Can't Break What's Not Yours
A/N: I am going back over my previous chapters and trying to make sure everything is ok. I got a review saying there was a mistake recently (4-1-13) and I hope everything is ok. Please feel free to let me know anything you see. I want to make sure this is all good for everyone.
Previously On Paralyzed
It felt like I was actually living a real life with worry and anxiety missed in with love and euphoria, not just giddiness through out. Despite my wariness, I made one wish before slipping into the world of dreams. I wished that this could last forever. Just like a fairy tale.
Although my eyes were closed, the sun streaming in through the slanted blinds lit up the complete darkness that had surrounded me until then, effectively waking me up. Squinting against the bright light, I rubbed my eyes and sat up, yawning. I felt some pressure on my right leg and looked down and smiled at the sight.
My urge to leave the bed and wash to fully wake up suddenly dissipated as I took in the angel before me. Bella's immobilized legs were splayed across my own, her torso twisted towards me. Her arms were wrapped around herself, her hair in a messy bed head. But it was her face that captured my attention the most. Her full, pink lips were slightly open to form an 'O' shape, her captivating eyes closed. A faint blush graced her cheeks, completing the face of innocence and sweetness.
I smiled and caressed her cheek softly, not wanting to wake her up. She seemed so peaceful in her dream world that it felt like a crime to make her face a reality once more. "Edward," she sighed as she turned around in her sleep, her legs following the movement of the upper body.
I chuckled. Despite my whim to keep her sleeping and happy for the rest of eternity, I shook her slightly, deciding that it would be better for her to wake. I glanced at the alarm clock by the bedside, finding that it was 11:00. Nearly nine hours of sleep, that was enough. "Bella, honey, it's time to wake up," I whispered gently. Her face crunched up in a cute scowl.
"Shh Edward. You just need to be quiet," she mumbled and I rolled my eyes.
"Please Bella, don't make me get Alice to wake you. If she does, you might have to go shopping with her," I teased, but her eyes instantly shot open as she tried to sit up.
"Okay! Okay, I'm up! Don't call the shopping dictator in here!" She yelped as her torso put in the extra effort to get her upright. I placed a hand on her back, helping her to stabilize herself. She blushed. "Sorry," she murmured.
"Why are you sorry?"
"Because I feel like an insignificant fool who's just being a burden to everyone. I can't even stand up or sit down or even sit up without the help of others. Not to mention getting dressed or taking a shower! Ali and Rose have to dress me and it take nearly forever for me to do anything independently," she sighed, "I feel like… they really wanted to ditch me and carry on with their life, but they can't because they feel sorry for me. I hate the feeling of being pitied upon. I hate being me right now."
I closed my eyes and shook my head. "Bella, Bella, Bella. You know that that's not true right? We all love you because you're you and we're living with you because we all want to. None of us are doing all this out of pity. Bells, sometimes, you just have to jump over all the things that life throws at you and never give up. I know that you're a strong girl, even with your paralysis. Besides, remember what the doctor told you? You're going to be walking again in no time. Just have faith that you will."
She smiled faintly. "Thanks Edward. I think I needed that."
"You're welcome. Now seriously, let's get out of bed before you brother comes barging in here and starts…"
"BELLA! EDWARD! GET OUT OF BED YOU LAZY BUTTS!" Emmett shouted as he barged into the room, interrupting my sentence. I sighed.
"Em, you know that we're in a small room and not at a football field right? You could just knock and speak in a normal voice like a normal person would," I said, shaking my head.
"Eddie, but that's the big difference here. I'm not a normal person. No one in this house is. If they were 'normal,' he said, putting the normal in air quotations, "then I wouldn't let them in."
Bella giggled. "Emmy, why aren't we normal again?" he grinned.
"Because, Rosalie is the uber hot supermodel/Wonder Woman, Alice is the tiny pixie from Peter Pan as well as the world's biggest shop-a-holic, Jasper is like this walking Civil War Dictionary dude, Edward is the reincarnated form of Mozart as well as the biggest prude you'll ever find, you're the girl who couldn't walk on a flat surface without finding something to trip over, and I'm the hottest, best looking, handsomest, strongest, nicest, funniest, and over all awesome person that you'll ever find." Bella started to laugh uncontrollably and I growled a little.
