A/N: sorry it took me so long to update, here is the next chapter of God Blessed Texas, and please bear with me as I am starting to get back in the groove of writing fanfics lol it's been a while, think of it as me on a sabbatical lol :p (btw the chapter starts right after Jayme just left to get back to school and it's just Bella, the Cullens, Beau, and Arianna)
Previously On God Blessed Texas
After a short discussion we decided to try and just forget about the confrontation for now and try and put on a brave face while we waited for Arianna to decide what she wanted, and as Jayme came in with the drinks she had ready for us, we gladly accepted them, we may not like nor want 'human' drinks, but for now I was all content in pretending that I was human and enjoying the reception with my new husband by my side.
Four months. We had four months to try and convince the Voltori that Arianna had in fact been changed into a vampire. After all the convincing we did, which went off and on for a good three months. As the fourth month closed in it was apparent that Arianna decided that she wanted to be changed, even when we told her that we could try and find a way to give the illusion that she was turned into a vampire, but then she had to go and give the valid argument.
She couldn't stand up on her own, and if she couldn't stand on her own how would she be able to have the vampire speed that came with the real transformation. We tried to talk some sense into Arianna, even Carlisle talked to her about what it would mean for her humanity, that she would not be able to control her primal urges when they occurred. I agreed with Carlisle and added that even though I had a good handle on the craving of live human blood, it wasn't like that for every newborn, and that I was a rare exception.
"I don't care about the consequences, if I try and hide from them, even if you do succeed in hiding me from the Voltori, they can still send their guard after me, not to mention you all. I know what this decision means, I've lived with vampires long enough to know what transformation means." Arianna stated firmly. I didn't need my gift to know that her decision was set, and that there would be no chance of changing her mind otherwise.
Edward wasn't taking this development very well. I often wondered what he was thinking about when he would storm off to his room whenever he didn't like the way the discussion with Arianna was going. He did pretty well at hiding his emotions, but there would be little hints of worry, worry that Arianna would regret her decision, and then there was something to with when Edward was first changed, that he was afraid that Arianna would become a monster like he did. I decided to excuse myself and quietly make my way towards his room. I was genuinely curious why Edward was feeling this way and knew that this would be the only way I would get any answers, by talking to the source himself.
When I finally made it to his room, I stopped short of the doorway, which he left cracked just enough to let the music he had playing spill through to the hall. If I remembered correctly, he had Claire de Lune playing. Edward always did have a thing for Classical music. I took in a soft deep breath to try and prepare myself to calmly talk to Edward.
"I know it's you Bella, are you going to stand out there all day, or are you going to come in and talk to me?" Edward sighed as he allowed me to enter; it caught me off guard that he knew it was me, as I was trying to figure out he knew that it me I took in one last quick breath and came in and saw that he was laying on his maroon couch facing the big picture window he had facing the woods out behind the house. It was actually a very magnificent view to be honest.
"So tell me Bella, why did you come here, no wait, let me guess, you're here to try and convince me that what you're doing is essentially killing her. Yes, she'll be one of us, but is that really such a good thing? Bella, you and I may have different opinions on the matter, but asking Arianna to become one of us isn't a good idea, I mean there are many other ways to get around what the Voltori want from us. I am not ready to just sit by and allow Arianna to lose her soul." Edward said a bit too harshly at me.
Lose her soul?
Edward thought that when we change we lose our soul? That was a little deep for me to understand, I know that we are technically 'dead', but even though I no longer have a heartbeat I still feel I have a soul. I know everyone is entitled to their own opinions but I couldn't help but feel annoyed with how Edward was thinking about this. Yes, in a sense Arianna would die, but the venom would save her. That's how it always works. The venom speeds up your heart until it finally just gives out, and then the vampire venom takes over and helps you transform into a vampire.
"Edward, I understand that you're afraid that Arianna will lose her soul, but shouldn't you leave it up to her? I mean, we are all allowed to have our own ideas, but our soul is what keeps us here on earth, if we didn't have a soul we wouldn't be who we are." Wow, all of this was getting a bit confusing even for me. I knew what Edward was trying to say, but this was a bit too deep even for me. I was practically the queen of overthinking things.
