As I was pulling out of the driveway of the hospital, my phone rang. I was sure it would be either Sam or Bobby calling to check up on me because I was over an hour late already, but it wasn't. Even though I had just left her only minutes before, it was Lisa.
'Dean I just got a call from Steve.'
Oh good God. This wasn't going to be pretty. This, on top of everything else, I did not need.
'Steve who?' I had to buy myself some time to work out a brilliant excuse. With everything going on I hadn't had time to even think about breaking that news to my girlfriend.
'Ahh… your boss.'
'Why's he calling you?'
'Because this is the number you gave him when you first started working there. Anyway that isn't important. What's important is that he said your final pay will be transferred on Monday.'
'Oh okay. Great. Thanks.'
'Sorry?' Okay, so as expected, she wasn't impressed.
'Lis, I'm going to get another job okay. Don't freak out.'
'We had an argument.' There went my brilliant excuse.
'You argued with your boss?' She asked with one mother of a frosty attitude.
'Yes.' I turned into the first side street on the right and parked outside a house with a high fence. She was about to lose it and because of that, I had to be in this conversation mind, body and soul.
'Why would you argue with your boss? Everyone knows not to argue with their boss.'
'Okay. I know that now.'
'What?' Her tone indicated that she thought I must be some sort of an alien but unfortunately it then morphed quickly into anger. I would have preferred the alien route. I could plead ignorance if she thought I was an alien. 'Jesus Dean! We have one mortgage payment and one week's worth of grocery money and now with Ben in hospital we are going to get inundated with bills. Plus my car payment is due on the fifteenth and throw in having to get through next week, not to mention next month and we are screwed! Why would you do this?'
'I didn't mean to.'
'How did it happen then?'
'He was being a dick.'
'Every boss is a dick!'
'I'll get another job.' I stated inhaling a deep breath so I could remain my usual calm self.
'When I can.'
'Oh my God.'
'Lis, its okay.'
'Don't tell me it's okay! It's not okay. We are only just making ends meet as it is. We can't afford this! Jesus Dean. Just call him back and apologise and ask him for your job back. Beg him if you have to.'
'I'm not going to do that.'
'You have to!'
'No I don't.' I stated proud of myself that I was still relaxed and level headed. On the very odd occasion she raised her voice at me, I would normally fire back at her, but not this time and not so far. Good on me. 'I will find something else.'
'How? Where? When? You know how hard jobs are to come by around here. You have to call him. Call him now. Do you have his number? I'll text it to you.'
'Yes I have his number but I'm not calling him. I will get something else.'
Why wouldn't she listen? 'I said I will get something else.'
'And I said when? Because let me tell you something; stuffing around and doing nothing while you are out cruising around on fuel that costs money with your friend isn't going to get you a job. It's just going to get us in even more of a situation.'
Oh no, nonono, she couldn't go there. She should never go there, 'Lis.' The warning in my voice ought to have told her how much she was beginning to piss me off.
'Don't 'Lis' me! You screwed up Dean and you have to fix it. So fix it. Now!'
Okay, I had enough with that sanctimonious crap. This wasn't all on me. She had to take on some of it as well.
'Okay well how's this? Once you get a job with more hours so you can come up with at least half of the payments on your over-priced, over-loaned fancy, shiny silver car, I will too!'
She hung up on me.
I could tell Dean was in a mood the minute he stepped through the door. I hoped it wasn't anything to do with me and then I hoped it wasn't anything to do with Ben.
'How is he?' I asked him when he dumped his keys on the table and sat down in a huff opposite Bobby. The last time I had spoken to him was when he woke me up by calling me at seven that morning. I think I mumbled something like I was fine and asked how Ben was but I couldn't remember much else from the conversation. He had seemed okay though – I think.
'Yeah good. He should be out tomorrow.'
'That's good news.' Bobby said and I could tell he had picked up the same tension as me.
'Did you eat all that stuff yesterday?' He just had to ask me. 'I'm starving.'
I looked at Bobby, Bobby looked at me. My eyes dropped by themselves to the carpet and I said a quiet 'no,' that even I had trouble hearing.
'Any pasta salad left?'
'No, sorry.' I answered before Bobby could.
'Dammit. I've been craving it all day.'
'There's all that other stuff left though.' I offered moving over to the fridge for him and pulling out some bread. 'Toast?'
'You said you didn't eat it all. What have you got left over from yesterday then?'
I took a deep breath in and then blinked. 'Nothing.'
'What do you mean nothing?' I didn't much like the way his face was scrunching up in confusion. He was definitely already on edge and I didn't want to be the one that tipped him over. I just didn't know what to say.
I looked over at Bobby. Maybe he could explain it better.
'You want me to tell him?' Bobby asked me.
No I didn't, not at all but I really didn't want to either… and I mean I really didn't want to.
'Tell me what? Spit it out Sam. What's going on?' His stress was increasing and all I could do because I was a messed up freak was stand there and lean my hands on the bench.
