Can't Have Him Can't Do Without Him
I laughed. "I know, and I guess I'll have to let you have eternal bragging rights." He did a little dance at my comment and I laughed. "Thanks for everything Avery," I said and he smiled warmly.
"You're welcome little sis."
I was glad that I had lost my way in the big stadium and found Bella stranded outside of the box seats. From the start, she had caught my eye, mostly due to the fact that she was in a wheelchair with no cast on her legs, a clear indication that she was paralyzed. Although my interest in her was tweaked by her disability, I soon found that there was so much more to Bella. She was special.
Despite her heartbreak from that bastard Edward Cullen, who, I should say is no longer my hero, she was so strong, yelling in her seat for her real brother to move his fat ass faster, and that is a direct quote. Throughout the game, she was smiling and laughing, but avoiding Edward as he played, I noticed. Whenever she looked at him, pure adoration lit up in her eyes, but soon faded and was replaced by longing and sorrow. It made me furious beyond belief.
The game was over and Bella was smiling up at me, a good foot shorter than my 6 feet 3 inches. "Thanks for the free ticket Avery. I don't know what I would have done without you."
"I think that I have a pretty good guess. You would have had a big stomach ache from eating both jumbo hot dogs, missed the game because you had to go home, and left miserable due to the sharp pain in the stomach," I teased and she laughed. The crowd was thick and I carefully maneuvered her through the crowd, gently pushing her wheelchair. "Do you know where the others are? I'd love to meet them," I said. And give Tanya and Edward a piece of my freaking mind, I added as an after thought.
She shrugged. "I don't know. I called them earlier but they weren't picking up their phones. My guess is that they're at the box. How about we go there?" she suggested and I nodded.
"Sure," I said, and I made a right turn, only to be met by five security guards who roughly pushed her chair back, sending me tumbling down. "Hey! What the hell?" I yelled when I saw them confiscate Bella's wheelchair, setting her on the ground.
"Sorry sir, but I Miss Denali ordered to the confiscation of this chair. I'm sorry for any inconvenience," one of them said briskly and formally before they all marched off to the box office, leaving a very stunned Bella and me.
"Inconvenience my ass dudes! You can't just dump her on and say sorry and be off! What the hell?" I muttered before picking up Bella who looked on the verge of tears or mass murder. Or both. Neither was good.
"Why is she so mean to me?" she demanded, her face buried in my chest. Uh-oh, she was crying. Shoot. I have no idea what to do when girls cry! Ava had mastered the art of crying on cue and has been able to work that fact to an advantage whenever she argued with me. I swear, it was impossible to resist a crying girl.
"Oh honey, she's just jealous," I said softly, stroking her hair.
"But why? She already has my dream guy, the looks, the perfection, the job as an actress and now a singer, and everything that she could possibly want? Why the hell does she pick no me? It's not fair! I have nothing, Avery! Absolutely nothing! I'm plain as you could possibly be, have the body of a twelve year old boy, no family to speak of other than Emmett, no boyfriend because I'm pinning for Edward, and to top it all off, I'm fucking paralyzed! Do you know how much that hurts?" she sobbed and I saw red in my visions.
"You listen to me Bella, you have everything that someone could ask for. That's why she's jealous. You have everything! You aren't plain in the least, in fact, you're beautiful, Edward's just a dumbass for not seeing that you're better than her, and as for the family? Bella do you not see how much everyone cares about you? I haven't met them yet, but I'm sure that they love you as much as they love their family members. I know I do at least," I said and her crying became soft hiccups. Poor girl, she's been through so much and didn't deserve this kind of treatment from that bitch.
"Well, when you put it like that, I guess I am a lucky girl. I'm just being selfish, aren't I?" she asked and I chuckled.
"You're only human little sis, and I think that I'd find it weirder for you to not be selfish once in a while. From what I saw, and from what you've told me, you are not in anyway a selfish brat. And do you know what else?"
"What?" she asked.
"Paralysis is something that makes you who you are, and I'm sure that anyone whose known you would tell you that they love you just the way you are."
"Except the one person I want to be loved by," she whispered.
"Edward is just a blind prick," I said, my voice clipped and short.
"I really miss Charlie right now," she whispered. "Whenever I had trouble or problems, I always raced to him for solutions. I'd say 'Daddy, you're smart right? What do I do when I'm stuck in this situation?' and he'd just laugh and smile at me and tell me how to get out of it. Never directly because that would not give me the experience, but give me advice and hints and clues… I miss him. He'd know what to do," she whispered and her hiccups completely stopped.
