I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 33

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame,very pretty,Often hot and fierce, But still only light and love grows older,Our hearts matureAnd our love becomes as coals,Deep-burning and unquenchable. - Bruce Lee

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*Tonks's POV*

"Oh look, mistletoe." Sirius comments vaguely. I search the ceiling and as soon as I locate it, I want to throw up. It's hanging innocently above me and Remus.

"Wha-?" I say, looking up at it. I glance over at Remus and see his eyes are also fixed on the greenery above us.

"Well," Sirius says, snickering with James. "You know what that means!"

"No!" I say, crossing my arms, glaring at James and Sirius. "Not in front of you two!"

"Ohh…" Sirius says. "So you'll do it in private?"

"No!" I say, feeling embarrassed.

"Wow Remus," James says. "You must be pretty un-kissable then."

For some reason, this makes me mad. I don't know why, but I feel like I have to prove something to them. I turn to Remus, look at him for a second, then grab his face in my hands and kiss him full on the mouth.

I hear wolf-whistles and applause fill the luxurious log cabin. I hear: "Woop woop!" and "Get some Remus!" and "Ow ow!" I know my face is 100 different shades of red as we break apart. When I open my eyes, I realize that Remus's face is like that too.

"Woooooooow," I hear Sirius say. But I don't look at him. Mine and Remus's eyes are locked. "I didn't expect that!"

"Well," Remus says, still gazing at me. "You should be happy now."

"Hey," James says. "You two snap out of it!"

"Sorry," I say, finally looking away. I know I'm still blushing. James and Sirius look at each other and break out laughing. "Shut up," I say, chuckling a little, throwing a very expensive-looking pillow at them. All of a sudden, we hear someone clearing their throat and we all whip around to see who was trying to make their presence known. We see Mrs. Potter standing there in a silky pink robe, arms crossed. She also seems to have some kind of face mask that's a sickly shade of green on her face. A towel is wrapped around her head. She seems to be ready for bed.

"What mom?" James asks, annoyed.

"Am I not allowed to say goodnight to my son?" she says crossly.

"Sorry mum…" James says, standing up and walking over to give her a hug. "Where's dad?"

"At work," Jane answers, hugging her youngest son tightly.

"Still?" James asks, sounding disappointed. I actually had noticed that Mr. Potter hadn't been around the whole time we had spent at James's house. He must be somewhat of a workaholic.

"Yeah yeah…" Mrs. Potter says, breaking away from James. "We will see him tomorrow hopefully."

"Hopefully," James says. "G'night mum."

"Goodnight James," Jane says. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," James replies.

"Oh and Merry Christmas to you all," Mrs. Potter says, acknowledging us.

"Merry Christmas," Sirius, Remus, and I say in unison.

"Don't stay up too late," Mrs. Potter says as she starts to ascend the stairs. "And if you see Lowen, tell her she is dismissed."

"Alright mum," James says.

"I mean it," she says. "To bed soon." Then she opens her bedroom door and disappears. As soon as the bedroom door closes, the front door opens and a snow-covered Lowen enters, stomping her boots on the welcome mat.

"Lowen," James says, walking over to her. "Mum says that you're dismissed."

"Oh!" Lowen says, looking surprised. "But I have to start the pancakes for tomorrow morning and finish wrapping presents and-"

"It's fine," James says, giving her a big hug. "Thank you so much, Lowen. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas James," she says accepting the hug. For some reason, this makes me a bit teary eyed. James isn't spoiled rotten like his mother. Beneath his hard outer shell, he's a good guy. I get up and take James's place in Lowen's arms as he releases her.

"Thank you for taking care of us these past few days, Lowen," I say. She seems even more surprised with my hug.

"You're welcome Tonks," she says, patting my back. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," I say, breaking apart and smiling up at her.

"Goodnight everyone!" Lowen says as she opens the door and travels out into the snowy night.

"G'night!" we all say as the door closes. As soon as the door is closed, I slap James's arm playfully and say:

"That was so nice James!"

"What?" he asks, startled.

"Thanking her!" I say.

"Oh…" he says, shrugging. "She needed it."

"You're right," I say, still beaming.

"Awww James!" Sirius says out of nowhere, obviously mocking me. "You're too sweet!"

"Shut up, Sirius," I say, playfully slapping him as well.

