I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 69

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."-HenryDavidThoreau


*Remus's POV*

"Remus. Reeeeemus. Moony. Lupin. REEEMUS!"

"What?!" I jump out of bed at the sound of my name, and look around wildly for the source of the clamor.

"Come here."

I whip around to see Sirius staring expectantly over at me, looking quite green and sickly.

"What is it?" I ask, traipsing over, rolling my eyes.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"What is it?"

"Get me a wet washcloth?"

"It's not my fault you decided to get wasted last night," I complain, but ending up going to get it anyways. As I'm standing at the sink, soaking the washcloth, I can see him vomit violently into a bin by his bed; I can't help but chuckle.

"Never going to do that again, are we?" I say saucily as I bring him the washcloth. He grabs it and rubs it all over his face, sighing.

"It was fun," he says after a minute. "This is the only part that isn't fun."

"What time is it anyways?" I ask, craning my neck to look at the clock. "Four thirty. You woke me up at four thirty?!"

"James wouldn't wake up!" he argues, the cloth still over his face. "Besides, you needed to help a mate out."

"Oh, I can 'help a mate out,'" I say sarcastically, punching my fist into my palm.

"You wouldn't, Moony."

"You're right, I wouldn't," I admit, chuckling. "I'm going the hell back to sleep."

I get up and shuffle my way back to my four-poster, my fingers subconsciously caressing a photo of me and Tonks I have set on my bedside table. I slide in under the warm covers once again, and immediately fall asleep.


*Tonks's POV*

"You're staying this year?" Lily asks, throwing last minute stuff into her trunk.

"Yeah," I say, laying down my bed, my feet up against one of my bed posts. "We decided to have Christmas here this year."

"We as in James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus, right?"

"Not Peter," I admit, watching my feet do a silly dance against the wood. "His mother makes him go home every year."

"I don't think I could ever stay here for Christmas," Lily admits, slamming her trunk and buckling it. "I would miss home too much."

"You would think," I say, staring dreamily at the ceiling. "But… this is home. Wherever I am with the boys, I feel at home."

Lily doesn't say anything, she just looks at me skeptically. "We should be going."

I get up and skip over to her bed, wrapping my arms tightly around her. "Happy Christmas, Lils. Have a safe journey home."

"You, too, Tonks."

"Same for you, Lydia," I say, hugging her next. "Make this Christmas the best it can be."

"We'll try," Lily says, dragging her trunk from the dorm. "Happy Christmas!"

And they're gone.


*One week later*

"For we need a little Christmas!"

"Right this very minute!"

"Candles in the windows!"

"Carols at the spinet!"

"Yes we need a little snappy!"

"Happy ever after!"

"Neeeeed a little Chriiiiiiistmaaaaaas noooow!"

"How do you two know all these Christmas carols?!" I ask incredulously, laughing. James and Sirius have just finished their 5th song for us.

"We know everything," Sirius says, getting down from the coffee table and taking a seat. It's finally Christmas Eve at Hogwarts, and the four of us are taking the opportunity of an empty common room to let James and Sirius serenade us. They don't seem to have any problem with it, jumping around on the coffee table, singing their heads off. Remus and I just sit and watch, laughing at their 'show,' but enjoying it immensely, nonetheless.

Oddly enough, Hogwarts is quite empty this year. Only about a dozen Gryffindors stayed behind, and four of the dozen is us. It could be the fact that there are a lot of lonely mothers out there this year, or it could be because of… another reason. Just a few days ago, the Daily Prophet ran a story about a half-muggle half-wizarding village getting ransacked by 'Death Eaters.' People got scared, and wrote to their children to get home ASAP. Thankfully, my parents didn't find that necessary.

"Best one yet," Remus says, jolting me from my thoughts. His arms are wrapped tightly around me, the fireplace is ablaze, and the room is decorated more beautifully than I've ever seen. Sirius finds his seat next to James, the two discussing their future careers in singing.

"I think that's enough for one night," James says, wiping sweat off his brow. "It's not easy being a star."

"I know, what a life," Remus says sarcastically, laughing along with the rest of us. The rest of the world is gone now, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that my three best friends and I are sitting around a fire, singing, laughing, having the time of our lives, and no one can do anything about it. We are alive, we are happy, and we are the best of friends I've ever seen. I've never felt more accepted or loved before in my life.

The rest of the night, we sit around, drinking hot chocolate, enjoying a night with no homework where we can all be together (because James and Sirius don't have any detentions). To end this glorious event, James and Sirius make us sing along with them to Jingle Bells.

"In a oneeee horseeee opeeeennn sleeeeeeigh!"

"When will all this caroling stop?" I ask, out of breath as the song ends. We're standing in a circle, arms slung around each other, like a Quidditch huddle.

"After Christmas," James muses, letting go. "Then you have to wait a whole other year."

"I don't know how I'll make it!" I say sarcastically.