"Shh, it's okay Bella. You have a completely different family here. You can go to anyone of your friends for advice. You know that right?"
She nodded slightly. "But not Emmett. He'd just goof off and make a joke out of everything. And basically not anyone in the house either, come to think of it. Rose and Alice will just squeal and decide that a makeover was a solution, and they're smart and all, but I think that the girly side of them will over take them when the situation comes to Edward. And I can't go to Edward since then I'd have to tell him the whole reason for the mess I'm in is because of him, and that won't go well at all," she muttered and sighed.
"The only people that I can trust to be serious and give me real advice is Jasper," she said but added as a second thought, "and you Avery. You're really good at listening too." I smiled and kissed her forehead chastely like a father or brother.
"You can always come to me, Bella. Always," I said and she yawned, causing me to chuckle. "I think that someone is tired."
"I guess I am. Who knew that getting thrown out of the box office, screaming for about 2 hours, then having my wheelchair hijacked could be so exhausting," she teased and I laughed.
"Yeah, who knew?"
"Speaking of stolen wheelchairs, how are you going to get me home? I don't think that Emmett will appreciate the fact that my other big brother took me home. He'd probably ground me forever and sue you for kidnapping someone who was willing to go," she shook her head. "He's just a tad crazy sometimes."
"I think that he sounds funny and cool," I stated and she nodded, shrugging.
"Sometimes, he can be, I guess." She yawned again and snuggled up against my chest. "I'm tired," she said.
"Go to sleep honey. I'll just ask Ava to give me directions to your house."
"Thanks big brother. Thanks for everything."
"No problem, sister."
"WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?" I yelled and the whole room cringed.
"Emmett, for the last time, no body knows! She said that she was going to go and get a hotdog, let the room, Tanya came in, but she never came back! How the hell are we supposed to know where she went? Alice and I thought that you or Edward or Jasper had caught her and invited her to come see the locker room or something! And stop screaming god damn it!" Rose yelled and Alice looked to be on the verge of tears.
"Emmett, she knows the way home. She knows the address and she probably took a cab or something there. I tried calling her, but she won't pick up," Jasper said calmly and I seethed with anger that he was able to maintain this calm aura even when my little sister was missing.
"Guys, she's been under my care for less than a month, and I've already lost her twice! First at a bar, and now a my own fucking game! Do any of you have any idea what a bad brother that makes me?" I yelled again and Edward just glared at me.
"So is that it? That's why you're so worried? Because it'll demote your status as a good brother?" he stated calmly before wrapping his arms around Tanya who pushed him away to go outside, dialing a number on her phone along the way out.
"What did you say?" I hissed at the jackass. "You think that I'm having this heart attack right now because I'm scared of losing my title as best big brother?"
He nodded and smirked. "Isn't that why you brought Cripple here in the first place? To butter up the press as a good brother who took in a charity case?" Alice gasped as did everyone else in the room.
"Edward!" she cried as she marched up to him and slapped him on the face. "Is that what Bella is to you? A charity case? A cripple? A girl who you befriended only because you pitied her?" her voice rose five octaves as she said this and her usually pleasantly pitched bell like voice sounded shrill. "So you were just leading her on? Pretending to like her to make her fall for you then to find a plastic Barbie who practically threw herself at you?"
Edward was bristling at his sister's accusations. "One, Tanya isn't a plastic whore. Two, I don't like her, and three, it's all her fault for falling for me," he hissed. Jasper lunged at him like a torpedo, pushing Ali back towards Rose who held her from attacking her brother.
"Say that one more time Eddie and you die. You don't like her huh? Then why the hell does your eyes go all mushy gushy and fill with happiness whenever you look at her? Why did you care so much when you first hurt her by dumping her on the floor the first day you met her? How do you explain how you two connected like two puzzle pieces when you talked the next day? How do you deny that you practically love her?" Jasper hissed, losing his composed manner. He had Edward pinned up against a wall and he pushed him.
"It's called acting Jazz. You fell for it too," he growled and I jumped in to the fight.
"Acting? Well then you sure did a hell of a job mister. It might have started out as an act. Maybe just an effort to make amends with her after you insulted her of being a groupie, but I think that you even fooled yourself on this one. You're not an actor Edward. Not anymore at least. You love my sister for real. You can't act out true love, and that's what it is. True fucking love!" I yelled.
"And as for Tanya," Jasper interjected, "she is a fucking Barbie. There's nothing natural about her, dude. Sadly, I'm not sorry to say this, but she's a fucking whore, bitch, and a low life scum bag. If you're going to keep on dating her, then don't even bother talking to me anymore," he said.
