I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 18

*Tonks's POV*

The next morning, I was awoken by the blazing sunlight streaming through the windows in the common room. My legs were terribly stiff and there was a crick in my neck. I didn't remember laying down before falling asleep last night, and I also remembered that Remus's head had been in my lap. What had happened? Where was he?

I sat up, rubbed my eyes and looked around. They immediately landed on Remus, who was sitting on the couch next to mine. He sat there with a look of happiness upon his scarred face. He didn't look much better than he had yesterday, which worried me.

"Remus?" I asked groggily.

"Me," me said simply, with a small smile. The morning sun made his light brown hair shine golden and it was beautiful.

"Wha-", I was interrupted by a yawn. "What am I doing down here?" I finished.

"I was going to ask you the same question," he said, smiling for no apparent reason. "What are you doing down here?"

"I have no idea…" I trailed off. "Wait…" I had suddenly remembered why I had decided to sleep down here last night: I had stayed down here with Remus, to comfort him. I knew it had something to do with him, but I couldn't put my wand on it until this moment. I was shocked. Had I really done that?

"Were you the one who was massaging me last night?" he asked, and I blushed. I felt so embarrassed. I didn't know he knew he had been caressed last night. I thought he wouldn't be able to tell. I felt like an idiot.

"Yes," I answered, looking away from him.


"I dunno… You looked so… pained. You looked like you had been hit by the Hogwarts Express and I… I wanted you to feel better," I explained. I felt ridiculous.

"Thank you…" he said, looking away. "Thank you very much."

"It was nothing…" I said, looking up at him, and I saw he had turned away.

"You know… I don't think I said Happy Birthday to you yesterday," he said, turning back to look at me.

"Thanks…" I said dreamily as we locked eyes. He stared at me and I stared at him. I noticed every little detail about him, from the three buttons that were unbuttoned on his white button-up shirt to the way his amber eyes sparkled beautifully in the morning light. My face hurt from smiling so much and he was grinning from ear to ear. Then, all of a sudden, the slamming of a door from one of the dorms made us break our gazes. I never wanted that moment to end.


The next few weeks passed without incident. Although, it was a little more awkward between me and Remus… I hadn't told anybody about our little "sleepover" and we didn't talk about it. I tried to act normal around him, but it was proving to be difficult.

But, life goes on, and before I knew it, it was Christmastime again! Oh, how I had missed Christmas at the castle, with snow piled high on the grounds, the beautiful decorations, and Christmas carols being sung in the corridors. The time again came for me to decide where I wanted to spend Christmas this year…

Sasha and Aaron had warned me that mum was probably going to make me come home for Christmas this year, and I really hoped they were joking. But unfortunately, they were not. I didn't even get to decide this year! My mum argued that I got to stay at the castle last year and she wanted to have a nice family Christmas this year. I argued that all of my friends were staying at the castle for Christmas, but she wouldn't hear it. So, on the last day before Christmas break, I was up in my dorm packing.

"Stupid. Mother," I said, throwing clothes in my trunk.

"Tonks, why are you so upset about spending Christmas at home?" Lily asked, neatly folding one of her jumpers and placing it nicely in her trunk.

"I wanted to stay here!" I said, searching for a sock I had dropped.

"But why? Isn't Christmas at home any fun?" she asked incredulously.

"Not really. My brothers are right little gits, they are," I said, giving up on trying to find the sock and standing up.

"I thought you and your brothers got along," Lydia chimed in.

"Sometimes," I muttered. "But other times I wish I could push them down a hill."

"Why?" Lily asked.

"Because they annoy the crap out of me!" I said, turning around to face the girls and sitting on the edge of my bed. "Sasha thinks he's so good, yanno, prefect and lots of O.W.L.S. and all. Aaron is about as mature and James and Sirius on a bad day…"

"But aren't James and Sirius your friends?" Lily asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Well… yes," I said, shrugging. "I mean, Aaron just does immature in an annoying way. James and Sirius are actually funny."

"If that's what you say…" Lily muttered. I turned around back to my trunk and decided not to answer. I knew she didn't like James and Sirius and I didn't need her to go off ranting about them now.

"Well… let's just say, I'd rather stay here," I said, hoping I could end the conversation there, but Lydia had different ideas.

"Is it because of Remus?"

I froze in the middle of refolding the jumbled mess at the bottom of my trunk.

"Why do you ask that?" I asked, my voice a little weak.

"Because you like him, right?" Lydia said.

"No…." I said, turning back around. "Where do you get that idea?"

"Tonks…" Lily said, smiling. "We can just tell."

"How?" I asked, laughing.

"Well… Let's just say, it is wiped across your face. You might as well have a sign that says 'I like Remus Lupin' because it's that obvious," Lily said, chuckling.

"It's wiped across my face?" I asked, blushing.

"Well… more like your eyes," Lily explained. "They dance when you see him. And you smile around him. A lot."

"Wow…" I breathed. Was it that obvious?

"But I don't think he knows," Lily continued.

"I guess that's a good thing, huh?" I said, chuckling a little.

"So you admit it?" Lily asked. I took a deep breath and weighed my options.

"Yes, I do," I said, looking down at my feet.

"Awwwe! See I told you Lydia!" Lily said, smiling.

"But don't tell anyone, okay?" I said, holding up my hands to stop Lily from jumping with joy.

"We promise we wont," Lily said, and Lydia nodded.

"Thanks guys," I said, smiling. I soon had to say goodbye to the boys for a few weeks and it was hard. Not just because of Remus, but because I would miss all four of them.

The train ride home, was boring. Lily and Lydia weren't as exciting as the boys were. I looked out the window most of the time, daydreaming about being back at the castle with my friends. We would've had snowball fights, made forts, and opened presents together.. Curse my mother.


Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!

This one is… meh. Okay. What do you think?(:



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