"Don't worry, we'll start early next year," Sirius says, rummaging in his bag. He pulls out four bottles of butterbeer.

"No Firewhiskey?"

"No Firewhiskey," he says, popping the caps off all of them. "I figured Mr. Prefect wouldn't been too keen on that idea. So I got butterbeer. Next best thing right?"

Remus gives him a sarcastic look. He passes a bottle to each of us, then raises it in a celebratory fashion.

"To friends, Christmas, and Firewhiskey-"


"Okay, okay," he says, rolling his eyes. "To friends, Christmas, and…"

"A lifetime of good memories!" I add, beaming.

"What she said," he says, clinking all our glasses together. We drink deeply from our bottles, savoring the sweet, buttery taste of the drink.

"Merry Christmas, mates," James says, downing his whole bottle in one go.

"Merry Christmas," we all respond. It takes me and Remus a tad longer to finish our drinks, considering we didn't want to be belching like James and Sirius are.

"I can totally one up you on that one," Sirius says, taking a deep breath and belching so loud I'm sure the Slytherins can hear it.

"Impressive, my friend," James says, slow clapping. "But not good enough."

As he takes his breath to belch, I announce, "Okay, I'm off to bed before my ear drums fall out!"

"I'm with you, love," Remus says, downing the rest of his butterbeer and getting up.

"Goodnight!" Idiot 1 and Idiot 2 say in unison.

Remus and I steal away to the boy's dorm, happy to enjoy some alone time after the madness and craziness of this night. I flop down on his bed as he walks around preparing for bed.

"What is that smell?" I ask, burying my face into his pillow to stop myself from choking.

"Probably Sirius's vomit," he admits, walking over to peer into a bucket by Sirius's bed. "Yep, that's it."

He picks it up and carries it into the bathroom, returning with air freshener and spraying it all around the dorm.

"If you're wondering why we have this, my answer is… I honestly don't know. Just another mystery of living with James and Sirius," he says, chuckling. Once he's finished spraying, he walks back over to his bed and lays down next to me. We both lay opposite the way you should, so our feet dangle off the side.

He looks over at me, and I, him. We don't touch, we don't kiss, we just lay there and stare hungrily into the other's eyes. I roll onto my back and switch my gaze to the ceiling of his four-poster, conscious of him still laying next to me, desperately wanting something to happen. Suddenly, I feel his lips on mine, out of nowhere. I kiss him back with matched passion, but oddly, he seems to be in control.

He sits up, our lips still locked, and pulls me into his lap. His lips leave mine for a moment, and explore my neck. When he finds his way back, I grab his face and kiss him with a new ferocity that I've never imagined. Subconsciously, my fingers have found the buttons of his white button-up. Slowly, almost in time to our heartbeats, I undo each button.

My palm rests on his warm chest, something I've never really gotten to explore before. You would think that a sickly, lethargic boy wouldn't be in any kind of shape, but you are sadly mistaken about Remus Lupin; muscular, firm, inviting. My hand finds its own way around, discovering as much as it can about this new area. Suddenly, I find something that startles me so much it makes me break away from our kiss.

"What is this?"

I look down at his bare chest and see it's not as flawless as I first imagined it to be. It's covered in scars, just like his face and hands. My index finger slowly traces the longest one, reaching from his collar bone to below his belly button. He shivers under my touch when I reach his navel.

"You thought the damage stopped at my face and hands?"

"No," I admit, finding another scar to trace. "I just… didn't know."

"It's my whole body," he says, voice cracking a little. "My legs, my back, my torso. Everything. I knew it wouldn't be… attractive."

"No, no, no," I assure him, smiling up into his scarred face. "I don't mind."

"You don't?"

"Of course not," I say, smiling at him smiling. "Why should I care?"

"I dunno," he says, smiling into his lap. "I was being silly, I guess."

I reach out with my index finger and pull his gaze up his meet mine. "Don't ever worry about what I'll think of you. You know I won't care. Your scars are beautiful. They make you who you are."

He doesn't respond, he just looks down at his scarred chest.

"Besides," I continue. "With or without scars, you have a… nice body."

He blushes and becomes more embarrassed.

"I love you," I say, wrapping my arms around his neck and nuzzling my face into his shoulder.

"I love you more," he responds, hugging me tightly, running his fingers lightly up and down my back, making me shiver.

"By the way," I say, several minutes later. "Happy Christmas, love."

"Happy Christmas, to you, too," he says, pulling me back so he can look at me. He is beaming, his beautiful amber eyes searching my face with a twinkle I've rarely seen, but is reserved for me, and only me.


Hey guys!

I know this one is a bit different! I'm trying new stuff, okay? So did you like it?! Yes, no? As you can tell, I'm very excited for Christmas ^.^

So, pleaseeee leave a review! Pretty please? (:

Love you all! Happy beginning of the Christmas season!


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