"Me either brother. Not when she's hurting my little sister like she is. You're not welcome anymore," I declared.
"I'm sorry big brother, but I can't listen to you insult Bella like this," Alice said. "I don't want to see you again until your relationship with Tanya is over."
"Bastard," Rose whispered. "I thought that you had more decency and was a gentlemen Edward. Proves that I was wrong. You and Tanya truly deserve each other then. You're both fucking bastards."
I felt myself cringe every time I insulted Bella. It felt like a knife stab in the heart whenever I called her a charity case or some other lie that I made up. I hated it, but I needed to do it. I knew what I goal was. I knew just how to get it.
After declaring that I was a bastard and no longer welcome in Emmett's house as long as I was with Tanya and left the room, I smiled to myself sadly. Mission accomplished. I needed to put the distance between Bella and me if I was going to let her be free to do whatever she wanted, and by removing myself from the family and disappearing from her life, I would be able to do just that. "You are a fucking bastard, Edward Cullen," I whispered to myself.
"You know, talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity. Do I have myself a psycho boyfriend?" a nasally voice fleeted into the room and I looked up to see Tanya with a smug grin on her surgically made face. Not the one I wanted to see, but the one I needed to see to get the chocolate eyed beauty off my mind. Shoot, still not working.
"No you don't Tanya. You now have a hated boyfriend."
She cocked her head and looked confused. "Is that why they were sending me death glares when they walked out? What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything. I just lied to them."
"Fine, what did you say?" she inquired once more. Damn it she was stubborn, but it wasn't the adorable stubbornness that Bella portrayed. It was god damn annoying on Tanya.
"I lied and said Bella was a cripple, a charity case, and every other thing that wasn't true," I let out a shaky sigh and ran my hand through my hair and stood up, punching the wall slightly. I felt cold hands wrap around my waist in a hug.
"But you know that they were all true right? She's a major bitch, you know that right?" I remained silent, not wanting to fight back by stating the truth. I was too tired of quarrels over Bella. "So why are you wallowing in guilt?"
"I did what I had to, but it still hurt, god damn it," I muttered.
"You have me. And I love you, so I don't see where the problem lies," she said, her voice turning icy cold and she maneuvered away from me. I cringed at the sharpness of her tone. It was strange how quickly her tone could change from buttery sweet to bitter coldness in a matter of seconds, depending on what I had said. "You know that I love you right?" she said, her voice mystically changing once more. I let out a chuckle. She took that as a yes, but I shook my head.
"Do I Tanya? The last time we were together, you cheated on me. For five months. How am I supposed to trust you?" I questioned and she gasped in response.
"What are you saying? Are you saying that I'm lying to you?"
I shrugged. "I'm just stating what I think."
She bristled with anger. "You will not talk to me that way Edward Anthony Cullen!" she hissed. "You do not know how hard it was to get over you and I'm not letting you break up with me because of what happened last time. I was tired of waiting for you to get a move on and propose so that we could finally have our freaking wedding night. I had needs Edward."
"Tanya, you're basically stating right there that you were marrying me for the sex!" I cried, messing with my hair once more.
"Well I'm not now, am I? Don't you know the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder? When I was single again, I figured out why I loved you, and how much I loved you. I don't care what you think but I'm staying here for the long term damn it, whether you like it or not! Get over your petty obsession with Bella and marry me god damn it!" she huffed when she finished her rant. I stood there, stunned.
"D-did-did you just propose to me?" I asked, befuddled.
"I don't know Edward!" she said, exasperated. "I don't know anything when it comes to you! All I know is that I'm going to wait forever if I have to, or however long it takes for you to place a damn ring in my finger!"
I sighed. "I'm going to do this my pace, and my pace says that we're moving too fast." She scoffed.
"Too fast my ass mister. We were together for 3 years, and knew each other for a million years before that. I think that your pace is suck ass slow," she declared, her tone resembling that of a kitchen knife. Ouch.
I stood up, tired of all of her whining and ranting about marriage. I didn't want to marry her. Not yet if not ever. "I'm going to do this my way, and if it's too slow for you, then go find someone else to coax into marrying you," I barked and left the room. "What the hell am I going to do Bella?" I asked into the silence outside and made my way over to the car. I needed to pay a long overdue trip to my meadow.
I could hear Avery's distant talking in the background, trying to get directions to my house, but other than that, my world was surrounded by silence. I smiled, relinquishing the time when I could daydream without anyone giving me looks of pity or sorrow.
"Bells, we're here," I heard my companion say and I groaned.
"So much for the silence," I muttered and he chuckled.
