I was standing at the inlet that my kidnappers had used not all that long ago, clutching the Tome of Koslun to my chest and staring out at the ocean. I was trying to figure out...oh so many things. How I felt about Garrett, Anders...Fenris. When had I begun feeling as though Kirkwall were home. A home that needed protecting. When I had decided that it was my job to do it. Once upon a time, my only worries had been making sure the groceries and laundry got done. Now...well.
I heard him coming from up the hill, and considering he was a rogue, Sebastian had to have made the noise on purpose so as not to startle me. I smiled in appreciation.
“It's beautiful, isn't it?” he asked, looking out across the water.
“Yes. It is.” I said softly, gripping to the book tighter.
“Are you all right, m'lady?” Oh that sweet Starkhaven brogue. I could so understand how he became the bad boy back in his youth.
“Yes, Sebastian. I'm all right. I just...needed to think for a while.”
“He is beside himself with worry and contrition.”
I turned to look up at the Chantry brother, though he was still staring into the ocean's waves. “What do you mean?”
Sebastian turned to look me in the eye, blue eyes so startling against that natural tan and rich auburn hair. “It is the closest I have ever seen him to a panic. When Varric spotted your tracks coming down here, he and I convinced Fenris to stay up on the trail and wait until I might be able to bring you. We were afraid that you might run again upon seeing him. Or possibly do something rash.”
I chuckled. “The only rash thing I might be tempted to do would be to stab him in the eye or fuck him in the surf. And the eyes are too pretty and the water's too cold.”
“That would be rash, now, wouldn't it,” the man laughed. After another moment, his smile vanished into concern. “You know that, should you need an ear, I am always available.”
I was surprised. This man barely knew me, and certainly didn't know everything about how I came to be here, and yet he was willing to be my sounding board. Actually, he was probably just willing to be my confessor, but it was the thought that counts. I nodded with a smile and began the trek up the path to the main trail.
I hadn't even seen him before Fenris was there, arms around me, face buried into my neck. He was panting, as though having having run miles to find me and his markings flashed upon contact. With my arms filled with the large tome, I couldn't reciprocate or push him away. Not that I would.
I think what threw me was the shock of Fenris initiating touch. Touch of any kind was a tricky subject with the elf considering his background, and finding his arms wrapped around me of their own accord was a wonderful surprise.
He pulled back and looked me in the eye, though his head was bowed and his eyes hooded. “You are well? Nothing...untoward happened?”
“I'm fine, Fenris. Nothing a good run on the beach couldn't fix. And I found Sam.” I replied, holding up the book.
“Good on ya, Starlight!” Varric laughed. “Now let's get home out of this damnable cold and drink ourselves stupid!
I laughed. “Sounds like a plan.”
By the time we returned to the city limits, exhaustion had finally caught up with me. With the sun lightening the sky to the east, I decided to forgo the Hanged Man and head directly to Hawke's. We dropped Varric off first, then Sebastian at the Chantry steps. Fenris could have turned off there and headed towards his own home, but decided to escort me instead.
Outside the front door, the elf reached out and took my wrist, pulling me to a stop. His eyes were downcast, his posture subservient, but he didn't let go. It was awkward with the tome clutched to my chest.“Fenris? What is it?”
“You were right,” he said in a hushed, almost nervous voice. “You were right and I am sorry.”
“Right about what exactly?”
“Not all mages are evil. Not all magics are evil. It is a lesson that I find difficult to learn, but for you...for you I shall try.”
It took my breath away. More than a kiss, more than a declaration of love. Just that simple acknowledgement that, for me, he was willing to change the view of his entire world. I shifted the heavy tome to one arm while I used the other to pull the elf towards me.
He began to gasp, but it was swallowed in the passion of the kiss. I wanted- no needed- to show him that he was loved. That I appreciated what he was willing to do for me. It began as a rough, searching thing, but soon Fenris wove his gauntletted fingers up and into my hair, pulling me back, turning the kiss into a soft, tender act. I could feel a low hum from his lyrium and I moaned into his lips.
He pulled back with a soft chuckle. “You taste of sweetberries.”
I grinned. “Well, I do eat enough of them.” I turned and opened the door, knowing that he would follow, and entered the estate. Bodahn greeted us with a smile and news that Garrett and Anders had yet to return, and that Leandra was visiting friends for the day. I thanked the dwarf and continued through the main foyer and up the marble staircase to my rooms. Fenris followed me silently.
He waited just long enough for me to put the book down gently on a side table before he was there, taking me into his arms and kissing me once again. This was no longer a soft press of the lips. It was as though he was trying to crawl into the kiss, lips and tongue and teeth.
Coats, leathers and breast plate were soon littering the floor as we made our way to the bed. My brain was trying to scream at me through the lust-addled fog. To stop while I could, before we came together and things were irrevocably changed between us, but I just couldn't seem to make my body listen. His fingers trailed down, finding the hem of my tunic and slipping it up over my head, then slid to brush over engorged nipples. I gasped and arched back into the touch. Even unlit, his brands felt like the mildest electrical current was pulsing over my skin. Just that lightest of touches had me soaking my smalls. And Fenris knew it.
Breastband, breeches and smalls seemed to melt from our bodies while I was gasping from his touch. Damned elf was talented, I'd give him that! I pulled away, long enough to move us to the bed, laying out for him to take, to taste and touch. I knew it was bad. That it was too much for him and that the emotional high that he was about to feel would be too much for him, but I couldn't stop. Not now. We were both too far gone. Normally I was all for foreplay, but tonight...tonight build up was not only not necessary but a distraction. Instead of taking him in my mouth as I would have done, I instead used my fingers, tracing the beautiful swirling tattoos that marked his flesh. He hissed and I began to pull back but he grabbed onto my wrists and placed my hands flat upon his chest. With an encouraging nod, I went back to my tracery.
They were wonderful, really. Fantastic art brought about by the worst imaginable pain. I slid my fingers across his skin, the barest of brushing along the raised brands. I could feel how he reacted, leaning into the touch, caressing his hands along my breasts, my stomach, my hips. He was there, kneeling between my knees, holding em as though I might disappear or fly away. Suddenly he pulled me forward, burying himself to the hilt with a gasp. It was as though he touched every part of me at once, the buzz of the lyrium flaring off of sensitive nerve endings. Whit lights burst beneath my eyelids, driving me to orgasm before Fenris had even moved. I screamed with it, writhing around him as his hands held my hips, trying vainly to keep me still.
He growled, low in his throat, setting off more vibrations throughout my body. He leaned down, nipping and biting at my neck as he began the slow, rhythmic pumping of my sex. I couldn't seem to figure out what to do with my hands. They wrapped themselves around him, only to slip to the bed and clutch at the sheets. I could feel the building of another orgasm, a fire in the pit of my stomach.
He sensed it as well. “Come for me. Let me feel you around me, carissimi. Now.”
It was as though that one word was a trigger. It was blinding, intense, and Fenris followed with a heart wrenching scream and the bright flare of his markings. That last full phasing of his body brought a third, whimpering shudder of orgasm to my already taught body and I ended up passing out the bed in a tangle of limbs and sweat and cum.
I woke to see him dressed, staring into the flames of the hearth, and I knew what was coming. I couldn't seem to stop the words, the lines of the game that had him running away from the love of his life. I always choked up when this happened in the game, but to have it play out in front of me had my heart breaking. I managed to hold in the tears until he was gone, apology still fresh in the air. But as soon as I heard the door close below, I grabbed up my pillow and screamed my desolation into it. And I vowed that I would not lose him. That, no matter what, Fenris would be happy. Even if I couldn't provide that happiness.