I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 77

"We accept the love we think we deserve."-Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower


*Remus's POV*

"Come on, Pads, what the hell happened last night?"

James sits anxiously on the edge of his bed, glaring at Sirius; Sirius sits annoyed on his bed across the room, clutching to a cold rag like it's his lifeline.

"I told you," he says, bringing the rag to his forehead once again. "Nothing."

"Well," James replies. "I'm calling bullshit on that one."

"Go ahead," Sirius scoffs. "It's not going to change my answer."

James sighs, rubbing his eyes and sitting back against his pillows. I lean my head against the post of my bed, closing my eyes. This meaningless banter should've ended before it started, and I too, am getting annoyed. James has been trying to get a confession out of Sirius for the past fifteen minutes about what happened between him and Scarlet last night; Sirius won't budge. Personally, I, too, believe that there's something he isn't telling us.

"On the bright side," James suddenly announces, bringing everyone out of their daydreams. "I think Evans and Jackson broke up."

"Were they ever officially a thing?" Sirius asks, doing air-quotes.

"Of course," James replies, scoffing. "You never saw them mucking it up in the corridors, holding hands, kissing, making all us lonely people feel bad?"

"Kind of like Remus and Tonks?" Peter pipes up; I grimace.

"Ha. Ha," I say, not opening my eyes, for the light is giving me a headache. "Very funny."

"Anyway," James interjects. "I think it may be time to try to woo her once again."

"James," I start. "Are you really going to try again? You're just going to be let down… again."

"Of course, Lupin," he says. "I'm never going to give up. I love her."

"Love her," Sirius says, doing the air-quotes once again.

"Oh, shut up," James says, throwing a pillow at him. "Some mates you all are."

Sirius and I chuckle, watching James's face turn bright red.


*Tonks's POV*

"Is it officially over?" I ask, patting her back slowly.

"Yes," she manages through the tears.

Last night, when I went to go find Lily, she wouldn't talk to me, or anyone for that matter. We all had to go to sleep listening to her silently cry and sniffle. Lydia tried to coax something out of her earlier this morning, but to no avail. Now that it's mid-afternoon, and that Scarlet and May have vacated the dorm, she's willing to talk.

"If you don't mind me asking," I start. "What happened?"

"He…" she says, struggling to find the words. "He was with another girl."

"He cheated on you?" Lydia asks, incredulous.

Lily nods, wiping away her tears with the heel of her hand.

"Oh, Lils," I say, wrapping my arms tight around her. "I'm so sorry."

"It was that stupid know-it-all from Ravenclaw," she sobs. "The one with the bleach blonde hair."

At first, I thought she was talking about Marlene McKinnon, then I realized Marlene has dark brown hair, and she isn't a know-it-all.

"Who are you talking about?" I ask, confused.

"Evelyn Garrett," she sobs even harder into my shoulder. I look at Lydia, confused; I've never heard of this girl before in my life. Thankfully, Lydia looks equally confused, so I just go back to patting Lily's back and ignore it.

"It'll be okay, Lils," I croon. "I promise. There's plenty of fish in the sea."

"I hope so," she manages, sitting up and looking at me with puffy red eyes. "Thank you, Tonks."

"Don't mention it," I say, forcing a smile. "You're always there when I need you. I'm just returning the favor."

She gives a small smile, wiping away another tear.

"He sucked at kissing anyways," she muses, picking at a thread in the fabric of her comforter. "He had bad breath, too."

We all laugh, trying to raise Lily's spirits. Her smile breaks out even further as she thinks more about her crummy relationship with Dean.

"And he always grabbed my butt at the most inappropriate times," she says, chuckling. "And-"

But she's cut off by the door swinging open, and Scarlet and May stalking in. Scarlet has been crying, her face all red and puffy, almost matching Lily's. She glares over at us, heading straight to her bed, where she sits and pulls the curtains, sulking. May rolls her eyes and looks over hopelessly at us, shrugging. I don't quite know how to react to this, so I just knit my eyebrows together.

It's Sirius, she mouths over at us, sighing.

Sirius Black? I reply. She nods.

Something fishy is going on between Sirius and Scarlet, but neither of them will admit to anything. I'm worried, but only for Sirius's sake. If she has done anything to hurt him, I swear, she'll never hear the end of it.

"I'm going to go… check on Remus," I say, giving Lily's back one last pat before and standing and exiting the room. On my journey over to the boy's dorm, my mind is whirring; what could possibly be going on? Just as I'm about to knock, the door swings open and there stands Remus.


