I Love You More than Myself Part One

Chapter 78

"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space." -Marilyn Monroe


*Tonks's POV*Weeks pass, and the Sirius-Scarlet incident fades into the background. Everyone seems to merely forget that anything happened, and things kind of go back to normal; Scarlet goes back to being a bitch, Sirius goes back to acting like he owns the place. That's normal. The only difference is the interaction between them. They always get so nervous around each other, blushing and looking anywhere but at the other. They don't even talk anymore, which is very odd.

"At least he seems to have gotten over it," Remus muses one evening in late May. We've found ourselves a cozy corner in the common room to catch up on homework while James and the other boys are playing a mock Quidditch game down at the pitch.

"I suppose," I admit, sighing. "She has, too."

"Good," he says. "They can get over it and move on. Things can go back to normal. I don't like this tense atmosphere."

"Neither do I," I say, writing one final sentence on my essay. This gets me thinking. "We have to take N.E.W.T.s next year, don't we?"

"Yep," Remus says, looking glumly down at his parchment. "Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Test. Sounds so inviting, doesn't it?"

"Oh, of course," I say sarcastically, chuckling.

"I don't suppose it'll be too difficult," he muses. "After the O.W.L.s, how can anything be worse?"

"Aaron and Sasha both told me they were horrifying," I say, rolling up my scroll and putting it in my bag. "Aaron nearly passed out when he got his first test."

"Thanks, Dora," he says, chuckling. "That makes me feel much better."


*Sirius's POV*

One morning in early June starts out just like any other morning. I wake up to the sound of the annoying alarm, blaring like a siren on a huge boat.

"Reeeemus," I call, burying my face even deeper into my pillow. "Be a doll and get the alarm."

"Already on it," I hear him mumble, and the alarm shuts off. I breathe a sigh of relief and sit up slowly, rubbing my eyes.

"Morning," I say, yawning.

"Morning," James mutters back from his four-poster. I slide out of bed and over to the window where I get a good view of the grounds; the forest, the lake, the Whomping Willow.

"What day is it again?" Peter asks groggily from behind me.

"Monday," I groan, running a hand down my tired face. "The worst day of the week."

We all move around sluggishly to get ready, bumping into one another, knocking over things on our dressers.

"James," I call. "Your pants are on backwards."

"No they're not," he argues, yawning.

"They are, too," I say, rolling my eyes. "I don't think the zipper should be going up your ass."

He cranes his neck around to get a good look at his backside, frowning. "I suppose you're right."

"Wormtail, I swear if you hit one more time," I hear Remus warn threateningly from across the room.

"I can barely see," Peter whines, rubbing his eyes even harder. "My eyes won't wake up."

Somehow, by the luck of God, we get ourselves together and make it down into the common room. James throws himself in an armchair, resting his head against the back; Peter tries to balance himself on the arm of that chair, but fails miserably, falling to the floor with a loud THUMP; Remus wanders his way over to the notice board, as he does every morning, looking at it with a critical eye.

"Guys," he announces. I turn my head in his direction, listening. "They announced the ball again."

"When is it?" James asks, his hand resting over his eyes.

"The 20th," Remus replies, making his way back over to where we are stationed waiting for Tonks. "That's a good day, by the way."

"Thank God," Peter says.

"Well, at least I'll be able to attend another year," he says, taking a seat on the arm Peter had previously fallen off.

"Morning, gents," Tonks calls from across the room, prancing towards us. She runs up to Remus placing a small kiss on his cheek. "What's with you all today?"

"I just want to sleep," James whines, moaning.

"Oh, you'll be able to sleep when you're dead," Tonks says, wrapping her arm around Remus's waist. "We're going to be late, come on."

"Have you ever noticed that we're always late?" James gripes, picking up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. We make it out of the common room and are halfway down the corridor before anyone speaks again.

"Did you see they announced the date of the ball?" Remus asks Tonks, walking hand in hand.

"Did they?" she asks, face lighting up. "And it's-"

"Yes, I can go," he says, smiling slightly.

"Oh good!" she exclaims, and they go off about how wonderful it's going to be. But, I get distracted. There she is, walking down the hall alone, an angry grimace on her face. She clutches to the strap of her bag with white knuckles, walking deliberately the other direction. As she approaches, she glances up and sees me, then her eyes dart back down to the floor. We pass each other, her body feet from mine, but we say nothing. When we've passed, I stop dead in my tracks, my world frozen. My friends continue walking, not noticing that I've stopped. They round the corner, leaving us alone in the corridor.

I turn around tentatively, and see her a farther down the hall, still walking with a purpose. She suddenly glances over her shoulder, and sees me. She freezes, catching my gaze as we lock eyes.

"Scarlet," I begin, walking down the hall to meet her.

"Sirius," she says, looking back to the floor once again. "I told you not to talk to me."

"Please," I beg, my hands instinctively curling into fists. "We need to work this out."

