I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 49

"A book without words is like love without a kiss; it's empty." ― Andrew Wolfe


*Remus's POV*

Three full moons pass and it's January. After another Christmas break at James's house, we're back to the castle and back to the usual drama. Tonks and Lily still haven't spoken to one another. James and Sirius continue the war against Snape and all his Slytherin cronies. I battle my lycanthropy and family. And we all are starting to feel as if the teachers are shoving OWLs down our throats, even though they're a year away.

On the other hand, mine and Tonks's relationship has done nothing but grown. She makes me happier than any other thing in my life. When we stay up into the early hours of the morning, cuddling and whispering to one another on a couch in the Gryffindor common room; when she kisses me gently before whispering she loves me; when we skip down the corridors, holding hands and laughing, her laugh as beautiful and clear as a bell; when I bring her outside into the snow and she gets snowflakes caught in her vibrant purple hair and eyelashes, smiling as widely as I've ever seen; even when I'm exhausted after a full moon, she'll stay with me, crooning to me in my sleep, holding me tightly to this world, even though I feel as if I'm inches from slipping away.

Yes, she's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

One night, we're sitting up in the common room, debating about the controversial topic of broomstick regulations ("I think they're completely dumb and unnecessary," she argues. "Well, they're meant to keep people safe! People like you, who without the regulations would be getting themselves in trouble every other day, even though they don't listen to them," I argue back.) All of a sudden, I hear someone yell my name.


"What?" I call back, frustrated that I was interrupted.

"Remus we need you!" James exclaims, bounding into sight, Sirius and Peter at his heels.

"For what?" I question.

"You know…" James says, giving me a knowing look. At first, I don't understand, but then it hits me. Animagi.

"Oh…" I say, standing up. "Alright."

"Hey, where are you going?" she asks, standing up as well.

"I've got to go," I say, turning back around to face her. "I promise I'll be back."

"Promise?" she asks, grabbing my hand and giving me puppy dog eyes.

"I promise, love," I say, leaning over to give her a quick kiss before retreating to the dormitories with the boys.

"We ran into another little problem," James explains as soon as the door to the dorm is closed.

"What is it?" I ask, sitting on my bed.

"Well…." Sirius starts. "We've found that the transformations are leaving behind… abnormalities."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, exhibit A would be the patches of black fur on Sirius's upper thigh and on his feet," James says, motioning to Sirius who shows me the two dark patches of fur in the spots James indicated.

"That's weird," I say, getting up to examine them closer.

"Exhibit B would be the stubby horns on James's head," Peter picks up where James left off. James parts his hair and sure enough, there are two little stubby horns sticking out of his head.

"Holy shit!" I exclaim, surprised by this. It's not something you see everyday.

"I know! It's creepy, right?" James agrees, fixing his hair back to hide his horns.

"And exhibit C would be Peter's padded feet and nose spasms," Sirius finishes. Peter removes his shoes to reveal the bottoms of his feet that are padded like an animal's. I then notice his weird nose twitches, so similar to a rat it's scary.

"This is bizarre," I say staring at my three friends as they try to cover up their abnormalities again.

"I know!" Sirius exclaims. "And we have no idea what to do about it!"

"We need to get in the restricted section," James explains. "We got in there once in second year because we caught Minnie when she was really busy and we told her she forgot to sign our detention slip. She didn't look twice."

"That was brilliant," I comment, smiling slightly.

"Anyways, we need to get another professor's signature," Peter says. "And we don't think the trick on McGonagall will work again."

"So…" I say, finally understanding the real reason they needed me. "You need me to get a slip signed so you can get a book out?"

"Pretty much," James says. "This is all for you, mate. It would mean the world to us if you could get it. I don't want to have horns for the rest of my life." He holds out a slip of paper. I look at it reproachfully for a minute before taking it.

"Fine," I mutter, examining it. "But how do I get a teacher to sign it?"

"Get ol' Sluggy to sign it for you," Sirius suggests. "He loves you."

"Well, that's only because I actually do well in his class," I admit, chuckling. I think about it for a moment. "Okay I'll go ask him."

"Really?" James asks, face lighting up. "You'll do that for us?"

"Sure," I say. "Like you said, this is all being done for me."

"Thank you so much, mate!" Sirius says, walking over to me and slapping me on the back happily.

"I'll be back in 15 minutes," I say, then sweep from the dorm.


*Tonks's POV*

"Hey where're you going?" I ask as I watch my boyfriend stalk right past me in the common room, heading for the portrait hole.

"Oh, Tonks," he says, slowly turning around. "I'm, uhh, going to see Professor Slughorn."

"Why?" I ask, standing up from my spot in my favorite squashy armchair.

"I need to ask him about… the homework," he says, brain obviously working fast to come up with a good lie. I've known him long enough to know when he's lying.

"You've already finished the homework, Remus," I say, placing my hands on my hips.