"Well would you like for me to keep you hostage longer?" he teased and I rolled my eyes.
"I'd rather not, thanks big brother. Besides, if I don't get in there soon, Emmett will have a heart attack or a coronary or both. Wait that reminds me, you have to come in there with me!" I grinned when his face lit up with ecstasy then quickly faded to fear.
"What if they beat me to a pulp? I can stand my ground pretty well against most people, but I'm talking about a Steelers running back and a line backer! I'll be dead in a second!" he cringed, obviously thinking about the possibilities.
I rolled my eyes once more at him and gave him the You're-Exaggerating-to-the-Extreme look and he held up his hand in defeat. "Okay, okay, fine, I'll accompany you, even if it's going to risk my life and all," he said and I slapped him lightly on the arm.
"Stop cracking lame jokes and help me out of the car Ave," I said and he picked me up bridal style.
"You want me to carry you over the threshold?" The sparkle in his eyes were back when he said this, indicating that he was playing although his tone was completely serious.
I snorted. "Oh yeah, you're definitely the man of my dreams big brother."
"Ava will be jealous that I did this for another girl before her," he said, and I giggled.
"Aw, I'm special," I teased and he laughed as well. "But seriously, just carry me over to my house already," I said when I noticed that we were only five paces from the car.
"What if I'm not ready to hand you over to the dogs just yet?"
"Too bad! I'm tired!" I whined and starting punching his chest and he sighed.
"Fine, fine, goober. Just stop trying to hurt me. You're miserably failing.
I glared at him. "Maybe I'll let them beat you to the ground," I muttered, crossing my arms.
"You'd never to that to me, will you Bella?" he feigned shock and I laughed again. It was just so easy to be around him. Like a big brother/best friend.
"Oh look, the slow poke finally made his way over to the door," I said. "Just ring the doorbell. You won't die." Ave made a whole scene on ringing the doorbell, even including his own soundtrack that included Jaws and Beethoven. When he finally rung it, he flinched and took a long stride back. I giggled.
"They don't bite you know," I said.
"You never know," he murmured right before Emmett called from behind the door.
"I'm coming officers!" his booming voice yelled and I looked at my other big brother with a look of confusion on his face.
"Officer?" I asked and he shrugged. Just then, the door swung open, revealing my bear of a brother on the other side. "Emmett!" I cried and I struggled to reach him from Avery's arms.
"Bella?" His voice gave away that he was not expecting me in the least.
"What? Surprised that I made it home?" I raised an eyebrow and he frowned.
"Where have you been? We've been worried sick about you! I even called the freaking police!" he yelled and I winced, automatically clinging back to my nicer brother's chest.
"That explains the officer part," Avery mused and Em turned his attention to him, his expression furious.
"Who the hell are you?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a huge fan of you. My name is Avery," he offered his hand, cradling me with one long arm. Emmett didn't take it, but just glared at the both of us.
"Why are you carrying my sister? And Bella where did you meet him?"
"Emmett, are the officers here? Did they find Bella yet?" Alice and Rose's voice chimed as they came closer to the door and then they gasped. "Holy hell! Bells!" they cried before embracing me awkwardly since I was still in Ave's arms.
"Hey girls. How was the box?" I asked.
"Good, but why the hell weren't you in there with us?" Alice shrieked.
"Because a certain somebody happened to lock me out and the two other some bodies wouldn't answer their phones," I said. "Cough, cough, Tanya. Cough, cough, Alice and Rose," I added.
"Tanya did this to you?" Emmett asked, his hostility no longer aimed at me or Avery. I nodded. "Let me guess, after that, you went to find a new seat and he offered it to you for free?"
I started to nod, but shook my head at the last second. "He didn't offer for free, exactly. We traded one ticket for one jumbo hotdog. I had an extra," I said. Em sighed and ushered me through the door. "Hurry up and come in. You've already gave me a heart attack. No need for more. You can leave now Avery."
"Uh, no I can't. Bella's wheelchair was confiscated by Tanya," he said and Rose's expression turned furious.
"What?" she hissed.
"Well, five guys just attacked us and they took my chair saying that Miss Denali requested that it be confiscated, so Big Bro here had to carry me all the way. Hence, why I'm in his arms right now like a baby," I groaned.
"Come here," Emmett said, his voice soft now. "Let's get you to bed. Thanks for everything Ave. I'm sorry I misunderstood. You're welcome here anytime," he said, shaking his hand.
"My pleasure," Avery muttered, kissing me on the forehead before handing me over to Emmett. "Call me Bella. You promised to meet Ava soon," he winked and left to get his car.
