I Can't Change
Bella walked out of the hair salon with the hood of her jacket up. She brushed away a few tears. She couldn't believe she had given in to herself. Why? Why had she given in and decided to cut most of her hair off, so that she was stuck with shoulder length hair? Why had she started wearing rainbow bracelets? Was she trying to shout out to the world about the part of her that she most hated? Was she trying to put a sign around her neck about who she was?
Bella hated this part of herself. She hated that she was being true to the part of her she most hated. But she couldn't deny that this was who she was, even if she hated herself for it. But why did people have to be so cruel to her while she was desperately trying to accept who she was, and who she was meant to be? She was tired of pretending and lying. Pretending to be something she wasn't, and lying to everybody about why she left home. She was terrified of telling people who she truly was, because she was afraid of being targeted by hate crimes and having people whisper about her.
To try to protect herself, she pretended to fall in love with Edward. She like him, but nothing more as a friend. She loved him like a favored brother, at the best. Nobody questioned her sexual orientation when she forced smiles and kissed the most attractive male in Forks. Bella was thankful to Edward. He had protected her in a way that he didn't know about. Jacob too. Nobody dared mess with her when he was around. They were afraid of both of them.
Because, Bella was really a lesbian. She didn't love boys, she loved girls. Bella would have sooner dated Jessica, Lauren, and Angela rather than Mike, Tyler and Eric. She couldn't change. Nobody could ever say that she hadn't tried to change, because she had. She finally just gave up. She was tired of it all.
No matter where she went, she was plagued by a pain in her heart. The LGBAT community (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Asexual/Agender, Transsexual/Transgender) was hated for being honest with themselves. Bella didn't want to be hated. She heard people calling others fags as she walked around her small town. She knew that she couldn't be herself, especially if people got hate for merely liking things that the opposite gender was supposed to like.
How was Bella supposed to tell her friends the truth when they used faggot and gay as an insult? Why was one sexuality such a sin and known among the lesser? The LGBAT community was known to be lesser than everybody else. They couldn't get married in several states. Why was the world so hateful? Bella was conflicted about supporting the LGBAT community, but she knew in her heart that it was the right thing to do, despite what others thought.
Bella blew her nose and decided to finally tell those closest to her. She had already told her mother, and gotten kicked out because of it. Bella had lied about why she had to go to Forks. Renee had kicked Bella out. Just because Bella loved girls. Just because she was a lesbian. Bella had learned from there that being a lesbian was bad, and she needed to stop it with that sinful choice. So Bella tried to do the impossible; fall in love with a man.
Bella knew it was time to give up and tell at least Charlie. He would help protect her from any attacks or harmful pranks if anybody found out. She got into her truck and gripped the wheel tightly. She slowly drove home. If she were walking, she would have been dragging her feet. Bella finally pulled up to her house. The cruiser was parked in the driveway. It was Charlie's day off.
"Dad?" Bella walked inside. "I have something to tell you."
"What is it Bells?" Charlie asked, seeing her face. "Did that Cullen boy hurt you?" Bella shook her head and took off her jacket. "You cut your hair?"
"Yeah. This is the new me." Bella said quietly. "But, there's more than meets the eye to the new me." Bella pulled up her sleeves slightly to expose her rainbow bracelets. "Dad, please don't freak out. Please, don't hate me either." Bella took a deep breath.
"What's wrong Bella?" Charlie asked, taking his daughter's hand.
"Dad I know it's wrong, and there's probably something wrong with me, but..." Bella took a deep breath, "Dad, I'm a lesbian." She squeezed her eyes shut. "Please, don't hate me. I didn't choose to be like this." She started crying.
"Bella, I don't hate you, and there's nothing wrong with you." Charlie said quietly. Bella's brown eyes flew open.
"What?" She gasped, flabbergasted. "But Mom said that I made a horrible decision, and that I'm confused and need help! I-I was afraid that you'd say the same thing."
"Bella, your mother was wrong. It's not a choice." Charlie squeezed Bella's hand. "And it's not wrong."
"But isn't it unnatural?" Bella asked. She was afraid that he would change his mind and send her away. She had nowhere else to go.
"No, it happens all of the time in the animal kingdom." Charlie reassured. "Over 1,500 animal species practice homosexuality and it is both common and highly essential in the lives of a number of species." Bella wiped away a few stray tears.
"Really?" Bella asked with a smile. "So there's nothing wrong with me, and I didn't make a sinful decision?"
"Of course not." Charlie hugged his daughter. "Now, you should go break up with Edward. It's not fair to either of you if you continue to go out. And tell him the truth; that you don't love him. You don't have to flat out say that you're a lesbian, but you have to tell him something." Bella nodded. She was crying tears of joy. Charlie was treating her like it didn't matter that she was homosexual! Bella wanted to jump on the bed and soar in the sky; she felt so lighthearted. For the first time ever, she had been treated like her sexuality didn't make her lesser than everybody else.
