elladans almost lyrical description of the necklace she was wearing and how nice it looked dangling between her breasts. They were eagerly awaiting the reaction, it ought to come soon.

Glorfindel was staring into the flames and his heart was aching, one of the musicians had been playing the flute and the song reminded him so much of one Ecthelion had used to play. It almost brought tears to his eyes and he had to swallow and swallow again not to sob. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Imladris and his new life for he did but the memories could sometimes be a bit hard to push aside. And in springtime harder than usual, since so much had happened back then that he associated with that season. He sighed and finished his goblet, he had lost count of how much he had been drinking and he was prepared to stagger back to his room and let sweet unconsciousness claim him for a few hours. Tomorrow he would have the mother of all hangovers and he would curse himself but the memories would hopefully have stopped haunting him. He had returned from a patrol just the day before and it had been a frustratingly boring one. A month out in the wilds, with a group of warriors he just didn’t see eye to eye with and rain rain and even more rain. And barely an orc in sight. They had come across one group of orcs though, and the creatures had been few, sparsely armed and scrawny and it hadn’t even been fun slaughtering them. No wonder he felt like shit!

The group he had been leading was originally under the command of another one of the officers of Imladris and they had become terribly spoiled, or so he thought. So he tried to straighten them up a bit and the result was that they hated his guts. He tried to tell them it was for their own good but those brats just didn’t seem to understand it. They complained about everything and he wished that he could have pushed them through the kind of routine the warriors of Gondolin had been used to, that ought to have shown them what it really meant to be a soldier. That only made him think of Ecthelion again, damnation! He had been so handsome in his parade outfit and even more so in his armor. Glorfindel still remembered the last time he saw him, on the great square, armed and ready to do his all to protect the city and its inhabitants. He remembered the fierce glimpse within those bright blue eyes and the way he held his chin up high, proudly. Glorfindel sighed and stared at his goblet, it didn’t seem as if the wine would offer him any relief this time, he let out a small frustrated growl and took a look at the room around him. Everybody was so bloody merry!! Couldn’t they see that he was miserable? How dared they having so much fun when he sat there mourning his first real love?

He cringed, at first he hadn’t really understood what it was that he felt for his fellow officer, he had thought that it was friendly affection, or rather, he had convinced himself that it was as simple as that. The thought of the times they met made a hot wave surge through him and he had to close his eyes for a moment. Ecthelion had been so brave, so free of worry and doubt. He had felt no shame, never doubted his feelings and seen them as just natural and something he ought to embrace. Glorfindel on the other hand had been terrified when he discovered that yes, it was lust, and yes, he did want to have sex with his friend. He could almost feel the scent of his lover’s hair once more, feel his hands upon his body and Glorfindel blinked and stared straight ahead with an expression of sheer shock. He was getting aroused, what was he thinking?! Having fantasies of his lost lover in a public place like that? Had he lost his mind? Oh it was the wine, surely it was the wine. He ought to leave, before he did something very stupid indeed. He tried to force the sensation back but it stayed, and got stronger. He was glad he was wearing some very loose pants and a set of long robes for right now he was as hard as a flagpole and aching.

What was wrong with him? Suddenly he remembered how Ecthelion had used to caress him, how slender but oh so strong hands had stroked his aching length with teasing touches, in just the right rhythm to make him mad with need. He shuddered, felt how sweat started to drench his underclothes and he was breathing harder. Eru! It really had been a long time since he had been with anyone but he didn’t want to bed some other elf, not now, not while he remembered Ecthelion in such a vivid manner. It would be like desecrating a sacred memory and he got up and tried to walk out of the hall casually and relaxed. It was impossible, he was sporting a hard on that made it hard to walk normally and he was drunk too. He was swaying more than walking and had to stick to the walls to prevent himself from falling and hurting himself.

When he finally managed to get outside of the hall he had to stop for a moment to get some fresh air, and to gather his senses. Oh damnation how he remembered it all, all the times they had met, playing this intricate game of seduction without anyone noticing anything out of the ordinary. How every word, every gesture had been loaded with innuendo, with wicked promises and indecent proposals and how it had made his blood boil. Now it boiled again, like never before and he was clinging to the railing outside of the hall in order to not topple over. By everything sacred, he had to make this stop, before he went absolutely insane. His nipples had gone stiff and chaffed against the rough fabric of his shirt and he had always had sensitive nipples. Ecthelion had discovered that very fast and used the fact for all it was worth, it had made Glorfindel buck and moan and squirm on more than one occasion.

