I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 12

I sat up and looked around frantically. I was still in the hospital wing. I was still eleven. I was alone.

I took a deep breath and threw myself back against the pillows, rubbing my eyes. What did I just dream? All I could see was Remus's charmingly handsome face swimming in my head. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't real. But thing was, it was SO real.

I could still feel his soft lips kissing mine. I could feel his gentle arms rubbing my back. I heard the jeering of James and Sirius ringing in my ears. I shuddered. It was so vivid.

I sat up again and examined my wrist. It looked almost completely healed. It didn't even hurt. It was just numb.

Now that I had made sure I wasn't going to be in any pain, I thought about my dream again. Did I want that to happen? I couldn't decide if it was a good dream or a nightmare.

I sighed and slumped back against my pillow and closed my eyes. I had the urge to tell someone about my dream immediately, but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't let something like that get around. And if James, Sirius or Remus heard about it? I couldn't imagine.


The next morning, Madam Pomfrey woke me up.

"Common darling, time to get up," she crooned, helping me sit up. "Ahh yes, that wrist healed nicely."

She unwrapped the bandage around my wrist and examined it carefully. She seemed to decide that it was okay for me to leave the Hospital Wing. I collected all my belongings and got out of there as fast as I could.

I climbed through the portrait hole and saw the boys sitting in front of the fire.

"Hey! Tonks!" James said, standing up and giving me a hug. "How're you feeling?"

"Never better," I answered, hugging Sirius as well. Then I turned to Remus. He wrapped his arms around me and I was forcibly reminded of my dream. I shuddered.

"You okay Tonks?" Remus asked.

"Yeah… yeah I'm fine," I answered, pulling away from him.

The next two months passed in a snap.

It was crazy how busy we were. We still had to continue with Quidditch lessons, which I was obviously more careful with, and had classes to attend. The classes combined with Quidditch almost killed me. I stayed up late every night doing homework or studying for something. Sirius commented one night:

"I wonder what it's gonna be like when we're in 7th year? I mean, we have so much homework now, how much more can they give us?"

It was true. But somehow, we all survived.

Remus's bullying continued, even after I had yelled at Marcus in April. His gang of cronies would hunt Remus down in the corridors between classes and trip him or jeer at him or push him down. I almost cried every time it happened. I yelled at them, but they just laughed.

Another thing that was bothering me was that my Quidditch team hated me. I was the worst player on the team. After I had recovered enough to play, I got back into my position as Chaser. No one ever threw me the ball, no one passed to me, and I was totally okay with that. But on occasion, when someone did pass me the Quaffle, I just froze and ended up throwing it to the wrong team. I got yelled at and called stupid and I knew the rest of my team talked about me when I wasn't looking. It actually hurt my feelings. One day, I got so worked up over not being able to play right that I actually left the pitch and went and hid myself in the castle.

I was sitting against a wall in a corridor leading down to the Charms classroom. I cried silently into my hands and wondered why I was so clumsy and uncoordinated. All of a sudden, I heard someone call my name.

"Tonks? Is that you?"

I looked up and saw Remus walking down the corridor toward me. I wiped my tears away and remembered he hadn't been down at the pitch today. I assumed he had been in the Hospital Wing.

"Yeah… it's me," I answered.

He came and sat himself down next to me on the floor. His big amber eyes examined me, trying to figure out what was wrong. He had band-aids all over his face and hands. I was right, he had been at the Hospital Wing.

"What's wrong?" he asked, not taking his eyes off me. I then explained the whole situation to him. I explained about the team, I explained how frustrated I was about my clumsiness. He listened and nodded his head and spoke when it was appropriate. When I finished, he took a moment to let it sink in.

"You know, your clumsiness makes you unique," he finally said.

"I guess," I muttered, not understanding what he was getting at.

"I don't think you should be ashamed in any way," he said, shifting himself to a more comfortable position.


"Because everyone is bad at something. And your something is well, Quidditch." He said turning back to face me. "If we were all perfect-" he looked to the floor and took a deep breath "- the world wouldn't be so interesting," He took a pause. "I know what it feels like to be different."

"You're not different Remus," I said, not looking up at him. I meant what I said, and I had no doubt about it. "You're extremely smart… and funny. You have good friends…"

"So do you," Remus replied. "And… well… I can't say I'm completely normal."

"Why do you say that?"

"It's a long story," he replied, looking at the opposite wall.

"I have time," I said, and another tear leaked out of my eye. Remus reached over and wiped it away.

"I don't know if I want people to know just yet," he said, smiling at me. "Cheer up."

"Thanks Remus," I muttered, looking down at my knees. "This helped," I said, wiping away another tear.

"Just a way to repay a friend," he said, looking back at the wall.

"What did I do that needs to be repaid?"

"You helped me with Marcus," he replied, tearing his gaze away from the wall.

"That was nothing," I sighed.

"Sure it was," Remus said, looking down at his knees also. There was a long awkward pause. "You're a good friend, Tonks."

"You too," I said, cracking a smile. I thought of my dream again. My smile broadened. We sat there for a long time after the conversation ended, enjoying each other's company. Then Madam Hooch sent James looking for me, and he found us. Practice was over and I was extremely grateful.

The rest of the year passed in a blur and I couldn't believe I was done with one year at Hogwarts. I couldn't believe we were 2nd years already.

The train ride home was uneventful. I sat with the boys and it was a good time. We played games, annoyed people, and discussed our summer plans. Truth be told, I didn't have any. I was looking forward to a relaxing summer. Of course I would write the boys and Lily every week. I was going to miss them so much.


AWWWWWWWW! Remus and Tonks are too cute ^.^

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