Needing To Let Go

You Have Some Explaining To Do!

A/N: Again thank you to everyone who has reviewed and added this story to your alerts and favorites! Another rewritten chapter hope you enjoy! I hope to hear from you guys!

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to say our final goodbyes to our dear friends, Roxy and Trevor Swan. They were a loving mother, a loving father, a friend, a brother, a sister. Trevor and Roxy meant a lot to a lot of people…"

I didn't want to be here. Mom and Dad wouldn't have liked all this attention on them. They were quiet people, and didn't want to draw attention to themselves. I guess you could say that that's where I got my want of anonymity from.

I was still in shock that they were actually gone. I know that I should be past this stage, and be to acceptance, but I couldn't. I did not want to accept that, I couldn't accept that.

"…And now Roxy's mother would like to say a few words."

I rolled my eyes; Grandma Lily hadn't visited mom and dad a whole lot to even give a decent eulogy. I looked to Jasper and Emmett and they apparently thought the same thing because Jasper looked as if he were in pain, and Emmett, Emmett had ear buds in his ears and had a concerned look on his face. Luckily since I was sitting in between the two of them I jerked out the ear buds from Emmett's ears. "Oww, Bella it's the middle of the third quarter; I gotta know how the team's doing without me."

"Ooo, what's the score?" I elbowed the both of them in the stomach. Now wasn't the time to worry about some dumb football game score right now. It was to honor our mom, and my dad. They both shut up after I elbowed them. My smile broadened when I saw Emmett shut off his portable radio. They knew when I had had enough.

"..Now would you all stand and join me in silent prayer while the song 'Go Rest High on the Mountain' plays for us" the minister said as he gestured to the projector screen that was above his head. Jasper, Emmett, and I all collaborated together to make a slideshow to show at the funeral.

After that the service was over. Emmett, Jasper and I stayed behind with Grandma Lily and her husband until the last possible minute. I suppose it was so we could say our personal goodbyes before we make our way to the cemetery.

I opted to be the last person to say my goodbye. I didn't give a reason, and thankfully no one asked me why.

Everyone had left, except Emmett and Jasper. I was actually very glad for that. "Mom…dad….I-I'm gonna miss you guys. I'll watch out for Jasper and Emmett for you mom. I know that had you worried." I said in a whisper, trying to fight back tears. "D-Dad, I'll look after the farm for you. I'll make sure to re-teach Emmett and Jasper the rules of the farm for you so they don't ruin it." I said as I touched his casket. I still can't believe they're gone. I know that I've been thinking that a lot lately, but I still can't come to terms with it.

"Bella, it's time for you to go to school, you can't miss any more school squirt!" Emmett said from outside my room. I had locked myself in my room since after the funeral. It's been over a week. I was allowed to stay home for the last week. Today was Monday, and that meant my time being at home all the time was my last. "Isabella Marie Swan, you better get you butt downstairs now, and eat your breakfast and get ready to go to school." I didn't make an effort to move. "Don't make me break the door down." I sat up; Emmett wouldn't really try to break down the door would he?

TTTHHHUUUDDD!

Ok, maybe I was wrong; I leaped out of bed and unlocked the door. "Jeez Emmett, give a girl some privacy please." My eyes narrowed at him and gave him a glare that would make even one of those British soldiers guarding Buckingham Palace tremble with fear.

I pushed past him to make my way downstairs to the kitchen. I had missed Heather's cooking. But she made a quiet exit when my brothers got home for the funeral. But before leaving she showed Jasper a few different plates he could make, and I was so glad that she showed him how to make her version of scrambled eggs and bacon.

"God Bells, you look like hell." I rolled my eyes. "Thanks Jazz, that's what every girl wants to hear from their brothers in the morning when they first wake up." I said with plenty of sarcasm, and Jasper held his hands up in mock defense. "Someone's cranky this morning." I ignored his comment and made my way to the cabinet to see what cereal we had; I didn't feel like making an actual breakfast. I finally found a box half full of Cookie Crisp and had myself a bowl.

"Hey I made scrambled eggs and bacon and you're not even gonna eat it?" Jasper said. I could tell that he was annoyed, but he also knew that I was short for time this morning.

Jasper checked the time on his watch and told me that I had about fifteen minutes to get changed and ready for school before the bus got here. I shoveled the bit of my cereal down my throat and hurried upstairs and changed into a plain t shirt and 'stressed' denim jeans. I hurried out the door and sat down on the porch to put on my black and white chucks and as I finished tying my shoes I could hear the bus coming down the road.

"Bells, bus is almost here!" Jasper and Emmett yelled up to me in unison. They were my brothers, and I loved them, but they could be so annoying at times. I grabbed my camouflage backpack and ran down the dirt driveway towards the main road. I saw the yellow bus coming down the road, and turned to look once more at the house behind me. Could I possibly get away with skipping school and going off towards my secret slice of serenity? The more I mulled over the dilemma in my head the more I knew exactly what I was going to do; I made a break for it to the corn fields.