He staggered down a staircase into one of the many gardens that could be found around the city, then he followed a narrow path towards one of the more hidden nooks of the valley. It was a small garden covered with willowtrees and it was a veritable jungle, the elf responsible for its maintenance had sailed three years before and nobody had taken over his task. Now nobody went there and Glorfindel knew he wouldn’t be seen by anybody. He grasped onto the trunk of an old willow and sank down onto his knees, panting. He had closed his eyes and was seeing it again, the first time Ecthelion had given him a blow job. He had never experienced something like it and hadn’t even imagined how it would feel but it had made him explode and he had almost passed out. Glorfindel whimpered, struggling with the laces of his pants, with his belt and his underwear but finally he got it all out of the way and moaned with relief when the uncomfortable tightness was gone.

He closed his eyes, remembered the wicked glimpse within his lover’s eyes as he had kissed the head of Glorfindel’s cock and then taken it all into his mouth and far down his throat. That shock still burned in his memory and he gasped and started stroking himself, almost desperately. One hand supporting him against the tree and the other busy like few times before. It wasn’t that he didn’t touch himself, he did, but not that often and he preferred to be in control of his own desires. Now it was rather obvious that whatever control he had was slipping away like a greased lightning bolt and he groaned and gasped and felt how his body tensed up. Great, he would come and then this madness would be over and he could go to his rooms and have a long nights sleep. He was oozing pre come and it made the grip slippery and made it possible for him to keep a rather vigorous rhythm, before long his balls tightened, his muscles started contracting and he threw his head back and fought the urge to scream as he came hard. The pleasure made him see sparks and stars and he shuddered almost violently and the bark of the willow he was leaning into got decorated by thick ropes of white pearlescent fluid. He couldn’t remember having come that much in ages! When it finally let go of him he was dizzy, lightheaded and feeling very drowsy and heavy. Sweet Eru, it had been wonderful, he had really needed that. Now he would have a good night’s sleep for sure.

If it hadn’t been a bit chilly still he would have allowed himself to fall asleep on the spot, next to the tree there in the garden, but he knew it would rain soon and he didn’t want to be drenched so he got himself back into his pants and giggled to himself. Ecthelion had mentioned that once, that he produced such large quantities of come. It was unusual and it had made him a bit proud back then, Ecthelion had jokingly made a remark about giving him a blowjob being comparable with a full meal when it came to nutrition and then they both had laughed.

In the halls the twins had seen Glorfindel leave alone and they stared at each other, disappointment visible on their handsome faces. Darn, now he would be just as grumpy for the next days to come. Well, nothing to do about that, perhaps the medicine hadn’t worked? They hadn’t dared to ask their father whether or not it would work mixed with wine, perhaps it had failed to affect him. Or perhaps he just was too drunk to notice. Well, they would have to try again sometime later, and just stay clear of the balrog slayer for a few days to come. Too bad, Glorfindel had really acted as if he would benefit from getting laid and they had only thought if his well-being. It felt a bit sad that their efforts had been in vain. They would have been so much happier if they had seen him leave with someone, he did deserve some pleasant company, and they felt that he would have been way better off spending the night with someone caring and gentle.

Glorfindel managed to get out of the garden and found his way through the falling darkness towards the buildings which held the apartments used by the inhabitants of the valley, he was a bit more in control of his feet now and felt way better. He was contemplating maybe dropping by the baths for a quick soak when he suddenly heard some sounds coming from a dark corner between two houses. There was no doubt about what was going on, somebody were having a very good time indeed and he rolled his eyes and shook his head. The elves of this age! Back in Gondolin nobody would have done it in such a public place. The small nook was well hidden but the sounds! Everybody could hear what they were doing!

