I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 28

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." - Judy Garland

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*Remus's POV*

Holy shit, am I in pain, I thought, sitting on a couch in the Gryffindor common room. This had definitely been a hard full moon for me; my whole body felt like it had been run over by the Hogwarts Express. Not only that, but I had some other injuries as well.

I knew I was sitting in a very awkward position, one leg Indian style, the other awkwardly raised above it, suspended in mid-air. Somehow I had managed to gouge myself with my own claw in my upper thigh last night. But, of course, Madam Pomfrey had bandaged it up in no time. Sometimes (well actually all the time) I wished that Madam Pomfrey could just do her job and fix up my cuts like everyone else. But no. Injuries inflicted by werewolves were "incurable." Bull shit. As I sat there lost in my thoughts, I didn't even notice her enter the room.

"Remus," she said. I nearly jumped out the window I was so startled.

"Tonks!" I exclaimed. "Wha… what are you doing up so early?" Now, that's what I said, but I was actually thinking:

Owwwww! Holy- Accompanied by a few choice curse words. The blinding pain in my thigh drove all other thoughts from my mind, including that she was standing right at the edge of my couch.

"Well… I couldn't sleep last night" she said, looking uncomfortable.

"Why?" I asked through gritted teeth, trying to bear the pain. I don't think she noticed my feeble attempts to not scream out in pain because she moved nearer to me.

"Well… James and Sirius were talking to me last night," she said, sitting down on the edge of my couch. She wouldn't look at me.

"About what?" I asked, momentarily forgetting the pain in my leg.

"About… you," she said. I felt my heart skip a beat. They didn't tell her…

"What did you talk about?" I asked, praying to God it was anything but my lycanthropy.

"They told me you were a werewolf," she said, finally meeting my eyes. My heart definitely stopped beating this time. I felt my breath catch, and I couldn't breathe for a second. They didn't… How could they do this to me?

I tried to speak but the words got caught in my throat. I sat there gaping like a fish for a few seconds before I could finally choke one word out.

"What?"

"They…" she said, her eyes welling up with tears. "They told me you were a… a… werewolf."

"Why?"I asked, still having trouble breathing.

"I dunno exactly how it happened," she said, wiping a tear away. "I pressured them into telling me your "big secret" and Sirius just kind of… blurted it out."

I sat there gaping again, totally horrified by this.

"It's not true is it?" she asked, teary eyed. My heart melted when I saw that. She didn't deserve to be this unhappy. And it was my fault.

"Yes," I said, looking down into my lap, ashamed.

"It.. It is?" she asked, hiccupping a little bit.

"It's true…" I said, examining my scarred hands. "James and Sirius weren't lying for once."

This statement was followed by a very awkward silence. I just watched her to see if there was any desire to flee, but she just sat there like an emotionless rock.

"How?" she asked, finally breaking the silence.

"When I was young… my father insulted Fenrir Greyback… And I, being the youngest son, was targeted for revenge," I said, remembering that fateful summer evening. "So, of course, I was bitten."

"How old were you?" she asked, gazing into the embers that sat glowing in the fire.

"I was six," I said, still not tearing my eyes off her.

"Six?" she asked, turning back to face me, obviously shocked.

"Six," I repeated, and sighed.

"That's… that's… so young," she stated.

"I know…" I said, feeling the shame welling up inside me, like water behind a dam.

"You're not dangerous are you?" she asked, biting her lip.

"Only on full moons," I said, rubbing the back of my neck with palm. "But I do have a safe house to go to on the full moon so I don't hurt anyone. I don't know if I could cope with having to live knowing I hurt someone."

"I can only imagine," she said, almost in a whisper.

"I'm so sorry," I said, looking down into my lap once again.

"Don't be," she said, turning to face me and putting her hand on my knee. "It's hard isn't it?"

"Very," I said, sniffling.

All of a sudden, she got up and almost ran to the window.

"What's going on?" I asked, very confused.

"You're… a werewolf!" she exclaimed, almost hyperventilating.

"What?" I asked. A second ago, she had been perfectly fine. Now she was completely freaking out.