"Bella, a soul is supposed to be what is good inside of each of us, but how can we be good, we kill to quench our thirsts, and some vampires don't care who or what that blood comes from. I can't bear to think of Arianna having to deal with that, I can't let her become a monster like me, and later regret being changed!" Edward was speaking from personal experience; he had slipped up and allowed some true emotions leak out. I couldn't be sure why, but his reasons for declaring himself, what we all are and that is, a monster.
"Edward, what happened? I know something happened to lead to you feeling so strongly about this subject. I know I have no right to-"
"You're right, you don't have any right! What gives you the right to come in here and try and justify killing an innocent human, the woman I love and care for, just so that she no longer is wanted by the damned Voltori?! Bella, when we turn we are for all tense and purposes dead, we may be 'breathing' and walking around like 'normal' but we are dead, d-e-a-d!"
I took in a deep breath to gather my composure, because I had the sudden urge to shove Edward out of his big picture window and watch him fall. I, of course, fought those urges and just sat still where I was until he was finished with his ranting. Once he was finished I calmly asked him again what happened that he would deplore this life so much, even if he did find love with a human.
Edward was reluctant at first to even acknowledge my question, but after a few moments of silence he let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his bronze-colored hair and plopped back down on his couch and held his head down looking down at the floor.
"Bella, what I did, it is unforgiveable, I have been told otherwise, but I know the truth. I killed people Bella; I killed people and drank human blood." Edward said sadly. I was stunned; I knew that he had a rough few years after his transformation, at least from what I was told by Carlisle. Although he didn't tell me much, he did say that after spending ten years with Edward after his transformation he left and was gone for over three years, he was unsure what he did during that time, but still accepted him back with open arms and calm understanding.
"Carlisle told me, he didn't tell me everything Edward, but what I do know is that you aren't the monster you think you are." I said as I sighed from growing frustration. I knew that it was like talking to a brick wall, but at the same time I knew where he was coming from.
"Bella, I killed people, yes they probably had it coming, but I had no right to take human lives! I killed rapists, murderers, abusers, even pedophiles! Bella, they may have been bad men, and maybe even had it coming, but that doesn't make what I did any more right! I've never killed another human since then, and I don't want Arianna to have to go through what I did! I don't think she could handle the repercussions of taking a human life no matter if he was a good or bad man."
"Why don't you let me decide that for myself Edward, I've already decided and I want to go through with the transformation, we've already wasted time trying to figure out different options, I love you Edward and I know that this is the only way we can stay together without hurting you, me, or anyone else we care about. Please tell me you'll be ok with it." Arianna said as she had tears start to run down her rosy red cheeks. I could tell she had made up her mind, and that no one would try and tell her otherwise, she came to tell Edward that and hoped that he would support her and stay by her side during her transformation.
I could tell that was hard for Edward, meaning that he didn't want to just sit idly by and watch her writhe and grimace in pain and nothing could be done about it, but he was forgetting that Jasper could help with that, he could send Arianna calming waves during her transformation if he sensed any discomfort from her.
"I don't think I can, but I will try, for you, I will try and stay by your side, I won't leave your side." Edward said tenderly as he shortened the distance between the two of them and leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the forehead. It was so sweet to see how much he loved and cared for her. After a few minutes of silence Carlisle quietly said that the room they would use for the transformation was ready and that they could head down now. Edward nodded once and looked to Arianna for confirmation. I could tell that she was getting last minute nerves, but they quickly went away when Jasper calmly patted her hand and whispered that everything would be all right. I couldn't help but love Jasper even more after saying that. It was something that he would say, and I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek and made a path for both of them to make their way downstairs. At the start of the stairs Edward decided that last minute that he would gently pick Arianna up and carry her down the stairs and to the room. It would be a nice room for her. Alice, Rosalie and Esme arranged the room so that it was a calm environment and soothing for the transformation. Once they were inside Edward shut the door behind him, but not before he asked for me to come in with him.
We all looked at each other in confusion, but without question I quickly followed them in and took one last glance back at everyone and could see and sense that they were just as confused as I was, but once I got inside Edward explained that he wanted me in the room with him while he changed Arianna to help him stop before accidentally killing her, what with me and my uncanny way of being able to resist the smell of blood, and that I would be able to stop Edward from going too far. Honestly, I wasn't sure why he wanted me in here with them, I mean, why not Carlisle or someone else? I just sighed and as Edward placed Arianna on the long white couch I heard him whisper one last time that he loved her and that she could still back out, but Arianna wouldn't have it, she calmly and softly said that she loved him too, and that she had been preparing herself for this ever since she came across Crystal and the fact that they were all vampires, she wanted to be able to have use of her legs again. I couldn't blame her.