"Well, I'm glad that's over," I muttered as soon as the doors closed. "You have no idea how embarrassing it is to have to be carried everywhere," I muttered. Then it hit me. Where was Edward? He was the one person who I wanted to carry me. "Where's Edward?" I asked and the whole room tensed. Jasper, who had joined us just a second before, took at deep breath.
"He's kind of been banned from the house," Jazz said and I gasped.
"Why not?" I cried, on the verge of tears. I had to see him! It wasn't fair! They couldn't deprive me of him!
Alice gave me the pity looks and explained the whole story. I was bawling when she was done with the part about the name calling, sobbing into Emmett's tee-shirt. "A charity case? A cripple? A person he befriended only because he pitied her? How could he?" I wailed and my brother set me down on the bed.
"We told him not to come here anymore until he broke up with Tanya. Is that okay?" Alice asked and I hesitated but shook my head. They all gave me confused looks. "Why not honey. He hurt you so bad," she whispered. All the guys left when Rose started to glare at them and shoo them out, indicating that this was girl talk time.
"Because I still love him and I still need to see him. I swear I'm addicted to him. I don't think that I'll be able to make it through the days without seeing him. I don't care if he finds me a low life scum bag. I still love him, and I know that he's not acting about our friendship somewhere," I whispered. The two nodded solemnly, obviously thinking about what they would do if Jasper or Emmett hurt them. "Could you guys please leave? I have to be alone. Oh, and Alice, could you give me the guitar over there? It comforts me a lot," I said and she smiled before handing me Lucky Lucy, my guitar that I got in fifth grade when I first started playing.
As soon as they left and my tears cleared up, I started to strum the notes. Warming up, I started to play some familiar songs until a natural melody came to me, the way they always did when I wanted to compose a song.
I can taste your kiss on my lipsAnd I'm wrapped around your finger tipsAs I watch the moonlight dancing on your skinYour green eyes and the sweet red wineGo to my head boy every timeAnd I get drunk on youI lose control and thenAnd here I go again
I'm falling for you even though I know your only playing with my heartTomorrow might be hellBut a night or two of loving you is better than never at allAnd I can't help myselfSo I'll just hold onI'll just hold onI'll just hold onUntil your gone
Boy I know you're a gypsy soulAnd I'm just a stop along your roadAnd you hang around long enough to blow my mindIf I had a star for every scarYou tattooed on my heartI could fill up the Oklahoma skySo girl I don't know why
I'm falling for you even though I know your only playing with my heartTomorrow might be hellBut a night or two of loving you is better than never at allAnd I can't help myselfSo I'll just hold on
I'll just hold onI'll just hold onI'll just hold onTill your gone
I look down and my cell phone ringsAnd I see your name and I know what that meansBut I don't careI'll just hold onTill your gone
Every time you need to take it home?Seeing you there just breaks my heart?I don't careI'll just hold onTill your gone
Your green eyes and that sweet red wineGo to my head boy every timeBut I don't careI'll just hold onTill your gone
My song slowly came to an end when I heard something crashing and banging outside the door. I laughed, feeling a lot better after my song. Although it was based around the hurt and pain in my heart, singing always cheered me up. I sighed. Seriously, they can't leave me alone… "Come in guys," I said and I heard everyone slamming on the door, trying to get in first.
Alice eventually squeezed in first, being the smallest and the most aggressive when she wanted to be. "Oh my god Bella! That was the best song I've ever heard sung! I love it! Why don't you go and become a singer? That'll be the coolest thing in the world!" she squealed and I laughed at her exuberance.
"Okay, okay, Ali, calm down. It's just a song."
"Just?" Emmett said, his voice booming, "Bells, that was the best song you've written yet! And trust me, I've heard a lot." I blushed at the compliment.
"Thanks," I muttered, still tomato red.
"Was that for Edward?" Rose whispered when the commotion died down and I stared at the wall. "With the green eyes and all that?"
I nodded slowly, suddenly very tired and sad again. "Yeah, I guess it was. It fits doesn't it?" I whispered too, letting out a shaky laugh. "Even when singing, I guess he still finds me somehow. But I'm tired guys, I think I'll take a nap," I said and they all filed out of the room, but not before giving me a hug.
"That boy doesn't know what's right in front of his eyes," Alice whispered and I nodded in thanks. As soon as they left, the ache in my heart multiplied since no one was there to see me cry.
"I'm falling for you even though I know you're only playing with my heart," I whispered into the silence, letting my tears flow freely. "I love you Edward," I said as teardrops continually hit my guitar