He didn’t knew what possessed him but he got closer, peeked out behind a bush and what he saw made him blush all the way to the tip of his ears. It was two of the guards, both were off duty or else he would have reported them but the sigh sent a warm wave to his groin yet again. One was dark and the other a pale blonde and the blond was bent over the backrest of a bench with his pants around his ankles. The tall dark haired ellon was buried balls deep in the blonde’s ass, thrusting vigorously and the blonde was panting and whimpering and swearing as he clung onto the bench for dear life. Glorfindel had to bite into his sleeve to prevent himself from moaning loudly, oh how this reminded him of himself and Ecthelion. They had shared a moment like that more than once, and Glorfindel had never allowed anyone but Ecthelion to take him. Once they had attended to a party thrown by the king and they had been hiding in a window behind a huge tapestry, Glorfindel bent over the bench the ladies used to sit on while embroidering and Ecthelion fucking him hard and fast. He remembered Ecthelion grasping his chin, stifling his cries with kisses and then they both had spilled and Glorfindel had been sure someone would hear them but nobody had in the racket and nobody came to sit in the windowsill neither. It had been insane, and wonderful, and exhilarating. The knowledge that they could get caught any minute had made it so much more thrilling than usual.

The two guards were getting close, panting harder, grunting and the sound of skin slapping against skin got more frantic. Glorfindel saw that the blonde came first, spurting all over the bench and shaking so badly the dark haired ellon had to keep a tight grip on his hips not to be dislodged. He too came groaning and cursing and Glorfindel had had enough. It brought forth too many memories and to his despair and shock he was once more rock hard and in desperate need of yet another release. He staggered off, desperate to find somewhere to hide. His rooms were too far away, he feared that he would simply soil his pants if he tried to reach them. He almost ran into the first door he reached, it was the public privy and luckily it was empty. He got into a booth, closed the door firmly behind him and got his pants out of the way yet again. He stared down at himself, a bit shocked by his own raging desire. He couldn’t remember having been that horny for ages, but perhaps it was the vivid memories spring had reawakened? Yes, that had to be it. He remembered his former lover so very well and this was the result. He had been too harsh with himself for too long, denied himself pleasure and that usually went rather well but now his need for control came back to bite him where it hurt the most. He groaned and leaned against the wall, using one hand to stroke his shaft and the other to caress his balls, that usually got him off rather fast. He needed this to be over with before someone entered the privy for the idea of being caught red handed so to speak was too embarrassing to even think of.

He was getting closer yet again, closing his eyes and imagining Ecthelion’s face the way he looked seconds before he came, those huge blue eyes glassy with pleasure, pupils blown wide open and his mouth slightly ajar. Oh he had been so lovely, so tantalizing. Then he heard it, the door opened and he swallowed a gasp and froze completely, his hand on his cock and his legs trembling, both from the awkward bent position he was in and from the pleasure that threatened to make him burst any second. He shivered, oh no, he had to hold it in, to keep himself from coming. He was physically unable to stay quiet when he reached an orgasm, he always made some noise and he tried to breathe normally. The other person got into a stall and he heard fabric being removed and that someone sat down. Aiii, this was embarrassing. He tried to make some appropriate sounds, as if someone was sitting there doing the normal business and the other person apparently swallowed the bait.

Glorfindel was sweating profusely, his balls were aching and he couldn’t move even an inch or he would come. He was teetering on the edge of an abyss and he had to think about every breath of air to stay in control of himself. Images were flashing before his inner eye, of himself and his dark haired lover, embracing each other, writhing in pleasure and he clenched his teeth together and tried to think of slaughtering orcs instead but nope, his mind didn’t want to go in that direction at all. The other elf was groaning and making a lot of sound, apparently the poor ellon was suffering from constipation for he was indeed using a lot of time, and obviously also a lot of effort judging from the sounds. Glorfindel compared them with those of a laboring cow in his inner thoughts. Damnation, what had that ellon been eating? Glorfindel was disgusted having to listen to that sort of activity and yet he didn’t get any less aroused, no, that stayed the same no matter what. The elf in the other stall finished with a groan that made the walls shiver and then there was the sound of someone cleaning themselves up and Glorfindel was getting completely desperate. He didn’t dare to let go of his grip, for if he did even that small movement would break down the dam and he closed his eyes and counted backwards from one hundred. Ahh shite, counting! That too triggered a memory, of one evening when they had been playing a sort of naughty hide and seek. The one who managed to sneak up on the other undetected would be allowed to fuck the loser and Glorfindel had lost, on purpose. He just loved the feeling of Ecthelion filling him, stretching him to the point where it hurt but that pain only added to the pleasure.

