I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 23

Everything has beauty, but not everybody can see it. -unknown


*Tonks's POV*

Being back at Hogwarts was the most amazing thing ever. I felt complete again, as if I had never left. Being back around my boys and other friends truly was the best feeling. I even embraced the classes and homework again with open arms. I loved being yelled at by Professor McGonagall to spit out my gum and pay attention. It was all a part of being back at school.

But alas, before I knew it, our second year was drawing to a close. I only got three more months to enjoy Hogwarts after I returned before I had to leave yet again. I only had five more years of schooling to complete, and when you laid that out in perspective, that was nothing. Before I knew it, I would be taking my O.W.L.S. and N.E.W.T.S, ready to leave school and start a career. To be honest, I hadn't even the foggiest idea of what I wanted to do when I left school.

Packing was a slow and somber affair for me. But being crowded upstairs with four other girls, all trying to pack all of their possessions at once, was quite a scene. Scarlet freaked out when she thought she had lost her curling iron and blamed it on me. Lily couldn't find an earring her mother had given her. Lydia's skirt had some mysterious stain on it, and no one seemed to know what it is. May had ripped one set of school robes right in half. It was compete chaos.

The next morning was even worse. Trying to double check packing and searching under beds and overturning mattresses looking for lost items and the slamming of trunks and the hooting of owls and the mewing of cats drove me bonkers. I was trying not to make a scene but might have been a bit rude to Scarlet and May. Maybe just a little bit.

It was a relief to get away from four catty girls for once and hang out with my boys on the train. We had a compartment to ourselves and got to stretch out and relax. Another year over.

We played our favorite time-wasting games such as Gobstones and Wizard Chess and Exploding Snap. James and Sirius tried once again to make cow friends as we passed another farm. They were cracking me up; I was laughing so hard that tears leaked out of my eyes.

But other than that, it was a quiet ride home. But if I remembered one thing from that train ride, it was one specific conversation. Remus had to go use the restroom and left me, James, Sirius, and Peter alone in the compartment. As soon as Remus was out of earshot, James and Sirius looked at each other with mischievous grins wiped across their faces.

"What is it?" I asked, looking between the two identical faces.

"We figured out what's wrong with Remus," Sirius blurted out.

"What?" I said, leaning forward. "You didn't!"

"We did," James said, nodding his head.

"How?" I asked incredulously.

"Well…" James said, looking at Sirius. "Let's just say we pieced together a puzzle."

"It's quite obvious when you really think about it," Sirius added.

I thought about it for a second and nothing came to mind. I cocked an eyebrow.

"Are you lying?" I asked, and I knew perfectly well that they could be. James and Sirius were notorious liars, and they were good at it.

"No!" James said, looking offended. "Of course not!'

"Yeah," Sirius said, agreeing with James. "We wouldn't lie about something like this."

"Well…?" I asked.

"What?" Sirius replied.

"What's the secret?" I exclaimed.

"We can't tell you," James said, crossing his arms.

"Awww… Common?" I asked, batting my eyelashes. "Why not?"

"I dunno if he would want you to know," James said matter-of-factly. "I don't think he wants anyone to know."

"Then how do you know?"

"We told you," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "We looked at the obvious and got our answer."

"Does he know you guys know?" I asked.

"I don't believe so…" James said, scratching his chin.

"Well then," I said. "How do you know if you're right?"

"We didn't look at Madam Pomfrey's records or anything, did we James?" Sirius said, chuckling.

"You didn't," I said, my jaw dropping.

"It's all there!" James said. "In her office!'

I sat there in silence for a second. How would I be able to get it out of them?

"Pretty please?" I asked once more.

"No Tonks," James said firmly, like a father disciplining a child.

"Ugh!" I exclaimed. "Is it that bad?"

"Uh… yeah," James said, looking nervously down into his lap. "It's that bad…"

"How bad?" I asked, and I felt like my stomach was freezing over.

"Let's just say our reactions weren't the greatest," Sirius said, twiddling his thumbs. "We… we almost… considered not being his friend anymore."

"That bad?" I asked again and they both nodded.

"It doesn't have to do with… yanno… your guys'… parts does it?" I continued, blushing. I couldn't help myself; I had to know.

"No," James said, chuckling a little. Relief washed over me. "Not at all."

"Then why can't you tell me?" I asked, crossing my arms and pouting.

"Because!" James exclaimed. "It's that bad!"

"I'm his friend!" I said, pointing to myself. "He would want me to know!"

"Both of those statements are false," Sirius said.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well…" James said. "For starters, he really, really likes you, but you already know that. He wants to be more than just your friend."

"Second," Sirius added in. "Since he likes you, he wouldn't want you to know. It… it might actually change the way you feel about him.." I let that sink in for a moment. Nothing would ever change the way I felt about Remus. I couldn't tell the guys that though…

"Well I'm going to find out eventually," I said as a counterargument.

"I think you should know when he's ready to tell you," James said.

"I agree," Sirius answered, nodding his head slightly.

"Ugh," I said, throwing myself back against the seat and crossing my arms. "I will find out soon though."

"Yeah yeah…" James said, smiling. "Sure you will…"

"I will!" I said, defensively. "If he truly likes me-"

"Which he does," Sirius added.

"-then he will tell me!" I finished.

"I dunno…" James said. "Stay tuned."

Remus soon came back into the compartment. I glanced up at him and suspicion filled my thoughts once again. Would it be rude to ask? Should I do it in private? Should I even ask at all? I decided against saying anything and just sat there casually gazing out the window. Remus looked around at everyone and cocked an eyebrow.

"What? Did somebody die while I was gone?" he asked, chuckling.

"Wha-?" I said, turning away from the window to face him. "Uh. No, actually."

"Then why are you all so glum?" he asked, looking at James and Sirius as well.

"We just missed you so much," Sirius said seriously, although he was obviously joking. James laughed.

Sirius's joke seemed to bring life back into the compartment as all the awkwardness left. We were just best friends again, not three best friends and one friend who has a terrible secret. It was a bit of a relief to have the tension broken.

The rest of the ride was normal. Well if throwing quills at Severus Snape's head, yelling out the window to students further down the train, and turning James's hair blue normal. It was normal for us. And it was perfect.

When we finally got off at King's Cross, I immediately found my family, who seemed to have wised up from last year and waited for me close to the train. James and Sirius ran off to find their families after some short goodbyes. It was only two months until I saw them again after all.

Peter ran off behind them, but Remus stuck around and said proper goodbyes to me. I was grateful for that, but I knew he would write me, unlike the other boys. It was a bitter sweet goodbye, but he had to find his family too. Soon I was left with my parents, Sasha and Aaron.

As we all piled into the car, I thought about Remus's family, something he never talked about. I knew he had a brother Sasha's age and a brother Aaron's age. I think he also had two younger sisters. I had seen the brother who was Aaron's age in the corridors before. His name was Oliver and he was the only one who Remus had friendly a relationship with. Was it because of this big secret I couldn't know? Did that have a role to play in Remus's family issues? I couldn't answer any of those questions, but suddenly, the conversation I had had with my father before last term pushed it's way into my mind.

The conversation about Fenrir Greyback and Lupins… A small idea formed inside my head. Could that be…? But no. Remus would tell us if that was the case… Or would he? Was Remus the consequence of malice between Simon Lupin and Greyback?


I NEED to get this thing rolling! Third year is a big year (probably the one with the most ideas…)

What did you think about the quote at the beginning? I saw that in school today and it immediately made me think of Remus and Tonks! I adore that quote! ^.^



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