I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 42

I hope you're all enjoying summer, because I know I am! (: PS. Any Avengers fans out there? AWESOME MOVIE! I recommend it to all of you! :D


In my wildest dreams, you always play the hero. In my darkest hour of night, you rescue me, you save my life. - By Bliss and Cerney


*Tonks's POV*

I have never been more devastated in my life. Getting up to pack for home was bad enough, but knowing that I will have to spend most of my day with him kills me.

I slam my trunk shut and buckle the sides slowly, not wanting to have to talk to anyone else in the dorm. I had entered quietly the previous evening and taken refuge here for several hours, just thinking. When the rest of the girls arrived, I pretended to be sleeping, not wanting to have to answer any questions. Where were you? Why did Professor Dumbledore call you up last night? Why do you look like you were run over by the Hogwarts Express?

"Hey Nymphadora," I hear Scarlet call from the opposite side of the room, interrupting my thoughts. "What happened at the ball the other night?"

There is nothing sympathetic in her voice. She taunts me for what happened. I turn slowly around and eye her, a smirk plastered across her features.

"Nothing," I say, turning back around to re-buckle my trunk for the hundredth time.

"Oh, but something did happen," she said, slowly making her way over to my bed. "We all saw the way you and those boys reacted when we first heard it."

"So?" I question.

"So, you know what it was," she says, wrapping an arm around a post of my bed.

"No I don't," I lie. "I was just scared."

"You're lying," she says, her voice as smooth as silk and as cold as ice. "Why would Dumbledore call you to see him? Why were you bawling like a child?"

I have no answer for her trivial questions now. I'm in no shape for coming up with any good lies. I'm sleep-deprived and heartbroken.

"And where was your little pal Remus?" she questions, knowing she has me right where she wants me. "Why didn't he attend the ball? Of course, I would've thought he would've taken you."

Anger flares inside of me. I grip hard onto either side of my trunk, my eyes looking anywhere but at Scarlet. This isn't going to be pretty.

"And where did you go after the ball? You certainly didn't return here. You didn't come back until yesterday."

My head is swimming. I'm almost tempted to reach for my wand and hex the living daylights out of her. But getting expelled wouldn't make the situation any better.

"Tell me," she taunts, circling around the bed to my side. "It was that Sirius kid, wasn't it? I saw you with him. You did something with him and now that Remus-"

But she can't finish her sentence because she's been tackled onto the floor by a very pissed off Tonks.

"Hey! Get off of me!" she screams, fighting against me. I have her pinned to the floor by her shoulders.

"Woah! Tonks, calm down!" I hear Lily yell, and suddenly, I am lifted off of Scarlet.

"Let me at her!" I yell, fighting against Lily as I did with the Hit Wizard. "You heard her, Lily, let me at her!"

"No, Tonks!" she says, using muscles I didn't know she had to turn me around to face her. "You need to calm down."

I stop fighting and glance back at Scarlet, who was being helped up by May. I look back at Lily, whose face is full of concern.

"Tonks, you don't need to be picking fights because you're upset."

"I didn't pick a fight because I'm upset!" I explain, baffled by her behavior. "You heard what she was saying!"

"Yes, I did," she admits, still holding tightly to my shoulders. "But just let it go. She isn't worth it." I let out a breath and relax my muscles. "Good," Lily croons, letting go of my shoulders.

"Thanks, Lil," I say, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly.

"No problem," she says, a small smile playing on her lips. "It's what friends do."

I smile, then finish packing my belongings. All too soon, I have to leave this place of refuge and face my fears. Dragging my shoulder bag on the ground, my steps are heavy and forced. Each one bringing me closer to him.

"Hey chickadee," I hear Sirius croon from the arm of James's couch.

"Wotcher," I breathe out, laying my bag down.

"How're you feeling?" James asks, looking up at me with eyes full of concern.

"I'm… alive," I say, chuckling a little.

"Funny," Sirius says, nodding at James. "That's exactly what Remus said last night."

This makes me cringe.

"Where is he anyways?" I ask, eyeing the room for a sign of him.

"He's still in the Hospital Wing," James explains. "They sent someone up to pack his stuff for him because he's being directly transferred to the train."

"Oh," I say, shuffling my feet.

"Are you sure you're okay?" James asks. I look down at my toes and sigh.

"No," I admit. "It's just killing me."

"What is?" Sirius questions.

"Not knowing whether or not he still loves me," I say without thinking about it.

Silence for a few moments.

"I think he does," James says. I glance up at him.

"What?" I ask, befuddled.

"He… Well, I think he's taking it so hard because he still loves you," he says. "If that makes any sense."

"Not really," I admit, chuckling.

"Well," Sirius starts. "When we talked to him yesterday, he didn't seem angry."

"He seemed more… broken," James finishes. "That's the best way I can describe it."

"You think he still…?" I question.

"Yes," James finishes. This makes my head spin. Two of his best friends believe that he still loves me. That has to mean something.

"Oh…kay," I say, letting out a breath.

"Cheer up kid," Sirius says, slapping my arm playfully.