The stranger finally left the privy and Glorfindel gasped and leaned onto the wall again, thrusting hard into his own hand and he just exploded, biting his lip to stop himself from screaming like a dying orc. He managed to hit the hole perfectly since he leaned forward over it and yet again he was lightheaded, shivering and soaking with sweat. Sweet sweet relief, well, now he had to be finished for sure. He managed to get a grasp of himself, got his clothes back in order, washed his hands and hoped that nobody would be able to smell what he had done in there. But there were plenty of other odors masking the scent of seed and he threw some dirt from a bucket in the corner down into the whole, just to cover it up. Now it was time for bed, and he bet he would sleep like a log.

He managed to get back to his room, drowsy and with legs that barely could keep him standing. He mumbled to himself as he clumsily removed his garments and got ready for bed. Oh it would be wonderful, a good night of sleep in his own familiar bed with nice warm blankets and a soft matrass and no goddamn roots digging into his ribs. He had never understood the silvans, they often slept in the trees and he couldn’t understand how they managed to do that without falling down. It had to be very unpleasant to say the least, and he shivered at the thought and climbed into bed, naked as he usually was when he went to bed.

Oh the feel of his sheets against his skin, so silky and warm. He snuggled against his pillow and closed his eyes with a smile on his face. The smooth sensation was just like Ecthelion’s hair, it had been so silky and warm and sensual against his skin and he remembered one time when his lover had ridden him and had bent backwards so his hair had brushed over Glorfindel’s thighs. It had made the golden haired warrior loose every little ounce of control that he had had, and he had come screaming his lover’s name. He remembered the first time he saw Ecthelion naked, that was the first time he also realized what he was feeling, and allowed himself to accept it. It had been summer and the heat had been blistering, the two of them had visited a tavern and walked back towards the palace leaning onto each other, both a bit drunk and very merry and they had stopped by a fountain and Ecthelion had suddenly just ripped his clothes off and jumped in, without hesitation. Glorfindel had just stared, in awe and shock. He remembered how Ecthelion’s black hair had contrasted against his pale skin, like marble and onyx and how those blue eyes had shone with mischief.

Oh that body, toned and elegant like that of a huge cat, so beautiful and so tempting. He had gotten hard and had tried to fight it, to stay cool and calm and look elsewhere. But it had been impossible. His eyes had been glued to Ecthelion’s beauty and his eyes had wandered south, without him even noticing. To his shock Ecthelion had been hard too and then he had waded out of the water and over to Glorfindel and he had leaned forth and kissed him and Glorfindel just lost it. He came in his pants, there and then, like some hormone ridden youth!

The memory made him squirm but then he also remembered what he had seen, that delectable body, so hauntingly handsome. He remembered every inch of that hroa, had touched and tasted and worshiped it over and over again. He remembered how his lover would squirm if the back of his knees were touched for he was ticklish there, and how he would moan if Glorfindel licked or bit the back of his neck, just beneath the hairline. Oh, and the wonderful sounds he made when Glorfindel took his cock deep within his throat, humming and caressing his balls at the same time. It was the loveliest music anyone could imagine and the taste of his seed the most delectable treat imaginable. He had loved Ecthelion like none other and now the memories were all he had left and they were so haunting and so terribly real. He let out a gasp, lifted his head and stared down his own body, it looked as if someone had tried to make a tent out of his blanket. Morgoth’s rotten molars, not again?!! Hadn’t he had enough yet? What was wrong with him, oh fuck!