At last Bobby decided to speak. 'We had to throw it out.'
'Throw it out?' He repeated. 'Why?'
'Because Sam forgot to refrigerate it.'
'Oh okay, but you ate some first right?'
Nope, I still couldn't speak.
'He said he was going to.' Bobby said for me.
'Oh you are frickin kidding me? You promised me you would eat!' He yelled. 'Straight away. That meant as soon as I left Sam, you know that!'
'I know and I was going to.'
He shook his head at me and frowned that furious frown that always made me want to run and hide from him. 'And what stopped you? Something else come up?'
'Then tell me you ate something else. I won't get mad if you tell me you ate something else.'
'We had pizza.' I tried.
He breathed out. 'Okay – when?'
'We dialed it last night.' Bobby said. 'For dinner.'
He nodded once and glared daggers at me. 'So you had nothing for lunch?'
Why wasn't he talking to Bobby, why did he keep asking me things? Bobby was the one talking to him. I was just too damn busy trying to use some kind of hidden power to make myself invisible. I had to concentrate.
'No, I didn't have anything for lunch, but don't even worry about that Dean. I'm fine. You don't need to stress about this when Ben is in the hosp–'
'Why didn't you have lunch? What were you doing instead?'
'So what you are telling me is that we can't leave you alone. Okay I got it.'
'No, that's not…No.'
'You here for awhile?' Dean finally said something to Bobby.
'Yeah, I can be. Why?'
'Cause I need a walk. Stay with him?'
'I'm not a kid.' I made the mistake of saying.
'Then quit acting like one!' He literally screamed at me loud enough for every single person in the vicinity of the whole motel to hear.
'Dean.' I caught Bobby shaking his head at him but didn't see Dean's response because my eyes moved – by themselves – again - to the loaf of bread in front of me while I forced myself to swallow the huge and growing lump in my throat. 'Just calm down okay?'
'That's why I need a frickin walk!'
'Yeah, well, take your time.' Bobby answered flatly.
I waited for the slam of the door and wasn't disappointed. Even though I fully expected it, it made me jump anyway and I found my stomach churn all the more. I was going to throw up, I was sure of it. He was big time pissed at me. Big time.
Freaking hell, I was furious. F-U-R-I-O-U-S! I could not believe he did not eat lunch especially after he promised me he would. What was he trying to do? Intentionally piss me off? Get me all freaked out and worried so I could drop dead from a heart attack? Stupid damn kid! As if he needed this. It didn't matter that I hadn't had any lunch yesterday and it didn't matter that I hadn't eaten a damn thing today. What mattered was that he had not been coping and he had not been eating and even though he was back with us, he still would not freaking EAT! And he was the one person who needed to freaking EAT! Uggh! And I couldn't very well kick his ass could I? I couldn't grab him by his overgrown hair and force food down his throat could I? He was twenty-frickin–eight years old and flipping huge. As if I could do that – even if I wanted to – which I did.
'I know now is probably not the right time.' Cas said as he appeared next to me trying to keep up with my FURIOUS strides. 'But we need to talk.'
'Go away Cas.' I wasn't in the mood for anyone, let alone an angel with a mission.
'You and Sam; when do you think you will be back on the job?'
I stopped. He stopped. I looked at him. He looked at me.
'What?' I said instead of knocking him out with my very best right hook.
'We need you to track down this demon named Zepar. He is turning countless amounts of women sterile. We can't have that, especially this one woman who he is circling. She cannot become sterile. We need her child in the future. He is going to help me with an angel –'
'Cas, what the hell are you talking about? Sam and I are done with all that.'
'No. No, you're not and I need to know when you can hunt this demon down.'
'Go to hell.'
'Cas, seriously – go to hell!'
Luckily for him he disappeared so I could keep walking. I needed to stomp this anger off before I lashed out at someone. Steve had pissed me off, Lisa had pissed me off, Sam had pissed me off, Bobby had pissed me off and now Cas had pissed me off. What was that? What the hell was that? I really felt like punching something. What a crapped up day.
I had to breathe. In and out, in and out. There was no way I could go back to that motel room in the state I was in. Sam was fragile, he couldn't cope with it and I knew that. I knew he was weak and not himself and feeling all messed up and alone and probably traumatized and frightened. If he couldn't manage a lunch how was he going to manage me being furious at him?
I was a full on evil jerk.
He didn't need me yelling at him. What he needed was help, not his brother walking out and abandoning him in blind fury just because he had skipped a meal. God, if anything could have calmed me down, it wasn't a walk, it was thinking that.
I had left him with a colossal slam of the door in the state he was in because I had been pissed off with other people and had taken it out on him. And he was the last person I should have taken it out on because he was the one that was scared the most, he was the one that was hurting the most and he was the one that needed me the most.
Oh my God, I was a fricking first class asshole.
I turned around and headed straight back in the direction that I had just come from.
(to be continued...)