I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 37

Within you, I lose myself. Without you,I find myself wanting to be lost again. - unknown


*Remus's POV*

Sitting. Laying. Groaning. Watching. Wincing. Fidgeting. Sleeping. Eating.

That's all I get to do on the couch in the Gryffindor common room the night of the dance. Alternating between sitting up and laying down because I'm too uncomfortable in either position for too long. Groaning because sometimes, I can't keep it in. I'm too uncomfortable. I feel sore all over and my head pounds and my eye lids feel like heavy weights. Watching all the dressed up students make their way down to the Great Hall, wondering when I'm going to see her. Fidgeting because I have nothing else better to do in anticipation. Sleeping when I can't hold my eyes open any longer. Sleep is something that takes me away from my pain. It's like alcohol or drugs to me. Eating because James and Sirius think it will "make me feel better." Like food is going to calm me down. I just want to see her.

I'm laying spread eagled on one of the couches facing James, Sirius, and Peter in their tuxes. Peter didn't get a date, unfortunately. But James, after being rejected by Lily, found another date. Another girl in our year named Marlene McKinnon, who's in Ravenclaw. I guess you could say she is pretty. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, with a bright smile and a nice figure. Sirius is obviously going with Tonks.

Although I did think Marlene was pretty, she was nothing compared to Tonks. Even on a regular basis, I think she's the most beautiful girl in the world. I don't know what it is about her that makes me so attracted to her. Oliver had asked me this very question last week and I couldn't answer the question then either. And now, all dressed up, I swear she is a goddess.

She comes slowly down the spiral stairs and into the common room. She looks left and right nervously being padding over to our usual spot, eyes dancing with happiness and excitement. She wears a tightly fitted silver dress and black heels. The material of both is metallic-y and shiny. It does amazing things to her figure, something I had just recently started to notice. It really isn't a priority to me, what she looks like, but she's got a good figure. She also has mid-length, blonde curly hair what bounces and shines right along with her big brown eyes I love so much. She doesn't need make up to look pretty, but she adorns a good amount of it tonight. Not too much, not too little. It still looks like the girl I'd fallen head over heels for. And now I'm literally head over heels.

When she started walking towards us, I was just overcome with her beauty. I had to be the first one to greet her. I had to have a moment with her before sending her off with my best mate. I stand up with much difficulty and limp over to her. About halfway across the common room, she notices me hobbling towards her on sore legs. She says something, but I cant hear it because I fall with a loud thud on the ground as my legs give way. Why the hell did I have to be a bloody werewolf?

"Remus!" James shouts, running over to me laying helplessly on the ground. My limbs wont support me so I just lay pathetically at Tonka's feet, trying to get up and flailing like a fish out of water.

"Remus," she breaths into my ear as two pairs of hands grab me under my shoulders and heave me back onto the couch.

"What the hell happened?" Sirius asks, brushing himself off.

"I just… fell," I say, not able to lift my head.

"Why were you up in the first place?" James asks.

"To… to see Tonks," I say, blushing.

"I was coming to see you, yanno?" she says, deadly close to me. I turn my head a fraction of a millimeter and see her seated next to me, looking worried.

"I'm fine," I say, trying to lift an arm to place on her shoulder, but when I get it in the air, it falls pathetically back to my side.

"No, you're obviously not," she says, placing her hand over mine.

"Tonks," I say, making a huge effort to turn my head and look into her eyes. "Don't worry about me."

"Okay," she says, sighing and turning to the other boys. "We're going to be late."

"Yeah, it's almost 5:00," James says, checking his watch. "Marlene is probably waiting for me."

"Time to go then," Sirius says, standing up. James and Peter did the same. But Tonks didn't move. She sat still next to me, her hand placed over mine, concern in her eyes.

"Go have fun," I say. I wanted more than anything to hug her, kiss her, do anything. But my body wouldn't let me. She solemnly nods at me before quickly squeezing my hand and standing up.

"Ready chickadee?" Sirius asks, offering his arm. She links hers through it and the group moves on toward the portrait hole. Right before they climb through though, she turns back to me and we lock eyes one more time.


*Tonks's POV*

Dinner. Dinner was an eventful affair. It turns out that Marlene has been head over heels for James since he had said "hello" to her in the corridor once. When he had said he was going to try out for Quidditch, she practically started stalking him. When he decided not to try out, she stopped that foolishness. But after he had asked her out, she was back to old James-fanatic self.

First off, she was very annoying. She ignored everyone else at the table and just paid attention to James, laughing stupidly and twirling her hair. Second off, she didn't seem to like me. Every time I spoke, she shot me a dirty look. At first, I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but about halfway through dinner, I suddenly figured it out. She was friends with Scarlet and May.

"So then, I grabbed my underwear from her head and screamed 'Scarlet! Get May and explain yourselves!'" she says, only to James, laughing like a hyena. I turn warily to Sirius who seems to be having the same thoughts as I am.

Soon, dessert is served and the dance floor opens to everyone. I am more than grateful, because that means an escape from Marlene.

"First dance, my lady?" Sirius asks, offering his hand. I take it and he sweeps me dramatically onto the impromptu dance floor in the middle of the Great Hall. The Great Hall had definitely had some TLC. The stone walls now shine with up lighting that goes in a 'red, yellow, blue, green' pattern all along the walls to represent the four houses. The five long tables have been removed and have been replaced with dozens and dozens of circular tables large enough to seat six people. The dance floor is right smack in the middle of the hall, already overflowing with students. The tiles that make up the dance floor are silver and shiny. A few lights and a disco ball hang over the dance floor, but none of them are on.

The first song is a normal waltz. At first, I have no idea where the music is coming from. Then, I realize that the music is actually coming from the walls and floor of the Great Hall. I assume it is an enchantment of some sort, because it really sounds amazing; like a whole band is there playing for us.

