I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 36

When I look into your eyes, it's like falling in love all over again. - Amanda Arco


*Sirius's POV*

"Would you like to go to the dance with me?" I ask casually, hoping more than anything that she will say yes. Her face falls as she registers what just happened.

"Are you for real?" she asks, sounding angry, which I don't understand.

"What?" I ask, baffled by her reaction.

"I would never do that to Remus!" she says, her voice rising. "How could you ever do that to Remus?"

"Woah, woah," I say. "Calm yourself down."

"I don't understand you Sirius," she says, standing up in exasperation. "Just a few days ago you said he was like your brother and-"

"Tonks, I asked for his permission!" I cut her off, shouting a little to shut her up.

"You what?" she asks, turning back to face me. She's the one who's confused now.

"I asked him if he would be okay with me taking you to the dance," I say, glad she finally calmed down.

"Really?" she asks, sitting back down. "What did he say?"

I decide to tell her the full story.

Just this morning, I had been planning on asking Remus if it would be okay if I took Tonks to the dance. I was actually quite nervous because he could possibly get angry with me for trying to steal his girl. So, I figured lunch would be a good time to ask him. Tonks had just gotten up to use the restroom when he turned to me and said:

"So, are you going to ask her or what?"

"What are you talking 'bout, Moony?" I say jokingly, hoping that he wouldn't notice how uncomfortable I was.

"Tonks," he says, taking a sip of lemonade. "You're going to ask her, are you not?"

"Well…" I say, setting down my utensils. "I was thinking about it. But, I thought you might get angry or something because she's kind of 'your girl,' is she not?"

"Well, I guess she is," he says, still totally calm. "But, if I can't go with her, why shouldn't you be allowed?"

"I dunno…" I say. "I was going to ask you if it would be okay anyways."

"That was nice of you, you git," he says, smiling. "I'm glad you were going to ask."

"Your welcome," I say, gaining confidence. "So, I'm allowed to ask her?"

"Sure, why not?" he asks, buttering a roll. "Just two requests."

"Of course," I say.

"One : no funny business, Black. Get it?" he says, looking me directly in the eye, deadly serious. "I don't want any of your antics around her. I know you like her."

"I won't," I say, making a solemn promise in my heart to uphold this. "And?"

"I want you to make it the best night of her life," he says. "Don't let me down, okay?"

"Of course not," I say, overcome with happiness.

"Thanks," he says as she returns to the table.

I finish telling my story and she just sits there, thinking for a minute.

"Did he really say that?" she asks, curious.

"Yeah," I say. "You can ask James, or even Peter if you need proof."

"No," she says, shaking her head. "I don't need that. I believe you."

"Good," I say, sighing in relief. "So, what do you say?"

She considers me for a moment, the gears in her head turning quite fast.

"Sure," she says, finally giving me an answer. I want to stand up and jump around, cheering and shouting with joy.

"Oh," I say, blushing. "Good, good!"

"But!" she says, stopping my internal celebration. "We'll just go as friends, okay? To uphold the promise you made to Remus."

"Of course," I say. But inside, my heat sinks. "Yeah that's… um... fine."

"Good," she says, standing up and shouldering her bag. "G'night Sirius."

"Night chickadee," I say as she retreats to her dorm. As soon as I hear the door close, I let out a huge sigh of relief again and kick my legs up on the coffee table. Score 1 for Sirius Black.


*Tonks's POV*

A few weeks go by, and it's finally time for our trip into Hogsmede for dress shopping. Now, I guess you could say I wasn't really one for dress shopping, or anything frilly and girly for that matter, but I was oddly excited about this. It was the first real dance I was going to, how could I not be excited?

So, Lily, Lydia, and I go into town on a bright June morning not knowing exactly what we are looking for. We know there's a boutique on the end of the main street that carries gowns, so we head there first. When we enter the shop, it is beyond crowded. It seems like every girl from Hogwarts has swarmed to that boutique. There's no room to move, let alone breathe, in that shop, so we leave.

Lydia tells us of another small shop a few streets down that's not as well known as the boutique. She's never been there before, but her mother once bought a gown from there. She said it was quite lovely, so we decided to give it a try. The shop definitely wasn't as crowded as the boutique on Main Street, but still had a pretty good selection. Yes, it smelled like sour milk and had an old hag for an owner, but it carried lovely dresses.

So, with our first round of dresses in hand, we retreat to the dressing rooms. Lydia has a blue chiffon dress that flows to the floor with sparkles on top. It's quite princess-y to be honest. Lily has an emerald gown that is made out of gorgeous silk. It flows to the floor and the straps wrap around her neck. There is little diamonds all around the low neckline and around the torso. She really looks beautiful in this dress because it compliments her hair color and skin tone perfectly. I don a hazel colored silk dress that has no straps and flows to the floor. Quite honestly, I don't like it very much. Lydia decides she doesn't like hers either and we go back to try on more gowns.

Lydia tries on three more dresses and is finally satisfied with a purple chiffon gown that sweeps the floor and has no straps. It compliments her better than the orange one for sure. But, unfortunately, I have no luck. I guess you could say 13th times the charm. Yes, I've rejected 12 dresses. Finally, I decide on the 13th one.

