I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 48

"Love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone's bad qualities because they somehow complete you." ― Sarah Dessen

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*Tonks's POV*

Several weeks pass and the James-Lily situation doesn't get any better. Snape continues to be an insufferable prat and James just backfires like any normal human being would. I honestly don't understand why Lily thinks it's such a big deal. She rants about him every night in the dormitory

"James is such a prat."

"James is so ignorant."

"James needs to get his stupid act together before he even tries to talk to me again."

I just lay in my bed, listening to her rant for hours on end (okay, maybe not hours) but honestly, I don't think she even cares that James is my best friend. After a month of this foolishness, she finally catches on to my frustration.

"Tonks, are you even listening?""Wha-?" I ask, pulled out of my daydream one dreary night in early October. "Yeah, I was listening."

"What did I say then?"

"Something about James," I say, thinking that has to be worth a shot.

"Actually, no, I didn't."

"Shit…" I mutter.

"Do you even agree with me?" she questions, still pacing around the dorm. Lydia sits on her own bed, looking just as bored as I am, but for some reason, Lily doesn't decide to pick on her.

"Lils," I say, sitting up into an upright position. "James is my best friend and-"

"I don't understand how you stand him!" she starts ranting again. "He's so immature, and arrogant, and-"

"Lily!" I say, standing up as well. "I have my own reasons to be his best friend!"

"Like what?" she questions harshly. I can feel this is getting out of hand quickly.

"He's funny, nice, understanding, car-"

"To you, maybe, but not to me!" she says, crossing her arms.

"Well, maybe that's why he's my friend and not yours!" I say hotly. "Snape is the only reason he acts that way around you! He provokes him!"

"He does not!" Lily argues back. "Don't you dare go and blame Sev for this!"

"Oh, he doesn't, does he?" I question with an air of fake disbelief. "Then why is it every time I'm in the corridors with James and Sirius-"

"Don't even get me started on Sirius!" Lily shrieks. "He's just as bad!"

"Sirius is my best friend as well!" I say defensively. "Now, do you want to go trash my boyfriend, too?"

"Of course not!" she says. "He's okay."

"What about my other friend, Peter?" I question. How dare she?

"He follows the other two prats around like a fan girl," she remarks. I've had it.

"You know what, Lily?" I say, putting my hands up in defeat. "I'm not going to take it anymore."

"What?" she questions, frowning.

"We obviously don't agree about our friends. I can't take you trash-talking James and Sirius anymore."

"I can't take you standing up for them anymore," she spats back.

"Then, maybe it's best if we're not friends," I say.

"Yeah," she says, contemplating me. "Maybe you're right."

"Good."

"Good."

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*Remus's POV*

Comforting a distraught girlfriend is something I am totally not trained for. Dealing with the tears and the depression and the etc, etc, etc, is really starting to wear me out.

"Remus?" she questions drearily. We're laying in our favorite spot under a huge willow tree right on the banks of the Black Lake, her nestled in my arms. The beech tree we usually occupy with the other boys isn't far from here, but this tree offers more privacy.

"Yes, love?" I answer.

"Have you ever felt like this?" she asks, shifting to nuzzle her head deeper into my chest.

"Like what?"

"Like you've lost someone you love," she explains. "Lily was one of my best friends."

"I have," I admit.

"Who?"

"My whole family," I say. "Except for Oliver."

"When you became a… a…"

"Yeah," I say, thinking back to those tough first days. "They all turned their backs on me, especially Kevin. I used to look up to him, admire him even. We used to be so close. Then… it just fell apart."

"I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't know-"

"Don't feel bad about asking me," I say, squeezing her closer to me. "You need someone you can relate to."

"And I can," she says, sounding the slightest bit happier.

"It gets better, love," I say. "And who knows? You and Lily could make up any day now and become friends again."

"She doesn't accept James and Sirius," she says, sighing. "You should've heard the things she was saying about them."

"Well, I'm glad you stayed true to what you believe in," I say, trying my hardest to make her feel better. This is way harder than it sounds. "It would've been easy to take her side and lie about your true feelings for them."

"You sound like my mother," she laughs.

"Hey, I'm trying to cheer you up!" I say. She sits up and looks down at me, smiling.