"Oh… My God!" she squealed. "Oh… Oh God!"

"Tonks, calm down!" I said, getting up and limping over to her.

"I didn't believe them!" she exclaimed. "I didn't want to believe them! But it's true!"

"I know it is!" I practically yelled over her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" she yelled, pulling away.

"Tonks!" I yelled, firmly grabbing both her shoulders. "I'm not going to hurt you!"

"Get away! Get away!" she screamed.

"What has gotten into you?" I asked over her screams as she ran out of the common room. She didn't answer.

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*Tonks's POV*

James and Sirius weren't lying! They weren't lying! I thought frantically running through the corridors towards the headmaster's office.

I have to tell Dumbledore! I thought, rounding a corner and falling flat on my face. I stopped and laid there for a second, feeling my heart beating fast in my chest. Does Dumbledore know about this? I thought, frantically. But he must. He knows everything.

I sighed, and pushed myself into a sitting position. Was it still worth it to go tell him? How could he not know there was a werewolf among his students? How could he not know? And yet, he doesn't do anything about it! We're all in danger!

I sat with my head between my knees, trying to steady myself. I couldn't believe this… All of sudden, I heard my name being called down the corridor.

"Tonks!" I heard someone yell. "Tonks, were did you run off to?"

Through process of elimination, I decided it had to be Remus. I sat still on the floor of corridor, knowing that if I tried to run, he could surely find me. My best bet was to sit quietly and hope that he missed me. But I was out of luck that day. All of a sudden, he rounded the corner at the end of the hall and spotted me.

"There you are!" he said, hobbling along towards me. "I've been searching this whole bloody castle for you."

I was frozen where I sat. I couldn't take my eyes off his oncoming figure. Finally he approached me and feebly tried to sit down. He was obviously hurt.

"Why in world did you-" he started, but was cut short when his injured leg gave way and he crashed to the floor. This brought me out of my trance.

"OWWWW!" he exclaimed, clamping a hand to his right thigh. "BLOODY HELL!"

"Remus!" I shouted, completely forgetting what he was. "Are you okay?"

"Agh… yeah.. I'm fine," he said, settling down gingerly on the stone floor. I instinctively put a hand on his to consol him.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well… as you know, last night was the full moon… and I… I hurt myself," he explained, chuckling a little at the last part. I suddenly remembered why I had run away in the first place.

"Does Dumbledore know?" I asked, so quiet it was almost a whisper.

"Of course," he said. "Without Dumbledore, I wouldn't be here." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"And he doesn't think you would… yanno… hurt anyone?" I asked.

"I take the proper precautions," he explained. "I would never ever put myself in this position without knowing that everyone was safe when I was dangerous, which is only on the full moon."

"Oh my God…" I breathed. "I'm so sorry Remus!" I said, flinging myself at him and latching my arms around his neck.

"What are you sorry for?" he asked, chuckling at my sudden change of heart.

"For being a prejudice fool!" I exclaimed into his shoulder, feeling the tears starting to well up in my eyes.

"You weren't being a prejudice fool…" he said, slowly rubbing my back while I sobbed.

"Yes I was!" I said, still bawling like a child. "I ran away because I was afraid of you!"

"Which is just human nature," Remus said softly. His voice calmed me down.

"I'm also sorry for bawling like a baby," I said, pulling away and sniffling.

"Don't be sorry," he said, reaching out and wiping a tear off my cheek. I just stared back into his beautiful amber eyes and suddenly felt a sense of reassurance and safety. There was kindness and love in those eyes that had seen so much.

"You're my best friend, do you know that?" he said, slowly caressing my cheek with his thumb.

"I am?" I asked, knowing my eyes were still red and puffy.

"You are…" he said. "And always will be."

And with that, he leaned in and laid a single, tender kiss on my lips.

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I cant decide whether or not I like Tonks's reaction in this one… I guess it helps when it comes to the end… confused teenage girl right?

Just an FYI, I'm going out of town on Saturday and will be back on Tuesday! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sad I wont be able to write! Please bear with me! (:

PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! (;

XOXO

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