It is a light grey color, tightly fitted to the knee. The whole thing is ruched and shiny and has tiny little crystals all over it. The top is simply a halter top with beads all over the thick straps that wrap around my neck. For the first time in my life, I feel… beautiful. I have always looked to Lily as the face of beauty, but in this dress, I feel beautiful. It's a new and wonderful feeling.

So, we next go and pick out some shoes. Lydia and Lily both choose shiny silver heels, but I chose black heels. I don't exactly know why, but they go better with my dress. As we wait in line to pay for our dress, shoes, and a few pieces of jewelry, Lily and Lydia discuss their dates for the ball.

James didn't get to Lily in time, obviously. She told she wouldn't have gone with him anyways. She is going with a 4th year named Michael, who is very smart, nice, and attractive, from what I can gather about him. I'm happy for her because she seems to really like him. Lydia is going with a boy from our year named Bennett. I think they're perfect for each other. Bennett is very shy and quiet, much like Lydia. I hope they get along nicely.

Once we are finished checking out, we make our way back up to the castle for dinner. The dance is only one week away and counting. This means that we only have a week left of school, too. Time flies when you're having fun.


*One week later*

Finally, the school year is done! And that means, it's time for the ball! The whole atmosphere in the castle lifts as people start chattering about the dance and summer break. Even the teachers are celebrating the end of another year!

Students are going crazy by the time Saturday rolls around! Breakfast was packed, but lunch was deserted. Everyone was up in their dorms getting ready for the dance. But, me and boys would never pass up a meal for preparation time. We chow down in the Great Hall before going up to get ready. When we enter the common room, I immediately notice Remus sacked out on the couch. I walk over to him and lay a hand on his shoulder. His skin is as white as paper and cold as ice.

"Poor Remus," I mutter, stroking his hair. For a moment, I momentarily forget that I need to be getting ready for the dance.

"Hey chickadee," Sirius says, plopping down a couch next to Remus. "Don't you need to be upstairs?"

"Upstairs?" I ask, confused. Then it hits me. "Oh, upstairs getting ready! I getcha."

So, I jog up the stairs and into Third Year Girls.

The whole dorm is a flurry of activity. Dresses laid out on beds, curling irons, make up, shoes, etc etc. It's a madhouse. Lily was one of the people who had skipped lunch to get ready and she had curlers in her hair. She was frantically trying to apply eyeliner to Lydia, but Scarlet and May kept throwing cotton balls at her from across the room.

"Would you two stop it?" she exclaims, whipping around to face their snickering faces.

"We aren't five," I mutter as I walk over to the vanity Lily and Lydia are using. The two idiots stop their nonsense and continue on getting ready. "Wow Lydia, you look beautiful."

I look down into the face of the shy, quiet girl I had met almost four years ago. But she doesn't look the same. The make up Lily had decorated her in made her look like a goddess.

"Your dad would be proud of you," I say, smiling down at her. Tears well up in her eyes as she remembers her father. They had found his body along with dozens of others a few months ago.

"I know he would," she says, grabbing a tissue and dabbing at her eyes.

"Hey…" I say, kneeling down next to her. "Don't cry, don't cry."

"I'm sorry," she says, dabbing some more, choking on her tears.

"Calm down, Lyddie," Lily croons, helping her fix herself up. A few minutes later, she's composed herself enough to go get dressed and Lily offers to do my make up. I tell her to make it a surprise, so she turns me around and dabs a little bit of this on, a little of that on. About 30 minutes later, she tells me I'm done.

I turn to look in the mirror and I can barely recognize myself. My whole face is flawless. But, somehow, I don't look fake. I look like Nymphadora Tonks who put make up on. I would probably have hated it if I looked fake or not like myself. But, I looked like me. I looked like a more beautiful version of myself.

"Lily…" I say, examining myself more closely. "You did a… fantastic job."

"Thanks," she says, beaming down at me. "You look gorgeous, by the way."

"Thanks so much," I say. We then discuss what my hair should look like. I don't need a flat iron, or curlers, or hair dye or anything really. I go and put on my dress and we decide which hairstyle matches it the best. We choose blonde, curly hair that falls to my mid-back. It shines and flows beautifully with my make up and dress. I can't get over this transformation. This fantastic transformation that helped me realize I can look beautiful, too.

All I have to do now is strap on my heels and I'm ready to go. As I'm doing that, Lily and Lydia put on their finishing touches and are ready to go.

"You coming, Tonks?" Lily asks, with one hand on the door handle. She looks flawless as well with her ginger hair and emerald dress.

"Umm..." I say, thinking about the poor, lethargic boy on the couch downstairs. "I'll meet you down there, okay?"

"Sure," Lily says, and they leave. I go and check myself a few more times before venturing down into the common room. When I step onto the landing separating the dorms, I look down and see three boys in tuxes, and one boy in sweatpants. I sigh and continue my journey down the stairs.


What do you think? I know there was some controversy about Sirius asking her, but I think I solved pretty well! What do you think?

I hope everyone had a nice Easter! (:



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