"Well, it worked," she says, leaning down to kiss me gently. "For now."

"Good," I say, sitting up as well. "I'm glad I can make you happy."

"You always can, love," she says, eyes sparkling with happiness again.

"Always?" I ask, trying to sound flirtatious.

"Always, always, always," she says, leaning in to kiss me again. I suddenly grab her and pull her on top of me as she laughs. I shower her face and neck with a thousand sweet kisses. Her laughter dies down and she nestles her face into the crook of my neck, her hair suddenly a bright bubble-gum pink.

"What happened to your hair?" I ask, grabbing a lock.

"I guess it changes with my mood," she says, leaning up to face me. "I haven't exactly figured it out yet."

"That's interesting," I say, letting it drop back to her side. "So you're happy?"

"No," she says, eyes twinkling. "I'm in love."

I can't possibly answer that with words, so I just put all of my emotions into a kiss; I hope she understands them all. Having her in my arms is a feeling that can't be bought. The joy she brings me is unimaginable. She almost makes me feel normal. Worthy even.

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*Lily's POV*

Dear diary,

Even the name James Potter fills me with so many emotions I can't begin to deal with them.

Anger is one of them. That one is the most evident. I can't begin to tolerate his going-ons with that Sirius Black. Tormenting Sev isn't something I would call fun or funny or entertaining. Those are all adjectives they've used to describe it to me.

Disappointment is another. He could be so much more than he currently is. He's great at Quidditch, smart, funny (sometimes, I mean rarely), and even… a little attractive. I hate to admit it to myself, but James Potter isn't ugly. He could be the one everyone loves and looks up to in the school. Instead, he chose to be the bully, the one who no one wants to mess with. There could be so much more in store for him, but he just doesn't let it happen.

Bewilderment. Sometimes I can't believe his actions. How could anyone be so cruel and nasty? I'm totally shocked every time we meet by his actions. You could never think that one human being could do or say that to another human being. Well, I've made up my mind: James Potter isn't a human being.

This last emotion isn't something I like to admit, even to myself. If you could believe I might actually fancy James Potter, then you are on the same page as me. If I told anyone, they wouldn't believe me. The way I rant about him, the way I act around him; none of that would ever indicate that I fancy him. I don't even know why I fancy him. I mean, as I said before, he is attractive and athletic and witty and charming. But, God, he's so rude! I think about things like this hours and go in endless circles in my head.

He drives me insane. Completely BONKERS!

I know he fancies me. Everyone knows he fancies me. But if I ever decided to go on a date with him, God, could you imagine people's reactions? They wouldn't get it, so I just ignore the situation entirely. Then again, I'm not at all pleased by his actions. Then why do I fancy him again?

I need to stop thinking about his.

The situation with Tonks is well… not so good. The spat we had last week totally ruined our friendship. I don't know if we'll be able to pull ourselves back together enough to call each other friends anymore.

I do still care about her. And yes, I bought her a birthday present. Her birthday is next week so I wrote home and asked for a present. I think she'll like it. I don't know exactly how she's taking it. She doesn't seem very happy. I don't know if maybe she and Remus got into fight or something, but I think it's me. Diary, did I tell you they began a relationship? It seemed like a miracle when it happened! Everyone wanted to shout "Well, it's about time!" Even I wanted to! Diary, they are very cute together and I know they'll have a successful relationship.

I don't wish harm on her or anyone. I just want to become friends again. Goodbye for now, Diary.

~Lily Marie Evans

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Hey guys!

First off, I'll give a shout out (and be best friends forever) to whoever can identify my Rent reference! Theatre kids, unite! :D

Secondly, how did you like Lily's diary entry? I know this story is Remus/Tonks, but I know many of you are fans of James/Lily as well! These wont be frequent, but just every once in while to give an update on her and James! Like it? Hate it?

Third, I shot my first scene today! All I did was sit in a classroom and watch as people talked, but you can see my back! Hopefully Saturday and Sunday will bring me more opportunities! It was still a blast and GREAT experience! (:

That's all for now! My cousin will be in all weekend, so no updates for a few days! Waaah :'( Sorry guys! D:

Please review, as always! I LOVEEE me some reviews! :D

Love you all!

xoxo

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