Roars and screams of my name filled the auditorium from people happy with my valedictorian speech. I felt proud of myself delivering a standing ovation from everyone including my teachers, the scholars who’d helped me achieve my high school qualifications with honors. I gave the crowd my best bow and got my eyes to meet eyes with my best friend’s who was in a sea of familiar students and other friends but it’s only him I was focused on. He gave out his best smile and winked at me definitely in an effort to stand out and outdo the crowd as my best friend Jungkook so
I thought to myself as I made my way over to the shake the principal’s hand. Smiling obviously still affected by his contagious smile, it’s the best smile in the entire world. Illumiscent of a bunny, it also lights up his eyes giving life to an empty room, it’s also capable of making my stomach turn with somersaults.
I was now signing the last year book for a group of girls when in the corner of my eye I saw Jungkook standing, smiling to his phone probably waiting for me by the school gate. My phone vibrated and with one hand supporting the book in my hand, I used to other to swish the phone from my pocket.
Leave the reigns of your fangirls and come give your best friend some love.
Great. You’re my escape plan. Stay there, ready for me.
Handing the book back, I forcibly left the bevy of girls who clearly weren’t ready to let me leave yet and ran towards him
“and you couldn’t just leave them like that before I came tsk tsk?” Mocking me as he put a bottle of water in my hands he said.
I have to tell him somewhere private, these girls will definitely ruin our first kiss with screams. I took his wrist in my hand just as he was placing the water bottle in my hand. Leading him to my jeep “where are you taking me, I still have to drive us to our reservation for dinner?” He asked his facial expression evidenced with curiosity.
I delayed telling him until we got in the car even driving off away from the parking lot but not all the way of the lot. Just almost out. He placed his hand at my knee, telling me to stop the car. I could never refuse him so I stopped the car, looking at him his eyes pleading he spoke up “This restaurant has a six month wait list for reservations and if we’re late I’ll be blacklisted, and this dinner is for us to enjoy. Just the two of us....so where are you taking me Tae?”
I could never lie to those eyes “Somewhere private. I have something I want to tell you before our dinner”
"What is it Tae?”
Nervously I took my hands off the wheel because this was going to change the dynamic of our friendship, expecting us to share a kiss after the confession because I just knew it ,he felt the same way I did. I unbuckled my seatbelt nonchalantly not wanting to make it obvious on why I was taking it off. I then looked at his face. His eyes ever so captivating and his lips, the same lips I wanted on mine now. I had to start speaking at some point.
"Tae are you ok?”
"You know I’m gay?“I started he nodded and eye rolled, his eyes speaking the words duh 🙄 everyone knows it’s no secret.
"You’re my best friend and I love you.” I said
He cut me off resting hand on my knee a little higher up. And he said “I love you too, you’re my best friend Tae.”
I felt my heart pick up speed and I went on to finish as he clearly wasn’t reading the signs clearly “Yea but what I mean is........I love you. As in you’re the one my heart beats for, you’re the one I want to build fires for to keep you warm, you’re the one I want to kiss everywhere and more......if you feel the same way I’d like you to be my boyfriend in that couple sense.” He was frozen in his seat and so I reached for my left jacket to pull out a jewelry box that had specifically made dog tags I’d gone to a popular jeweler to get engraved with his favorite bible verse, our initials and the title of our song kook just decided to call this our song a little over a year ago.. I put them on around his neck smiling happy still keeping my ears up for a positive answer.
“Get your hands off me!!” Jungkook growled surprising me then he continued “dude I’m not gay, I’m getting out!!This is insane!!You’re insane!!!How could you!!!Grrr” he growled banging my car door. I got out the car to follow him when he saw me he yelled at me making heads turn to us “DON’T EVER CALL ME AGAIN OR LOOK FOR ME OR SPEAK OF ME YOU HEAR THAT!!!” Not waiting for an answer he turned his back to me walking off his ears red with anger, I stood in my tracks seeing him get smaller with his next step. At that moment I swear time stood still and it was just us existing, my heart shattering, me self esteem flattening and my racing mind I misread everything, this is my fault I wouldn’t have told him if I knew how much of him I’d lose. He’s never even said it himself he’s gay or in any way interested in guys the same way that I am. All this education and I’m still dumb. I’m a horrible friend wish my feelings for him could just vanish now but I know myself ,how I am around him, so to make this easy on him on me on us I should stay away from him. This is the best I can do. Thank God I got into Yale University so I’ll be far. I’m sure I can talk my parents into letting me leave tomorrow.....I’ll stay with my brother at his apartment....no I’ll wait to leave in a week in case he changes his mind about me about us.....if he changes his mind then I’ll attend one of the local universities that accepted me.....is he not gay? Did I project my feelings wrongly onto him.....I’m embarrassed.