I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 24

What is a weed? A flower that has not yet reached it's full potential. - unknown


*Tonk's POV*

Ten days, seven hours, and 13 minutes until the Hogwarts express leaves King's Cross.

My brothers think I'm crazy, counting down until we go back to school. But of course they think I'm crazy. They don't have friends like I do, friends that you miss so much you ache when there gone.

I was sitting on my porch, alone, on a sunny day in August, reading my latest letter from Remus. I was wearing jean shorts and a white t-shirt with old dirty black converses. I had chosen long curly brown hair today, but didn't care much for it. I was sweating like a pig in the sweltering heat of the sun. My t-shirt clung to me in the most uncomfortable places.

I was so tired. I had stayed up late last night to do a little homework and respond to Lily's latest letter. My eyelids were heavy and were dangerously close to shutting. I willed myself not to, to finish reading Remus's letter. But I couldn't do it, fell sideways onto my porch and fell asleep. I couldn't believe it, but I had another unusual dream.

In my dream, I was much older; I had to have been out of Hogwarts. I was inside a house that I did not recognize, but it looked like it was getting renovated. There were paint cans and cloths laid down on the floor everywhere. I was alone in the house with one other person, James, and we were painting a wall in the dining room.

"So, how much longer 'til were done?" I asked, wiping sweat off my brow.

"Not long, hun, not long," James replied. I looked over and watched him work for a second.

"Yanno, I have to go soon. Mad Eye will kill me if I'm late," I said, looking down at my watch that was splattered in white paint.

"Oh I know he will," James said, kneeling over a new paint can.

"But, uh, I'll be home for dinner, if I'm lucky," I said, standing up and brushing myself off.

"Good, good," James said, standing up as well.

"We're almost done," I said, smiling at him.

"Then we can just relax," James replied, smiling back.

"I'll see you tonight," I muttered.

"See you," James replied, then pulled me into an embrace, patting my back slowly. As my dream faded out, I might have heard him say: "Thanks," but I couldn't be sure.

I sat up, panting. Did this really need to happen again? I stood up and started pacing; I was freaking out. I had never, ever had feelings for James! He was like a brother to me! Then why was I dreaming about owning a house with him? Why did I dream he called me "hun" ? This was madness. First Remus, then Sirius, now James? I heard the back door open and someone stepped out.

"Hey Tonks," I Aaron said. "I looked over at him and stopped pacing, although my mind didn't stop thinking about my predicament.

"Wotcher," I breathed, running my hand through my hair nervously.

"Everything okay?" he asked, walking over to me and examining my face. "You look a bit pale."

"Yeah…" I answered. "Yeah I'm fine."

"Well, okay…" he said, still looking intently at me. "Just making sure."

"Don't worry," I said, finally looking at him.

"So," he said, regaining his cockiness. He reminded me of James more everyday. "What's the countdown?"

"Ten days, seven hours, and… two minutes," I said, checking my watch. "One minute now."

"Wow sissy," he said. He used to call me that when I was little, but hadn't done it for years.

"How's dad?" I asked, as a gust of wind blew my hair around my face.

"Grim," Aaron answered. "He just got the paper. Three more went missing."

"Three?" I asked, astonished.

"Three," Aaron answered.

"Wow," I said, my mouth open. "Did we know any of them?"

"No, luckily," Aaron answered. "But I think Dad knew them from work."

"My God… This is really bad, isn't it?" I asked the childish question without thinking about it.

"Yeah… He's gaining followers, and fast," Aaron said.

"Why do we have to refer to him as he?" I asked. "Dad won't even tell me his name!"

"He won't tell me either, Tonks," Aaron replied, rolling his eyes.

"We're going to find out soon enough," I said, walking back to the porch. "Yanno, after he kills us all," I muttered the last part under my breath.

"What did you say?" Aaron asked, clearly upset.

"Nothing," I lied.

"You said something," he said. "Tonks, don't think that it's all over just because a few people have gone missing. This hasn't even been going on for long, just a few months. I'm sure it'll pass soon."

