****hello to all my loyal followers! I am once again dreadfully sorry that I haven't updated sooner but things came up... Anyway just a little A/N that this chapter is a little darker than the others and i wanted to try exploring those darker emotions so as a result it may involve some depressing/suicidal themes. Therefore this is just a warning as its told from Leena's POV as a hostage. So, despite this... Enjoy!***
Weeks had passed. Or, more realistically, it felt to me as if weeks had passed. Being as I had no way of telling what day or even what time it was, I had been successfully integrated out of the living world.
The chambers in which I was being held captive were comfortable enough - which made my stay here all the more uneasy for me. The walls were spacious and made me realize just how accustomed I had become to the enclosed spaces within Erebor. The single window that situated itself directly across from the bed teemed with light and outdoor energy. The uneasiness began to grow as I came to be aware of the significance of these details.
I rose from where I was seated on the mattress and carefully approached the wall where the window was. As if it possessed an unworldly delicate nature I lightly put my fingers against the glass. It felt strange somehow.
Had I really come this far away from who I once was?
There was a time when all of these things; the space, the light, the uplifting air I could not have dreamt of living without. But now, they meant nothing. They were all replaced by a single thought. A single memory. Thorin.
I squeezed my eyelids closed as I pressed my palms against the translucent glass.
In that moment I couldn't decide who to be more angry at. It was either his fault for making me forsake all the little things that I held dear (-including my little sister) or my own for letting him.
No matter what though, I knew that my love for that wretched king under the mountain was stronger than any of my old feelings combined.
With this in mind, I slowly opened my eyes and traced the cuts that crisscrossed down along my forearm with my fingers.
Results from another failed escape attempt.
The gash on my knuckles from breaking that same window had healed quite well, considering. Any memories of that pain were washed away with the adrenaline that coursed through my veins at the thought of finally escaping.
If I had only managed to make it off the window ledge. It wasn't until my stepfather and his guards were in the room did I look out the window. There below me, was a 100 ft drop into nowhere. And it was there, with a defeated countenance that I let myself be dragged back in to my hell.
It was only after I was tied to the chair in the corner that he took a large piece of glass shard and began slicing into my arm. My silent tears splashed against my red skin splattering the blood in their descent. When he was through he dropped the piece onto the floor in front of me and left me alone, once again, tied to a chair, bleeding both in body and in soul.
Without a moments delay I removed my right boot and carefully manipulated the sharp triangular piece between my toes and passed it up to my awaiting fingers.
I was free of my bonds in a few minutes and needless to say I kept that same piece safe and hidden to be used at a later time.
I was hoping today might be that time.
I cursed myself as I recalled the events that put me here; the vulnerability I had allowed to take over me with the thought that he -that Thorin- could possibly return my disguised affections. How it was what lay deep inside my heart that powered my feet as I ran further down the hall that day. The lack of expression in his eyes when I finally made it to the wedding. Just the thought of those feelings and memories were almost too much to bear... And my hidden weapon was so easily accessible...
No. I couldn't think like that. This was exactly what my stepfather wanted. For me to be left alone to my thoughts - to be forced to recall the previous events and to crumble under the weight of it all. The level of cruelty in this situation lied solely with me. Plus... What would Thorin think if he found out I gave up like this...?
He doesn't care. If he did he would be here by now. A voice whispered menacingly in my head.
He's married. To your sister.
Those words echoed deafeningly in the silence.
I was nothing to him now. He was finally rid of me for Durin's sake!
He was right to call me weak. I knew that now. But if he only knew that my weakness ...was him. That my reason to go on was him. And now that I no longer had that reason...
I knelt down and removed the glass shard from where it's hiding place. It felt heavy in my hands.
So this was to be my final act. My destiny.
As I reflected on what I would be leaving behind, I smiled softly as I realized that because of me the two dwarves that I admired and loved more than anything could find the same in eachother.
Carefully, I made my way over to the bed and grabbed one of the pillows laying there. Without another thought I quickly began to remove the rope-like material that bordered along the edge of the pillow. It was almost too easy.
When I had finished I looked down at the rope I now had laying in my hands. An eerie feeling crept over me as I wondered how such a delicate, beautiful material could have such a deadly purpose.
I paused to consider my other options.
I could stay here and live by the hour waiting for some abusive guard to come collect me. But the thought of where he would take me brought tears to my eyes. My stepfather had mentioned that the power of the Arkenstone could be revealed through a significant bond between myself and another. And he planned to bring that about through marriage. Marriage. If I was unwilling to marry Thorin then I would die before marrying him.
And with that I glanced up at the window and I knew there was only one way out of here.
The process seemed very slow to me and it was as if I was in a dream-like state - as if it weren't my hands that were tying the knot. In fact, this wasn't me. I inspected the final product, almost laughing as it appeared to be the first thing I didn't screw up...
I was suddenly dragged from my thoughts as I heard footsteps approaching. My eyes flew to the door and back to my hands.
It was now or never.
I jumped up and hurried to grab the chair from the corner and push it under the torch-holder across from the door, no longer caring about being quiet; I didn't intend to be around to face the awaiting punishment.
It was then oddly quiet as the sound of the footsteps ceased. Had they been imagined? Was this fate's way of hurrying me up?
Perhaps if I hadn't been deafened by the sound of my pulse in my ears I would've heard him come in.
The next thing I knew a very rough male hand snatched the rope from me and threw it around my neck, pulling me back against him. I gasped and struggled to loosen the grip around my neck.
"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?!" he roared as he tightened the strangling rope.
I tried but could not find the breath to make an audible reply.
Quickly, I could feel my efforts to free myself become weaker and slower. When my hands, instead of clawing, just rested against my chest I knew it was over.
I looked up for what I thought was the last time and saw... Thorin.
I mentally cringed as the disappointment and fear of imagining him like this flooded through me. This mirage that my brain displayed before me was a cruel one to see before I left him and this world behind. He was bent over me, his long dark locks framing his stern features. In fact, they weren't stern at all - more like consumed with a fierce rage.
I put that down to what my brain planned to guilt trip me with if it had been me that had taken my own life. But this intruder didn't even give my imagination time to recover!
It wasn't until I felt a cold substance hit my cheek that my heart stopped.
W-was he crying?
I closed my eyes and opened them to icy blues that glared daggers into mine but made no threat to spill over. It was the red gash across his cheek that gained my attention and made me realize he was bleeding on me...which meant...
This is real... He's real.
I reached up to him, but before I could everything went black and the darkness overcame me.
*** muhahaha. That is all. Excited to write next chapter so hopefully will update soon!***