"Okay Dad." Bella pulled on her jacket. "But I'm telling Jake first."
"Go for it Bells." Charlie winked as his daughter left the house. She was skipping
Bella was smiling through her joyful tears. She drove to La Push with high spirits. She saw a Volvo following her in her rearview mirror. Bella instantly frowned. She may have been ready to tell Jacob, as he was a childhood friend, but Edward was a whole different story. Edward might accidentally loose control on her and attack and drain her. Just because she was homosexual, and he got mad. Bella pushed those images aside in her mind. She had more important things to do than imagine herself dying.
Bella hoped and prayed that Jacob would understand. She wanted to know his reaction before she knew Edward's. It might prepare her for Edward's. Both Edward and Jacob were in love with her, so she might get similar reactions out of them.
"Bella!" She heard Jacob's voice as she parked her truck. He walked up to her
"Hey Jake." Bella forced a smile. "I have something to tell you." She hopped out of her truck and hugged him.
"Want to walk on the beach?" Jacob asked. Bella nodded. They walked together to the beach. "So what is it that you want to tell me?"
"Well, I want to introduce you to the new me." Bella said. She pulled down her hood and pulled up her sleeves.
"So, the new you is basically the old you with shorter hair and rainbow bracelets?" Jacob asked.
"There's one other thing." Bella trailed off and looked at the horizon. "But you have to promise not to loose it on me and to have an open mind." Bella said.
"You can tell me anything." Jacob promised. He laid a hand on her shoulder gently
"Jake, I'm gay." Bella said. Jacob was quiet. Did this mean he was shocked? Did he hate her? She bit her lip. "Well Jake? Please say something."
"Does Charlie know? Do the leeches know? Does your mom know?" Jacob started firing questions at her.
"Yes, no, and yes." Bella replied. "So, are you okay with it?" She bit her lip and waited in anticipation.
"Of course Bella, we're best friends." Jacob hugged her. Bella let out a sigh of relief.
"So, you don't think that I made a sinful decision, or that I'm going to hell?" Bella asked.
"Of course not Bells. If anybody gives you any trouble, just tell me who, and I will unleash the fury of the La Push wolves on them. I'm here for you." Jake hugged her.
"Thanks Jake. I was afraid that you would think that I'm a freak or confused. Or that I made a sinful and shameful decision." Bella hugged back.
"I would never think that of you." Jacob smiled. "You are born gay, it's not a decision. Heteros are not better than homos. We're all equal."
"I've got to go break the news to Edward now." Bella took a deep breath. "I can't hold it back anymore, and frankly; I don't care what they're going to say anymore. I am still Bella Swan, and everybody should realize that. I can't keep this in. I have tried, but it's time to let it go and stop pretending." Bella was more confident about being a lesbian now that two people in her life were accepting of her sexuality.
"I'm proud of you Bells." Bella grinned as she ran to her truck and got in. She waved to Jacob and drove back to Forks. The Volvo was following her, but she didn't care.
She felt as if she was breaking out of the prison of being closeted. She was never going back to pretending to be a perfect straight girl. That girl was gone. Or had she even existed at all?
Bella drove to the Cullens' house, the Volvo following her the whole way. She parked her truck. Bella had a feeling that she might need to drive herself home. She climbed out of her truck and pulled her hood up as Edward walked over to her.
"Hello, Bella, love." Edward said. He kissed the top of her head. Bella pushed him away. Edward looked confused.
"I need to talk to you and your family." Bella said. She bit her lip. In her mind, she was a few kicks to the closet doors, to completely coming out of the closet.
"Come with me." Edward took Bella by the small of her back and guided her inside. Bella made eye contact with Alice as soon as she got inside. Alice gave Bella a nice and encouraging smile. Bella smiled back.
"I have something to tell you all." Bella announced. They all sat at the dining table for a family meeting without a word. "I will tell you in a minute, but you must keep an open mind." All of them nodded.
"There's nothing wrong with me or my brain, I'm not confused, and I didn't choose this." Bella warned. "I really don't want any of you to give me any grief for this, and frankly, I'm tired of holding it in and pretending to be something that I'm not." Bella sighed.
"What is it?" Carlisle asked gently.
"I'm breaking up with you, Edward." Everybody but Alice and Bella looked surprised.
"But why?" Edward gasped. He stood up abruptly.
"Because I can't love you. Believe me, I've tried so hard to love you, but I just can't. And it has nothing to do with the fact that you're a vampire. It's not because of Jacob, either." Bella said. She took a deep breath. This was it. She had to tell them the truth. "I'm gay. I'm a lesbian; homosexual. It's not you, it's your whole gender." Everybody looked shocked. Edward looked furious. Bella pulled down her hood and exposed her rainbow bracelets. She unzipped her jacket to reveal a gay rights T-shirt that was black. It had two pink female symbols linked. The shirt said, 'If you're against gay rights, you're against me'. Bella braced herself for the hate she knew was probably coming.