"Emmett, I am not a prude," I hissed. He just smiled coyly at me.
"What, are you denying that you'll always be a virgin?" I glared as the angel started laughing even harder.
"What if I am?"
"Oh, but Eddie-boy, I know for a fact that you'll always remain a virgin because you're too prudish and 'gentlemanly' to ever commit a deed like that," he said, placing a hand on his heart and fluttering his eyes like he was representing the picture of innocence. I rolled my eyes.
"But seriously, how did you manage to say that Alice was Tinker Bell without her eating or murdering you?" Bella asked. "I called her that once at the hospital and she literally threatened to take me shopping with her forever. There is no way that you're going to get away with that."
Another cheeky grin appeared on the rascal's face as he placed a finger to his mouth to symbolize silence. "What Ali doesn't know won't kill her, now will it?"
"What do I not know?" my sister said, her chime-like voice floating in through the door as she fluently walked in with Rose right behind her. She raised her brow and placed a hand on her hips. "I asked you, what don't I know?"
Emmett's delighted face was quickly replaced by a cautious and tentative one as he started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. I smirked. Pay back time Emmett for questioning my uh, sexual status in front of Bella.
"Oh nothing, you know… stuff," he muttered weakly as Rose shot him the tell-us-now-or-I-won't-touch-you-for-a-week look.
I snorted. "Emmett here was just saying about how we just weren't normal in this house. Isn't that right Bella?" her beautiful laughter filled the room as she nodded her head.
"Uh-huh. Emmy bear, would you like to tell Alice what you were saying about her and Jasper?" The giant beast shot me a glare and looked at the others abashed.
"I'll pass that offer," he muttered.
Rose snorted. "Em, what did you say that makes you so scared of innocent little Alice here?"
He rolled his eyes. "I'm not scared of tater-tots here."
Alice shot him her mega watt glare. "Tater-Tots?" she hissed.
His cheeky grin returned. "Maybe it won't be too bad if I tell you little midget," he said coyly. My sister smirked.
"Oh really? So what did you say?"
"I said that my love was Wonder Woman, tights and all, I called Edward a complete prude, Bella as surreally clumsy, Jasper a walking Civil War Dictionary, and you a pixie and a shop-a-holic. Oh, and you're officially called Tinker Bell."
"Civil War Dictionary?" Jasper said, glaring at Em. "Dude, not cool at all."
"Me? With tights on?" Rose shuddered. "You've got to be kidding me Emmy. I have the look, I have the body, and I have the legs, but seriously, that is so not in the fashion. Sorry sweetheart."
Alice hadn't moved a muscle since the idiot had called her a blond pixie. Bella waved her hand in front of her face. "Hello? Anyone home? Earth to Alice? Come back!" she said as my sister's eyes refocused and locked into Emmett's, shooting daggers at him.
She stomped over to him. "Don't. You. Dare. Call. Me. That ever. Again!" she growled, poking him roughly in the chest with every word. "I can stand you calling me pixie in general, but I will not be called Tinker Bell!" Emmett just nodded, slightly dumbfounded by Alice's sudden harshness.
I chuckled. "Why are you so opposed to being called that anyways Ali?"
She shuddered. "Remember that play I did when I was in high school?"
I nodded. "Yeah, the one with the alternate version of what happened in Peter Pan, right? The one where you were fairy?"
"That one. Well, I starred as Tinker Bell in that play and the director stuffed me into a skin-tight, puke green dress that barely covered my ass and I had to prance and skip in that outfit for 2 hours! I swear that all the guys were drooling because I was accidentally flashing them every step I took!"
Bella started giggling and so did Rose. "Oh my god, Alice, I'm sorry, but I can totally imagine you doing that!"
"Oh, just shut it everyone," she grumbled.
"Whatever you say, Tink," Emmett teased, earning a harsh glare from Alice.