"God, why does the first song have to be this one?" Sirius complains under his breath.

"It is a ball after all," I say. He then puts a hand on my waist, and I put a hand on his shoulder. We grab hands and off we go.

Waltzing around with Sirius is much more fun than it actually sounds. He swung me around that dance floor pretty good, taking out a few people in the process. He twirled me and lifted me and spun me round and round until I couldn't take it any more. My face was beet red with laughter and exhaustion. I was having a fantastic time with my dance partner. Just me and him having an excellent time on the dance floor, not interrupted by Marlene or even James. I don't ever remember having this much fun before.

By the time the first few songs are over, darkness is falling quickly. I had been having so much fun with Sirius, that when we finally took a break during a slow dance, I remembered Remus. How could I have forgotten? While Sirius was away getting drinks, I sat at our table, thinking about him. How was he? Did he transform yet? I couldn't answer any of those questions.


*Remus's POV*

When the time finally arrived for me to go down to the Hospital Wing, my limbs had decided that they were done. They didn't want to have to work anymore. So, as I had to on rare occasions like this, I sent an express owl to Madam Pomfrey to come and get me. I hated having to do that, but there was no other way. In about five minutes time, she was there in the doorway of the portrait hole.

"Remus," she said, walking briskly over to me. "Are you okay?"

"No I'm not, Madam," I said truthfully.

"Oh dear…" she said, examining me before whipping out her wand. "Hard month, huh?"

"That doesn't even explain it," I said, wincing as she performed a spell that practically made me float upright. I felt no pain while in the air, but when she first performed it, the initial jolt hurt like a little shite. So, wand in hand, she suspended me down from Gryffindor Tower and through the school, out the front door, and across the lawn.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning" she said, ruffling my hair affectionately when we reached the Whomping Willow. She lowered me slowly into the tunnel before letting the spell die and I stood on my own two feet, but barely.

"G'night," I said weakly before turning and crawling down the tunnel. I heard the tree start to swing wildly again as I pushed myself to get to my room in enough time. I didn't think I would be able to do it. My limbs wouldn't take it any longer.

So, I collapsed right in the middle of the tunnel. I had no idea when the full moon would rise, but I knew I didn't have much time. Reluctantly, I tried to push myself back up again and failed. I tried again. There was no hope in this. Suddenly, I felt the full moon rise. Don't ask me how I felt it, I have just been able to ever since I had gotten bitten. I knew I was in trouble now.

My whole body started shaking uncontrollably and my eyes rolled back into my head. Pain shot up my legs, then my back, then my head. I felt like my spine was breaking as it elongated and tore my clothes. My feet and hands grew to be an enormous size and soon, I could barely fit in the tunnel.

My inner animal instinct me to GTFO out of this small tunnel. So, not knowing which way I was going, I frantically ran one way along the tunnel. Before I knew it, I felt cool, refreshing summer air hit my face as thin hair started to grow in all over my body. I laid down in a crumbled heap to finish the transformation. I was in so much pain, more than usual. More than I had ever experienced.

I felt my nose elongate into a snout and grow long, sharp fangs loaded with poison to bite whoever got in my way. You see, it wasn't me anymore. It was the wolf.

I stood up shakily and turned my head this way and that; I had just picked up a delightful scent. It smelled like meat and girl's perfume. It was coming from a large room full of food and dancing students. My Nymphadora was in there, but did I know that as a wolf?

Yes I most certainly did.


*Tonks's POV*

After being refreshed, Sirius and I decide to go back out onto the dance floor. I hadn't voiced my concern for Remus to him, but as soon as the next song started, I forgot all about it again.

The song that now played is a popular one among us students. The adults don't seem to like it very much, but us kids jump around and wave our hands in the air, screaming with excitement. There were several songs like this and one other waltz. Finally, the DJ came over the PA system.

"I would to thank all of you for coming down her tonight!" he said. I looked around frantically to see where the voice was coming from and saw that the DJ wasn't in the room. This made me curious. "Now, we will have the last song of the night! Now, don't get too disappointed! We'll be back next year! Goodbye 7th years! We'll miss you! Enjoy this last dance!" All of a sudden, a slow and romantic song comes on. The lights dim and couples move to get to each other in the semi-darkness.

"Dance with me," Sirius says, holding out a hand. I consider it for a moment.

"But what will Remus-"

"We're just dancing, Tonks. It's not like we're having sex," Sirius says, smiling. "Common."

"Okay," I finally say, and grab his hand.

He pulls me close to him and lays his hands on my waist. I wrap my arms around his neck, my head laying on his chest. We sway slowly with the music, the only other sounds we can hear are the whisperings from the other couples out on the dance floor with us. It's a really good feeling, being this close to Sirius. He's my best friend, but he'd just given me the best night of my life, hadn't he?

I lift my head to look into his face. I just now notice how much of an effort he had made to make himself look presentable. He had done a fabulous job with it too. He definitely is a handsome boy, tall and muscular with dark hair and eyes. His hair is a little askew from all the dancing we did, but other than that, he looked great. I even like the little messy bit of hair. He's smiling down at me, his eyes full of a bright happiness I had never seen before.

Suddenly, before I can register anything, he starts leaning forward. I know what he wants. And, without good judgment, decide to give it to him. He seems to be leaning forward to meet my lips so slowly. Maybe he wants to draw it out. His lips are centimeters away from mine when suddenly we hear-



Thanks for reviewing everyone! I love you all so much! Sorry this is late, I'm in ANOTHER show, so life is extremely crazy. Thanks for standing by me while I'm being late! (:

I believe I like this one! Tell me what you think? Cliffhanger huh? (;



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