"But Bella, love, why did you make such a sinful choice?" Edward pleaded. "You will go to hell for sure for such an unnatural choice."
"Edward, it wasn't a choice!" Bella stood up and stamped her foot. "And it happens in nature all of the time."
"That is true." Rosalie spoke up. "It's scientifically proven that being homosexual isn't a choice." Bella was surprised that Rosalie would be the first to stand up for her. Bella shot Rosalie a grateful look.
"Eddy, Belly-boo is still Belly-boo, even if she likes girls, and not guys. I personally think it's kinda hot." Emmett said. He threw an arm around Bella's shoulders. She blushed, but smiled.
"Bella, you should go into counseling. There's something wrong with you. I'll get you to a mental hospital." Edward pleaded. Bella stepped back.
"You will do no such thing." Esme said. "I'm sorry Edward, but it was obviously hard for Bella to tell this to us. The least we can do is support her. Bella will always be my daughter." Bella grinned
"Thank you Esme, Emmett, Rosalie." She said softly. "This really means a lot to me, that you're standing up for me." Her vampire family was taking a stand, for her, against homophobia.
"Anything for you Belly-boo." Emmett winked. Bella giggled.
"Edward, there is nothing wrong with those who are homosexual. Bella does not need a mental hospital, and I will not let you take her to one." Carlisle said. Bella grinned.
"Bella will still be a part of the family. Edward, her sexual orientation may change things between the two of you, but Bella will still be a part of the family as a vampire. She was never meant to be with you. Bella will find her mate. It's only a matter of time now." Alice said firmly.
"Love between homosexual couples and heterosexual couples is the same, if not stronger, because they have to work harder to marry and have children." Jasper said. "You have no right to say such things about Bella." Bella's grin grew wider.
"Thank you all for supporting me and my sexuality. This means so much to me." Bella said.
"Come on Bella. I'm taking you to church. Perhaps it will cure you from this mental illness." Edward grabbed Bella's wrist. "Where did that perfect straight girl go?" Bella yanked back her wrist.
"You will not take me anywhere." Bella said firmly. "That 'perfect straight girl' that you yearn for is gone. She may not even have been there. Renee kicked me out because I confided in her that I'm a lesbian. I got tired of pretending to be something I'm not. I had to let it go, and let it out. I feel so free. I am not straight, and I will never be straight. I'm not confused, and it's not a choice. I hated to be true to this part of myself. I'm never going back to being that shy closeted girl. I can't change no matter what I try. Edward, I'm sorry that I used you to try to convince myself that I'm not gay. But, I've accepted that this is who I am, and I can't change. You can choose to accept it, or you can hate people just because they are different than you, for the rest of your life. This kind of hate has led to wars and discrimination. Do you really want your family split in two because you couldn't accept that my sexuality is different?" Bella let that sink in. She crossed her arms over her chest. "If you don't have acceptance for me and my sexuality, fuck you."
"Edward, if you cannot accept Bella for who she is, no matter who she loves, you can leave." Carlisle said. "Nobody's forcing you to stay."
"You will burn in Hell!" Edward stormed out. With that, Edward was never seen by the Cullens again.
"So there you have it." Bella told her wife of ten years. They were sitting in a meadow filled with wildflowers, in Massachusetts, where they had gotten married exactly ten years ago. "That's my coming out story, Bree." They kissed. Their wedding rings were both silver bands with a pink diamond in the shape of a heart. They had picked them out together. They both still had their wedding dresses and veils to remind them of the wonderful day when they were united by law.
"Well, we all know how I came out." Bree replied when they were done kissing. They giggled. Bree hadn't known that she was a lesbian until she first saw Bella, who had been human at the time. Bree had attacked Bella with a kiss and accidentally broken several bones. Bella had to be changed into a vampire after that. It was love at first sight, and they got married six months later. Bree had the gift of blending in. If she wanted to hide, you wouldn't notice her. Bella had a physical and mental shield. They fit together really well. It helped when they were walking together, and people said hateful things to them. It also kept them from being victims of hate crimes.
"I don't know what I would have done without you." Bella cooed to her wife. Bree smiled. You could see that they loved each other more than words could ever express. They were truly soul mates.
"Neither do I." Bree replied. "Now, we have forever to fill together." They kissed again.
And with that, they continued on blissfully with their eternal love.
Of course, it wasn't easy. People still hated them for being in love with each other. Especially when they were at prom together, slow dancing, where they often got lost in the moment and kissed. High schoolers were cruel when it came to lesbian couples. But they had Rosalie, Alice, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme to support them. It wouldn't be an easy road, but it was where their hearts lead them.
After all, neither of them could change, and frankly, neither of them particularly wanted to. They had left behind good lives where they were straight, but they were too relieved to grieve over them. Besides, they liked the life where they had each other, and they preferred it.