After a few more quiet minutes Arianna scooted herself back to recline on the couch. Edward picked up her wrist and held it gently in his hand. I could tell that he was nervous, and I didn't need to use my gift to see it. With one last deep breath he brought her wrist to his lips and before sinking his teeth into her wrist he kissed it and whispered, "I love you Arianna, for always" I smiled at that sweet sentiment and watched as he carefully bit into her wrist. Arianna didn't scream, but she did yelp a bit, not something one should do when a vampire has their teeth into you and was in the process of helping you transform into one too. Edward gripped her wrist with both of his hands, and that's when I could tell that something was wrong, his eyes changed from his normal hazel to pitch black and as Arianna gasped and tried to pull away, but Edward just grasped her wrist tighter. I sprinted over to Edward and calmly told Edward that it was ok, and that he could let go, when he didn't I grabbed him by his shirt and jerked him back hard, harder than I had anticipated and he flew back against the wall and when he finally came down from his euphoria, he realized that he nearly lost control, and was near seconds from completely blaming himself, and before I could tell him that none of that was true Carlisle came in and took over in applying pressure to Arianna's wrist, and told me to go calm Edward down before he did something he would regret.
I looked back at Arianna and saw that when I had jerked Edward away from her, I had incidentally made, what would have been a small scar, into a big gash into her wrist, and Carlisle had applied a compression bandage that would stay on until the physical portion of the transformation began. I guess I still had some of that newborn vampire strength that I had known about. I sighed and quickly came to Edward's side and explained that Arianna was ok, and that he hadn't hurt her. I kept telling him softly that he wasn't the monster he had deemed himself to be, and that I had not known my own strength and that I was to blame for Carlisle to come to Arianna's rescue.
"Edward…don't blame yourself…I'll be ok." Arianna whispered harshly as she slowly started to lose consciousness. Carlisle then mentioned that he had administered a small dose of morphine to help with the pain, which would keep the burning at bay as she transformed. I nodded and made sure that Edward was ok, when he finally snapped out of his self-loathing state he quickly ran back to be by Arianna's side and said that he would watch her, and asked Carlisle if he could give her more morphine if need be, he wanted it to be just him and Arianna in the room. I knew why, he wanted less people in the room, in case when she awoke from her transformation, she wasn't herself and went on the offensive, and try to hurt us in protecting herself.
After everything calmed down Carlisle and I walked out of the room and rejoined the others and relaxed on the couch and Emmett decided to playfully place bets as to if Arianna would have a special gift, or if she would just be an 'ordinary' vampire like him, Esme, Rosalie, and Esme. This, of course, rewarded him with a slap over the head by Rosalie, but I could tell that she thought it was just as funny as he did, because she was trying, miserably to hide the smile growing on her face.
"Alice, Beau, do you know when Arianna will wake up from her transformation?" Carlisle asked as he sat down next to Esme on one of the loveseats. Neither Alice nor Beau could be certain when she would wake up. Alice saw that she would wake up sometime tomorrow, and Beau saw that she would wake up just as some of the Voltori guard would arrive to see if we had followed through with our end of the deal. Having Arianna being changed so close to the deadline was starting to cause a lot of tension, meaning, that there was a possibility that there would be a fight between us, and the guard that would be here in two days. To say that we were worried, would be putting that lightly, very lightly.
I sighed and leaned back against the long couch and leaned against Jasper as I let my imagination run wild with all the horrible possibilities that could happen if Arianna took longer than two days.
A/N: So what did you think? So sorry I took so long to update, but I had writer's block, plus for a short while I had to force myself to write, and I don't want that to happen, because then my end product would be crap, and I don't want that for you guys either.
Please review and let me know your thoughts and ideas for upcoming chapters, we're nearing the end I can feel it ;) so brace yourselves ok ;) :)
"I can imagine what you think of me for that. But I can't ignore her will. It wouldn't be right to make such a choice for her, to force her." Breaking Dawn – Chapter 12