"I'll try," I say, smiling up at them.

"Now, we need to plot this summer for them to get together," James whispers loudly to Sirius.

"Shut up," I say, laughing around with all of them. All too soon, we are told it's time to leave to board the Hogwarts Express.

We climb on board and find an empty compartment. I seat myself between James and the window. Staring out at Hogsmede station, I don't notice anything else. The boys are carrying on a conversation, but I take no part in it. I just want us to meet and get it over with.

A few minutes before the train is set to leave, the compartment door slides open. Madam Pomfrey stands there, wand held aloft behind her, levitating a large object.

"Hello dears," she greets us, standing in the doorway. "I figured he would want to sit with you lot. Try not to argue please."

"Yeah that's fine," James speaks up, shifting down a little to make room for a sleeping Remus. Madam Pomfrey backs up, levitates the large, sleeping object that is Remus into the compartment, and sets him down softly on the bench.

"If anything goes wrong, please alert the conductor. Although, nothing should go wrong," she says, eyeing Remus for one last time. "Alright?"

"Yes," the four of us say in unison.

"Thanks so much," she says, smiling. "For everything."

"You're welcome," James says, smiling back at her.

She straightens up then, with a swish of her cloak, leaves the train.

We all glance around at each other nervously. What does she mean If anything goes wrong? Hopefully nothing.

"Well," Sirius says, clapping his hands and rubbing them together like he was getting ready for a Quidditch match. "What do we do now?"

"Nothing I guess," James says, eyeing Remus reproachfully.

"Just let him sleep," I murmur. So, they listen to me and try to carry on a normal conversation once again. As I'm sitting there, letting their banal talk wash over me, I suddenly feel the sleep-deprivation of the past few days build up and crash over me. I fall into an uneasy stupor, cheek plastered to the window.


*Remus's POV*

It could've been worse.

Meeting her for the first time since the….the spat. That's what I try to tell myself as I sit in the back of my father's old, beat-up Muggle car. My mother keeps glancing back at me, as if she's afraid I'm going to keel over right here and now.

"Mum, I'm fine," I finally blurt out after half an hour of this occurring.

"I'm just worried, Remus!" she says, turning back around in her seat. I glance over at Oliver, who is now going into his 6th year. He glances back at me, then turns away, frowning.

"Why are you worried?" I ask, turning my attention back to my mother.

"All we got was an owl from Madam Pomfrey saying you were extremely injured! When we came to pick you lot up from the train, you were covered in bandages and gauze!" she explains, an inch away from crying.

"It was just a bad-" I start.

"Don't say it!" Elizabeth cries out, shoving her fingers in her ears. For an 11 year-old, she is really immature.

"What?" I say. "Don't say what?"

"Don't say those words!" she says, bawling like a baby. Kevin reaches over and pulls her into his arms in the back seat. Kevin, fresh out of Hogwarts, gives me a cold stare.

"What? How dare he mention his lycanthropy?" Oliver says sarcastically.

"Remus, don't scare her like that!" my mother reprimands from the front seat.

"What?" I exclaim, totally wound up by the injustice of the situation. "I can't say 'full-moon?' What's so bad about that?"

"WAAH!" she wails from the backseat.

"Remus!" my father yells. "It scares her!"

"But why?" I ask, about to tear my hair out. "It's a worse situation for me, then for her!"

"It scares her, Remus!" Kevin says from the back, slowly patting her hair.

This is normal in the Lupin-household. Whenever I nonchalantly mention something about my lycanthropy, Elizabeth gets all wound-up and starts bawling; Kevin comforts her; my mum and dad yell at me for mentioning my condition, when in reality, it should be more traumatic for me; Oliver tries to stick up for me; and Libby stays silent, torn between the two sides.

The family goes like this: Oliver and I against Kevin, Elizabeth, and my parents. My parents try their best to accommodate me, but end up giving in to Elizabeth's wails of fear. Poor Olivia is stranded in the middle, not knowing what is right or wrong. She loves me and Oliver more than Kevin and Elizabeth, but wants to stay loyal to our parents. Kevin sometimes tries to bully her into taking his side. It's a horrible situation. Brother against brother, children against parents. But, it's my life and my family. I have no other choice.

Once we arrive home, I don't talk to anyone and retreat to my room. I hear my father dragging the trunks in and slamming the door. I sigh and gingerly sit down on the bed, nursing my broken right arm.

I think about her. What she's doing, how she is, whether or not she remembers our meeting the same way I do. It could end up being a totally different story to her, I have no idea.

I just hope she's happy. I just hope she can look at herself and say "You know what? It's okay." I'm still incredibly angry with her, but my heart tells me it's time to forgive her. I don't know how I can.


So this is just a transition chapter, nothing really exciting happened! It's just setting up for summer break I guess! Sorry if you thought it was boring! D:

LOVE YOU ALL! Please leave a review! (:


PS. If you've seen The Avengers, who is your favorite Avenger? Mine's Iron Man because I personally find him hilarious. And he's very much like myself! ^.^

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