I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 50

"How do you spell 'love'?" - Piglet"You don't spell it...you feel it." - Pooh" ― A.A. Milne


*Remus's POV*

So, it turns out that James, Sirius, and Peter had been saying the incantation incorrectly. Just one syllable was off, so it messed up the whole process. Now equipped with this new piece of knowledge, they dive head first into the final stages of this long process. I barely ever see them since they're locked up in the dorm all day. Of course, I could be with them, but who would choose a stuffy room full of frustration and the smell of animals over a pretty girl?

Even the war against Snape seems to come to screeching halt as the boys try desperately to figure out the mystery of becoming animagi. They're too tired to say anything to him in the corridor, too busy to go seek him out during break, and too mentally drained to come up with any new pranks! It's so unlike them, one morning I asked if they were feeling alright.

"I'm worried about them," Tonks says one lazy afternoon in April on the banks of the Black Lake.

"Who?" I ask, emerging from behind a novel.

"The boys," she says, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. For some reason, she's been wearing her hair in normal colors lately. I can't quite seem to understand why, but it worries me nonetheless.

"I'm worried about you," I say, propping myself up on one elbow.

"Why?" she asks, turning to face me. A breeze lazily brushes her hair in her face.

"Why has your hair been normal?" I ask, tucking it back behind her ear.

"Is there a problem with that?"

"No," I say, not wanting to upset her. "I just find it strange."

She turns away and stares across the lake. Dozens of other students mill around the banks, doing homework, reading, chatting. She watches as Scarlet does cartwheels for a group of boys.

"I'm not like her," she states.

"What?" I ask, baffled.

"I'm not… that kind of girl."

"A whore?"

"I guess you could say that," she says, a small smile playing on her lips.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not…. chased around by boys all the time. I don't wear shirts with a super low neckline. I don't wear tight clothes all the time. I don't have… her figure."

"Tonks…" I start. Holy shit, this was NOT my territory. A teenage girl's insecurities. I wish I had Oliver with me.

Okay Lupin… just… compliment her? Make her feel beautiful. Well, obviously she is beautiful! And most of all… stay cool!

"Tonks, you do know you're ten times more beautiful than any girl in this school," I say. Was that the right thing to say?

"Well, you think so," she says, looking down into the grass.

"You know I do," I say.

"I just… oh never mind."

"Sweetheart," I say, grabbing her hand. "You don't want to be like her. She has nothing to offer but… well you know. You have so much more. You're gorgeous. You make me laugh. You care about people. You know all the lyrics to any Muggle rock band song. You're incredibly smart. You like to transfigure fruit at breakfast and make it sing love songs to Sirius. You have a great personality. Need I say more?"

And with that, she throws herself at me and buries her face into my shoulder.


*Tonks's POV*

"Okay… Truth or dare?"

"Hmm.. Truth."

"If you were going to live in an alternate universe, and you could bring 10 items, people included, what and or who would you bring?"

"Tonks, what kind of question is that?"

"A good one!"

He laughs the laugh that always makes my stomach flutter.

"Alright well," he starts, pondering this question. "You, obviously. Oliver. James. Sirius. Peter. My wand. A broomstick. My book collection, that counts as one thing right?"


"Ummm… I cant think of anything else!"

"You wouldn't bring food or water?" I ask incredulously.

"Oh…. Well then, food and water! That's ten!"

"Good!" I laugh. "See, that was a great question!"

Ever since that day on the banks of the black lake, I've been feeling much better. You see, the whole thing escalated from that morning when Scarlet was boasting about her jeans which were a 00. Now, I'm not usually one to give a shit about any of that, but for some reason, she had directed this at me.

I'll admit I'm not that small. I haven't really given any thought to it before then, but at that moment, I realized how little she was, and how big I was. Now, maybe I blew it out of proportion, but being a 14 year girl would make anyone think like that. I looked in the mirror at my fuller figure and sighed. I didn't even have Lily to back me up. She just threw an awkward glance my way and continued on with her day. Lily wouldn't understand me anyways. She's as little as Scarlet.

Remus was my rock. He made me feel better that day. He made me feel beautiful.

