My childhood has lasted over a hundred years and still as a child I weep and still as a child I live sometimes I get lice and the mummy characters have to do up some of the things which I make them do and then when I am finished doing the things which I do I kill them. Look if you do not love me I can make someone else love me and care for me and take me to the circus for a feed and all that if you do not love me someone else can earn enough money to support this castle and all its belongings in style and pomp and if you do not love me that is the final a vampire can take. Of course after some years they do not see any improvement and only deterioration in my character so they say end it all. I never kill a mummy unless they beg me to it is distressing for me to do so. But the thing is basic you see if some mummy can make you go to hell what happiness when you make them go instead? If you must say this is my only good point the rest is bad. I am not that pointless an individual I donate two pounds for some worthy charity and they give me all the letters I need because having no postal address would make me not incognito. I seek no remuneration for this basic advice it is the best advice I may give another aspiring vampire.
You see I can see mummy number four going through the basic stages of neglecting her duty and the duty is me. I had been potty trained and all that but my foot is something of a problem as have not much of a co-ordination with the newest fashions. I mend nothing make nothing and the service charges would have been so bad so this woman now my mummy is looking worn to death. I stake her case very nicely mummy do you want out?
“Release me son.”
Ouch as bad as that the thing is where is the flight where is the fight she did not even make a sound.
Most uninteresting for a vampire you know. So now looking for mummy number five and that is of course if one can find them they are nowadays totally not into children and all that. They must do things for their own gain have children for with their blood and make themselves happiness and laughs. I mind the things like motherly conduct and all that so in the first instance if they are not near children they are not to be. So having gone to the playground I see nobody I like then I see a woman of middle age and something like a boy beside her and I am instantly attracted. I never had a brother and a playmate but the woman is swearing she does not look like a good tempered woman. No I cannot deal with bad language so I go. Then I come back later in the afternoon despondency written on my face and someone nice comes along and sees that I am in trouble and asks if he can help. You see a mother does not have to be a woman does her? I debate the problem intensely and come up with the solution I know that a mother is not a woman she can be anyone even a man. A mother is the one who cares for the little one. I am sorry to say I am the little one and I mean to be mean to him so unselfish in his actions I think he sees something the others did not and I warm to him. There is no cross purposes in our glance he does not seem startled to see me there is nothing that he is that I want except to care for me. Our eyes locked in this timeless moment I say of course you must come with me and pull is strong without us noticing there is no one around as somehow the very air has become contaminated with our togetherness. Out the weapon my teeth but I will ask him first and the thirst can wait and ask him to be my mother. He says okay.
You see it is as simple as that there are no due respects I am head over heels in the first thrilling moment when I have a new slave. He refuses to tie my shoelaces and then does not do dinner wine he says not for kids and sends me to bed. He comes in trying to read me some fairy stories and I absolutely refuse to hear about that sort of thing. What on earth then he sings the nursery rhymes and I think I am in hell. He is so good humoured and innocent with the whole thing that I a naive vampire must say good bye to him immediately before I kill him and breaking the rule of engagement not unless he wants to be killed so saying good night to me he disappointed leaves I let him leave in fact I am willing him to go away.
Like any other vampire I must get me a disguise so that my life would peddle along with the other vampires who hide themselves from the likes of police and priests alike. We devolved made matters worse became blacker than any of them who had the black arts in our lives we have become invisible. We are now able to do what we like to do and take what we care to do when we do and still remain in society sociable agreeable and lovable. The only places we work at are the schools because there we might find persons who do not know us at all. Where we did best was when we shoot all the kids and fed on them but the thing is never say never the bloodiest things are done in minutes. In some detail I can say there is nothing the matter with wasting time because it is on our hands.
At the end of term we are still evolving and making off with the grand plans of the entire system and able to get into all sorts of highly paid posts most vampires want nothing better than the only post which they will not be strained the blood banks. But this is a highly sought after thing and the next best thing is forensics and failing that the hospitals but some needy souls who had been discovered end up as porters in hospitals but they are low caste and do not matter at all. The thing is not to speak about anything and be agreeable at all times otherwise they might find out how little we know about human nature and how little we care.
Like anyone else we love partying but must keep this to a minimum otherwise we would be not hidden for long and we still remember the lanterns and the lights searching for us all down in the dark days when we first became known.
I was making up for lost time no breakfast today as have to find me a mother I wished I had not been so hasty with the last one and had not killed her outright. She had been the best one of the whole lot. I miss her and would now have to make do with what?
I tried again to tie my laces and did in fact not do so. I went to a shop and bought one with laces and that would have to do. Then went and got my own shopping and did it better than I thought maybe I did not need a mother after all?
After that went and got another supply and that means what? I can take care of myself. So I think about this and that what to do and what not to do. I will now have to go to school and they can teach me something to do to pass the time as the life of a vampire is forever and can be very lonely.
The evenings now lonely without much to do I cannot bring myself to go out so many vampires out but then take to wandering round and round the room as if flying in the night time in the small castle might help me think straight. Then when I am done I fling myself to the curtains and rest for some time looking outside to see if there are anymore vultures about and not reassured that there is only I. You see call it old wise tales but when a vampire is alone it is not a sign that evil is not nearby it is a sign that evil is underneath rotting the very corpses and making them the reality of our successes.
I go reassured to the cemetery and fling myself on the empty casket there nothing there what has happened? The fiend some fiend has taken my meal and that is because I do not have anybody at all to take care of me.