Needing To Let Go

My Name Isn't Bella, It's Izzy!

A/N: not much to say just hope you guys are enjoying the story and i hope to hear from you soon! Now on with the story. Let me know what you think of it!

I have been under the watchful eyes of my brothers ever since my parents passed away months back. It wasn't put in their will as to what would happen to me, but I was glad I wasn't put into the foster system. I mean Jasper and Emmett could've just let me go into foster care and continue on with school, however, neither one ever even considered it for a second as a possible option. These past few weeks were hard for me. I was starting to get used to the fact that mom and dad weren't ever coming back, but I still had days where I would get home from school and expect to see mom in the kitchen preparing some odd recipe she had saw on the food network she had to try for herself. Some dishes were better than others; there was this one involving kale and sardines…let's just leave it at that.

"Bella Marie! You better get your butt downstairs now if you want to catch a ride with Emmett and me into town!" Jasper yelled from the bottom of the stairs. I was no longer trusted to take the bus; I would have to ride with either Emmett or Jasper into town. Ugh, after one time of skipping school they thought I was going to make a habit of skipping school. I tried to bargain with them about the whole idea. I even offered to do some of Emmett's chores for the next couple months, but they didn't budge.

I muttered some unnecessarily choice words as I pulled myself out of bed and started getting ready. I decided to go with a 'simple' look today; a green t-shirt and denim jeans with tennis shoes seemed to be warranted for a day like today. Some kids want to look their best and impress everyone; it was their way of trying to attract the attention of the popular crowd. More accurately, they desperately wanted to get the attention of the self-proclaimed queen bee herself, Ms. Heidi Crawford.

I hurried down the stairs, and on the way out I grabbed a granola bar to snack on while I was in the truck going to school.

"So you think you will actually stay in school today Bella?" Emmett said as the engine revved to life. I rolled my eyes and chose not to say a word to him. I oh-so wanted to spout off some sarcastic comeback to my annoying older brother, but thought better of it and kept my mouth shut. So far they haven't really tried to ground me or punish me like a parent would; the worse that would happen would be that I would end up grounded for a long period of time from riding Rainbow. Now I didn't want that to happen, so that threat was the one they used all too frequently with me.

"So are you even going to say a word to me Bells?" I didn't answer him; I wasn't really all that interested in a conversation. Even though I wasn't going to, I couldn't help but think about all the possible ways I could get out of this car and make a break for my secluded piece of land. Granted, some were a bit outlandish, but others were actually quite plausible; some even involved some ninja moves from that movie Emmett made me and Jasper watch with him when we were younger.

"Well if you don't have anything to say, then you won't mind me turning on the sports station." I felt myself cringe at the mention of the words 'sport' and 'station'; Emmett knew how much I actually detested sports. I don't mind watching it on occasion, but listening to Emmett's sports radio, for some reason, would make me want to carve out my ear drums with a rusty spoon. I have no clue why they made a radio station dedicated solely to sports coverage; baseball, football, basketball, heck, even lacrosse was covered on this station.

I silently praised God when my torture would soon be over; I saw the hint of the school peek out between the trees in front of the school. Emmett, who can be very spiteful when he wants to be, pulled up right in front of the school; I motioned for him to go on and leave, but he shook his head no. I groaned when I spotted him starting to laugh. I just kept on walking into school, managing to ignore all of the glances that were pointed in my direction.

"So the evil child finally returns?" I heard a random person shout out to me as I made my way into my own new personal hell. Apparently there were rumors that I had started drugs after my parents' death, and that was the reason why I decided to skip school yesterday. Some people said that I joined a cult; some even went so far as to say that I got pregnant and had to go visit that 'special aunt' until the baby arrived. One theory that really bizarre, and just showed how stupid people can be, was that some thought that I had magical powers and cast a spell over my parents to cause the wreck. My only thought on that would be is that they've seen the movie 'Carrie' one too many times. I mean, who would wish their own parents would die?

"Bella, I'm so glad that you're finally back at school. My friends and I have been praying that you'd return to school. I mean, you can't stay at home and hide from your problems forever." This Jennifer chick meant well, but she needed work on her choice of words. I knew what happened, and I knew that I couldn't 'hide' forever, I just wanted a place that was all my own and that I could be myself and grieve in my own way and not have everyone and their brother know my personal business.

After the second bell rang and classes had started, I knew after the morning report ended that today was going to be a very long day for me; it didn't help that I continued to be stared at walking through the halls. Thankfully though, I was able to find my hoodie in my locker and put that on with the hood over my head to hide my view from people so I couldn't see all the sour looks and glares.