"Shhhh," he says, placing a finger on my lips and closing the door quietly behind him. He glances over his shoulder to make sure it's closed, then grabs my hand and leads me back down the hallway.

"What's going on?" I whisper as we start descending the stairs.

"I'll explain in a moment," he whispers back.

We reach the fairly crowded common room, and take refuge in a corner, right by the window. He takes a seat, running his hands through his hair, looking anxious.

"What's going on?" I ask again.

"I'm sure you know about Sirius and Scarlet," he says, placing his hands on his knees, looking across the coffee table at me.

"I know something is going on," I admit, subconsciously copying his position. "But what?"

"I was hoping you would know," he says, sighing.

"How would I know?"

"You share a dorm with her!"

I stay silent for a moment, collecting my thoughts.

"So you have no idea?" he asks, several moments later.

"None," I admit, mind still whirring. "Although…"

"Although what?" he asks.

"On the day you called me over to your dorm to…" I pause, blushing. "You know… I heard them making a fuss in the bathroom."


"I dunno," I admit, sighing and placing my chin in my palm. "I couldn't make out anything they were saying."

"Well that's a shame," he says, leaning back in his chair.

"Tell me about it," I shrug.

"He won't tell us anything," he says, running his face down his hands.

"I don't dare ask Scarlet," I say, shaking my head.

"I know it's something bad though," he says.

"Of course," I agree, nodding.

"I just wish he would tell us!" he exclaims, frustrated. "We could help him!"

"Calm down," I croon, reaching over to place a hand on his knee. He takes a deep breath, and sits back quietly in his seat. "I agree with you."

"You do?" he asks, still trying his best to calm down.

"Of course," I say, getting up and taking a seat in his lap. "We would definitely be able to help him."

"I just hope he cracks soon," Remus says, wrapping his arm around me and placing his head against mine.

"He will," I assure him, rubbing comforting circles on his chest. "Just give him time."


*Remus's POV*

Weeks pass without any update on the Sirius-Scarlet drama. All I can conclude is that Sirius has somehow shrugged it off, yet it's taking it's toll on Scarlet. Sirius continues life with his usual swagger, yet I, knowing him as well as I do, know there's more below the surface. It's bothering him, but he won't admit it, or show it. Scarlet just isn't the same; she always seems to mope around, not looking like herself anymore. I catch her throwing glances at Sirius when they pass in the corridors, but he never returns those glances; he just sighs and looks away.

Now, were Sirius and Scarlet ever officially a thing? No, not officially. But everyone knew they were interested in each other, and were often found doing things they shouldn't be doing in broom cupboards. I, of course, have a theory, and voice it to Tonks one rainy evening in late April.

"What if they broke up?" I ask, observing Scarlet from across the room. She sits at a round table, trying to do some homework, but is obviously distracted by something; her face is red, her fingers tangled in her hair as she stares hopelessly down at her scroll.

"Broke up?" Tonks asks, looking up from her potions essay.

"Yeah," I say, biting on my quill nervously. "You know, stopped seeing each other."

"Stop doing that," she says, blushing. "It's distracting, I can't think."

"What?" I ask, knitting my eyebrows together, confused.

"Biting on your quill," she explains. "It's sexy."

I scoff, taking the quill from my mouth and blushing madly.

"Anyways," she says, looking back down at her essay. "I suppose it could be a theory."

"I mean, why not?" I muse again. "They've obviously stopped talking."

"I agree," she says, scratching something out.

"And," I start. "Scarlet doesn't seem herself. She's probably upset because of the break up."

"I suppose," she says slowly.

"And Sirius is trying to shrug it off, yanno, be a macho man," I finish.

"Good work, Detective Remus," she taunts, chuckling. I sigh, picking up my quill and biting it again.

"What did I say?!" she exclaims, blushing even more madly than before.


*Sirius's POV*

I watch her scamper down the hallway, her books clutched tightly to her body, almost like a shield. She looks nervously every which way, sighing. Her face is thin and pale, her eyes tired, dark circles looming beneath them.

What do I even say to her? How does one respond to something like this? I don't want to tell the guys just yet, they didn't even know we were together. I'm sure they speculate something, and they're probably right, but I just can't. I haven't even come to terms with it yet myself; I cared about her.

As she turns the corner, I sigh, running a hand down my face. I can't help but feel like Remus, an inch away from falling apart. But, I put on my happy face as James approaches, smiling, joking around, carefree. I laugh along with the rest of them, but deep down, I'm slowly crumbling apart.


Woah! Guys I updated twice in the same day! Is this a record?!

Everything that was said in the last update applies here. ^.^

Merry Christmas guys! Love you all! Please leave a review!


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