He gave inn, no point in fighting it for he knew that attempting to do that would be just plain stupid. He was simply too aroused to be able to control himself at all. He started caressing his skin again, pretending it was Ecthelion’s hand that was playing with his nipples, caressing his sensitive spots. He kissed his own hand, trying to imagine that it was his lover’s lips and the warmth and need grew almost unbearable. He whimpered, surrendered completely to the wild desire surging through his body and before he knew it he was humping one of his pillows like mad. He came screaming into another one and yet he wasn’t satisfied, nowhere near it. He was burning, aching, stroking himself until he started to feel sore and then he found some oil from a small jar he kept in his night table and that made it easier but still he didn’t really get there. It wasn’t enough to sate him, to quench the desperate lust that had seemed to possess him completely.

He swore, opened the drawer again and pulled out an object he never had used while being alone. One of his former lovers had brought it and suggested that Glorfindel ought to use it while taking him and they had tried and it had been overwhelming but he hadn’t really felt the need to use the toy when he was on his own. Now on the other hand he craved the feeling of being filled so badly and he oiled it up and sat up on his knees, got it into position and let himself slowly slide down onto the very realistic phallus. He groaned, it burned and yet it felt so good, and then it hit that spot inside of him that he had been unaware of until Ecthelion had fingered him and showed him what secrets his body was hiding. White lightening exploded behind his eyes and pleasure surged out from the base of hic cock, filling his entire nervous system with a feeling that was just breathtaking. He let out a hoarse cry, started to move up and down as if he was riding someone and he used one hand on his still hard cock and the other for support, he closed his eyes, imagined being there with Ecthelion and it was so real. He could smell his lover, feel his hands caressing him and he just let go of every thought and moaned and howled as he went along. His rooms were in a separate wing of the huge building and only if the guestrooms were filled did Elrond place anyone else in that wing. Nobody would hear him.

He sobbed with need, eyes rolled back and mouth wide open and it felt as if he was coming again and again and he roared like a stag during the rut, slamming down against the toy, making the bed creak and groan just as bad as he did. He was screaming Ecthelion’s name, the name of other lovers he had had, the names of several valar, he was cursing in almost every language known to elvenkind, even kuzdul, and some of the things he said would have made even Morgoth blush like a dainty maiden. He was howling, screaming and groaning and sweat was flowing off him, the bed swayed with his movements and the headboard was pounding against the wall in a rhythm that was just insane. Finally it had had enough, one of the legs supporting the poor piece of furniture broke and the bed sort of sagged down in one corner, making some screeching sounds as the wood got pushed way beyond its normal strength. It sounded as if a battle was being fought in there.

Finally he reached a climax so violent he simply passed out, falling onto his side, shuddering with spasms and covering his sheets and his stomach and chest with thick ropes of come. When he came to he was barely able to move at all, he managed to get the toy out of himself, wincing as it left his slightly sore and tender rear, and he threw it into a corner before he collapsed again onto the soiled sheets. He was too tired to do anything at all and he wondered what sort of demon had possessed him that night and made him jerk off like crazy not once, not twice but three times. Well, good things do come in three’s and now he was completely satisfied, terribly sore in funny places and he fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

The next morning he didn’t show up for breakfast, nor for lunch but at dinnertime he sort of limped into the hall and had a swift meal, standing up. He was in a much better mood than the day before and seemed to be back to normal again in every way. And he was too hung over to realize that they had a guest, and that this one elf was staring at him with a mix of awe, respect and sheer disbelief. He wasn’t able to even look at the balrog slayer without blushing violently and if Glorfindel tried to talk to him he would just stutter and go pale and blush yet again and so the twins did find out that yes, the medicine had indeed worked, better than planned although in a different manner than they had first imagined. They did also learn that their poor friend Legolas had had a very rough night indeed since he had been given the room next to Glorfindel. The attendant who had followed him there from Mirkwood had a habit of snoring and the prince had asked for a quiet room away from other people so he could get some real sleep just for once and Elrond had given him that guestroom since Glorfindel normally never made any noise at all and barely spent any time in his own room. Asking for that quiet room wasn’t exactly the smartest thing he had done, he had heard it all in exquisite detail since the walls were paper thin and he told the twins everything and so for weeks to come the other elves there enjoyed watching a certain warrior blush and go quiet when they did a certain repetitive hand movement. And poor Glorfindel never figured out why the prince of Mirkwood couldn’t look him in the eye even once without turning beet red.

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