Even now, a few days later, the euphoria from Remus's comment hadn't worn off. This was why we were meant for each other. We made each other feel special. We made each other feel wanted. I couldn't ask for anything more.

"I love you," I whisper later that night in the common room.

"I love you more," he whispers back.


*Lily's POV*

It was just one of those days.

"Oi Nymphadora," I hear her taunt from across the dorm. I clench my teeth and turn away, not wanting to get involved.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that?" she responds, and it sounds like her teeth are clenched as well.

"About a dozen," Scarlet answers, voice full of ice. "Maybe more."

"What is it?"

"Gosh, no need to sound so mean," she responds in a sickenly sweet tone. "I was just wondering how you and your…. boyfriend are."

"Why say it like that?" Tonks asks. I turn around and see her standing at the foot of her bed, hair slowly turning fire engine red. This was not going to be pretty.

"Well I mean," Scarlet answers. "All you seem to do is take care of him when he's 'sick.' I would say you're more of a caregiver."

"What ridiculous nonsense," Tonks answers, the dirtiest look on her face.

"Does he know?" Scarlet answers, slinking over to Tonks's bed like a deadly panther. "Does he know you only 'love' him because you feel bad for him? Well, now that I think about it, why would he like you anyway?"

"I don't understand you Scarlet," she mutters, turning away and gripping the bedpost with white knuckles.

"What's there not to understand?"

"Everything," I butt in. "Why you feel the need to put others down just so you don't have to feel so bad about yourself. You only taunt Tonks because you're a jealous bitch. You wish you had HALF of what she has! She's stunning, and hilarious, and has a wonderful relationship with a boyfriend who loves her! Guys only like you because you're easy! Yeah, that's right, you're a whore! So, go taunt someone else! Leave Tonks alone!"

The whole dorm goes silent as what I said sinks in. I cannot believe what just happened. Did I really say all of that? Am I really capable of saying that? Wow, I had no idea.

"You…" Scarlet starts, shaking with anger. "You… will pay."

"Don't you dare touch her," Tonks says, stepping in front of me. "You won't lay a finger on my best friend."

With this, all hard feelings are gone between me and Tonks. With one glance, we lock eyes and become a team with one goal: defeat Scarlet.

"Oh, and you think you're gonna scare me away are you? You little-"

"OI! TONKS! WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE?" I hear Potter call up the stairs. I roll my eyes.

"NOTHING!" she yells back. "ILL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE."

"You're lucky," Scarlet says quietly as she sweeps past me and out of the dorm, May at her heels.

"Oh… my God," Tonks says, throwing herself onto her bed. "That did not just happen."

"I think it did," I say, sitting down as well.

"That… was awesome!" she says, sitting up with excited eyes and a glowing smile. "Kudos to you, my friend!"

"Friends?" I ask.

"Definitely!" Tonks gushes. "After what you just did, how can you not be?"

"I don't know," I say, smiling.

"Thanks so much, Lilykins!" she says, jumping out of bed to hug me.

"You're welcome, Tonks," I say, hugging her back, thrilled to have her as a friend again.

Later that night while I'm lying in bed, I start to wonder why I was even mad at Tonks in the first place? Was I a little jealous of her relationship with James? Was I? Well, whatever the reason was, it's not a reason anymore. Now that I think about it, the whole thing was quite silly.


Okay. I'll slap my own hand for not updating D:

Show went well! Such a fun show! :D

Alrighty, I have no idea how I feel about this chapter. Here's my reasoning:

In every fanfic I read about Tonks, she's always portrayed as a pixie who's short and has no weight on her whatsoever. Well, what if she wasn't exactly that figure? Every teenage girl has insecurities right? And Tonks is no exception! So before I get all reviews that say OOC, just take this into consideration!

Also, is the Lily/Tonks fight and make up too random? For some reason, I feel as if it was just random and irrelevant to the story… maybe I'm just beating myself up! Reviews please! This may get rewritten! D:

Also, thanks so much to my friend AzNeRd who helped me be sure I was going in the right direction! :D

Review review review! Every review is giving me a slap in the face for not updating! LOL *thumbs up*

Thanks for staying faithful to me! Love you all! (:


Ps, WOO 50 chapters! Where has the time gone? ;D

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