I ran for as long as I could, and when I came out on the other side of the rows of corn I saw that I was directly across from the horse pasture; that meant I was on the far back side of the farm. I immediately started scanning the horses looking for Rainbow, when I saw her already making her way towards me. I looked around, making sure that neither Jasper nor Emmett could see me, and I balanced myself on the fence and waited for Rainbow to trot even closer to the fence. When she was close enough I hopped on and off we went. I was so glad that Rainbow was used to being ridden bareback, because any other horse would probably not have liked it and would have tried to throw me.

I could tell that Rainbow wanted to break out into a full gallop, but I wasn't risking it today; I just wanted to take it easy and have a day all to myself. My secret spot was actually a lush green open meadow with a small creek running right down the middle. I looked around and this spot had a perfect view of the mountains in the area. Rainbow walked slowly over to the creek to get a drink and I gladly took this as an opportunity to hop off Rainbow. I about cursed myself when I realized that riding Rainbow bareback I wouldn't have her reins to tie her to the tree.

That's when I spotted it; a rope tied around the tree I wanted to tie Rainbow to. I praised Jesus and jogged over to grab it and made a makeshift halter and when she was finished I tied her to the tree. I plopped down on the ground and took in my surroundings. The birds were chirping to one another, there was a breeze, a breeze that you just barely can feel, that was the only way I knew that it was nearing the end of September.

As I relaxed on the ground, I knew that I should be in school right now; it still didn't seem like the right time. But then would it ever be the right time to go back to school? I didn't care what Jasper and Emmett had to say on the matter; I wouldn't go back to school until I thought it was right. Yes, I would be in immense trouble if I were to get caught, but at this very moment I honestly didn't really care.

I was nearing dreamland, when all of a sudden, in the thick silence, of the meadow, my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I groaned and almost ignored the pulsating phone in my pocket, but against my better judgment I slipped the phone from my pocket and opened it up. I had a text message from a strange number I didn't recognize. Before I hit the delete button I decided to look at the message; the message was strange but the more I looked at it the more I realized it was from a girl on my first period class.

From: Unknown Number

Bella, I wanted to say my prayers go out to you and your brothers. Please know that my family and I are keeping you in our prayers.

The only reason I knew who sent the message was because one, she told me who she was, and second this girl is one of the very religious kids in my school. I mean, she would get offended if someone would say the lord's name in Vein. Even when mom and dad were still alive we weren't all that into church and stuff, but after the accident I was almost even less than I was before

I flipped my phone shut; I hated that the whole school, let alone the entire town, had to know about what happened. I guess I should be used to it, I mean living in a small town and all.

After sitting in this beautiful spot for hours upon hours I was growing tired of my special place. I decided to get back on Rainbow and go explore some more. After untying her from the tree I decided to leave the rope tied around the tree, for when I decided I wanted to ride Rainbow bareback again. I decided to let Rainbow go wherever she felt like going. After a while what I saw over the ridge left me in awe. It was a herd of wild mustangs gathered together grazing. I wanted so badly to go and check them out, but I knew that the moment that Rainbow and I got even within a few yards of the horses they would take off immediately.

Thankfully, I was smart enough to set the alarm on my phone to remind me that I would need to get Rainbow back to the pasture and run back through the corn field to walk back up the driveway. I checked my phone and I had about fifteen minutes to get Rainbow back in the pasture, and run through the corn field and get back down the dirt path and pretend like I actually went to school today.

I grabbed onto a good chunk of Rainbow's hair and gave a gentle kick to signal that I was allowing her to go into the gallop she had so wanted all day. Once we were close to the farm I had Rainbow jump the wooden fence to get back into the pasture. I still love the feeling of being airborne for those few seconds during the jump. I hopped off of her and Rainbow immediately snorted and bobbed her head up and down.

It's like she knows I need to hurry to get back through the corn fields or something.

I picked up my backpack, which was leaning against the fence post, and all but sprinted back through the corn field. I was too focused on getting back to the main road, that I barely noticed the leaves occasionally hitting me in the face as I ran for my life.

When I reached the main road I saw the yellow bus passing my house and continuing on its route. I waited a few minutes to get my breathing under control. God forbid they ask me why I was so out of breath. When I was sure that everything was ok I started up the driveway to the house. When I got to the house, I saw both Emmett and Jasper standing on the front porch with their arms across their chests. I stopped dead in my tracks; In the back of my head I was hoping to god that they didn't know that I had skipped school. I swallowed hard; I as I continued to walk towards them I had a sinking feeling that they had gotten the dreaded phone call that I was not in school today.

"Isabella Marie Swan! Why in the hell did you skip school today?!" Emmett said. I wouldn't have been so worried if it was just Emmett was yelling, but no, what killed me the most was the look that Jasper was giving me. I knew that look all too well most of the time. It was the look of disappointment. Personally, I think that someone being disappointed with you is a whole lot worse than someone being angry with you.

I let out a long nervous sigh. I just hoped that they would go easy on me and that I wasn't nearly in as much trouble as I thought I was going to be in.

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