"Isn't that Isabella, the girl whose parents died in a car crash?"

"Yea, I heard that she was the cause of the accident."

"Well, I heard that she arranged for the car crash to happen."

"I heard that she practices witchcraft up in their attic, and her parent's death was a sacrifice to her 'master'."

I couldn't take anymore. I had to get out of here. Everyone had the story completely wrong. The day it happened, I was at school, everyone knew this. Why were all these crazy rumors starting? Better question, who was starting these rumors?

Then it came to me, only one person could be doing this to me, and that was none other than the queen bee herself, Heidi Crawford. Heidi and I were best friends growing up. We would sleep over at each other's houses, ride my horses, and we did almost everything together. We spent so much time together out of school that we even just decided to declare ourselves sisters.

I still remember when our friendship ended. We had just started seventh grade, and Heidi had begged me to try-out for cheerleading with her; she talked about how much fun we would both have together. I tried to back out of it; I mean we both knew that I wasn't the most coordinated person. Heidi and I decided to make a pact, if either of us didn't make the squad, then neither of us would be on the squad. As I had expected, I didn't make the squad, but Heidi did; I could tell that she was extremely excited for the team. Looking back, I should've noticed that she didn't even notice how sad I actually was that I didn't make the team. Granted, I never wanted to be a cheerleader in the first place; it was that it would've been cool if both Heidi and I were cheerleaders.

That's when our friendship started on a downward spiral. As time went on, we spent less and less time together, mainly because Heidi was always busy with cheer practice and spending time with her new friends on the squad. Finally we just stopped hanging out altogether. She ended up becoming the person she had promised herself, and me, that she would never be; a bully. And who did Heidi and her newfound friends make as their main target? Yep, that's right, it was yours truly. It was mainly Heidi though that made my life a living hell. Her new cheerleading friends would just go along with what she said. She was almost as horrible to people as that popular girl was in the movie, 'Mean Girls'. I missed Heidi, but then, that Heidi was long gone. The Heidi that ruled the school now was the most horrible person even to walk the earth. You would've thought that it was her life's mission to make everyone who wasn't popular lives horrible.

"Well if it isn't 'Miss Tardy to the Party' herself. Why did you even show up to school today? I mean, what aren't you practically failing all your classes this semester?" Heidi sneered at me as I crossed her path; I had apparently not paid attention to where I was walking. I usually was better at avoiding whatever part of school Heidi was in.

"At least I don't have to put other people down to feel good about myself Heidi." I said in a straight forward tone. I was fed up and sick of her crap. I didn't know where my sudden spark of courage came from, but I was going to embrace it.

"Ooo really good comeback Isabella, you really got me good." Heidi said with mock offense. She just walked off with her little minions trailing closely behind her. She may have acted all nonchalant about what I said to her, but I knew that I had actually gotten under her skin.

"So, I heard you stand up to that Heidi bitch, props to you on that. I'm brand new here and I can barely stand her. Oh by the way my name's Margret, but you'd be wise to call me Raven, all my friends do." I turned to see a girl with jet black hair and a single bright green chunk of hair. She had dark clothing on along with dark lip stick. Maybe it had to do with how we both didn't really fit in here, but I really liked this girl, I mean Raven, she didn't judge me.

"So does that mean we're like friends now or something?" I said and immediately wished I could grab those words and shove them back in my mouth. I didn't have very many close friends, not since Heidi and her 'clones' made me practically a social outcast.

"Of course Izzy, you don't mind if I call you that do you?"


I liked that nickname, it was different, and I could use it as a way of inventing a whole new identity.

"Do you smoke?"

"Uh, no not really…"

"Do you want to try?" I should just say no; I mean that's what they teach you in health class right?

Say no to drugs! Ugh, I can still hear the annoying voices on the lame videos we were forced to watch in those classes. Peer pressure is a big deal and we shouldn't bend to it, but something inside of me was screaming at me to agree to try just one cigarette.

I thought about it some more and said, "Sure." Raven's eyes brightened and she motioned for me to follow her outside and towards the back of the school through a side exit. I knew this part of the school, this is where some of the 'tougher' kids hung out and skipped classes. Something told me to say I had a change of mind, but that's nothing the new me, Izzy, would do. I kept on walking.

"Here ya go." Raven said as she handed me a lit cigarette. I took a puff and coughed at first, but doing something that I could get into trouble doing made me feel…Alive!

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