"I know," he says. "I wanted to see if there was any extra credit on it."

"Oh," I say, thinking he might not have been lying. "Are you lying to me?"

"No, love, why would I do that?" he says, stepping into me and wrapping his arms around my waist. "When I come back, I'll come sit with you, okay?"

"Alright," I mutter, releasing him. Even if he is lying, I'll just let it go. "Have fun."

"Oh, I will," he mutters before he turns and walks out of the portrait hole.

I turn around and throw myself back into my armchair, curling into a little ball, my arms wrapped around my knees. Snow falls heavily outside the castle windows and the common room is filled with students. I think back to the last time the common room looked like this. I remember it was right after the first Christmas break at James's house, when Remus slept by my side every night. Now that I think about it, I wish he could do that here. Even when we take a nap on the couch together, I feel better in his arms than I do in my own bed.

"Hey Tonksie," I hear Sirius call, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Hey," I say, craning my neck to see them strolling towards me. "Why did you steal my boyfriend?"

"We didn't steal him, we simply borrowed him," Sirius says, chuckling.

"Oh, well that makes it all better," I mutter sarcastically. "I would like him back, please."

"Sorry, he's on an errand," James says, taking a seat next to me.

"For you, I assume," I say.

"Yeah, you're right," James admits.

"Does it have to do with Snivellus?"

"Nope," Sirius says. "Surprisingly."

"He said he was going to see Slughorn."

"Well, he wasn't lying," James says, breaking out the old Muggle sports magazine.

"Why was he going to see him?" I ask, curious as to what they're making my boyfriend do this time.

"That's confidential," Sirius says, peering over James's shoulder at the magazine.

"Come on," I say, trying to coax them into telling me. "Tell me."

"You'll know sooner or later," Peter says.

"Ugh," I huff. "This is exactly like when you knew about his 'furry little problem' and wouldn't tell me!"

"Yeah," James laughs. "It is!"

"I love it when Tonks is clueless," Sirius mutters, laughing as well.


"Well, we always do seem to know more than you," James says, catching my eye and winking.

"Whatever," I say, flinging myself back into my seat. "I'll get him to tell me."

"And how do you think you'll go about doing that?" Sirius asks.

I think about it for a moment.

"I have my ways."

"Oh God, Tonks," James says, making a repulsed face. "That better not mean what I think it means."

"Maybe," I mutter, chuckling, having fun with this.

"Oh no," Sirius says, making a face as well. "You better not be-"

"I'm only joking, geez!" I exclaim. "I cant believe you think so low of me!"

"Well…." James says, going back to his magazine.

"Thanks guys," I mutter, half smiling.

"Welcome, babe," Sirius says, full blown Sirius-charm on.

"Alright," I hear Remus says as he climbs through the portrait hole. "I got it."

"Got what?" I ask, standing up to face his approaching figure. He looks wide-eyed at James and Sirius.

"A note," he says, handing a folded up piece of paper to James, who looks at it, smiles, then pockets it.

"For what?"

"Getting a book out of the restricted section," James says.

"Why do you need that?"

"Okay, we were just joking with you earlier," Sirius says, smiling over at me. "We just need it for a project Minnie is having us do because of our stupid ass 'multiple detentions.' Apparently, if you get so many detentions, you have to do a project or some shit."

"Oh," I say, blushing at my ignorance.

"Yeah, that's all," James says. "And we knew Slughorn would sign it for Remus, so we got him to ask Sluggy to sign it."

"Oh," I repeat.

"Yeah, don't worry, love," Remus says, grabbing my hand and pulling me over to the couch where he cradles me in his lap.

"Alright," I say, defeated. "You win."

I still think there's something fishy going on, but I leave it be. I'll know soon enough. For now, all I need is some sleep. So, I nestle my head into Remus's chest and close my eyes. He tightens his grip on me and shifts so I'm more comfortable. Truth be told, I couldn't be more comfortable any where but in his arms.


Hey guys! I guess I have some explaining to do!

So, last week I went on vacation (outer banks, oh yeah!) and I couldn't write there. But before that, I was packing and going to a musical theatre camp and more packing and ugh! I was just so busy! I meant to put that I was going on vacation in a chapter before I left, but I never got around to it… so you all probably thought I'd died or something! D: Well, here I am! And alive!

I actually have a major show on Friday (All shook up, if anyone knows, I'm playing Lorraine) and I'm kind of stressing about that! And I have to prep for an audition in new York and it's all scary! So updates might be few and far between for a while! Wish me luck, ill need it! D:

Thanks so much guys! I always say I love you guys and I really do! Have a lovely lovely lovely week! :D

Please leave a review, as always! Reviews make me feel better! :D


PS: No one got my Rent reference? It was "a thousand sweet kisses!" Yanno the song? Okay just me? Got it… musical theatre kid problems, LOL

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