"I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding…" Sirius says, laughing.

"Yes yes, James is a little sweetheart, we all know," Remus says, walking over to join us near the front door. My heart swells at the sight of him and I am suddenly overcome with joy. I love them all so much.

"Group hug," I say, and without hesitation, we all come together and wrap our arms around each other. We stand there, connected, for a long time. "Merry Christmas boys."

"Merry Christmas," they all say. All of a sudden, the clock strikes 12 and we realize we should go to bed soon. We all start to ascend the stairs and venture off to our appropriate bedrooms. James and Sirius go off to the right and Remus and I go off to the left. As soon as we hear James and Sirius's doors close, we stop and stare at each other.

"Merry Christmas," I whisper.

"Merry Christmas to you too," Remus whispers back, a slight smile tugging on the edge of his lips.

"Remus…" I whisper, thinking about what he had said earlier this year about waiting to start a relationship. I don't know why this suddenly comes up. "Why?" For some reason, he seems to understand what I'm asking about.

"I want to wait," he says quietly.

"But why?" I plead. "Remus, it's so hard. I just want to be with you."

"I know, I know," Remus whispers, stepping into me and placing a hand on my cheek. "But I can't."

"Why can't you?" I ask, feeling a tear leak down my cheek. He reaches out with his thumb and wipes it away.

"I can't explain," he says.

"Try," I beg.

"I'm… I'm not good enough for you," he explains, wiping away another tear.

"Yes you are!" I argue. "Yes you are… You are good enough for me! You're perfect."

"I'm perfect?" he questions, chuckling. "You're the perfect one."

"I'm anything but perfect," I say, choking on my tears.

"Don't cry… don't cry," he croons, caressing my cheek. "Tonks remember, we're still young! "

"I know that," I say quietly, sniffling.

"We're 13..." he says, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek. His lips linger there as he whispers, "We have all the time in the world to fall in love."

We stand there in this embrace for a few minutes. Without thinking, I blurt out my next request.

"Don't leave me please?" I ask.

"What?" Remus asks, baffled, pulling away. "You want me to…" he trails off.

"Yes," I answer.

"Tonks I cant," he says.

"Sleep on the floor then," I say. "Ill give you blankets so it wont be hard."

"Tonks," he says, looking over his shoulder cautiously. "I dunno…"

"Come on," I say, grab his hands, and lead him into my bedroom. I throw all of the blankets from my bed on the floor and crawl onto the empty mattress.

"You need some covers," he says, arranging the blankets on the floor into something like a nest.

"No," I say, laying my head on my arms. "You're the one sleeping on the hard floor."

"At least take this one blanket," he says, holding up the fuzziest one. I consider it for a moment.

"Okay," I agree, and take the blanket. I hold it for a second and watch Remus remove his shoes. He stands up and surveys the dark room. A panel of moonlight shines over my body, flecked with the shadows of falling snow.

"You can't wear shoes to bed, silly," he says, walking to the foot of my bed and untying my converses. One by one, he slides them off and lays them carefully at the foot of my bed. He then looks down at my socked feet and smiles. "Your socks don't match."

"I know they don't," I say matter-of-factly. "I like it that way."

"Why?" he asks, chuckling.

"I dunno…" I say. "It makes me unique I guess."

"You're already unique," he says, grinning. He grabs my big toe and playfully shakes it before he walks back to his nest on the ground. "Get some rest."

"I don't want any rest," I argue, wrapping myself in the fuzzy blanket.

"But I do," he says, laying down into his mess of blankets and covering up.

"Hold my hand," I say quietly. He looks up at me uncertainly then grabs my outstretched hand. His fingers intertwine with mine and our palms rest perfectly against each other.

"Merry Christmas," he whispers again as he closes his eyes.

"Merry Christmas," I whisper back, then drift off into a dream world as well.

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Im not sure whether or not they are taking this too fast… but well, im the author dammit. So it can be as fast as I want! Hahaha! (:

And don't forget the question I asked last chapter! Please answer!

Also, if you have a twitter, I would highly suggest following marauders7! I follow them and they are my favorite twitter page ever! Go. Follow. Them. You wont regret it!

Also, FYI the new avatar! I actually drew it! Funnnn stuff!

PLEASE REVIEW!

XOXO

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