"Okay, before you guys start tearing and barking at each other like the children you are," I said, interrupting their snarl fest, "I think that I'm going to the mall today. Alone," Alice's eyes lost the gleam that it held once I said the word mall.
"Why?" Bella asked, a frown etched across her face.
"Aw, is poor Eddie already sick of us?" Em said, and I rolled my eyes.
"No, but I have to go and pick up a few things for my guitar. I lost my pick and it's painful to play with only your fingers." Everyone in the room nodded, everyone except for Bella.
She gasped. "Edward! You didn't tell me you played the guitar!"
"Uh, I forgot to tell you?" my reply sounded more like a question than a statement. Rose snorted.
"More like you're not willing to play for anyone in your whole life. I think the one person who's actually heard his full potential was Tanya, you know, the ex."
I grimaced at the devil's name and looked anxiously at Bella, who's expression suddenly turned hard and emotionless. "I didn't mention her before, did I?"
She grimly shook her head. "I heard from Emmett before I came here though. Well, I think that I'll just stay home today then. Have fun, Edward," she reached for her chair and Alice willingly cooperated, opening the folding chair for her. Bells slid right in as the girls all went out the door.
"You've really done it this time, bro," Jazz whispered softly. Emmett just shook his head and left the room, leaving me all alone. Deja vous much?
It was completely irrational of me to be feeling this way, but I couldn't help but feel the sharp pang in my heart after I discovered how close Tanya actually was to Edward. Jealousy was not a trait that was characteristic of me, but now, I couldn't help but despise their past relationship.
"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't know how you'd react! I-I'm just… I'm sorry," Rosalie hung her head and I gave her a weak smile.
"It's alright Rosie. I'm probably over reacting anyways. I mean, it's not like he's mine or anything," I forced out a laugh, but it came out more like a bark.
"Don't worry Bells, he'll be crawling back to you in no time. I don't think that your crush on him is one sided. He seems to be quite smitten by you."
"It's alright Ali, you don't have to lie. I mean, I'll be fine. I already know the truth." I blinked harshly, trying to hold back the tears that were almost falling. It was rushed, but in one day, Edward had become my best friend, and to me, he became more. It seemed that he had stolen my heart with all the things that he did for me and all the things that we had in common. I had fallen for him. Hard. The thing was, I was the only one who had dived head first into the uncharted territories of love and I was paying for my folly with this sharp pang that echoed throughout my heart.
I sighed as I slid into my car seat, my mind occupied by my Bella. I chuckled at the irony of my love life. The one person I had fallen for the hardest and the fastest was the one person who I could never have. It was like she was floating while I was falling into an endless chasm of heartbreak. Never before had I encountered a girl who rendered me speechless so many times by her selflessness, love, and overall perfection. Bella was like a bright meteor shooting across the sky, blinding all the other stars out there. She had become the focus of my being. And I lost her.
The drive to the mall was short due to the incredible speed I was forcing out of my car. My feet dragged behind me as I made my way to the guitar shop. My hood was up, covering nearly my entire face, hoping to trick the paparazzi. "Hello sir, welcome to Guitar Pro. Do you need any help today?" a sickly sweet voice asked and I looked up into two very familiar blue eyes.
I had to let him go. Let my heart love him from a distance. Because when it came down to the truth, I'd never be enough for him. I swallowed my grief and continued to look into the mirror as Alice and Rose tugged and pulled on my hair and applied makeup in a hopeless attempt to make me look beautiful. Apperantly, they decided to make matters into their own hands after my confession that I liked Edward Cullen. Their solution? Make-over.
"There!" Alice cried when she was done. "Edward will drop dead when he comes back. I know he will."
"Of course. Of course," I muttered, not bothering to look into the mirror. I knew what was happening. It always happened when I was hurt or cautious. My safety wall was up again, protecting my heart once more.
"Edward?" she asked, her startling blue eyes widening. Then she smiled. "Let me guess, you lost your guitar pick?"
