I cannot gather enough words, actions, pictures and thoughts that will do justice to express how much I yearn for you.
You constantly occupy a part of my mind, if not all of it. You creep into every nook and cranny of my existence – always in my subconscious.
Today, I drank some tea with milk. Your name was written on it in foamy bubbles. I could see the milk moustache you would always be oblivious about. I would wipe it off with my thumb, and you would scold me for not just handing you a tissue.
During rehearsals, I could hear you cheering me on. Your voice was the gatorade to my exhausted muscles. Each mistake I made, I was met with an encouraging “You can do this, oppa!” Backstage, I could feel your hands in mine during our secret few minutes. I felt the back of your hand against my lips.
When the group was in the studio recording, I felt your pats on my back, soothing my disappointment at my lack of lines. Your mere touch is a light in the darkest crevices. Your fingers brushing through my hair relaxed me more than any parlor could.
At home, I hugged your favorite pillow while I watched television. It was the one we won at the fair. It still had your scent. I really miss you – do you even know that?
In my room, I stared at the ceiling. I saw the constellations you stuck on there for me, including the one you made up: the one that meant you and me.
Tonight, I see the stars outside my bedroom window. It’s the full moon. I know you can see it too. You’re looking at it, too. My heart is at ease as I share this moment with you.
I miss you very much. I will say it over and over.
Although we spent very little time together, it will be our forever in that span of two weeks. Others may see you as a delusional fan of mine. They may consider you ‘the lucky fan who won time to hang out with EXO’. I want you to be assured that I know you are not. You are more than that – you are in my every thought. You were not lucky – it was meant to happen. And I was blessed. I thank God I’ve met someone like you.
Love? I’m certain this is it. And when I see you again, I will tell you those words. I will reassure you of your place in my life, and I will stand in my place in yours.
Although it may be more than another year until we meet again, I will keep us in my nightly dreams and daily spacing outs.
Will you wait for me? I miss you!
With all the love,