I sighed and plopped myself down on the steps. This whole summer has been filled with my parent's whispering about this "new threat" to the wizarding world. They wouldn't even tell us this "threat's" name, let alone what he was up to. We only knew what we knew because of eavesdropping.

I turned to pick up my letter and it wasn't there. I looked all around and saw it no where. Another gust of wind hit my face and I realized it had been blown away.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, putting my head between my knees. I had forgotten Aaron was there.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"Shit," I said rebelliously, looking up at him. He was a big 15 year old, with jet black hair and a handsome face. He had a strong build and was much taller than me. He stood there I the afternoon sun, staring at me with a peculiar expression his face. He wiped some sweat off his brow and spoke.

"You've been acting odd this summer."

"Have I?" I said sarcastically.

"Yeah, it's like a dementor got you," he said.

"Fantastic," I muttered.

"Common, what's wrong?" he asked, walking over to sit by me.

"Nothing is wrong, Aaron," I answered, turning away from him.

"Yes there is," he said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You can tell me."

"There isn't anything wrong, Aaron," I said, throwing his hand off.

"Tonks, what has gotten into you?" he asked, offended. I didn't know where this rage was coming from.

"Do you really want to know what's wrong? Everything," I began, standing up. "Everything is wrong. Do you know what it feels like to be taken away from your friends? And not your "friends" but your true best friends, people you love. You have to be taken away from them for two whole months! And mum and dad moping around doesn't help anything! There so worried about whoever this guy is that's making people disappear, that they don't even notice I'm unhappy! And Sasha doesn't care either! He's too worried about finding a job after he leaves school! He's never home and I miss him! And when he is home, he's upstairs, shut up in his room, studying for his N.E.W.T.S. He barely can hold a conversation with me! And of course he knows about this "threat!" Mum and dad can trust perfect Sasha, who hasn't done anything wrong in his life. And you don't know what it's like to be confused over which boy you like! I know in my heart who's right, but I can't do anything about it! You've never had to feel that! You've never been a teenage girl in a world that's changing so fast, a world that is full of things a teenage girl can cry about! And to top it all off, my letter from one of my best friends just flew off to who knows where!"

By the end of my speech, I was in tears. I collapsed where I stood, and Aaron came rushing over to me. He picked me up into his lap and held me while I cried. I loved Aaron more than I could ever express. Once I calmed myself down, he spoke.

"That was some speech, sissy," he said, slowly rocking me back and forth while I sniffled. "It's all gonna be okay."

"Do you really believe that, Aaron?" I asked, choking on the last few words.

"I do," he said, patting my back. "And Sasha, I'm worried about him too. But soon, that'll be me and eventually, that'll be you. You just gotta give the guy a break. He's stressed, Tonks. But that doesn't mean he loves you any less. Mum and dad, too. The world is changing, and they're right in the middle of it. Us kids don't have to bear the full weight of this crisis. The adults do. Let them handle it and enjoy life."

We sat there in my backyard for a long while after. I felt so much better, now that I had told someone. I felt like I could actually smile and laugh and enjoy life, just as he had said. I never wanted to leave his lap, a place where I felt safe, but soon, our mother called for dinner. I stood up and looked at him, his face golden in the setting sun.

"I love you Aaron," I said, hugging him tightly.

"I love you too, Nymphadora," he answered.

"Hey!" I said, looking up at him and smiling. "Don't call me that!"

"I can do whatever I like," he said, smirking.

"I'll get you for this," I said, my smile broadening.

"But you'll have to catch me!" he said and took off running around the yard. I ran after him as fast as I could, tripping a few times, but all in good fun. That evening was the best one of the summer, even with all of the unhappiness of the world pressing in on our windowpanes. The innocence of childhood and love kept it at bay. And soon, it was only 15 hours and 34 minutes until the train left.


Oooh Tonks is an angry teenager!

Should I keep doing quotes at the beginning? I kind like it!

Don't worry, this depressing atmosphere wont be around for long!



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