"What is there to work out?" she questions, flipping her shiny blonde hair over her shoulder. I don't have an answer. "Exactly. Nothing."

"We can be friends again," I beg, reaching for her hand; she retracts it into her cloak.

"No," she says, shaking her head. "You made the decision."

"I didn't-"

"You said you wouldn't-"

"I did not! I never said such a thing!"

"Yes you did! On the night-"

"We argued! Okay, we argued! I never said I wanted to end it!"

"You implied it!" she says, her voice full of ice. "Look, I've got to go. This is trivial nonsense."

With that, she turns on her heel and continues walking down the corridor, her steps even more angry and deliberate. When she rounds the bend, I stumble back against the stone wall, my fingers tangled in my hair, almost pulling it out. She doesn't know that she took much more from me than meets the eye.


*Tonks's POV*

"So you're really going to ask her?" I question over my plate of eggs.

"Of course," James replies, taking a sip of pumpkin juice. "She isn't dating Dean anymore, and I haven't said a word to that prat Snape in ages. I might have a chance."

"Might," Remus says sarcastically, chuckling with that mischievous glint in his eye.

"Ah, there he is!" James announces as Sirius approaches, looking glum. "Where were you?"

"I dropped something in the hall," he explains, putting on his old Sirius-charm face. "I had to clean it up, yanno."

I glance over at Remus and see him analyzing his face critically, frowning. At least I'm not the only one who can smell the suspicion coming off him.

"Well, we're almost done," James says, not noticing anything. "Sorry mate."

"It's okay," Sirius says, nervously adjusting his bag. "I'm not hungry anyways."

Suddenly, the bell rings, causing the whole Great Hall to stand up and make way to the doors, trying to get to their first class. Remus stands up and offers his hand, which I take and he helps stand me up.

"Thank you very much, sir," I say curtly, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"You are very welcome, madam," he answers, smirking.

We make our way out of the Great Hall and up the marble staircase, on our way to Defense Against the Dark Arts. As we walk, I notice James slip away into a crowd of people going the other way.

"Hey!" Sirius exclaims, watching his retreating figure. "Where are you going?!"

"To find Lily!"

"Did he just call her Lily?" I ask, incredulous.

"I think he did," Remus replies, looking impressed. "I have hope for him."


*James's POV*

I know where she always goes after breakfast; the library. For her, this is a free period since she didn't make it into N.E.W.T. Defense Against the Dark Arts. I honestly don't really care if I'm late, Professor Rogers favors me. I slip back down the corridor leading to the Gryffindor common room, but make a sharp left right before I reach it, and jog up a hidden staircase behind a tapestry.

When I reach the library, I sneak in when Madam Pince isn't looking, just as the bell rings. I then nonchalantly weave between bookcases, looking for any sign of a red head. I get some nasty looks from a group of 7th year Slytherins, so I troop back to the gate separating the restricted section and the rest of the library, and there I wait.

Several minutes later, she enters, giving a curt nod and a 'hello' to Madam Pince before taking her seat in the Healing section. I then decide to move in, my hand instinctively reaching to mess my hair up.

No, I tell myself, lowering it. She doesn't like that.

So, I just put on the bravest face I can, and stalk off to her table, trying to deflate my big head before I get here.

"Hello," I say, standing nervously in front of the table. She looks up, confused.


"I would prefer if you called me James, actually," I say, smiling slightly.

"As soon as you start calling me Lily," she says, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, Lily," I say. She looks up curiously, not knowing what to make of me. "May I sit down?"

"Sure," she says, pushing away some of her books to make room for me. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

"I should be," I admit, twiddling my thumbs. "But I wanted to find you instead."

"Why?" she asks, pushing her hair behind her ear.

"Well," I say, thinking about how to ask this delicately. "I heard you… broke up with Jackson?"

"Yeah," she confirms, even more confused. "And?"

"Well," I say again. "They announced the date of the ball this morning. And, I don't want to be going alone, and I've always really-"

"You're asking me to the ball again, aren't you?" she interrupts, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Yes," I blurt out, letting out a breath of air I didn't know I was holding in. "So, will you? Lily Marie Evans…."

She considers me for a moment, the smile becoming even broader. She blushes, looking down into her lap. "Sure."

"Really?!" I exclaim, excitement coursing through my veins. This warrants a nasty look from Madam Pince, so I lower my voice and continue. "You're finally giving in?"

"I suppose I am," she says, finally looking up to meet my eyes with her gorgeous green ones. "Me and Severus aren't friends anymore, so…."

"I'm sorry," I say, but am not really.

"Don't be sorry," she says, smiling again. "It's not your fault."

I spend the rest of the period in the library with her, just talking. I don't even care that I'll probably get a detention for skipping class, I'm just that elated.


Hey guys!

Ooh some James/Lily action, huh? See, I promised it would happen!

Love you all so much! Merry 3rd day of Christmas and please leave a review!


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