I chuckled involuntarily. I sometimes wondered why we hadn't worked out since I was always so comfortable around her. "You're right, as usual. I haven't been here in a while," I said as I looked over my ex-girlfriend thoroughly. Her strawberry blonde hair was slightly longer, her freckles still splashed lightly across her high nose. Essentially, Tanya looked as beautiful as ever and my heart felt a slight pang of longing for her. After all this time, I still missed her.
"I missed you," she whispered, as her arms wrapped around my waist. I reluctantly returned the hug. Somehow, although I missed her and it was comfortable, something was nagging me. One person's name and face kept popping into my head. I shook Bella's image out of my mind.
"I missed you too, Tanya," I said into her hair. "I guess I missed you too." I pulled her away from me and held her at arms length. "You still look good, I see. No changes?"
She smiled. "I might have gotten a tummy tuck last month, but other than that, nope." Bella wouldn't have gotten plastic surgery done on her Edward, A voice whispered in my head, but I shut it up. Who cared about what she did?
"What are you doing here anyways? Aren't you supposed to be in California filming?" I asked. Tanya was an actress.
She shook her head. "No, I quit acting. I have a singing career now, and my manager thought that it'd be helpful for me if I worked in a guitar store, so here I am. I never would have done this on my own, god no!" she snorted. "I mean, come on! I'm Tanya Denali, for crying out loud! I was so pissed at my manager for making me do this. I mean, I'm working like a common person!" I fought the urge to roll my eyes. There was the famous ego and selfishness that was characteristic of her.
"So hey, do you want to hang out? My shift is over," she said, gently tugging at my hand. Being the former actress that she was, Tanya was able to hide her vicious and malicious true personality well covered, able to convince anyone that she was an innocent person with a golden heart. I had fallen for the charade before and it seemed like I was falling for her all over again. But there's Bella! A part of my mind shouted, but the other quickly shut it up. You don't care about her anymore Edward. Just look at Tanya. She's beautiful, the other voice purred.
The devilish mind won. "Sure, I'd love to. I really missed you," I spoke the half truth. I had missed her a lot… until yesterday, and I really did love to chill with her a little while and maybe get back together again… possibly.
"Great!" she chirped and suddenly grabbed the front of my shirt.
"What are you-" the rest of my sentence was cut off when her cool lips touched mine, forcefully kissing me. Hesitantly, I opened my mouth for her tongue as it assaulted mine. Unconsciously, I moaned. Hey, you would too if the person you had fallen in love with was kissing you like never before after years of being apart.
She finally pulled away and kissed my cheek. "Wait here," she whispered and she bounced off to put up her uniform and change back into normal clothes. After she left, I let out a shaky laugh of nervousness and racked my hand through my mess hair. That kiss… that kiss was something to be expected from Tanya. The heat, the passion, the moment was Tanya's signature kiss. The one where she could portray so much passion into it… but somehow, it didn't feel right. It just felt… it just felt like the kiss would have been better if somebody else was kissing me then, and not Tanya.
Dumbass, how many times do I have to tell you that YOU LIKE BELLA FREAKING SWAN? The dumb voice inside of my head yelled at me metaphorically before being shut up by the smooth talking other side of it.
Now Edward, when a hot and beautiful girl who just happens to be the person you were in love with kisses you after 2 years, you're not going to question it!
Hello, the other side said, key word is USED TO! And come on! That girl is more like a Barbie doll than a person! Look at all the plastic surgery she had done on her! It's not cool man!
The two voices in my head were cut off by Tanya bouncing towards me. "Come on Edward, we have so much to do!" she squealed before dragging me off. I smiled, but deep inside, I still felt the tugging at my heart indicating that something was wrong. Just ignore it, I thought and I did, eluding myself into thinking that this was what I wanted. Even though it felt somewhat comfortable, something was… unnatural… the thing was, it seemed like the majority of me was trying to avoid heartbreak from Bella by turning to Tanya, a person who I knew wouldn't break my heart no matter what she did. Because no matter what, my heart wasn't hers…
A/N: So as you've read before I am in the process of going over the previous chapters to make sure that they are easy to understand and that there are no confusions for anyone. Please feel free to let me know what (if any) issues there are and I can go back and fix it.